Would you have a Doula?

[InMemoryOfSleep]

I’m considering training as a Doula, and I’m interested to know people’s reasons for choosing to have one (or not!). Is cost a factor? Also, do people find it a bit ‘woo’?! One of the issues I had when searching for a Doula locally is that the few available offer things like shamanic healing, placenta encapsulation, etc, which is just not for me . I wondered if there is a place for a sensible, supportive birth Doula, without the new age approach, or is that missing a vital part of what the role is about?

I thought we were past sexism in 2018 obviously not.

You say your partner’s been practicing as a male midwife for over a decade. I’m sure in that case he knows exactly why many women would be uncomfortable with male HCPs. Go and ask him.

Oh god no let’s get into the my dp said..

?@ lipstick

also thomas you try telling all the women out there that we are past sexism. We live with it everyday of our lives.

Lab,Read 53rdWay 14:04:29 post about Thomas asking her dp opinion

Lipstick, that's good for you that your IT training was more than 20 hours over 2 days, good for you. A doula is not a technical job, we're trained in comfort techniques and emotional and educational support for the woman and her partner during birth. We don't do anything medical and we also take a rigorous test before we certify for the first time after training.

I assure you I support women very professionally.

It’s hardly ‘my dp said’, Lipstick. It’s telling him to go ask his experienced midwife partner about why women don’t always want male HCPs, rather than badgering a load of women on here for being sexists.

I would have loved a doula, and when my DC are older, I'd love to train as one.

@ProperLavs why would it be odd for a man to want to help bring life into the world and care for someone. Are gynecologists all women? Is it odd for men to be care givers. I wasn't pulling a " sexist card" but I'm sure if I said I found it odd that women want to be mechanics or racing drivers I would be slated. The feed back from the posts has been more than helpful I shall advise my partner to look into a more manly job.( My final post)

a more manly job

My apologies for badgering you all !

I had an amazing doula ..she made me feel incredibly safe because I knew that she knew what I wanted and would be there to help make sure I could be heard. If I could have built up a relationship with a midwife before the birth then been guaranteed that midwife I wouldn’t have needed one but that’s ckearly not possible. My fouls was there to advocate for me in what is an unfamiliar and scary situation for most dps. She was already a mother of 2, trained as a nurse and had been at many births.

She was the one who then showed me how to bath/dress/clean dd, helped me through trying to breastfeed, supported my decision not to, and spotted my PND and made me ho to the doctors.

She’s now one of my closest friends.

If you have a mother/sister/best friend who can do this then fab...if not, it’s worth seeing if you can find a doula you bond with...I am so glad she was there.

Being a mechanic isn't exactly a personal and intimate job is it? A carer isn't restricted to one gender are they?
If you can't see the difference Thomas then I think you need to think harder.
Yes tell him to get a more manly job, good grief.

Petra,your doula was a nurse that’ll hugely add to professional demeanour,communication and advocating for you.

Absolutely...have no idea how someone who wasn’t used to the hospital environment would have been!

Would I have had such a good experience with a doula who wasn’t a medical professional? Don’t know! But it’s not so different to asking your best friend to be there when they don’t have any experience, and to some extent I liked having someone who wasn’t emotionally involved with me/dd there as I knew she would keep her head !

There is a difference between a mother/best friend and a doula though. I knew that my doulas were women who felt strongly about supporting other women in pregnancy, labour, birth and afterwards. That is what they had chosen to do and what they had experience of
They would be able to remain objective and level headed. They would also be there( unless they got run over something. I could not guarantee that with any friend/family member. I needed that stability and reassurance. They had had supported at many many births, they were familiar with the process. I could never say that of family and friends.
Of course they had nothing to do with the medical side of things, that's not why they were there.

It’s obviously dependent on what training a Doula does, but my training will involve a midwife observation, as well as modules on working in a hospital environment. So hopefully I’ll gain some valuable experience of that setting.

Observation of a mw role and what else?someone else mentioned their rigorous 22 days doula training?
You’d be well advised try get a hca role in a maternity unit get experience of the pace and environment
So say you do pursue this job,Whilst your out working unsocial hours as a doula who’ll be looking after your own kids?

As a matter of interest, when you are folowing a MW as part of the doula training, do you seek consent from every woman you are likely to observe?

Toads-even the trainee midwives with the midwives ask every single time for consent so I would imagine that it’s standard to.

Not rtf but

There is definitely a gap in the market for non woo doulas

I had one and she was great. Not woo. Just experienced and ... there

Tbh I hardly noticed her but my husband did and he was very grateful

Who are these woo doulas? I 've never heard of them. I've just heard of normal doulas.

@LipstickHandbagCoffee the Doula training is part of a degree, so it’ll be a year long course, with observations as part of that. The whole point of a Doula is that it is not a medical role, so I can’t see how being an HCA would help. I think what’s pretty clear from other posters is the value of a Doula is in their empathy and support, alongside their experience, none of which you’re going to learn in a classroom, so I’m sure 2 day’s training is fine for lots of people.
And not that my childcare is at all your worry but we have it covered, thank you.

And yes @ToadsforJustice every woman I would encounter has to consent, as Pink has said.

I had a doula for my first and would do again. My doula was brilliant, with non of the hocus pocus stuff.

Hired the doula because we don’t have any family nearby, dh and I tend to be quite busy so extra pair of hands and eyes is good, good to have impartial/ knowledgeable people around with baby, extra support etc.

Had doula for 3 months in the end, it was sad to see her go. We still see ourselves socially and she is a part of the family. Love her to bits really, would hire her as nanny in a heartbeat

I don't get why Lipstick keeps arguing the point that doulas aren't medically trained and therefore aren't necessary.
So many women on this thread have explained exactly what a doula has done for them and that they knew they weren't hiring a medical professional and that that's exactly what they wanted.
How is this hard to understand? OP doesn't want to be a MW or an HCA.