Would you have a Doula?

[InMemoryOfSleep]

I’m considering training as a Doula, and I’m interested to know people’s reasons for choosing to have one (or not!). Is cost a factor? Also, do people find it a bit ‘woo’?! One of the issues I had when searching for a Doula locally is that the few available offer things like shamanic healing, placenta encapsulation, etc, which is just not for me . I wondered if there is a place for a sensible, supportive birth Doula, without the new age approach, or is that missing a vital part of what the role is about?

The Cochrane report is not categorical on this point. The conclusion is all 'may' and 'could':

'Continuous support during labour may improve outcomes for women and infants.'

We also have to be careful not to conflate correlation with causation.

Hi all just thought I would ask for your opinions my partner David is considering becoming a doula he is a fully qualified midwife with over 12 years hands on experience working in the NHS hundreds of births both simple and complex. I just wanted to ask if given the choice would you use the services of a male doula ? I would really appreciate your feedback

No I wouldn't, it would be completely pointless. All my births were straight forward and I just got on with it.
If I was having any more (which I'm not, too old and menopausal) I wouldn't even have my partner present. It would be just me and the midwife(s).

Sorry, my comment was relating to all doulas, not just your partner, Thomas.

@ThomasD123 that’s an interesting question; personally I would prefer a female Doula, although I would be fine with a male midwife. I know that seems like a bit of a contradiction, but I think I would feel less comfortable and less able to develop the kind of relationship you develop with a Doula if it was a man. I’m sure others may feel differently! Can I ask why your partner is leaving midwifery?

I'm a doula. Yes it's unregulated and no you don't have to train. Doulas are very much accepted in the area I work in, and we have good relationships with midwives and obstetricians. No we don't do anything medical or clinical, that's for the medics and wouldn't be something I'd want to get involved in at all.

I get to know the woman or the couple in the months leading up to the birth, listen to what they want and signpost them to resources. I'll attend antenatal appointments if they want me to. At a birth I would do a whole variety of things depending on what the client wants and that might help things go smoothly. This has been anything from giving massage, filling/emptying a birth pool, washing up, making food, cleaning blood out of carpets, helping support birth positions, whatever really. Sometimes midwives don't even have the time to drink or go to the loo so I try to help them too.

Anyway, Doula UK have training courses and a mentoring programme, so if you wanted to do it I'd go with them rather than just going solo.

One of my friends is a doula, and she is amazing. She is not at all 'woo' or 'hippy'. What she is is a brilliant communicator, who is extremely good at dealing with situations of confrontation in a calm but firm way. She does not see herself as an alternative to medicine at all - in fact, she frequently works in situations with medical professionals, standing up for the choices and rights of the woman giving birth, so that she can focus on the experience without worrying about professionals making decisions without consent. In a situation where the woman can easily be overridden, and not consulted (and we all know of cases where this has sadly happened) it is a really valuable thing to have someone in your corner making sure that you are heard.

On top of that, she's brilliant at knowing what to do, at being calm, and making someone feel cared for and in control.

I have infertility but if I were to have a baby, I'd have her in my corner in a heartbeat.

Thanks for the feedback David has left the NHS due to the well publicised increase in pressure and lack of time to spend on the most important part of the job, mums well being. He is a highly experienced midwife with 12 years experience and hundreds of births both simple and complex, is empathetic and understanding and I hope he can use his skills to assist mums to be. Hopefully prospective clients will take him on his merits and personality not his sex. Appreciate the feedback

I can't say I approve of the term 'woo'. See below what the dictionary definitions are. Surely all that's being suggested is that the concept of a Doula is a bit new age or hippy, which is not quite the same as 'woo', based on 'woo woo' stemming from 'voodoo' Just think one should be careful language wise.

woo woo - Wiktionary

(slang) A person readily accepting supernatural, paranormal, occult, or pseudoscientific phenomena, or emotion-based beliefs and explanations. That reporter is a bit of a woo woo. (slang) Those beliefs. He is really into all that woo woo.

Urban Dictionary: woo - n.(or adj), the way a person is when they uncritically believe unsubstantiated or unfounded ideas. Short for "woo woo".

Cambridge Dictionary - woo-woo adjective /ˈwuː.wuː/ /ˈwuː.wuː/ mainly US informal, based on false beliefs or imaginary things, rather than reason or scientific knowledge.

The Doula I used was marvellous. Someone at the time described the concept of a Doula being a sort of lay midwife. There is some truth in that as a description especially where advice re planning is concerned (ie - advising the mum to be to 'make a birth plan' not saying what should be in it using medical terms of reference) and also in that many Doulas have trained to be Breastfeeding Counsellors or in other areas like this.

My Doula was on a committee at the hospital I was treated at which meant she was there when my case and the mistakes made in Delivery on the night of my son's birth came up to be discussed. Her involvement meant she could not stay for the actual discussion. I mention this mostly to show that Doulas need not be people outside or out of step with the medical profession.

On the night of my son's birth, my Doula was much more professional in her approach than the midwives and nurses I saw. One told me to shut up because I was ill and let the other people in the room answer for me. In the 21st Century that ought to be a sacking or suspension offence and I still find it quite unbelievable that someone would say that in front of witnesses.

As far as Doulas are concerned, if one is sufficiently intellectually engaged to know what a Doula is and contemplate employing one then one can choose carefully. They certainly have their role as a birth partner and can offer help and support pre and post nataly.

@ThomasD123 so sad that the NHS has lost another fantastic staff member and yes absolutely, as I said I’m sure many women will feel differently to me - the main thing with a Doula is finding someone you have a strong connection with, so I’m sure gender may not be an issue for many women.

@inmemoryofsleep thanks for the comments hopefully having a midwife as a doula may help to raise the profile of doulas as it seems some opinions aren't that positive anything that helps mums and can take a little pressure off Nhs midwifes can't be bad I m o

I have hired a doula for my planned c-section. After a hellish time with my DD I know exactly what will help me stay calm on the day and additional, objective support is that. She will also help a lot post natally which will be really helpful. I really like her and she's given me a lot of ideas for the day of birth and after.
It's not cheap (particularly as I'm not going to be a labour for hours!) but part of the price is the value of her experience and knowledge.

If I ever manage to become pregnant, I will definitely have a doula.

My girlfriend would be wonderfully supportive and I'm sure the medical team would be excellent. However I don't have a mother who could be with me, and I really like the idea of somebody there who has plenty of experience of pregnancy and childbirth - even though it's almost certain I'd need a c section - in a non medical capacity.

I see the doula role as very different to the medical one. Certainly not a replacement and you can't compare them. The doula is more focused on the wellbeing of the pregnant woman/ new mother, helping to support her.

If things get rocky or tough or scary, then the doula is there to support the labouring woman and her partner, and the calmer they are the better it is for the baby. It allows the medics to do their job.

I do not see the point of a doula unless you have no one else to stay with you for the birth. My midwives left me alone for long periods during my labours so I would probably have been a little nervous if DH hadn't been there.

I would not hire a male doula. I had a male midwife, and he was fantastic, but I wouldn't have chosen him as someone to 'bond' with prior to the birth. On the day he was a medical professional and I was grateful for his expertise.

I personally wouldn’t use one but I can see that a single mother might or someone who feels she’s needs more support. My first birth was premature. He was born at 31w 3 days and I lost count of the amount of doctors and nurses in the room with me whilst I gave birth! With my second it was so wonderful for it to just be myself and husband and a midwife. The midwife came and went and was there at the end. It was so nice just to be my husband and I. For me I’d feel strange having someone else there that wasn’t a friend or family member as it’s such a special time I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else

Has anyone ever had a bad experience with a doula? Is it something that we need to worry about being unregulated and not "professional"? Is the doula job market awash with fraudulent women who just want your money and have no intention of helping you through your pregnancy?
No, thought not.
So really, the whole thing about them being not being regulared or having any mandatory training is completely beside the point, isn't it?

I had doulas 4 times for my 4 vabcs after 2 sections. One for the first 2 and another one for the last 2.
They were incredibly important for me. I do not believe I would have had 4 successful vbacs without them.
It was psychologically very important for me to know I had a woman who was there just for me, to be my voice, to know my wishes. I knew they would be there because I had paid them and entered into contract with them. I didn't have to worry about whether they would be too busy to do it.
They were there to support me during trickier midwife appointments.

How is having a woman support you in labour woo? It's a shame that women have lost the traditional (free) female support network they would likely have had during pregnancy and birth.

I actually wish we could extend the doula thing to all gynae surgery. You know, have experts in women's health who would come along to appointments and help to get doctors and nurses to listen to the patient.

I had 3 rounds of gynae surgery, due to repeated cockups. Because the ward was women only, I was on my own. The doctor would appear when I'd just come round from the anaesthetic and and tell me what had happened and what I needed to do. When I had woken up properly, I couldn't remember what she had said. I wished that there had been someone else there at the time. Equally, when I asked to go for a wee, I would have liked someone to have been able to help me rather than having to walk across a room dripping blood to get some dignity because nurses wouldn't bring me a bedpan.

Before the surgery, I had dozens, literally dozens, of GP appointments trying to convince primary care to refer me. I think having someone who could help me fight, in my corner, would have been useful.

In short, I think there is a role for women to have some kind of extra 'representation' right across the board.

You all seem to assume the gender of the doual would women have such a problem having a male doula ?

@ThomasD123 the doula role feels distinct from that of a midwife. It's more like a reassuring and experienced friend you can buy for the day. I wouldn't want a male friend at the birth, and similarly wouldn't want a male doula. Given doulas are not medically trained, I can't expect a male doula to understand my physiology as well as a female doula would (from just her own body).

Personally I would prefer a female doula. I am totally indifferent to the gender of medical personnel. But I would want the person who is representing me in a different way - acting 'in my corner' to ensure my wishes are respected - to have a complete understanding of the way it feels to be a woman in a system that often deprioritises the voices and needs of my gender. I'm talking about a system where women are on average in pain for over a decade before they are diagnosed with endo, where it's very difficult to get menorrhagia taken seriously, where it's common for women in labour simply to be overruled without proper consent. In short, I see it as a completely different role to that of a midwife - someone who can listen to me and advocate for me in a situation where I might not be able to represent myself properly due to being otherwise engaged in pushing a bowling ball out of my vagina!

Personally, no.
I wouldn't want to share the experience of giving birth to our babies with anyone other than my husband
(Obviously midwives are there for medical reasons).

No I wouldn't want a male Doula nor a woman who had not experienced childbirth. My doulas knew what it felt like to be heavily pregnant, anxious, fed up, what it was like to labour, being pain and be exhausted.

No man would be able to empathise properly because they wouldn't have clue what I was going through.

I was once asked if a male midwife could deliver my baby. I think I might have said I didn't care because I was so out of it with pain and distress but DS was a em section in the end.

I would have one but know that finacially we couldn't afford it. Like we couldn't afford the private hospital room if I'm stuck in hospital again for 10 days with this baby as I was our first.

DH would absoutely be there but has a fundamental focus on getting his DC here safely and I don't trust that he'd support my preferences over what a midwife / doctor walks in and tells him. Think "my wife refuses to consider the use of forceps" vs. "but this is a medically necessary intervention Mr Smith". A doula would give me that level of support, but I've never met someone who had one; round here they're firmly in the "middle class luxuries" end of the market.