'things no one tells you when you have a baby’

[JustCatMumAtTheMo]

Anything.. pregnancy/birth/once the babies here.. I've read some incredibly funny stories... let's hear yours?

rents I’ve never heard anyone else talk about sudden depression before your first period after birth. First time I felt almost suicidal, second time I was so angry I shouted at a complete stranger and then lay on the ground and had a panic attack when I was out with both children. Only lasted about a week and then I was back to normal but it was awful.

You go through weird phases of... oh my god we made a wonderful miracle... it's perfect.

To... oh fuck what did we do... I wonder if I left it at the bus station anyone would notice.

That if you don't get dressed first thing, you'll still be in pjs when your husband gets home from work.

That the number of stitches they’re giving you might be the only explanation you get on your tear.

I had 2 stitches and simply couldn’t understand the level of discomfort I was in 2 weeks post birth, was convinced I had an infection.

A trip to the gp revealed I’d had 2 stitches for a second degree tear which meant it had gone into the muscle.

If I had known that I’d have known what to expect more and therefore wouldn’t have found it worrying if you see what I mean?

Oh - that no matter how much you love your tiny new baby, if you have had a day during which you have not seen another adult except say, in a shop behind the till, when your husband arrives home you will be ready to throw the baby at him for an hour on your own.

I had a summer baby and would go and sit in the garden for an hour whilst he spent time with her and would then go back inside and be ready to interact like a normal adult again

Oh - that no matter how much you love your tiny new baby, if you have had a day during which you have not seen another adult except say, in a shop behind the till, when your husband arrives home you will be ready to throw the baby at him for an hour on your own.

And if he says he's held up or has to work late you will start plotting a death George R R Martin would wince at.

@TheNecroscope yes to the weird let down sensations. Also that you will continue to get random letdown when you are out, even back at work, if you talk about/think about/show pictures of any baby not just your own. Breast pads are your friend

That when you have a newborn, you will look at mum's of babies older than yours and be painfully jealous that they are closer than you are to a full night's sleep, some kind of routine, and seem to have their shit together...

Only to then later realise that they probably didn't have their shit together at all, and babies of all ages are challenging tiny dictators who run your life in one way or another.

Mothers instinct is a real thing, trust it. And some doctors are utterly fabulous and help your baby to be happy again, but some can be complete arseholes who make you feel like a freaked out mother.

Sometimes, funnily enough, an unhappy baby doesn't have 'just colic'. They have a serious milk allergy. Sometimes you have to go back time and time again so they finally listen to you. Keep going back, don't feel like you are crazy and have your tiny baby suffer for it. Request a different doctor. Take videos on your phone and use them as evidence that a head to toe rash and swollen eyes and lips accompanied by horrific screams and vomiting and boody poo when they feed isn't feckin colic!!! Then watch them 'google' the symptoms and say 'oh yes you're right my computer tells me it may be a milk allergy just like you said'.

Trust your instincts because they are right! Do your research and go in prepared. You know your baby better than any doctor. Persistence is key.

Can you tell I've just been through this?? And i'm still bitter??!!

Then give yourself a break cos mums are awesome and get shit done!

That you'll never get used to the lack of sleep,well I didn't anyway

That if you have a girl they can have vaginal bleeding in their first week and that this is totally normal - might be an idea to share that one!

That both your DC pooping while still inside you is a black mess.

For me, childbirth was a million times worse than I had ever imagined it would be. It still makes me queasy to think about it.

Labour kind of feels like throwing up, or needing to poo really urgently. The same feeling of being overcome by bodily processes you have no control over.

That babies change all the time! Don't show off about your good sleeper - give it a few months and it'll be a different story. But don't despair - a few months more and they'll be much better!

I didn't realise that having a newborn would make me a bit crazy. I remember my husband telling me to sleep - but I couldn't sleep, because the baby might stop breathing, and if anything happened to the baby I would die. So he was being completely unreasonable because clearly being exhausted was better than being dead.

I didn't realise that an experience could be so hard, but also be so brilliant and beautiful at the same time.

That all those doom and gloom statements about how you won't know what hit you and how hard it is aren't true for everyone.

And that people who had an easier time, or easier experiences in certain areas, don't tend to share those experiences as often as the difficult experiences are shared. Either out of consideration for those struggling, or for fear of being accused as smug or a liar.

That even the hard times aren't as you imagine, it's different doing hard things for love rather than obligation.

That it isn't the big stuff that's hard because you expect it to be. Nobody ever said a supermarket trip with a breastfed 3 day old baby was meant to be easy so it's something you work round. But little things like needing to pop to the corner shop for milk can take you by surprise when they suddenly involve the difficulty of feeding, dressing, changing, feeding again, outdoor suit, change nappy again, bundle into pram, realise it's heavy rain, bundle into car seat, take out of car seat & feed again, put back in outdoor suit and car seat, dash to car, smash elbows trying to belt seat in, drive to shop, undo car seat, buy milk, car seat back in car, drive home, sort baby, and so on. All for what previously was a 3 minute errand.

I think it was the freedom of doing little things like putting the bins out or using the corner shop when I wanted that took me by surprise, caring for a baby alongside the bigger parts of my life fitted in pretty easily.

That some labours just don’t start slowly. My waters broke snd then 20 hours later my contractions started and were instantly powerful and 3-4 mins apart. Stayed this way for 24 hours.

That some women vomit with every contraction in labour. I vomited with every contraction for 24 hours.

That with some vaginal tears you can’t sit down for 3 weeks after birth. Not that it’s a bit sore, that you can’t actually sit down. Even at 3 weeks I was balancing on one butt cheek .

That post birth poo, with a tear.

That you can desperately want to breastfeed, and succeed, but discover you actually hate it snd then find yourself stuck bf for 6 months. Hating it. I never ever got used to the dribbling milk out of my boobs, soaking through breast pads, getting blocked ducts, hating the tingly feeling of let down, never being able to pass LO to someone else to feed. I thought I’d love it snd it would be a bonding experience. I HATED it. Still did it with number two but introduced a bottle of expressed milk early!

That you can love your baby fiercely and still want to scream when you hear them wake up.

That although Caesarian section feels like the thing you really want to avoid at all costs, in fact it could be the better option in some cases. I LOVED my Caesarian second time. And recovered in under 2 weeks.

So glad I don’t have to do all that again snd can now enjoy my children!

When you spend all day with a baby, and your husband comes home at night, you will look at his freakishly huge head and wonder if he is an alien, because only looking at newborn sized humans all day resets your idea of what proportions are normal

Yes! I remember looking at DH and asking him why he’s head was so massive! Even the cat turned into a freakishly large lion overnight

That as hard as it might seem the first time around you'll sometimes yearn for those "easy" days when you have twins the second time!

That nothing compares to the shoulder and back pain caused by trapped wind after a c section.

When giving birth, your perinium feels as though it’s burning as it’s stretched so tightly. I tore both times, and my ds’s were just over 7 lbs each.

The first few weeks/months are so all earth shatteringly exhausting that you won’t know what day it is.

Your baby may sleep a lot, or be one which doesn’t. It’s pot luck (I had one of each).

The initial ‘grab’ when your baby first latches on hurts like fuck. But it lasts a couple of seconds, then goes. Sometimes you can feel the let down reflex which is pretty weird.

Always wear breast pads, unless you like the feeling of soggy tits and clothes.

Stretchy, easily washed clothes for you and your baby will make your like easier eg, have a bath, put on clean clothes, feel slightly human. The baby will either wee, poo or sick on you. And you have to wash and change your clothes. And put on yet another wash load.

Babies usually wee when you take their nappies off. It’s the cool air. And boys can wee in your face.

The first few days of baby poo’s are very dark, due to mechonium. It’s only when the milk starts to go through that it changes.

You may or may not love your baby straight away. It’s not important. That will come later.

Sometimes they cry for no apparent reason. And it’s piercing.

Try to enjoy some of it. Those are the bits you’ll remember. Everything else will become a blur.

I thought they feed/ nappy changes just 3xday

That not all babies sleep peacefully in the car or pram...some babies scream in both no matter what you do.

That getting a baby to nap can actually be very very hard...and putting them down once asleep can be impossible.

That everyday isn't allways smiles and joy...and you have bad days (at least once a week in my case).

That some family members can be so excited about a new baby they forget that you've just given birth (some may be traumatic, some may end in surgery) and will visit when you don't want them too and expect cups of tea when really they should be making it for you!!!

Sometimes they cry for no apparent reason. And it’s piercing.

Nothing in the world will ever be as loud and piercing as your own baby's cry. But it genuinely isn't as loud to other people. You're like a penguin listening out for your baby's special call; all the other penguins can hear it but aren't listening or offended and certainly aren't judging you.

I used to feel like the whole building was reverberating when my baby was crying. Other people in the room wouldn't even necessarily notice that he was crying at all!

Buy yourself a piles cushion in advance!!

You can poo when giving birth.

I wish I'd have been warned that...

I would walk like a cowboy for a good ten days post birth, and something as simple as a short walk down the street in the first week led to extra bleeding

That I wouldn't have any sensation down there for the first 48 hours due to swelling and bruising. That urine would just fall out of me (I know that's not normal!)

That my toes would actually hurt from curling them when he first latched on. For many weeks. That nipples could bleed and make your baby look like a lion eating a gazelle in the Serengeti

Oh the period pains when feeding for a few days

The night sweats! That was a shocker. That I would have to sleep on a muslin as I'd wake up literally covered in sweat and milk

That I'd get immense satisfaction from clearing snotty nostrils (this used to repel me)

That my day can be made by a fart, burp or a big nostril-clearing sneeze from baby (don't even get me started on the glorious days where we have a hat trick). That I could spend an inordinate amount of time discussing this with DH

That poos can and do go up the back or fill the leg of a baby grow

That I may never watch a tv show in less than 7 hours, or read a book again

That I would do the opposite of everything I thought I'd do parenting wise before I was pregnant. I used to roll my eyes at "overly sensitive" mums. I cried when he had his vaccines and I am closer to attachment parenting than I ever thought I would be. I made so many blase plans when I was pregnant that involved getting grandparents to babysit. Now the idea of actually leaving him overnight fills me with fear and horror!!!