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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

What's the most memorable thing said to you while you were giving birth?

365 replies

Elasticwoman · 04/07/2007 18:44

A midwife said to me, as I was going into transition, "This is going well, do you mind if we video you?"

My answer was emphatic, if unprintable.

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ThomCat · 05/07/2007 11:01

DD1 - DH saying 'ohhh hang on you're broken the bed' and having to hold the end of the headboard down so I could pull against it and carry on!

DD2 - was DD1 coming in to the room as the head begun to crown and saying 'hello mummy'! I will never ever forget the excitment on her face

Mossy · 05/07/2007 11:05

Me: top of my lungs I need a poo!! (
MW: no, you don't need a poo, it's the baby you're pushing!

CayKon · 05/07/2007 11:17

when I was in labour with dd was terrible nothing went right in the end I was in theatre ready for emergancy c section if babby wouldnt come out with forceps. So I had the doctors and assistants doing the forceps I had 3 aneathitists, 3 midwifes and a student, a team of 6 student doctors observing a team ready to take over for the c section and a pead team just in case all watching with my legs up in stirrups oh and plus some at the operating room window 9 not sure who they were. I was so drugged up I couldnt feel if I was pushing so I had a metal bar attached to the bed and across my chest ( think it was just meant to drape sheets on) I was hanging on to this bar to try and push. The aneathatists behind me were placing bets as to if I would manage to break the bar.

footprints · 05/07/2007 11:24

Me: I need to push

Arrogant Portuguese Doctor (to my dh): Tell your wife not to be so stupid.

I was right, he was wrong...bastard.

weebleswobble · 05/07/2007 13:27

As I arrive at hospital 16 hours after starting contractions, now 1 minute apart:

Midwife: "Are you in pain then?"

Me: "Yes I've got a toothache, that's why I'm here. Now get me a f%%king epidural NOW"

16 hours later....

Consultant: "I'm just going to put my finger in your back passage."

Me: Stick it where you like, just get this f%%king baby out now."

ernest · 05/07/2007 13:32

"I can feel testicles"

It was at that moment I realised a. my baby was more than likely a boy and b. breech (despite being told his head was engaged and was in a good position)

Pfer · 05/07/2007 16:36

I said "DON'T YOU F**KING 'SHHHHH' ME" to dh as he sat gently patting my hand suggesting that I quieten down! knob.

Hopeitwontbebig · 05/07/2007 16:41

Midwife: 'small pushes, small pushes'
DH: 'small pushes, small pushes'
Me: whilst looking at DH over head of bed (I was on all fours) 'SHUT UP! You're not a midwife!!!'

Pennypops · 05/07/2007 16:47

This thread is superb

3andnomore · 05/07/2007 16:48

after being transferred from Home to Hospital (planned Homebirth) and being obviously stressed out and very upset by then, as no one really told me what was wrong and tbh I couldn't understadn the m/w's broad Irish accent all that well and was crying quite uncontrollably
midwife says to dh: "Is she (me) always like this?"
Bloody Bitch...I thought I misheard at the time, and couldn't believe it when I asked dh at a later stage if I had just dreamed that incident and he said, nope it happened...
Wonder if I would have gotten away with knocking her block off, whilest in labour ;) (I wouldn't really of course...but come on what an insensitive thing to say)

3andnomore · 05/07/2007 16:52

just reading a few of thses...and some are absolutely priceless...just been lol at kinki's post...so so funny.

mireadsmum · 05/07/2007 16:57

37 hours and 15 minutes into my 37.5 hour labour, the doctor (before using his plunger) asked me if i wanted my DD to have a the Vit K jab. To which i responded, and i quote, "I dont know, i have to go and buy a tortoise" strange looks all round. Then asked again i gave the same answer, unfazed the DR said "this is very serious, I need to know". So i responded with "so what the f* are you asking me for, ask him (pointing at DP) after all he isnt as busy as me right now"

burek · 05/07/2007 17:03

ds had been stuck head sideways for so long that when he came out via CS his ears were flat against his head and his head was pointed on top. The surgeon came in to the room minutes after the op to congratulate us and as she was walking out the door turned around and said:

"Oh by the way his ears and head are like that because he was stuck for so long, ok? Bye then!"

We looked at each other, gulped, and said "well, that doesn't matter, we love him anyway" (even though he will look like an alien for the rest of his life).

Course, she didn't tell us it was temporary.

OrmIrian · 05/07/2007 17:04

Breathe!

alipiggie · 05/07/2007 17:06

MW to me " For goodness sake don't push yet"
Me to DH "F**k that" 10 Seconds later out popped DS2.

But heck what do I know

3madboys · 05/07/2007 17:12

in labour with ds3, i was labouring in the bath, the midwife thought i was pushing and said to dp that if the baby started to come out, they had to pull the plug out?! rules apparently! but she added, "you can pull the plug out tho, cos i think she (meaning me) will punch whoever does it"!!!

also i was having gas and air, the midwife said "to only breathe the gas and air during contractions, not inbetween"

i replied "there is no fucking inbetween"!!

3madboys · 05/07/2007 17:13

ooops just realised i swore, sorry i keep forgetting i am not on bmc, feel free to edit mods

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 05/07/2007 17:36

'Was is you that called Mrs X and said you weren't sure that you were in labour?'

That was barely 30 minutes ago and I'm in the hospital lift with only my knickers holding dd's head in. I'm thinking - just stop making effin small talk and get me on the bed!

After I was sick during labour with ds2 'You had chips and peas for tea then?

And after ds1, when they were stitching me up. Midwife 1 to midwife 2 'Do you think this bit goes here?' Methinks I'm never going to be quite the same again.

talurve · 05/07/2007 18:30

Not so much what I said, but what I did. In theatre for emergency cs. Sitting on the edge of the bed, legs dangling, because they can't get needle in spine. Anaesthetist says "bend over more so your spine opens up". Tried my best to bend over more (not easy with belly the size of a small housing estate), and promptly fell off the bed. Don't know what hurt more, contractions or bruises on my knees

TenaLady · 05/07/2007 18:32

As he popped out I said ' Wow, now that is ugly shove him back in will you'

madmarchhare · 05/07/2007 18:35

Doctor saying 'keep still, we are just making the insision' as I was vomiting

barney2 · 05/07/2007 19:15

"Just get this f*ing bastard out of me!"

barney2 · 05/07/2007 19:18

....sorry....that's what I said to my midwife...and her reply was....'calm down, calm down...we'll have this baby out of you by the end of my shift'. And she was right. 9lb 5oz baby later courtesy of a ventouse and plenty of pushing, shoving and screaming.

Veggiemummy · 05/07/2007 19:34

midwife- in between contractions said very calmly "ok now your doing really well but next time instead of screaming and shouting how about you put some of that energy into pushing"

Breezey · 05/07/2007 19:39

ds. planned Homebirth, five minutes after she arrived overheard m/w on phone saying 'can you send the doctor she's fully dilated' ... well no one had told me that, was very cross as legs had not got shaved, Some time after ds's arrival the dr and the entonox arrived, 'guess I'm a bit late!'.
Later at the hospital while examining the damage he says "well I could give it a go ..."
Thankfully they decided to send me to theatre
dd at home again mw asks dh to phone and ask Dr X to come round, they phone up just as dd emerges to say 'he's busy,' (livid with dh for answering phone) Luckily fantastic M/W and no need of Dr's (until later)