With the best intentions, and no disrespect, do you feel woman that have c-sections havent 'properley given birth'?

[CharlotteACavatica]

Do you ever feel you think that way even if you dont mean to??

Couldn't agree more kittywitch so if a woman is adamant that she would rather give birth by c-section, do you agree she should be given a c-section without being guilt-tripped by midwives about "not even trying a vb" ?

Hmm depends on the reasons, but that's a whole other debate.

I agree fedupwasherwoman, for reasons I outlined before. Basically a woman knows her own mind and body best, if she wants a cs then she is sure to have her own good reasons.

I had an emergency C-section the first time. Much to the midwife's disappointment the baby survived. She spent the entire labour asking if I'd swallowed an encyclopedia, flirting with my husband and telling me to go to sleep. Only got to see someone else when she'd gone for a cup of tea. When she came into the room where they were about to take the baby out, she gasped in amazement and said..."she still sounds like she's swallowed an encylopedia"...she put in my notes..."educated?" This was in 1991...yes they had schools back then and I had learned to read and write..amazing! I think she was shocked when they took a baby out of me and not a big book.

Afterwards when I complained they suggested that I was suffering as I hadn't had the vb experience....I remember snarling "I went into hospital to have a baby not an experience". Took 8 years before I had my second child..elective CS due to problems with my pelvis, which I said I thought I had before my first birth, xray confirmed this.Believe you me, no-one has ever dared suggest I had an easy time of it!

I was the only person on the ward at the time and there were about 4 midwives. The consultant said that I should have had a CS eight hours before I did and it was obvious that there was something wrong.

It was like "Roll up..roll up..come and feel this amazing phenomena, feel this one's cervix, how it closes when you stick your fingers up and prod it, don't be shy, join the queue!!!"

At that time they had the "named nurse" thing where you were allocated one nurse/midwife for your neglect care. Saw in the paper yesterday that they're thinking of re-introducing something like it again for midwives? Start worrying. I work full-time on hospital wards and I always maintain that on most ward there's one nurse who's not very nice!

Had counselling years later for it. Tried counselling earlier on and remember the counsellor, who had been a midwife previously, losing it and saying how disgustingly I'd been treated, she was more upset than me!

Anyway, thought I'd put this, even if everyone on here now thinks I'm insane!

SK

Sorry to be petty but it's "properly", not "properley"

In the thread title, that is. It's been irritating me for a couple of days

no. I did my bit, hyperemesis with both pregnances, 24 hour labours, cut open while you're awake, 5 days in hospital with 1 ds in special care no visitors family in different country etc etc.

Reminds me of the twat who once told me that people who had c/s's brought it upon themselves with negative thoughts. Bollocks to that too.

jcscot, it is indeed a small part time wise but its perception by the mother will effect her for the rest of her life, good or bad.
How the mother mother feels about her birthing experience is very very important indeed.

I see your point and I can understand why it would apply to some women - although I don't think it applies to me. I suppose my question would then be - why do we place such importance on the birthing process? Obviously, it's important for a mother-to-be to be informed of what could happen so that, if she has to, she can make sensible choices during her labour or before the birth.

However - so much emphasis is placed on giving birth the 'right' way that it is no wonder that women who don't manage it can be made to feel negatively about it. Of those people who asked about my birth experience - quite a lot - most asked why I needed/chose a c-section. Rather than focus on what I thought was important (ie: the gorgeous wee babay I had) people fodussed on how he got there. Most were satisfied with a simple reply of "Well, there were a few health issues) but some blatantly were not - "But couldn't you have tried? I mean, you don't know what you've missed out on..." etc etc etc.

Basically, if we were less judgemental about how women give birth, then we might be more relaxed about it and, therefore, we might see less women who are so upset by how they gave birth.

I agree jscot, up to a point, but I don't think it is simply other people being judgemental, or too much emphasis on the birth process that leads a woman to feel bad about her birth experience. It is a very important "rite of passage" time in a woman's life, and she can feel both very powerful and very vulnerable both during and after delivering a baby. Plus , it is in reality a major physical trauma, however the baby is born. We are sore, bleeding, overwhelmed by new emotions. Some people are more sensitive than others, it is true, and some people are more prone to depression anyway, but I think that a traumatic birth experience can contribute massively to PND. To sweep this fact under the carpet and tell women to focus on the lovely baby they've just had is to miss the point. Perhaps you are made of sturdier stuff than some

I personally had a textbook delivery but still had flashbacks of certain moments that were hard to dispel for some days/weeks. I know that being a sensitive soul, this would have been much worse for me had any interventions been necessary.

You're right, Gorgeous - obviously childbirth is a life-changing experience and I amd not denying that a woman's perception of her birth can affect her for good or ill and, of course, may play apart in whether or not she develops PND.

My point was not that a woman should disregard any feelings - negative or positive - that arise from the birth (or, indeed that she should not care about her birth but solely focus on the baby) but that the emphasis and judgement we place on the method of birth will not help. If we were less judgemental, then a woman might feel a bit more positive/less guilty and that can only be a good thing, no?

Most definitely jscot

Haven't read the whole thread but this is my answer.

I had a elective c/s and it was a great expeirence and I don't regret not having a vag birth, on the contrary I think I was very lucky. I don't have any of the other problems my friends have after their vag births.

...and obviously I have given birth I now have a lovely dd.

Gotta admit, I didn't find the question purposefully offensive or controversial at all. I just though Charlotte was asking for honest opinions and experiences. But whatever...

My experience: Had a c-section 2 years ago with DD after a planned homebirth, a week of stop-start labour, premature rupture of membranes. After a week I had to fight to have the c-section; they wanted to induce me, but I knew that something was wrong. Turned out I was right. There were signs of obstructed labour, bandl's ring around babies neck which they only discovered during the c-section. The sobering reality: if I'd been induced maybe we wouldn't be here now?

So I should be empowered by the fact that I made the right choice right? Well I'm not. It's been 2 years and I still feel like I must've done something somewhere along the line that caused it. And yes I do feel like I (and I'm only referring to myself not anyone else)haven't given birth properly. Kind of like I spent 9 months in training for an event that never happened. It's taken absolutely ages for my body to get back to normal. I bled solidly for 3 months afterwards and on and off for another 3 after that. I lost all strength in my hands and feet. To this day my tummy is about the size it was when I was 5 months pregnant. I still have pain & sensitivity around my scar. But apparently, that's all normal and nothing is wrong with me.

So yeah..for me C-Section was a necessity but it really really sucked.

Katts, I really feel for you - that sounds an appalling trauma to go through. Have you considered looking at the birth trauma websites for help? (there is another thread on this at the moment).

I had a traumatic first birth ending in an emergency c-section too, and I had flashbacks every day for months afterwards. As you say, the fact you nearly died doesn't make it any less traumatic, it actually makes it worse.

Are you planning to have any more children? For a lot of women, it is going through a much better second birth that really helps. For some women that means a VBAC. For me, it was a planned section which really enabled me to lay my demons to rest.

Thanks TuttiFrutti. I've been thinking a lot about the implications of having a second and what choices I would make if that happened. It's good to hear that having a planned section the second time helped you. It's a complicated issue but in many ways I feel like I need a second LO to prove myself - but then what if the same thing happened again - so maybe a planned section the second time would be better? Ahhhh...good ole birth trauma eh?

Thanks for the response.

I wont answer the troll.
I wont answer the troll.
I wont answer the troll.

God is this thread still going?!!!
Well i have had five yes FIVE CSs, wont bore you with the details of why. Yes i havent given birth 'properly' my pelvic floor is still beautifully intact etc etc
But can someone tell me how this makes me a worse ( or better) mother than someone who has VBs? Each day i get up determined to do the best by my five gorgeous kids, each day i do somethings wrong, somethings right, just like VB mums, I have breastfed all five (as obviously they needed that boost given that they started life with the disadvantage of being born by CS)
it doesnt matter!!!!! stop getting heated about this, lets just all count our blessings for the children we have been blessed with and stop obsessing about how they were born. i saw a thread recently started by a woman who has had a full term still birth, just remember how lucky all of us who have had healthy children are