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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Hospitals that don’t allow men to stay overnight

237 replies

NemophilistRebel · 12/01/2020 07:28

In 2017 I gave birth in Watford and hated finding out that men were allowed to stay on the ward overnight, I was in for a week.

I’m due to give birth again this summer and although my midwife has tried to reassure me that Watford has improved she couldn’t confirm that men weren’t allowed to stay

Does anyone know if Stoke Mandeville or Luton and Dunstable hospitals allow men to stay overnight?

OP posts:
PrayingandHoping · 12/01/2020 07:43

Stoke allows men to stay post natal, not ante natal (I had a baby there in October)

L&D didn't allow it 18 months ago when my friend had hers there

I can't recommend stoke highly enough btw. The care there was incredible. I had a private room post natal (I was also in a while) so wasn't effected by other people's partners. They only had a chair! They weren't made to feel comfy so no idea how many stayed.

RhymingRabbit3 · 12/01/2020 07:47

Would you be eligible for a home birth? Or at a birth centre rather than hospital?

I hated the fact that my husband couldnt stay over with us when I had DD, but I wouldn't have wanted strange men on the ward - our hospital doesnt offer private couples rooms, although the birth centre does.

stophuggingme · 12/01/2020 07:59

No hospitals should allow any men overnight in maternity / postnatal wards. End of. Just another example of the erosion of women’s rights to accommodate men. For a bunch of spurious anecdotal reasons. I am horrified that any woman would put those before her fellow women’s right to privacy, safety and dignity at the single most vulnerable point of her life.

Hope you don’t have to endure it.

Good luck with the birth of your baby.

tiggertogger · 12/01/2020 08:11

You can pay for 2 types of private room at Watford. Get one of those and you don't have to suffer anyone else. Or give birth on the MLU where everyone has their own room for free.

Emmacb82 · 12/01/2020 08:14

It’s very well and good to say that men shouldn’t be allowed to stay, but if I hadn’t had my husband with me the first time round, I would have been lost. I couldn’t get out of bed by myself due to traumatic birth/catheter/episiotomy etc and the ward was run on agency staff who we never saw one member of all night. No one came to check on us. There would have been no one to help me with the baby and then they had the cheek to write in my notes that I had slept all night! I’m a nurse and I would never have treated one of my patients like that. So he was a godsend to me.

3rdNamechange · 12/01/2020 08:14

@tiggertogger that's if there is a room free and she's suitable for the MLU.

PrayingandHoping · 12/01/2020 08:19

To get a private room at Stoke is pot luck whether there is one free. You do have to pay for them. But if there's isn't and you are initially put on ward you will be given it when it is free

I also couldn't have been without my husband the first night. I'd had a c section, couldn't move, spiked a temp and was on sepsis pathway (as then was baby). After first night he went home though.

stophuggingme · 12/01/2020 08:29

Husbands and partners are not indemnified or actually allowed to do half the things they are supposedly doing on the postnatal wards
I’ve been in them three times and I’ve yet to see one of these unicorn men doing the job of a HCA or a midwife. I see a moot if sitting around in phones, using patient toilets, eating, watching tv and chair scraping. Not much else
With specific comment in the capacity issue I think this argument is pretty much like the issue I have with food banks. If people keep filling them they’re making the government’s job easier. In the same way husbands and partners should not shore up postnatal and maternity wards.

tiggertogger · 12/01/2020 08:34

That's quite a lot of options at a large hospital! My midwife said it would be very unusual not to get your own room if you wanted it, especially if willing to pay for own bathroom! Who wouldn't?

PrayingandHoping · 12/01/2020 08:35

In stoke they have a chair next to the bed?

My husband completely cared for our baby that first night as I couldn't move. Changed, fed etc. Not sure what else you would had expect him to do? The midwives came in to check everything was ok, give meds and did obs. 🤷‍♀️

3rdNamechange · 12/01/2020 08:37

Also not everyone has the money for a room. My
Local is £200 a night.

PrayingandHoping · 12/01/2020 08:43

Yes, that is the hurdle. Stoke had to rooms prices. One was £90 and the other £180 (more expensive had en-suite and tv) I think

Original poster
NemophilistRebel · 12/01/2020 08:44

I’m not suitable for MLU - will I still be able to book private room?
I don’t mind paying to not be on a ward with men overnight but don’t want to risk there not being one available

OP posts:
Original poster
NemophilistRebel · 12/01/2020 08:46

I had a c section first time and husband didn’t stay

I don’t think he would be staying this time round too as we have toddler at home

I will be having a c section this time too

OP posts:
Scarylady · 12/01/2020 08:49

Can I ask why you have an objection to these strange men being in the ward overnight?

I’m actually really perplexed why you would object to a loving father spending the first night with their baby?

Why is it against women’s rights to privacy, safety and dignity. What do you think these new dads are planning to do? Why are they any more of a threat to you than another women?

Obviously I know there are exceptions to this but I chose to marry my husband, chose to have sex with my husband and chose to have a baby with him. Surely the majority of cases are the same and therefore if I trust my husband to raise a baby with me, I can trust him to be on a maternity ward.

NC4this123 · 12/01/2020 08:52

Just remember those men are there to support their wife and new child. I highly doubt any of them are interested in you or what you’re up to

smemorata · 12/01/2020 08:54

Scarlady- just have a look at some of the threads about antisocial behaviour on maternity wards. It is nice to have some respite at least overnight! I hated having no privacy during the day too e.g. men gawping when trying to breast pump. I ended up not doing it as I felt too embarrassed and never managed to establish breastfeeding.

Original poster
NemophilistRebel · 12/01/2020 08:56

I got no sleep

There were 6 ladies in one room, all trying to sleep.

The men that were there were not helpful but slept soundly on the chairs but snores loudly, played games on their mobiles, watched football on their mobiles and farted loudly and so smelly that I could smell it from 3 beds along.
Some also bought in stinky takeaway food (kfc, and Indian) which stank out the ward too.
Maybe one of the 5 men there was considerate and respectful.
The rest were not

It was also the rule to have the curtain open unless changing and the midwives would regularly come and open the curtains when I was trying my best to breastfeed which I wasn’t managing well without flashing everything so I needed up bottle feeding in hospital and trying again once I got home.

OP posts:
0hforfoxsake · 12/01/2020 08:57

Post labour wards are grim enough without have twice the people filling them up.

Women need to be allowed to recover, leak, bleed, hurt, attempt to breastfeed without having strange men the other side of a flimsy curtain.

0hforfoxsake · 12/01/2020 09:00

A friend of mine is a MW. She frequently talks about situations which mean having to keep certain male family members away from the new mum.

And aside from these cases, not all men are considerate, thoughtful and aware of the needs of every single woman in the room. To be on a ward overnight, they would have to be.

namechangenewness · 12/01/2020 09:04

I'v never come across a hospital where men were allowed to stay. I have to be honest I wished DH could of stayed, it would of been nice to have support especially after DC1. Though an open curtain policy wasn't in place. Also I'm sure most men are focused on their own wife and new child vs someone else.

CountFosco · 12/01/2020 09:05

I completely understand why people don't want men on the maternity wards but the same thing happens on children's wards, children need an adult with them to provide personal care and so when DS was in hospital we had to sleep on mixed sex wards (boys, girls, mums, dads, grandparents).

Doryhunky · 12/01/2020 09:10

How were women and babies cared for on the days when men were not allowed to stay on wards? My mum was in for nine days when she had me and thar was standard.

Doryhunky · 12/01/2020 09:11

Children need their parents with them so they don’t suffer from separation. Their need to privacy is also very different to a postpartum woman.

Doryhunky · 12/01/2020 09:14

Maybe the compromise solution is to allow femaile relatives to stay instead of men