With the best intentions, and no disrespect, do you feel woman that have c-sections havent 'properley given birth'?

[CharlotteACavatica]

Do you ever feel you think that way even if you dont mean to??

op didn't upset me but some of you lot did

to answer the op and speaking purely personally and totally irrationally, yep, that's how i feel about my c section (and just a little aside here to a few posters to take a hike, they're my feelings and tough tittie if you don't like them, I'm not applying my feelings to anyone else or to the actual reality of it all) and I know for sure that it's also how plenty of friends and family felt about it as well [slightly bitter shrug]. I also find it hard to talk to ds1 about his birth which i find sad, cos it still upsets me but i obv don't want him to pick up on my feelings

pixie04,i never prepared myself for the pos of a csection, rather stupidly as it turns out. that made it more of a shock. i'd recommend thinking through all your options in case you do have a csection so that you feel in control of the situation - eg do you still want immediate skin to skin, to find out the sex of the baby yourself, music playing etc etc etc. it sounds totally normal to me to be worried about birth (vb or cs) - sorry friends are not giving your space to talk through your fears/anxieties more.

No I don't.

no - other people's views make it matter...

yeah, a life-changing experience that you can only have so much influence over if there are problems like your baby outgrowing your pelvic capacity or your placenta coming away unexpectedly or any number of possible complications - these things happen and if you can adopt the view that getting your baby into the world safely is more important than being at home/in a birthing pool whatever then you're in a healthier frame of mind

I had an emergency cs and I couldn't give a stuff if anyone thought I hadn't given birth properly, and - even before I had my cs- it never crossed my mind that anyone who had a cs had not giving birth "properly". How ridiculous.

i went through 12hours of labour i even started to push but my dd head got stuck so i had to have e/cs. i dont in anyway feel like i didnt give birth, i was just over the moon, in total bliss that she was there and perfectly healthy.

i do think its a hard subject and can understand why most have taken it the wrong way. but i do think it was a serious ? and she didnt mean harm by it

Why shouldnt the question be asked?

Why is it a taboo?

Should we not discuss miscarriages and terminations either?

not read all of the post's but I felt cheated of a birth with my em c/s, but i know that if i do ever have another i will prob have a cs. i think it was the circumstance rather than the method by which ds was born that bothered me. i'd had everyone telling me that my body will take over and that it will know what to do, so when it didnt happen i felt like a failure, like less of a woman.

God this thread is mental.

How do people cope with that scene in Macbeth where Macduff tells him tht he's not "of woman born"? D'you get offended by that?

I've had 2 caesareans and I wouldn't say I didn't give birth properly, but I wouldn't argue I did give birth properly either. I think I didn't have a vaginal birth, I had a ceasarean. I don't know why I'm supposed to be upset by that, tbh. I don't know why it's supposed to be taboo either. This thread strikes me as being quite similar to those where women who formula fed (yes I've done that too) get upset when the superiority of bm is mentioned.

Are people really such delicate flowers? Sometimes this place is really mental.

i do think its a hierarchical thng- " i gave birth through my flange - to quads all weighing 3 stone each"

i have had more pain than youuuuuu ner ner nerner nerrrrr

or " my stitches went septic - i couldnt hold my quads for 3 years and i didn't bond with them for 12 years, the septicness of my septic was so septic that my belly had to be removed and replaced with skin from my flange"

i have had more trauma than youuuuuu ner ner ner nerrr nerrr

I'd win hands down on birthing one-upmanship so I dont bother.

(but for those that want to know - and I know you do - I gave birth through my penis first time. The damage was irrepairable so with my next I gave birth through my arsehole - beat that).

LOL at "I gave birth through my flange"

I'm having a T-shirt idea...

get littleapin to organise it

I agree with VVVVVVVQQQVVQVQVQ (sorry get a bit muddled with your name...)

This was an interesting question. It was phrased very badly but the OP has returned and explained herself, and to her credit, has continued to do so and hasn't flounced off in a sulk.

In answer, my first three dd's were 'normal' deliveries. Induced and horrendously long, but normal all the same. I suffered PND after them all.

dd4 was born by emergency section after a very long labour and her almost dying... I was just so relieved that she was finally out and still alive that the EC wasn't even an issue. Has never been and still isn't today (6 years on). And strangely, she was the only one I didn't have PND with. I am just completely thankful that we have these procedures available to us.

What a fascinating insight into a really interesting subject. I've just sat glued to this thread when I should be working.

Thanks for starting it charlotte and well done for retaining your poise despite an it exploding in your face somewhat unfairly.

I think at worst your title is blunt, but some of the responses to it have been really OTT and interesting because of it.

FWIW I also believe that too many women are told they need CSs without any thought as to the emotional consequences afterwards. Some seem to manage fine but, as is clear here, others are deeply hurt by the experience for years to come.

The title wasn't blunt, the title was very badly worded.

It reads like this Charlotte: I sometimes think that women who haven't given birth vaginally haven't done it properly.

Then everyone responded, some of them crossly, because that is a crass statement.

What you meant to say was:

I had 3 sections, and sometimes I feel like I didn't do it properly. Does anyone else.

See? That's why people got cross.

God, I'm patronising. Sorry.

I dont think that is how she meant it.

I think she was garnering other peoples thoughts on it those who have had c/sections and those who havent.

i had a sort of surprise elective caesarean (baby was breech but not diagnosed as such til 41 weeks, therefore i was all geared up for natural birth but whisked in at hours' notice for section instead) and yes, i DO feel like i didnt give birth 'properly'. i still do not know what labour actually feels like, and i sort of feel i got off lightly.
but do i care? do i heck as like. my csection was a brilliant experience, recovery quick, midwives fab, bonding instant, and crucially ds is happy and healthy. i don't feel cheated of hours of agony trying to deliver a 9lb 11 baby upside down.
mothers are not defined by the way they give birth. it's what you do from then on that counts. am sad at the vitriol charlotte attracted - both for her sake and for the continuing unhappiness it suggests in those who maybe didnt get the birth they wanted. the best advice i was re birthplan was to put down exactly what i wanted but be prepared for the total opposite, not necessarily thru anyone's fault but just because the nature of childbirth is its full of surprises. i think more women should be aware that a birthplan isnt really a plan at all, more of a wishlist.

Yes, I do see that, but I read this entire thread and it just seemed that the misunderstandings were a result of poor phrasing because it sounded as if she thought badly of women who haven't given birth vaginally. Rather than feeling bad about her own experience.

OMG - I can't believe we are discussing this. She's gone off.

There were a lot of new people on this thread weren't there? None of them used capitals.

Ah, well, you see that's where we part company

I dont think she inferred anything, and because she didnt mention her own personal story - other people leapt to conclusions that were incorrect.

She asked a question. A very valid and interesting one. And, because there is this mindset that you cant raise a subject if you havent lived it/experienced it, she got jumped on.

No apologies from people for misinterpreting her or jumping to conclusions. No apologies from her either (although I can understand that more from her, bearing in mind the responses she got).

Yet she is vilified for being defensive/justifying herself.

utterly bizarre.

I agree QV, there is a puzzling lack of contrition on this thread.

Yes, that's what I thought. I felt it was a genuine question and was slightly incredulous when so many took it as an attack for whatever reason. I can understand that this can be a sensitive matter for many, but I don't feel that the the OP meant to cause upset/controversy.

Interesting too that many woman who have had c-sections have agreed with the sentiment.