Hand hold. No heartbeat 38+5 being induced currently.

[MisssC3025]

Hi all..

Just need some people to talk to. My baby was diagnosed with a lethal condition at 20wks. We decided to carry to term knowing that he may pass away in utero... which has been the case for us.. we found out yesterday after experiencing no movement 😭😔 (38wks +5)

Came into hosp this morn to start induction process. Have had two lots of misoprostol. Cervix examination at 4pm suggested that my cervix is still posterior.

After first tablet was inserted at 12pm I started getting bad cramps like period pain. Since getting my second they're much stronger. My back is achey!! Have so far just had paracetamol.

It's an ongoing dull painful ache and my tummy tightens every now and then. This is my first pregnancy so no idea how contractions should feel!

Any advice support would be grateful. Obviously if things progress I may not be able to message but at the moment I'd really like some people to talk to.

Anyone with similar experiences 💙💙

May his birth go smoothly and you and your SO make all the memories you have planned for.

I lost my son to a lethal condition a few hours after his birth.

The elation and pride and contentment was so intertwined with gut wrenching sorrow. I would've given anything for him to "wake up, please! Just open your eyes"

People say they don't know what to say to you when it happens, it's happened to me and I don't know what to say, it's beyond words.

Let people help you, with anything and tell friends & family if you want to talk/not talk about him. Do what you need to do. Be kind to yourself.

My own experience was made more difficult because people 'assumed' I wouldn't want to be around children and excluded DH & I from events & gatherings with children despite us asking them not to.

Milk coming in was another difficulty that I hadn't thought about.
The hardest thing I have ever had to do is leaving him that final time.

In the end I accepted that intense feeling, that feeling is reserved only for my son.

It's my son's birthday soon and I will go through all of 'his things' and pictures again.

I have no regrets, not one.

Hand is here for you to hold and not many will say it, but congratulations

There are no words. I’m so so sorry. Thoughts of you today.

Sending love and strength. You are incredibly brave

I read this last night and I've thought of you constantly. You're so brave. Nothing helpful to add but just wanted to say that you're in my thoughts

How are you doing at the moment? Did you manage to get some sleep in the night?

Thinking of you Op and sending love to you and your family

Thinking about you and your beautiful son. X

Thinking of you x

I can’t believe how brave you sound. I’m thinking of you and your special boy

My thoughts are with you OP.

I am devastated for you op, can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. You are a very brave special strong person, remember this 💓

I just want to say how sorry I am

I've read this and just couldn't move on. I really hope you're OK OP and that you have lots of people giving you the support you need. Thinking of you and sending you strength.

Sending love to you OP 💙

So sorry to read this. You sound so brave. I hope the birth goes as smoothly as possible and you can start making those memories with your son. X

I'm a terribly lurker and a bit of a cold fish but I can't read this and run. I hope things went/are going smoothly for you OP. And you get as much time with him as you can. He's so lucky to have you as his mum, you've done so well looking after him. I can't imagine the pain your in. We're here if you want to talk.

What a beautiful, brave lady you are.

I hope you can find some comfort in the words of everyone here, you really are incredible, please don't forget that. There will be times ahead that no one should have to face but be kind to yourself and know that you are a mum. A mum with so many qualities worth being proud of.

I wish you nothing but peace and happiness, sending the biggest hug

Hi everyone,

Firstly I would like to say thank you all so much for your wonderful kind words. I wish I could reply to you all individually. I'm also very sorry for those of you who have shared your experiences with losing your child, but at the same time grateful that you shared this with me. Lots of love.

On Monday 25th May at 12:38pm our little boy Lucas was born sleeping weighing 7lbs 4oz.

Very soon after I sent that message... labour kicked in hard and fast! It was a very traumatic labour with rapid contractions one after the other. I had gas & air for most of labour (as first epidural had failed) finally a second epidural was given and kicked in after half an hour. During this period, I managed to rest my body and let it do what it had to do.

At around10am on Monday I was fully dilated and began pushing. I pushed and pushed as hard as I possibly could for nearly two and half hours. All midwives were incredible during this experience and very patient and encouraging. However, my DP was a superhero! He gave me my strength and supported me like never before. Unfortunately, my little Lucas needed more help to come out... he is the strongest boy I know and tried his best just like his mummy. A few doctors and extra help came in and I delivered him with forceps. I had to have an episiotomy to ensure I didn't tear naturally. Pushing his body out (using forceps) was the hardest most painful part of the whole experience. That moment will stay with me forever, but I will try my hardest not to see it as a negative... more as a positive that I pushed my body to the limit to ensure my little boy was delivered and didn't have to be put through anymore stress.

The last few days have been the most wonderful days of my life as I hold, watch and make beautiful memories with my Lucas. I'm currently in bed with my pillow resting on his cool cot and I lie staring at him and holding his hand. I just want to say how beautiful his hands and feet are... perfect, long fingers with the cutest nails. Every body who have met him have said how stunning he is and how beautiful his hands and feet are. Sorry DP he gets that from me 😋.

I haven't decided yet, but today may be the day we say goodbye. I'm scared, but this day has to arrive sometime.

Thank you all so much 😘

Love from me and Lucas 💙💙

Sending you so much love and strength, you are amazing xx

Congratulations OP. What amazing precious moments those must be! You are wonderful and so very brave delivering your boy safely.
I bet he is just beautiful. Sending so much love and light to you all today xxx

Oh MisssC3025 I promise you that there is no goodbye. My biggest fear was saying goodbye to my tiny girl, in that hospital, and there being no more memories.
Lucas will continue to be a part of you and a part of your lives long after today.
Some of a baby’s stem cells stay in the mother’s body forever linking them together.

The love he had brought you will continue for the rest of your lives. It doesn’t fade or change, it makes you a better person despite the pain that goes with it.
There will also be new memories, little things that will remind you of him that act like a tiny hello. You will find little ways to honour his place in your family.

His little body may no longer be there to hold in your arms but I promise you he will be there in your heart and your mind in the most beautiful of ways.
for Lucas

Oh you poor thing. Sending strength at this difficult time

Wishing you a lot of strength and love at this really tough and surreal time. I'm sure he's an absolutely beautiful little boy. X

You are so amazing and brave op! Take care of yourself