Would you have a Doula?

[InMemoryOfSleep]

I’m considering training as a Doula, and I’m interested to know people’s reasons for choosing to have one (or not!). Is cost a factor? Also, do people find it a bit ‘woo’?! One of the issues I had when searching for a Doula locally is that the few available offer things like shamanic healing, placenta encapsulation, etc, which is just not for me . I wondered if there is a place for a sensible, supportive birth Doula, without the new age approach, or is that missing a vital part of what the role is about?

I never considered it for my first birth but if I have more DC I'll definitely look into it. I can totally see how they could add value, having been through the process once. I wouldn't be interested in one of the more woo/new agey ones but it would be nice to have someone experienced and knowledgeable there who could advocate for me.

DH was great but I think it's unfair to expect partners to provide too much support during birth tbh. How are they supposed to know what to do/say? If I were a man attending the birth of my first child I suspect I'd be pretty bamboozled by it all!

@formerbabe why intrusive? A Doula meets a client several times before the birth, they don’t just rock up on the day, so you would know them quite well

Yes of course I know that would happen. It just is a very intimate time...and I can't imagine bonding with someone enough to want them there.

Anyway, it's all academic for me as I'm definitely not having anymore children!

Doula can't do anything other than moral support - but I'd rather have a known person do that (family/ friend / partner) not a total stranger.

This was my attitude with my first birth, but in practice DH was too scared and stressed to be as much moral support as I’d have liked. I was worried about him through a lot of it! Not to blame him, things were scary for a while (all fine in the end), but I would go with a doula as well next time just to have someone staying calm who wasn’t personally involved.

January, doula trained with a certifying organisation, they have a rigorous 2 day, 20 hour training and then I have to take a test every year to re-certify too

Umm,I had longer training for a new IT programme in work,and had A test too

Do you really think 2 day is intensive training? It isn’t,really it doesn’t begin to be rigorous

I’m not disputing people found it rigorous, that doesn’t mean it is actually academically rigorous or professional leaning.

Doula as a job has no substantial evidentiary basis or professionalism. The woo aspects and the unregulated education really are cause for concern

I of course understand why some women seek out an another person to advocate for them,be a supporter. Childbirth is A significant life event and can feel overwhelming

I’ve used them twice. I don’t do woo and I wouldn’t expect medical knowledge. I would expect advocacy and reassurance and continuity.

One emcs and one home birth and both were well worth having a doula around.

I would. Not a "woo" one though.
I get they aren't trained etc but my midwife was, and she was shit. So yeah anything would be better than that.

Personally I wouldn't. If my husband couldn't be there, I'd prefer it was just me and the midwife. I wouldn't have anyone else.

Sounds to me like a doula just acts as a very experienced birth partner so sound like a good idea to me

DD1 hired a doula when her DC2 was born and I couldn’t help as I was having chemo. I had no idea what a doula was.
Her doula came the day after the birth and did everything she could to help the family. Shopping, cooking, washing, just what I would have done. My DD hired her for six weeks and it was money well spent.

Yes. I don’t see them as clinical (and neither do they claim to be!) but that is part of the appeal. Someone to be there and relieve my husband so he could be with our son, someone to advocate for me and be less emotionally attached, someone to be a constant-all positives.

Would not consider a male doula and would prefer not to have a male midwife.

@starlightmeteorlight thanks for the reply most opinions seem to slate the idea of male doula and in some male midwife! Midwife (male or female) are under so much pressure on delivery suites dealing with multiple mums at the same time in different stages of labour imo a doula supporting the mother from start to finish can only be a good thing consistency and support during what can be traumatic time.
As for midwives being medics ? Yes they are they are Autonomous Practitioners and don't get the credit deserved for the responsibility they hold in their skills , both female and male ! There are many female midwives who have not had children so don't they understand childbirth ? Isn't childbirth like any pain / trauma and individual experience? I thought we were past sexism in 2018 obviously not.

Thomas no one is slating male midwives or doulas. This isn't about sexism. Childbirth is a very vulnerable time. You are very exposed, physically and mentally. Many women prefer to be supported and assisted by their own gender. This is an emotional need, and women should be respected in that.

I had a male midwife. I was not given a choice and when he walked into the room I was very taken aback. There is no way I would have complained, I recognised he was a professional, there to help me, and I was grateful for that. He was also amazing, and kind, and I recommend him to everyone. The fact is, had I been given a choice (as is the case when interviewing a doula) I would have opted (perhaps wrongly) for a woman.

ThomasD women who accept male midwives usually do on the grounds that they are trained HCP's. Doulas don't come into that category.
I wouldn't want a doula of either sex, but a male doula would be the very last person I would want. That's because the only males I would be comfortable with in that situation is a)my partner and b)HCP's (if absolutely necessary). Now obviously I can't speak for every woman, but I do have a sneaky suspicion that I'm not alone there.
Hope that clarifys things for you.

I thought we were past sexism in 2018 obviously not.
Just noticed this little gem. Accepting or refusing personal and intimate care is exempt from the equalities act, therefore not sexist. It's a thing called 'bodily autonomy'.
Hopefully your male partner doesn't share your attitude on this matter, given that he was a midwife.

Thomas it is not sexist to have a gender preference.and the individual request should be honoured were possible
Can you understand maternal preference,culture, experience can guide gender preference
And it’s a bit disingenuous that you’re tutting about so called sexism because you got an opinion about male doula
Childbirth is personal and intimate and women are perfectly entitled to have a preference

I had a doula. She was highly trained and very sensible. There was not a bit of app about her however she supported women in their choices. You'd be a fool to hire an untrained doula. But surely you check in the quality of any person you hire. In my experience they offer fantastic support during the birth and post natal. First birth she was wayyy more useful than my partner and kept me calm. She was a constant presence and not a random midwife. Second birth she was most helpful after the birth as she took care of my older child so DH could stay longer with me.

It would be a cold day in hell before I'd have chosen a male doula, though. I can't imagine there's much call for one.

Highly trained doula?thats an oxymoron

I've had a doula twice (different doulas because first doula moved away).

I'm definitely not woo in any way. One of my doulas was a bit but was totally fine that I wasn't really interested. The other wasn't woo at all. I don't think people would assume you'd be into anything 'alternative' and there are a lot of people out there who, like me, just wanted a second 'experienced' birth partner and didn't really give a monkey's about the placenta, essential oils etc, but lot of people might so I reckon anything extra you offer would be another string to your bow.

Re: cost. I think it depends. A lot of doulas offer reduced rates. I was a bit shocked when I heard ours charged nearly a grand but she basically said 'how much can you afford' and she did us a deal. Second time round I actually used someone who was part way through their doula course and wanted to do a few births as practice, so that was very good value.

To be honest, I think you either need to be doing it for the love of it or live in a pretty wealthy area where people will be happy to shell out for the cost of it. When you think you're basically on call for four weeks at a time and can only have one client on call at that time, you do need to be charging a reasonable amount to make it worth it.

Good luck with it anyway, OP. Sounds very exciting!

OP, I've just been looking at the birth options in our local area. The birth centres all have this statement in relation to doulas:

"If you use a doula or alternative practitioner, you will need to supply evidence of their role to the birth centre"

I'm not clear from this if this is just "what the doula does vs. what the midwife / birth partner does" or whether it's more about their capacity to practice and therefore gain the right to be included. I get the impression you can't just rock up with your doula and the baby's father.

How have people found the hospital staff react to doulas if you've had one - are they always this suspicious?

That’s not suspicious it’s simply good clinical management & clinical governance
Risk management is a tenet of clinical governance, and part of that is knowing whom will be attending a birth and in what capacity
Doulas have no registration,no statutory responsibilities. However Trained staff do have duty to maintain safe environment that includes knowing who is whom,and in what capacity people are attending

Thomas I actually find it really odd that men want to be midwives in the first place let alone doulas.

Thomas- don't even go there with the sexism card. This is a perfect example of a man trying to push himself in a very female domain then getting all huffy when he can do what he wants. Male entitlement yet again.

Do you similarly find it odd that there are male obstetricians and gynaecologists?

Yeah I do actually. I have been thinking about it and I do find it odd that some men choose jobs that are solely about women's reproduction.