With the best intentions, and no disrespect, do you feel woman that have c-sections havent 'properley given birth'?

[CharlotteACavatica]

Do you ever feel you think that way even if you dont mean to??

Peski of course we are 'allowed' to discuss it. People are unhappy with the way that charlotte has phrased her thread title and OP because it comes across as insensitive and does not actually convey her stance on the subject (ie many posters assumed that she had not had CS herself and was unsympathetic)

That is what the issue is. NOT the subject matter. And there is no witch hunt

Parp now I think...

Admittedly the OP & thread title is not very sensitively worded but Charlottes posts now clearly point out she had a shitty time after her c-section and she is feeling bad about it. I don't feel she meant it as a criticism of c-sections.
Hope you aren't going to leave MN because of this thread charlotte .

I know I said parp but...

charlotte was attacked early in the thread before she came back and explained herself better. But since then posters have been trying to point out the reasons why her thread has upset some people - they have NOT been attacking her.

Sorry got my pixiellas and my peskipixies muddled.
Pixiella - read the thread - I was wrong, it's peskipixie I agree with not you.

Charlotte, there are people out there who enjoy getting on their high horse. Apparently, most of them are on this thread. People, you can CHOOSE to be offended or you can CHOOSE to be interested and discuss.

Why bang on and on about the thread title when the OP has explained herself clearly, intelligibly and at length?

hmm.

I have had 2 vag births. DD1 was horrific dd2 I did have an amzing sense of acheivement. DD1 all I had was trauma. I think whatever way you deliver, c section, vaginal, assisted vaginal there are so many factors which make an experience positive or not.

In answer to the original post no I don't.

Lots of pixi(e)s on here

Doggie - disagree with you on that one

i didnt read charlottes second post, so sorry. I did feel cheated out of giving birth, after my section
However, kept telling myself it was for the best and was only one day out of so many more i would get with my DD. Birthing is just the start, you have loads more days to enjoy together.
L

OP - no, i feel very sorry for women who have to have a c-section.

it would be my worst nightmare tbh!

Did you carry your baby for 9 months?
Are you now standing with a beautiful little bundle of joy in your hands (if not more)?
Did that screaming little bundle out joy not come out of your body?

Then you have given birth no matter what anybody thinks or says.

On the vague off chance that this isn't a troll...

I had an emergency section with first baby and was just glad that we were both alive at the end of it. Giving birth "properly" could have killed us both, so no I didn't feel that I had failed to give birth.
Second time around I chose not to give birth properly and had an elective section.
I feel very happy that I have two healthy, happy children, that I carried about for 9 months, delivered (albeit surgically) and care for as any mother would.

Just a question, and it might have been raised already, I haven't read all the posts yet. If "giving birth" is classed as vital to being a mum, then does that mean that adoptive or foster parents will never feel fully bonded with their children as they haven't "birthed them"?
I could be jumping to conclusions but to me that seems to be the logical conclusion to how this question seems to read. (ie if you haven't laboured and pushed them out, then you aren't really a proper mum. - Please correct me if I've misunderstood.)

Yes, and the OP also believes that unless you had a poo on the delivery table, you went through a 10 day labour and breast fed for 17 years you are not a real Mum.

Honestly.

" thread title cant make people feel inadequate CD, unless of course they already feel that way, in which case it wont have helped im sure."

So did you deliberately want to hit that raw nerve and make people feel that way? Was it actually intentional then? I had previously assumed in my other points that it was just a misjudged title and OP on your behalf, and that you had simply misjudged the tact and sensitiviy that was needed with such a topic area, have not really realising that some mums on here may just come home from hospital having had an unwanted c section or traumatic birth, or were suffering from PND as a reasulkt of such an experience.

Or was I worng and you really did want to cause the nerve to hit and emotions to be pulled?

IMO, if the baby has come out, you have given birth properly.

Interesting thread.

Lots of jumping to conclusions and overreactions.

A valid question. I interpret the "with the best intentions and no disrespect" is someone trying to ask the question that she knows is a sensitive one. Although I know "with the greatest respect" it is often a precurser to something offensive, sometimes it can and is used as an indicator of a sensitive subject - which is very much the case here.

Bit of tolerance wouldnt have gone amiss here. I also wonder whether I could have asked the question, since I havent had a c/section? Does that mean I wouldnt be allowed to because I havent had direct experience?

FWIW - I think if a baby is produced - it is giving birth - whichever exit it takes.

pure jealousy i reckon

i think op would have rather had a c-section to avoid her stretched vagina and stitches

That's really not nice newgirl.

newgirl - the OP has had c sections.

The OP DID have three sections, NG. So it's not only not nice, it's utterly inaccurate.

I think maybe the reason Charlotte posed the question the way she did, without giving her own history and circumstances was to get peoples's honest opinions. If she had said, "I have had 3 CS's do you think women like me have not given birth naturally" she would have gotten a barrage of sympathy and assurances that people do not think like that, that of course she has given birth properly, etc. She may have been hoping that by phrasing the question as she did, that she would get a true picture of what people think. Unfortunately this backfired on her!
You know what? I have had 3 CS's and will be having a fourth in April. And I know there are people out there who think I didn't give birth properly. I even think it myself! Yes, I have 3 fabulous boys who grew in my tummy but I so wish I could have had the experience of pushing them out and that they had had the experience of being pushed out the way nature intended as I do think a natural birth does help in "switching on" certain processes in a child's development.
I have been accused ( in a jokey way) of being "too posh to push".
When I go onto MN and read homebirth stories,( Enid's and Thomcat's particulary spring to mind) I am so happy for that person but so sad that I can never experience that myself. I do feel that I and the ds's have been robbed of something.
But they are here and they are healthy and charming and I made them! ( with a little help from dh of course!)

Blimey.

It's not like she came on and said "don't you agree that..."

I think the outrage is a bit much. And I agree with VVV that it is a valid question.

Especially from an OP who has had sections and has had that comment made to her.

CharlotteACavatica- enligthen me, with your vast clinical knowledge and mangement of difficult births that require C-Section and current RCG membership - how you arrived at this decsion?

oh sorry nope this is an unnecessary nasty post, are you deliberateley trying to upset people/provoke a reaction/or are you just a wind up merchant rattling out some tosh on the pc

fwiw - i believe a healthy live birth is the optimal result.

Now I've read the thread (and I can see why the OP got some people's back up but I don't think it was remotely intentional), yes I do feel like I didn't properly give birth.

Weirdly, I don't feel it about other women who have only had c-sections, just me. I feel sad that I will never know what it's like to go into labour. I know that the way I had my baby was the safest way of getting him out, and having had the funeral today of a friend's baby who died during childbirth, I know I made the right decision. But I still don't feel he was 'born', more that he was removed.

God this has made me stupidly upset now.