What's the most memorable thing said to you while you were giving birth?

[Elasticwoman]

A midwife said to me, as I was going into transition, "This is going well, do you mind if we video you?"

My answer was emphatic, if unprintable.

my mother put a relic of Padre bleedin Pio on my stomach when I was 7cm dilated I wasn't impressed.

Hippo - I wasn't the one howling but I feel sorry for the people who heard my blood-curdling scream DH still hasn't got over it!

Me to DH just before DD was born: "Are you OK?"

DH to me while having a contraction

You know your hearing aid keeps squeaking every time you contract....

me:

Dh to me (during a contraction)as I approached fully dilated:
"That looks like it's hurting more now"

me: "No shit!!!"

they look painful - midwives commenting on my piles whilst my arse was in the air.

another one for the stitching horror: 'I'm trying to make this bit go there, but it doesn't seem to want to' (one MW to another). I started bawling at this point and demanded a registrar, who proceeded to unpick everything the MW had done and start again.

Ds1: being told not to push while the midwife clamped and cut the cord between two contracts while ds1's body was still inside me, as it was twisted so tightly around his neck.

Dd: being told to stop shouting as it was unfair to the other women. Dh was furious that I had been treated that way, but it was in fact exactly what I needed at the time.

Ds2: being told to push and refusing to do so.

being told that dd2 was a boy (in defence to the midwife, she was taken straight to the resus. table)

In the midst of an arduous transition stage with DS3...doctor comes in....stands there studying Mozhe's notes...then says,' Ah yes you're the lady who's having a baby aren't you...'
My reply is unprintable....

Actually, barring all the horrible stuff, the most memorable thing of all was the MW saying "Look". I looked and after 3 1/2 hours of pushing there was my little boy's head.

"It's a girl!....no it isn't!"

DS1, delivered by elective caesarian, after a good deal of rummaging because he didn't seem to want to emerge and was all scrunched up when he did.

WHile being stiched up afterwards the MW brought in a doctor to decide whether I needed stiches..she agreed i could do with a couple so i wouldn't "flap in the wind quite so much"!

lol Kayzed - I actually asked to see my placenta. Weird huh?

when daisymoo was doulaing for me, called xp to say baby was coming now, he asked if he had time to walk or did he have to pay for a taxi

i laughed at it, thankfuully!

'You're not in labour, you're not due for another two weeks, it's IBS.'

'Those heart traces don't look good.' - Doctor, on walking in while I was unsuccessfully trying to push ds out and looking at the monitor. More pushing helped, but I also needed ventouse.

'You can do this, I want you to do this.' - Lovely midwife (who knew I was desperate to avoid a CS) when I went into panic at the doctor's words above and screamed for a CS.

'Congratulations on your healthy boy.' I'll always remember that - not memorable in itself, but the exact words the doctor used as my little, purplish, vernix-smeared bundle, crying a bit, had his first cuddle on my stomach.

After an amazingly short uncomplicated first labour the placenta would not deliver. Waited ages, tried breastfeeding but no good. At this stage I was getting upset because i just wanted everything over with so i could concentrate on dd. I think the midwife was trying to explain to me why i needed to go to theatre when in walked a big grinning doctor with not much English. Instead of trying to explain anything he held up his HUGE hand, grinned and said 'better with anaesthetic'. I didn't need telling twice!

wheres my gas and air gone whos stole it! it was in my hand opps!
And rub my back get off dont touch me!

"Jesus look at the size of his hands!" He has big hands and feet!

Funny, DH said that about DS. I was not amused.

Following 5 days of labour, just after delivery, sitting naked on the floor of a delivery room that looked like it had witnessed a shark attack with every imaginable bodily fluid splattered around the room the midwife said 'that was a beautiful delivery' - I would hate to see the outcome of an ugly delivery!

Ha! I was just wracking my brains for one of the most memorable, and that's one of them Mhaihmi... my DS's hands and feet are huge too (he's 2.6 and a size 9 shoe) - he was delivered with his hand on his cheek too so there were a couple of comments about that!

Although I do remember the "Oh my god, that's why you were hurting so much!" when the midwife said she was just going to have aquick look before she went off duty and exclaimed "I can see his head! Are you pushing sweetie?"

ahem *Mhamai