With the best intentions, and no disrespect, do you feel woman that have c-sections havent 'properley given birth'?

[CharlotteACavatica]

Do you ever feel you think that way even if you dont mean to??

Had 1 crash section and 1 elective. Might not have given birth 'properly' but gee I dealt with the colic, shitty nappies, feeding on demand, potty training, tantrums, clinginess, running-away-child, eating, not eating, should-i-immunise-or-not, blimey they start school tomorrow, [then a quiet few years], teenage moodswings, spots, music blaring, 'mum, there's something funny going on in my boxers' and so on and have I missed anything....
I am a proper mother and a proper woman.
And although I may still be unstretched where others are gaping, it don't get me much.

it is not stupid, scareybee , it is absolutely normal and ok to feel like that x

I've given birth 'properly' - no pain relief, I've given birth with pain relief (pethidine) and I've had an emergency caesarean (placenta whatsit, abruption) and the caesarean was definitely the worst to recover from. It is not an easy option!

scareybee - so sorry you have had a difficult day and that some ill thought out post has upset you.ignore it.i will

of course you are a fabby mummy

think about it, other women adopt and are fabby supportive, kind nurturing mums. it is also the whole input after delivery that bonds/shapes beautiful relationships

i had an emergency c - and imo im a good mum

have been lurking

dd1 emergency forceps delivery
good friend had recently lost her baby...
so i was thankful and relieved once she was born.

DD2 was emergency c section, again was relieved and grateful.

However, i do still wish that i had had the opportunity to have 'felt' childbirth...[hard to explain]

i did feel like a failure and had terrible pnd after both births.

I think i had romanticised how it would be.

8 years on i still hanker for a home birth but can have no more.

I was booked for a home birth each time but had pre-eclampsia > eclampsia, shoulder dystocia and then the placenta coming away so it was hospital for every one. The object each time was to have a child and I got one each time, what is there to feel sad about?

Thanks for kind words. I'm alright really - just been a bit of a crappy day. But I have my DS so I am very thankful for that Also that I managed to conceive and carry him to term too - we are all so lucky to have had our DCs, no matter how they came out.

scareybee- completely agree. a live birth is the aim. there are many modes of arrival, but the result is the same = all loved babies

Am I strange for thinking everyone's a bit oversensitive on this subject?!

I had two emergency sections, not for want of trying, and ultimately no, I don't feel I gave birth properly. But who cares? I experienced contractions and labour and given that I lost the plot a bit during that time I might have found the pushing stage fairly traumatic, if I'd ever got that far.

Now I have two incredible kids and I couldn't give a shit how they got here!!

well I didn't give birth at all, so am rather hoping that stretch marks are not a badge of honour for "real" mums!

I often find this "hierarchy" of birthing difficult, it really wants to make me say "you are so lucky to have been able to get pregnant and give birth" - but of course I don't because it starts to get a bit one-upman'ish in the sympathy stakes.

Would it help those who feel disappointedd by their caesarians to know that I envy you? There is always someone who has it worse. (yes even worse than me )

CharlotteACavatica so sorry to see that your were pretty much lynched at the start of this thread, have only scanned it.

I think you've raised a good question personally.

I'm ttc and am very scared that I may have to have an elective CS, I am very small and it has been mentioned. The reason I am scared is because I want to feel contractions, I want to go through labour because I see it as the transition between pregnancy and a newborn baby. It releases hormones that get you ready for the baby for breastfeeding doesn't it? I feel its a big part of pregnancy.

Everyone I've discussed this with laughs at me and says that I really DONT want to feel coontractions and I feel a bit patronised. The people I have discussed it with say birth is a means to an end and basically get over it and get on with it.

Obviouosly I can't conprehend how being in labour will feel unless I get to go through it but to me I feel labour and birth is a natural thing to go through and I would feel upset if I had to have a CS. I am trying to prepare myself for the possibility but would really appreciate others thoughts....

a shame???? CharlotteACavatic - was lynched eh how so?pixie you have not yet given birth, so actually don't know what lies ahead, and are naturally speculating/expressing preferences. i sincerely hope you have your wish eg VB.but as has been said what matters is a live birth.

well I saw posts calling her a freak so I'd say that's not nice.

I think she raised a good point thats my personal opinion.

I posted because I know I haven't acctually given birth and am looking for genuine advice from people who have csection or VB.

I understand that the point is to have a live birth, I am also hoping after 8 mnths of ttc that I will get their.

I feel depressed at the thought of not being able to have a VB but would really appreciate peoples feelings/stories when the decision was taken from them. If I'm out of line then very sorry for posting

pixie04 - bfing was fine for me (well I had a rubbish latch problem at first but that had nothing to do with a cs). TBH, there's no point in worrying about it. When it comes down to it, you will just want that baby (and you) safe and well and you won't give a toss how it comes out. It's only every now and then I feel sad. And today I'm a bit maudlin.

And you're absolutely right kewcumber (as ever)

I've had 2 elective CS's (both my birth choice). TBH, the vaginal birth experience was not at all impt to me and I've never felt like I've missed out on anything.

Breastfeeding, however, was really, really impt for me and I successfully channeled all my energies into that. I'm very, very proud to have BF DS1 for 18 months and DS2 is still going strong at 12 months.

i found op offensive due to use of word properly it implies a perceived judgement/hierarchy of mode of arrival.

so what constitutes proper?
is it.........
24hour pushing
home birth
no analgesia
birth pool
squatting

can u see that by introducing properly a subjective value laden comment that the obvious inference is that some mothers are better than other's because they gave birth properly

pixie congratulations on your pregnancy - wonderful.

your size should not mean automatic c.s

many petite women give birth absolultey fine

women tend to grow the size of baby they can accomodate and birth

i would suggest you read lots of books, not jsut the traditional ones, but some that are more celebratory of womens; abilities to give birth

Ina May Gaskin

Sheila Kitzinger

Janet Balaskas

Penny Simking

are all good authors to start with

Well in South Africa you'd be screwed if the general concensus was that you hadn't given birth properly if you haven't had a vaginal birth. Considering the 85% ratio of C Sections (in private hospitals).

In answer to the OP, I suppose I do differentiate between the two methods of delivery but without any feelings of superiority (I have had 3 vaginal births).

A baby needs to be born.

Don't be embarrassed! Sorry that you're so worried. But I think the only advice anyone can give you is to prepare yourself for whatever birth experience you get. It's best to accept that all solutions are OK as long as they lead to a healthy baby. Stressing about things that are out of your hands is not going to help anything.

I read something on MN today about a birth plan should say nothing more than "have baby" (or something like that). Very true IMHO.

I've said it before on MN. You should hear the crapola spouted by the consultant OBs here.

Most women are told that they cannot deliver a baby vaginally if the baby hasn't engaged by 36 weeks - eh?

I was turned down by no less than 3 obstetricians due to the fact that I wouldn't have a CS. So there is the other side of the scale - i.e being treated differently because of wanting a vaginal delivery.

Thanks Lulumama will look up those authors.

Sorry ScottishMummy I think you miss understood me slightly am not yet PG although still trying hard. I do appreciate how adding properly into the title does in some ways pass judgement. It is acctually my fear that if I had CS then I may feel I hadn't given birth properly and so wondered if women do feel that way or if I really shouldn't be so bloody anxious about it.

believe me 4 years down the road it really won't matter how you did it cos there will be all the other stuff to deal with....why do we feel the need to judge each other about how we got our children into this world I'm jus glad/frustrated/joyful/knackered mine is here...

No way. Why are you asking this? its really crap of you if I may say so. Some people will have really wanted a natural birth, ended up having a c-section, be feeling really shit about it, and just the thought ath some people might be as retarded as to think they 'haven't properly given birth' will make them feel even more crap. I'm not saying you think that, but just to bradcast that as a notion is just a bit off really.

who cares how you give birth for gods sake, you're in so much pain and then you end up with a lovely baby. This is all that matters.

And the fur starts to fly again... of course it matters how we give birth. It is a life-changing experience for most of us.

And why swear at someone who comes on a board stating that they are worried and asking for advice?