Would you have a Doula?

[InMemoryOfSleep]

I’m considering training as a Doula, and I’m interested to know people’s reasons for choosing to have one (or not!). Is cost a factor? Also, do people find it a bit ‘woo’?! One of the issues I had when searching for a Doula locally is that the few available offer things like shamanic healing, placenta encapsulation, etc, which is just not for me . I wondered if there is a place for a sensible, supportive birth Doula, without the new age approach, or is that missing a vital part of what the role is about?

I asked one of my best friends to be my doula, she accepted. She lost a baby a few years ago herself and it was my way of involving her with this baby as she will be a great 'auntie' anyway. She has been so supportive in many ways and I have found that this to be a beautiful way to strengthen an already close relationship (21 years of friendship).

God yes @LipstickHandbagCoffee please do say nothing I haven’t asked for your advice on career change, childcare, etc - I just wanted to know whether women would have a Doula.

@ButterflyMama6 that’s lovely, I hope you get the birth you want and it’s a special experience for you both

I think what they offer is incredibly valuable but that's why I'm also a bit uncomfortable that midwives can't fulfil that role and unfortunately it's through being understaffed and overworked, they wouldn't have the necessary resources. But that also means that we creep into a US style system where only those who can afford that help can get it. I feel lucky enough not to think I'll need one but also wouldn't have the money...

i just gave birth to DC2 on tuesday eve and after my experience have been considering training as a doula as well and def think they're worth while now. I'd practiced some hypnobirthing at home, just listening to the cd. when i got to the MLU i was 4cm and was pretty sure i wanted an epidural, a fantastic senior midwife talked me round to trying to continue naturally and when i mentioned i'd been practicing the hyonobirthing she started using hypno methods to talk me through contractions to the point where i didnt need gas and air anymore and she had to check i was still contracting as i was so calm. After a couple of hours her shift finished and when she left i started to panic a bit, she hugged me and said your baby will be in your arms very soon. An hour later my baby arrived in the pool but i couldnt keep the same focus without that MW there so it made me realise how effective it would be to have someone like that there for the duration of your birth.

@HeavyLoad congrats on your new arrival! That midwife sounds amazing, and as you say your experience really speaks to the value of continuity of care. @AbiBrown I absolutely see your point - unfortunately midwives cannot now provide continuity, however I would be hesitant to say Doulas are fulfilling a role that midwives would otherwise have had. Doulas are there as an advocate for the mother, and are focussed on her needs and wishes, whereas midwives tend to have a necessarily medical viewpoint. The bond between a mother and a Doula is really special, and I’m not sure this would ever be replicated with a midwife you meet for the first time when you’re in labour.

I totally see your point and didn't really consider this. My one issue then would be cost... Not many mothers would be able to afford one.

Totally disagree. Most midwives now do longer shifts - "long days" instead of early and late shifts. They are striving to achieve the mum's desires, wants and needs whilst fulfilling observations to ensure that both mum and baby are safe and healthy. The vast majority (not all) are experts at rapidly building a special relationship with the mum and partner and the bonds can be very powerful.

Yeah fucking right. My midwife kept getting my name wrong. Special bond my arse. She was awful. She’s the reason I’m getting a doula next time (if there is a next time).

Yes I would consider it. I had a horrible time with labour and birth the first time round, a lot of that was due to absolutely awful staff. It would have been nice to have an additional presence supporting me through the process and being there for the whole time who wasn't a family member/friend.
I also think a decent experienced doula being present may help balance the power dynamics a bit. Often it's the 'powerful' health professionals vs the 'powerless' women and their birthing partners. Superior v inferior. Having someone knowledgable and experienced in birth as part of the woman's party may bridge a bit of a gap.
Also a decent doula will be skilled in being a good birthing partner, advocating for you ect. Very often husbands and family members just don't have a clue.

I had two Douglas. A birth one and a post birth one for two weeks. The birth one was absolutely fantastic. She helped me advocate for what I wanted and really helped me get through the labour. I knew I wanted a woman at my birth, one I had a relationship of trust with and that is what I got. I had nevemet the midwives who delivered me and I barely remember them . 13 years later I still remember how supported my doula made me feel.

The post birth doula was great too. She came for about 3-4 hours a day for a couple of weeks after DH went back to work to help with cooking, and just stuff around the house and to help with DS to let me sleep etc .

It was the best money of all the money I spent on things to get get ready for DS

First baby due in 10 weeks and I'm not considering a doula. Partly cause I only recently heard of them, but I don't think they would be for me anyway. Thankfully DH is pretty capable and good in a crises and my mother and sisters will be visiting after to support with the postnatal side of things.
But then I'm not really doing a birth plan or anything like that as I just think the midwives and doctors are the experts and will only do what needs to be done. My hospital is pretty highly rated though.

I can see why they would appeal to people who either don't have much support or maybe have high levels of anxiety about childbirth, etc.

Duh Doulas. NOT Douglas. I really didn't want a Douglas there,!!!!

Honestly I doubt the majority of women feel they built a 'powerful' bond with the midwife who attended their birth. I met the midwife who delivered my first baby half an hour before he was born when I was already in the very late stages of labour. This isn't unusual at all. So many of my friends have said they can't remember the name of or what their midwife looked like ect

It's not surprising so many women are considering a doula nowadays

I did say "most, not all".
The midwife's role is to be the woman's advocate. They can only get informed consent from the woman too.
The fact that a lot of mums don't remember their midwife's name or what they look like is irrelevant as long as they felt supported and empowered.

That’s the whole point. Most midwives aren’t like that, let alone all midwives. Most women don’t feel supported and empowered.

I don’t understand your attitude, I really don’t. Have you not spoken to any women or read any threads on here recently about experiences of childbirth?!

Well I still don't get how a 'powerful bond' can be established when the woman has literally just met her midwife.
And the thing is a lot of women experience a complete lack of informed consent during their birth experience. A lot of women feel that consent is a massive issue with maternity services so I can see why some feel a doula aware of their preferences and outlook will help them achieve a birth with more control and consent taken into account. Sadly a lot of women experience the opposite of their midwife advocating for them.

Again I totally disagree. MOST midwives are like that. They entered the profession to support women. They don't get lunch breaks and most will stay after their working hours when possible, to continue caring for mums.
I speak to a LOT of women who have given birth at the 2 biggest maternity units in Manchester and the VAST majority feel they are well supported and encouraged. It is very rare to hear the opposite. I recently read a thread on here that was mixed in opinion though.
I whole heartedly believe you can form a bond very quickly. Not quite the same, but ever watched a sad film and bawled your eyes out as you get to know the characters and their background in a little over an hour?

I've also had an excellent experience with the midwives so far so feel that I don't need anyone else to fight my corner so to speak. Sadly, some of the problems experienced (of course not all) are often down to them being very stretched. A good start would be for their working conditions to be good and many would be in a good place to provide this extra care (of course, you ll always have one who you just don't click with or whose ways don't put you at ease)

I am due in August and planning to hire a doula, I'm just in talks with her about the care I need as I'm a second time Mum. I'm really looking forward to having someone with me the whole way that will be my advocate. Even if she just helps me breath and relax a bit more it will be money well spent in my books. I prefer they are not medical, I'm not 'woo' but I think I need more emotional support than a midwife can offer. My partner was fantastic last time but at the same time I get telling her where to go and not listening, so I need that person with a little more authority to guide me on my choices which will have been discussed before the birth! Hope this helps :)

I'm considering a doula. This is my first pregnancy. My husband may not be there for the whole thing as he's in court for two weeks around the delivery date (working, not as a defendant) and my mother has never experienced labour and frankly admits she hasn't a clue.
I'd like someone there throughout who can advocate for me and support me when I'm unable to do so.

The midwife will do this

Unless you get a midwife who doesn't. I'm in a birth trauma group on Facebook with literally thousands of women and a huge proportion had an awful experience with healthcare staff, including midwives.
Don't get me wrong there are some amazing midwives- I had a great one in first part of labour with DC2, she was kind and encouraging, always asked for consent and was keen to know my wishes/wants for the birth. But I do hear so many stories where women say they were ignored, their wishes not followed or considered, consent not properly obtained. Many see various different midwives through the course of labour and find they are left alone for long periods which they find distressing (often not the overworked, overstretched midwives fault of course). Some have bad experiences with stressed, snappy and unkind midwives caring for them.
A lovely, supportive midwife who will advocate and support you through your whole labour and birth is not guaranteed at all, so why shouldn't women hire a doula to try and ensure they get this kind of support?

@sunshinestorm spot on. Friends and family have had more bad birth experiences than good.

“The midwife will do this”

Or not.

Based on women I’ve spoken to, midwives who do are in the minority.