With the best intentions, and no disrespect, do you feel woman that have c-sections havent 'properley given birth'?

[CharlotteACavatica]

Do you ever feel you think that way even if you dont mean to??

[iota]

prior to my first section I thought I'd give birth naturally, really easily.

2 weeks overdue and no sigh of ds1 coming out, 3 days of failed induction and the Dr suggested a c-section - I was completely taken aback - but by this point just wanted to get him out by whatever method.

C-section with spinal block was fine and I was just really relieved to get ds1 out safely.

ds2 was also a c-section and I was actually glad of it this time.

I can honestly say that I have no regrets, don't feel that I missed out on anything good and have 2 lovely healthy kids to show for it.

[bubblagirl]

as i said i or probably anyone else who had vb can not make you feel any better but am only trying to be supportive but will never have right words to say but i am very sorry you feel that way i mean it sorry my support isnt being taken the right way

but i had vb and myself and my ds nearly died it was such a traumatic time for me and even now the remembering the blood spraying everywhere and the crash team runnimng in still brings tears to my eyes he split an artery on his way out on me and they couldnt find it blood every where nurses panicing baby being given to my dp and me crying thinking is this the last time i see them thank god they saved me and ds

ds was in trouble as they failed to notice i had strep b and was 12 hrs before they notified us this is why i say it isnt how they got hewre but that mothjer and baby are safe as there are stories like mine where mother didnt make it and baby doesnt too through strep b but we did

so if i go on about its not how they get here please understand its because i may not have been here to tell my story and i just think people should not be so hard on them selves i had vb and look what happened to me

[bubblagirl]

i didnt mean mums dont make it through strep b i mean other complications through birth sorry for spelling mistakes

[orangehead]

Some things are better left unsaid or untyped. If I had read youre thread five yrs ago when I was recoverying from my crash section in which I missed the first three hours of my sons life, u would of had me in floods of tears and confiming what I thought at the time( i dont now). A little sensitivity plse

[orangehead]

Really think the title should of been different and more of an explanation in op

[bubblagirl]

yeah sorry but was trying to get my point across that i wasnt being insensitive when saying its as long as mother and baby that are ok that counts and felt maybe i should explain why i feel that way

sorry everyone if ive upset anyone just thought maybe i should explain why i felt that way so you didnt think i was just being insensitive maybe bit much said but now you know i too also didnt have such a great time but were all here to offer support xx

[kittywitch]

Thanks for explaining that bubblagirl

[bubblagirl]

thanks sorry again sometimes i say things without really thinking it through but always best intentions and always trying my best to show support xx

[Lulumama]

thanks for the explanation and sharing your story, it sounds terrifying, i am glad you and your son are ok now. i hope you got all the help and support you needed.

[ChainKLAWmassacre]

Well, I don't judge other women who have had sections and think that they haven't given birth, BUT...

I feel that my emCS was traumatic for me and led to PND, or should that be PTSD, and I didn't give birth properly.

I cannot understand how someone can choose an elCS if there is not a VERY good medical reason but that's just me and I respect their decision if it is informed.

Knowing what a good normal birth should be like (having done my Doula course and loads of reading) I am incredibly saddened that medical interventions have become the norm rather than purely life-saving procedures.

[kittywitch]

clap, that's so true CKM

[Amethyst8]

Not in the least little bit. My kids are here aren't they? Therefore I gave birth "properly". Simple.

[Georgeous]

Just want to say that although I had natural vb, no problems or traumas, i can still understand why some women would choose an elective cs. My uncle's wife recently had one, because as she put it, she was absolutely terrified of labour and extremely tense/anxious all the way through her pregnancy. I know that it is so important to be relaxed and confident (as much as possible) going into labour. That level of fear can really slow things down and lead to all sorts of traumatic interventions. As it was my cousin was born with no trauma at all, to him or his mum. Perhaps if she had attempted a vb that would not have been the case. My uncle's wife is forty and obviously knows herself and her own mind well enough by now. If she felt this was the best option for her, then I have to agree, who am I to criticise or judge? As parents we all have to make tricky decisions as to what is best for us and our kids, and I happen to think that hers was a wise choice given the circumstances. It was not my choice for my daughter's birth but then I am not her. I am so delighted that they had a trauma free experience and have bonded well and are exceedingly happy.

[CharlotteACavatica]

Hello, i have read some of the later posts and i am happy that some people dont think that im some carzy shit-stirring bitch' and as someone said i never apologised for upseting people, so, for all the people that i upset or hurt or scared in any way i am of course extremely sorry, it would never be my intention to hurt, scare or upset anyone especially when it comes to birth - the most amazing experience EVER, and for the morons out there who think that my statement 'havent given birth properley' means they havent given birth at all - therefore there children dont exhist, go and get a grip!! that statement implies what i have experinced alot of and so have many other people i know, that some people think you havent given birth PROPERLEY some people genuinley think like this no matter how personal or insulting, and of all the other mums i know who have had c-sections and have encountered these 'people' some say they are offended, some thinks its just stupid, but some mums agree, and altho i apologise for my brash wording, i dont apologise for starting this thread i never will, because i stand by the importance of exploring your own feelings about your birth experiences and others who might challenge how you feel. You spend 9 months psyching yourself up for labour and birth, and some people work themselves up physically, you dont atomatically assume you will have a c-section, to some people (like i did once upon a time) it doesnt even enter their head that this could happen to them, to then suddenly be laid cut open with a room full of people delivering your baby for you, for some there is a large element of feeling robbed of an experience, and like i said some people feel your not as good as them, screw em' i guess but they and thier opinions exist!

[tori32]

Charlotte I can see what you mean and yes after my ECS I did feel robbed of the experience of vaginal delivery. Although I only had positive comments like 'the birth is only the start' and 'so long as you are both healthy it doesn't matter how she got here.'

I just think your thread wording was done clumsily.
So as to not cause outrage you should have put 'Does anyone else feel they missed out on the experience of having a vaginal birth after a c- section and do people see you as having had the easy option?'

[Meglet]

Good to see you are back charlotte .

[bumptobaby]

HI

Id like to say thanks to Charlotte.

Im 39 wks pregnant with my first and a week ago a midwife had a feel at baby and said oh there is no way you will be able to deliver normally. I'm quite small and baby is quite big!!

I was really upset and thought omg this is a sign i'm not suppose to have kids and i did feel like i wasn't going to give birth properly! I was then sent to see the consultant and his advise was to give it a go if i'm not progressing they will look at a section. He also said that the main thing is that me and baby are healthy and he was right - so what how baby comes in to the world.

This post has also shown that very few people have the opinion that sections are the easy way out but some people do think this. Its good to see a big discussion about peoples feelings about sections and nice to see lots of support for any one who has to have one.

Thanks again c

[yogimum]

I had a lovely c-section, not what I planned but I trusted my obstetrician 100% and the staff at Dorchester County hospital. It was my decision on the day and my baby was born healthy. Thats all that mattered in the end.

[jcscot]

An honest answer to a stupid question: No.

However, I have been asked (twice) by other mothers at the local mother and baby group if I "felt cheated" because I'd had a section. I answered that no, I didn't. One woman just shrugged, the other persisted in knowing why I didn't feel cheated of the experience of labour.

So, how do I answer that without giving full and frank details of my medical and obstetric history (something I feel I shouldn't have to share with anyone, far less with someone I don't know)?

Here's a better question: Why do we women get competitive about all things to do with childbirth and parenting. Why are we critical of those who choose (or need) help during childbirth, whether that help be a section or pain relief? Why do we make such a song and dance about how the baby is fed, or whether a parent uses a routine or is more flexible (witness the furore over the recent Channel Four programme).

So, why aren't we more accepting and adult about things?

[Georgeous]

Good question jscot. I think probably because deep down we are all unsure of ourselves and we all desperately want our way to be vindicated as "the right way". A woman who was confident and secure of her approach would not feel the need to judge another woman for doing things differently. I hope that with my 2nd baby I will be a lot more confident and just trust my own instincts, regardless of what other people seem to be doing.

[Lyra75]

I think it's an important area to discuss, if perhaps not the best phrased question !

I did hypnobirthing, read gaskin and kitzinger back to front so I knew them off by heart. I resisted induction until 14 days over, and only went for it when baby was showing signs of distress and i was showing no signs of going on my own. I had 40 hours of contractions and in the end I had an emergency section. I felt a great sense of achievement when I held my DS, snuggled in close, skin to skin, minutes after the birth. I wouldn't change a minute of it, and at that point felt that I had absolutely given birth properly.

But since that moment so many people, often unintentionally, have undermined that feeling. When they hear my birth story they respond with "oh that's a shame", "how awful", "may be you can do it properly next time!" That's why I think it's an important area to bring up!

It would be good if people just took a moment to check how the mother felt about her birth experience, as surely that is the only thing that matters. If it's a textbook spontaneous vaginal delivery with no intervention, she may be over the moon with delight or traumatised hugely, and the same is true with a section. The thing should be to understand what her experience of the events is, not to judge what she should or shouldn't be feeling by comparing the events of her birth story against some stereotype. If woman had space to share their birth stories with out judgment and competition that would be a fine thing indeed!

Aahh. Feel better now.

[Georgeous]

Couldn't agree more Lyra75!

[jcscot]

Well said, Lyra!

I had an elective section for excellent medical reasons - without it, my baby might have made it but I probably wouldn't have done. Even the section carried risks for me.

I don't feel cheated of any sort of experience - how could I? I have a healthy, happy baby and I'm in good health. The moment I got to hold my son (admittedly when he was three days old as neither he nor I was in good shape for the first few days) I knew that I'd given birth and that it was a "good" birth (for me).

Childbirth, regardless of how one goes through it, is such a small part of the whole 'parenting experience' and if the mother is happy with how she gave birth, who are we to judge or condemn her?

[kittywitch]

jcscot, it is indeed a small part time wise but its perception by the mother will effect her for the rest of her life, good or bad.
How the mother mother feels about her birthing experience is very very important indeed.