Would you have your mum at your birth?

[BrollyDolly]

Just that really?
People find it weird that I don't want my mum there with me?!
Am I the only one who thinks it's abnormal to want your mum there?

Christ no! She came to the hospital when I had suspected appendicitis and was a nightmare. As it was, the birth ended up being traumatic so the last thing I would have needed was her there.

What George said

OP, sounds like your mum would not be a good birthing partner. You need someone you can trust, who would be useful and supportive. Labour is not a spectator sport, if you don't want her there, don't have her.

And congratulations on your pregnancy.

OP, your mother sounds awful - I'm so sorry she treats you that way FWIW I think you are absolutely right not to want her at the birth and I think you need to limit the amount you discuss the pregnancy and birth with her, and the amount of time you spend with her.
Have you ever seen the Stately Homes thread? You might get some good advice and support there.
Anyway, I'm really glad you have a supportive friend who is going to antenatal classes and will be with you for the birth It's a bit cheesy but I really do believe in the saying "friends are the family we choose for ourselves"

I had my mum there when DD was born. She was absolutely amazing. I'd have two birth partners any day of the week. DM will hopefully have DD for me when we have DC2 so I'd like to ask DSis to be my birth partner as she'd be just as brilliant if she wanted to do it.

That'll teach me to post after reading the first page only, OP I'm sorry she treats you that way and I'm glad you have someone supportive to be with you

My DM was my birthing partner (baby's father is a waste of space) and was absolutely fantastic. It went on for days and I don't know what I'd have done without her there! She was very calm and reassuring when I was insisting that I was not pushing a baby out
She did say that watching me go through it was harder than all 4 of her labours altogether

The whole way through my pregnancy with DD I was adamant that I only wanted DH there. That changed once I was in labour!! It was a bit of a rush once we got to the hospital so my mum stayed with me while DH ran to car etc. If it hadn't been so rushed I probably would have been OK with just DH. she was a godsend directly after though. Helped me to the toilet and shower when I was still shaky and midwife had buggered off somewhere (DH was with baby).

I'm due no2 in 3 months. Depending on when I go into labour DD will be looked after by my dad or sister, and I will have my DH and mum at the hospital. If that's not possible though I will at least want my mum at hospital ASAP after the birth. It will be nice if she is there though - she will make sure my birth plan is stuck to as much as possible. DH bless him looked a little overwhelmed last time and it looked like he had forgot everything we discussed!! He might be better this time round though

OP given your relationship with your mum is would say you're completely right not to have your mum with you during childbirth. If she's not supportive in pregnancy then I doubt she would be much help while you're in labour.

I think it's lovely that your friend is wanting to do this with you. I'd much rather have people with me than anyone who feels obligated or that they have a right to be there.
I'd have your friend with you, and have your dad as the first visitor

If I had a more supportive, grounded, useful mum, then maybe I would have.
I love my mum, and she is very kind, and wants thy best for me, but always needs so much looking after, and make every situation about herself. Also she is not very worldly or wise, and gets in a panic about most things.
So no, not for me.

Nope. Nope, nope, nope, all the nope. I love my mother dearly but she's the last person I'd want around me at such a private, painful, undignified, stressful time. She'd probably laugh at me for making a fuss

The one and only person I'd let see me in such a vulnerable position is DH. And the midwife, of course

I had my mum at my birth best thing I ever done!
So I would say defo yes on having your mum at your birth but depends on some people's relationships. So if not your mum at least someone close to you x

It certainly wasn't part of the plan that I was by my DDs side when she gave birth but it happened and we're both so glad.

Definitely not

Just read your further posts. So sorry your mum and sister treat you this way. It sound like you need some less toxic people in your life, and much less contact with your family. And in know it's hard, but really lowering your expectations will b help. Don't expect any proper help from your mum when the baby arrives, then if she chooses to Get nvolved it will be a bonus.
If you have anxiety, look into Hypno birthing, it really helped me.

Best of luck op, and congratulations on your pregnancy

Not a chance! I'm pregnant and she called today to offer, so it's on my mind. She thinks we're close (we're not), makes everything about herself, suffers from anxiety and is a bit of a martyr, so if I did let her "help" she'd be telling the rest of the family that I couldn't cope without her, for the next few years.

DH's mum, my lovely auntie, my cousin with two toddlers have also offered (they're all abroad) and really anyone would be better than my mum.

No but her best friend has been at all of her grandchildren's births and found it strange that I didn't ask my mum.
Same way I wouldn't want mil there.

ok, so, different situation for you, but, to answer your original question, and query over whether it was weird to feel that way......

No, I wouldn't / didn't want anyone else at the birth of any of my dc, except dh. It is a very, very personal thing. A massive moment in a relationship. I could never understand, when watching OBEM, why so many of the people had their Mums - or, in many cases, a whole troop of people with them at the birth.

To be fair they have a TV crew in there so they're not the type to mind having an audience

My dm was with me during dd section. Xh was with one of his many floozies.

I find have your mum their a bit weak... It's a moment between a couple... If I was alone I would have preferred a friend.
If you need your mum their your not grown up enough to have a baby....

What a nasty, judgemental thing to say.

Andcake- Such a weird thing to say

Never in a million years.

I'd love it if dd wanted me though but would never request or push for it.