Hospitals that don’t allow men to stay overnight

[NemophilistRebel]

In 2017 I gave birth in Watford and hated finding out that men were allowed to stay on the ward overnight, I was in for a week.

I’m due to give birth again this summer and although my midwife has tried to reassure me that Watford has improved she couldn’t confirm that men weren’t allowed to stay

Does anyone know if Stoke Mandeville or Luton and Dunstable hospitals allow men to stay overnight?

I'm not quite sure what all these considerate dad's are doing in the night.I tried to sleep,fed and did a nappy change.I wouldn't have wanted to be responsible for my h too.

I can't imagine my husband being sent home... I was so grateful he was there for practical and emotional support...

I was another one who's husband was sent home shortly after the baby was born due to timings. I was sent down to the labour ward about two hours post surgery. Legs still numb, considerable blood loss, no sleep in 48hrs, c section scar and catheter I didn't know how to move to accomodate. I was left to care for DD in that state, the curtains drawn round me in the dark and the call button having dropped to the floor. I was berrated by the ward sister who put in my notes, "Craic refuses to make eye contact" during the exchange were I was bawling my eyes out and asking for help. I felt very alone and vulnerable, it was a terrible start to caring for DD.

That being said, the root cause was inadequate staffing levels and the misogynistic culture around postnatal care, not the fact that (my angelic ) DH wasn't allowed to stay. Having men stay is not the answer to these issues. It's like a return to early Victorian days where hospital care was basic and patients were expected to supply their own food and bring a family member to nurse them! Women and their new babies deserve better than that.

*The space isn't designed to double its occupancy, leaving out the fact that plenty of these non-patients behave like twats

All my OH did if he wasn't looking after me and my son was sleep he had been awake since thursday night and it was now Saturday night.

The one annoying person in my ward was actually a woman who was brought in at 2am then was taking pictures with the flash on, then talking on her phone really loudly. Which is not what you need when trying to sleep.

DADS were more than welcome.

God, when I had my last, thankfully in a unit where overnight visitors were not allowed, the midwives referred to male visitors as 'your man' because plenty of these men du jour weren't even the baby daddy.

The woman was a patient, Nutter, that is the difference.

Baby daddies, OH, whatever are not and I don't want to share a ward designed for 6 with another 6 of these blokes.

NHS was supposed to guarantee no mixed sex units, too, whenever possible.

Those of you saying no men on wards, how were your births? Did you nearly die, like me. Or were you shitting rainbow dust in your birthing pools whilst little Ottillie crawled out from atwixt your thighs?

So just because some women have chosen shitty, disrespectful partners everyone else has to suffer without their husbands/partners to help them post partum!?

Utter rubbish. If these men are behaving so awfully then you should speak to a staff member and they should be asked to leave.
Why should we have to play to the lowest common denominator?

I couldn't have coped after my first without my husband there. He had to do everything for the baby during the night. There were no midwives available to help me and I couldn't move. The midwives also didn't monitor me correctly and if it wasn't for my husband I would have been damaged even further.

There were other men on the ward and one of them got a dominoes (which was annoying but also for his wife) but other than that they were pretty off the radar and concentrating on their partners and new babies.

The main farters were the post partum women, myself included 😬

Those of you saying no men on wards, how were your births?

Dreadful. No sleep for over 54 hours. Thirty six hour back to back labour, contractions every two minutes from the first one. No pain relief for the first 24 hours. Didn't dilate but baby still attempting to escape. Blue lighted from MLU to hospital for an emergency section, PPH on the slab, lost over a litre of blood. It sucked.

Still don't think men should be allowed overnight on PN ward.

So just because some women have chosen shitty, disrespectful partners everyone else has to suffer without their husbands/partners to help them post partum!?

No, it's because women are entitled to feel safe, have privacy and dignity on a single sex ward overnight. The answer is better staffing, not random blokes.

My birth involved a emergency c section, no I didn’t nearly die but my twins nearly did and were cut out of me that quickly they didn’t even put up a screen. I came back to the ward and the couple next to me we’re arguing and he kept bashing into my curtain. Thankfully they moved me into a quiet room the next day. But my first night listening to them was horrific.

Just not sure why some of you think it's ok to potentially die / lose your child alone. If it came to it you would all of course want your partners there. Even if he's a rapist like all men, of course, are.

Utter rubbish. If these men are behaving so awfully then you should speak to a staff member and they should be asked to leave.
Why should we have to play to the lowest common denominator?

I couldn't have coped after my first without my husband there. He had to do everything for the baby during the night. There were no midwives available to help me and I couldn't move. The midwives also didn't monitor me correctly and if it wasn't for my husband I would have been damaged even further.

In your first paragraph you say that if these men are behaving so badly that the frightened/PTSD suffering/abused/raped/religious/vulnerable woman should be speaking to a member of staff to complain. But in your second paragraph say that there were no members of staff available to care for you, so your husband had to do it. So who would the frightened woman be complaining to?

@ToTheRegimentIWishIWasThere why do their rights trump my rights to support?
I'm also a woman on a labour recovery ward.
And they aren't "random men" they are people's husbands and the fathers of the babies.

The right to safety, privacy and dignity on a single sex ward? That should Trump most things.

Your husband is a random man to me (just like mine would be to you.) And I don't want him there overnight.

Utter rubbish. If these men are behaving so awfully then you should speak to a staff member and they should be asked to leave.

It's been stated, over and over, that the staff are not bouncers and many can do nothing about annoying overnight visitors due to policy and their management.

Did you nearly die, like me. Or were you shitting rainbow dust in your birthing pools whilst little Ottillie crawled out from atwixt your thighs?

What a bitter, twisted, vicious thing to write. Inapplicable, too, because most who have uncomplicated births are usually offered to be discharged off the delivery suite or have home births. Why were not in ICU or HDU? That's where people who 'nearly die' usually are.

With DD1 I had a forceps birth after 32 hours of labour. She was OP and had her hand up cupping her head. Lost plenty of blood. Epidural so couldn't feel my legs for a while and had a catheter. In hospital for 4 days. Second child, birth about 20 mins. after arrival. Went home off the delivery. Last child, epidural due to high blood pressure/pre-clampsia. BP still too high. 2 lots of Labetalol and ventouse delivery and 2nd degree tea. In hospital 2 days and was also 2 hours from home as that was the nearest CLU. SO glad I didn't have everyone's bloke foisted on me 24/7 on top of a hot, over-crowded ward.

HDU x 1 night; postnatal x 1 and private room x 1. 1.75l PPH following 50 hour labour. Episiotomy, 2 x 2nd degree tears. Prolapsed thrombosed constantly bleeding piles. Back to back baby; 2 x epidurals that didn't take. My kidneys failed after birth so had ever doctor in the hospital it seemed screaming into my cubicle. 2 blood transfusions, infection in my stitches. Passed out and sprained an ankle in my first (unaccompanied of course) shower.

But it's not birth top trumps, is it.
its my right to have my husband by my side when I'm going through the worst pain and health issues of my life.

But of course not many of you would want your rapist wife beating child molesting husbands there when you're going through that.

EXCEPT OF COURSE YOU WOULD.

EXCEPT OF COURSE YOU WOULD.

Except no, in fact, I wouldn't. And for plenty of women, no one can be there, they don't have some bloke or their spouse has to be with their other children or they've had to travel far for CLU care. So the solution is to have adequate staff to provide care for the patients, not relying on non-patients to provide it.

Part of the issue is that the abusive partners of postpartum women CAN’T be made to go home if they don’t want to, even if the women wish they would

...if men are allowed to stay overnight, I mean

I'm very sorry about your birth experience turnthebiglightoff that must have been terrifying and horrendous.

I would have found it terrifying and horrendous to be placed in a room with him, and presumably multiple other spouses overnight directly following birth.

So the solution is to have adequate staff to provide care for the patients, not relying on non-patients to provide it.

This.

its my right to have my husband by my side when I'm going through the worst pain and health issues of my life.

...if you are in a private room, not on a single sex postnatal wars overnight.

We're never going to have the luxury of multiple trained midwives / obstetricians etc on each postnatal ward. We just won't.

On my 4th night in hospital I asked a nurse for some water. Husband was in the loo. She said she didn't have time to get me any. It was 2 rooms away.

She was either lazy or genuinely didn't have time. Either way, if my husband hadn't been there I wouldn't have had water for the whole night. 1 day after I had had kidney failure from dehydration.

It's horrific that some of you have suffered violence at the hands of a man. I have too. Still, I couldn't have done without my husband, who slept on a floor for 5 nights, hardly ate, drank or slept, and brought me food and water whenever I needed it. No one else was willing or able to do that. Just like not everyone has a partner, not everyone has a mum or best friend willing or able to help them whilst they're in hospital. And anyone saying they wanted to be by themselves (assuming they had a traumatic birth or similar) are lying.

But the disgrace is the poor care you received, not women who are saying they do not want men overnight on postnatal wards

Of course the solution is adequate staffing, until then, I was glad my partner was there to empty my catheter, change my blood soaked pad when it was making me sore, hand me our baby when he needed feeding, get me food so I could eat after losing pints of blood and having had nothing for over 48 hours, and to get a midwife when I needed one after pressing the buzzer several times. The midwife actually demanded I phoned him to come back in because she couldn't help. I couldn't do anything either, being able to not move from the bed. Once that's sorted a million percent agree with no others on the ward except for mum and baby.

I was the only one in the ward room though. I dread to think of the incompetence of the staff had it been full of patients.