Hospitals that don’t allow men to stay overnight

[NemophilistRebel]

In 2017 I gave birth in Watford and hated finding out that men were allowed to stay on the ward overnight, I was in for a week.

I’m due to give birth again this summer and although my midwife has tried to reassure me that Watford has improved she couldn’t confirm that men weren’t allowed to stay

Does anyone know if Stoke Mandeville or Luton and Dunstable hospitals allow men to stay overnight?

Women need to be allowed to recover, leak, bleed, hurt, attempt to breastfeed without having strange men the other side of a flimsy curtain

This. There have been multiple threads about mens rude and offensive behaviour on maternity wards so yes, I dont want them there overnight thanks.

Also, the view that all husbands are kind and lovely and just want to help their darling wife is a ridiculously naive view of both the male gender and relationships in general. There are PLENTY of abusive, selfish, crappy, vile, mysogynistic men who have kids and they are likely to be the ones on the maternity wards we are referring to in this thread.

How were women and babies cared for on the days when men were not allowed to stay on wards? My mum was in for nine days when she had me and thar was standard.

There were generally more nurses on duty. Also, when women were staying in for several days, to an extent they helped each other.

How were women and babies cared for on the days when men were not allowed to stay on wards? My mum was in for nine days when she had me and thar was standard.

By nurses/midwives. Lots more in regards to patient/nurse ratio. Also the nurses didn’t have to spend anywhere near the time they do now on admin.

The difference between your mums time and now is that there are not nearly enough to go around on the floor for patient care, so this aspect suffers. Not too bad for normal births but as people have pointed out women who have had C-sections, have catheters in etc can now be left with a newborn can go hours as well as overnight without seeing a nurse. That would have never happened to your mum. That’s why some women want their DH, their mum, someone else to stay over with them. Not having this will not ‘teach the NHS’ anything, it will not force more funding or more staff.

Are you a Generation X baby @Doryhunky ?

My DM had me in 65 and also had to stay in for 10 days . Natural birth . Think that was around average then though she was bored senseless as there was nothing wrong with her or me .
Talking of men on wards overnight, back then they couldn't even be in the delivery room . DD waited at my Nans as she had a telephone .
He was there as soon as visiting started that Saturday morning though .

@Equanimitas , that is correct.

My DM was expecting me, her first, and it was a lady in a bed near her who helped her breath through the early contractions then yelled out loudly for the nurse . Lady was a mother of twins and expecting another set .

I had my two at Stoke Mandeville, they now 9 and 11. Dads didn’t stay at the hospital.

The L&D allow men to stay on the postnatal ward but they only provide a chair next to the bed for them and they aren’t allowed to use the bathrooms on the ward. They allow you to keep the curtains drawn around your bed so I never felt like other peoples partners were invading my privacy and they were all respectful of the rules.

I’m not too sure that the shortage of nurses means men staying is helpful to them

When I stayed in after c section I had to rely on them and they were pleased that DH went home as it would appear the others just make their life more difficult- getting in the way / rudeness / additional requests etc

@NemophilistRebel at Stoke it doesn't matter if you are ML or not to get a room. I was consultant led and ended up Emergency C section. You cannot pre book a room though. It's what is available at the time.

@PrayingandHoping
Thank you
How did you find your experience of stoke after section?

I would definitely recommend stoke. You can't pre book the room but if you let them know when you arrive that you want one you'll get one if there's one free. I had the cheaper of the 2 rooms they offer and it was basic but nice to have the privacy. There are only chairs for partners though so I sent mine home. Despite a difficult birth I didn't "need" him there and he also snores

Wow, no men should be allowed to stay over night, that's their partner and their child, they have every right. Imagine how daunting it must be for a first time mum and her support having to leave. How horrible

I coped AnOnymOus

C Section 1991 . I do realise though that that was then and this is now and as my youngest is 16 today it was a long time ago I was in any maternity ward.

Yes I coped without DH after c section in 17.
It was inconsiderate husbands of others that made it worse than it needed to be

I had a private room but sent my husband home. Far more use to me (and better able to care for our son) having had a full night’s sleep in his own bed. We had both been up all the previous night with me in labour. Absolutely pointless having both of us exhausted if there was the opportunity for him to catch up.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter if there are ten considerate men on a ward - you only need one or two dickheads and everything is miserable for the women there. Women shouldn’t have to rely on their partners for care postnatally, and it’s disgraceful that that’s the state things have reached.

There simply aren’t the resources to have additional people. In an ideal world, there would be private rooms with an en suite.

Although it does rather shut women off from that shared experience. I found it really odd that we all
Kept the curtains closed and couldn’t open them, even at night, because of the men around.

I had my first 18 years ago, and was on my own. I only remember talking to one other woman, both of us shell shocked, not knowing what we were doing. I remember how reassuring that was.

My next three were all homebirths, mainly to avoid the grimness of post labour ward.

The trouble is that saying “there simply aren’t the resources” like that makes it sound like an inevitability - it isn’t, this could be changed. I don’t lay the blame with the staff at all and it’s clear that enormous efforts are made to minimise the impact on women despite the difficulties. But it’s not just something that naturally had to happen - better funding could improve women’s experience of postnatal wards, and ensure that care of women on postnatal wards is not reliant on an existing partner of unknown reliability who can stay with them.

I agree with you, what resources there are need to be put into caring for the women and their babies.

MWs shouldn’t have to deal with the behaviour and demands of men who simply don’t have the awareness required in that environment.

What about single mothers who don’t have a husband too? They just have to manage just like the ones who have other children at home and can’t have a husband staying

Why anyone would want w husband there snoring on an uncomfortable chair when they could have a well refreshed husband the next morning is beyond me

Ah sorry 0hforfoxsake I think I misunderstood what you meant by “additional people”

@Scarylady - are you for real ? I second @beautifulstranger101.

With my first baby, they didn’t allow men overnight but effectively had unrestricted daytime visiting. Those 5 days were horrific due entirely to the behaviour of men on the ward.

They may not be interested in other women on the ward, but those curtains offer no privacy whatsoever and mine was constantly being knocked open by men (and the children they weren’t controlling) on the ward. Not ideal when you’re pumping, trying the bf etc... would be worse if you had other injuries etc I imagine.

I heard all sorts of personal information on that ward about other women even though I wasn’t interested in knowing it.

I also think nurses etc might be able to spend more time focusing on actual care if they weren’t trying to police inconsiderate visitors. I have never seen such behaviour in all my life.

And I also know as a fact that many babies are not conceived in happy circumstances and that should be taken into account too. All women, and especially these women, should be entitled to privacy, dignity and respect.

Men aren't allowed to stay on the ante/postnatal ward at my local hospital (RLI, so no use to you OP sorry). They are welcome to stay on the actual Delivery Suite, where everyone is in separate rooms, but as soon as you're moved to the ward upstairs partners must leave if out of visiting hours. I saw one woman being moved onto the ward with a very new baby at midnight - even though she was in a private room, her partner had to go home after ten minutes of getting them settled in. Partners and siblings can visit any time before 10pm though, whereas normal visitors must stick to the general hospital visiting hours.

I'm so thankful this is the case. Yes, having an extra pair of hands to help out is fantastic, but do remember not all fathers are like your lovely DH! I saw some truly vile men visiting their partner/ex partners and babies during the 6 weeks in total I've spent on that ward. Loud, selfish, offensive, aggressive, violent, drunk, pervy... you name it. I'd much rather be able to sleep without the presence of those men less than a foot away from me!

Oh wow I’ve never heard of any antisocial behaviour on a maternity ward. Maybe I’m just lucky that my husband wouldn’t be anything other than courteous in that situation!

Also can’t believe the curtain open rule, what’s the point in that. Mine was only open when they gave us a breastfeeding talk as a whole ward. I’d keep shutting the bloody thing after they opened it if I wanted/ needed privacy.

I had to stay in overnight as well and the worst thing on our ward was the women who’s baby didn’t stop crying all night, which I know she obviously couldn’t help. But the nurse offered to take the baby for a few hours so she could sleep. She then proceeded to snore like a freight train! At least she got some sleep aye.

“ Maybe I’m just lucky that my husband wouldn’t be anything other than courteous in that situation! ”

Well I suspect that everyone on this thread believes that their partner would be courteous and considerate in this situation. It doesn’t stop there being men who are not courteous and considerate in sufficient numbers to make things miserable for other people on the ward. There have been many many threads on this over the years - MNHQ have solicited opinions relating to possible campaigns on postnatal care - and there have been some truly shocking stories. There is a good proportion of men who simply do not know or care how to behave in this sort of situation, and until that changes for the better it’s far safer to have the postnatal wards free of men overnight at least.

Btw I believe the open curtain rule is to do with the ward staff being able to monitor the condition of the women and babies - so avoiding someone fainting for example behind the curtain and no one realising for a while. I expect this is another thing that happens when staffing levels are quite low