What's the most memorable thing said to you while you were giving birth?

[Elasticwoman]

A midwife said to me, as I was going into transition, "This is going well, do you mind if we video you?"

My answer was emphatic, if unprintable.

DD1 - 'If the head doesn't come out on this contraction I'm going to have to cut you' - said by the MW as she stood at the bottom of the bed clacking the episiotomy shears.

DD2 - 'Stop, stop, we're not ready for you' - yelled by the MW after her & ex-h had finally managed to lift me from all fours on to my back (turned out I'd been quietly bearing down for ages but didn't even know it as was so spaced on pethidine - baby actually slithered out with no further help from me & MW had to catch her).

DD3 - 'What's making that call then?' - DH 'helpfully' trying to distract me by getting me to name bird calls through the open window (It was a Greenfinch)

DS - 'What, you've got 12 days 'til your due date? You'll have to home - it could be a month away yet.' - MW on the ante-natal ward the day after my waters had broken. She hadn't even read my notes & thought I'd gone in 'cos I was having Braxton Hicks

The daftest thing wasn't actually said to me - ex-h got a bit over-excited at the birth of DD1 & stood at the bottom of the bed elbowing the consultant & shouting 'Look, look, that's the head!'. As if he didn't know after all those years of med school.

at Twinkle and winestein.

after 28 hours of labour (just on gas and air), felt very weird and shouted for dh to call midwife back in. She came in and said "ah, don't worry my dear, that's you just transitioning, we'll have that baby out in a couple of hours or so".
Me: A COUPLE OF HOURS??? A COUPLE OF FECKING HOURS???????? I'VE Bleep been at this for Bleeping over a day bleeping already!! Give me fecking drugs bleeping now!!

and so on in same vein until they got me some morphine, bliss, and actually ds turned up 2 and 1/2 hours later so she wasn't far off.

PMSLOL sitting here reading all these! This should be printed and given to anyone thinking about giving birth!!!
Can't remember what was said to me (apart from something unprintable when the MW wiped my arse after a post-curry babys head doing the finger pushing down the toothpaste tube thing...) but I was being told to hold on and not start pushing until they'd examined me and I howled "I'VE GOT TO BE AT LEAST ELEVEN BY NOW...!"

Oh yes and I remember being ready to deliver and same midwife asking me if I didn't mind waiting till they fetched d ex p as he'd gone for a cup of tea.

Ok, this is definatly the last one, not so much said but told d ex p to face the wall if it all got too much, he did and him a trained paramedic! Afterwards he told me he faced the wall because he misheard her and thought that's what she had told him to do! He was very very afterwards!

ROFL Mhamai

Aimeesmummy - were you having a Spinal Tap moment?
{disclaimer: if you have no idea what I am talking about, don't worry}

pmsl Mhamai. It all gats a bit panicky, doesn't it? Lucky they don;t actually have to give birth really....

*gets

what is wrong with my keyboard?

[gri]

Gahhhhhhhhh! You have me at it now!

I is catching

Anyhoo time for bed. nite nite

Night night

After DD1 as mw was poised with needle to stitch me back up again: "Do you know what your perineum looked like before?"

During DD2: "That's it. We only do normal births here, and this isn't normal."

midwife before inserting new kind of drip into my hand(no one had even practiced using it beofre that was on duty!) said oh, we'll have to do this with numbing area as there's no time, you wont even rememberTHIS pain after what youll feel in few hours anyway!..then she said whatever you do, dont bend your hand back or the needle could snap inside..she then drops something on the floor and bends down to pick it up bending the needle in my hand practically in half!!!..all with no anesthetic!!....she was a grade A bitch!

"try to stay calm" by dh
how we laughed

"You have a sticky outy pelvis"

Said by the conultant obstetrician up to his elbows in my fanny trying (unsuccessfully) to dislodge ds2.

dh said to me as I was having a c section "OMG that doctors hands are big"

To dh "what is it?"

Dh: "It's a boy. I think its a boy. It's got a willy."

"yeah........push.........good..........push......." from midwife without looking up, bored stiff, picking her nails

Me completely failing to push baby out for 90 mins and having forceps delivery, unsurprisingly.

My MW who delivered DD at home came back later that day to check me out "wow you look wonderful, you looked dreadful earlier today!" yes love I was in the process of birthing my baby! She was actually great and very enthusiastic having only just qualified. She did at one point in labour though, when i was having a wobbly moment, suggest I imagine my baby being 'carried on a wave to the shore'.

My DH saying "You should only use the gas and air if you REALLY need it!" to which I replied "I do F need it!"

me - "right I can't do this I want to go for the epidural"

MW - "too late, it's time to push"

me - " "