Childbirth- what is the most painful part?

[Baffers100]

Hi Ladies,

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, and am trying to prepare myself for childbirth although it seems a long way off. I've not got much of a pain threshold and have always thought labour would be terrifying.

I fancy the idea of a birthing pool, and am also tempted to try and tens machine for the early stages.

I was just wondering which bit is the most painful? Is it your cervix dilating, or physically pushing the baby out? Or it all pretty horrendous?

Thanks :)

I'm another one who doesn't buy this fear/pain connection entirely.

With my first I had the easiest pregnancy in the world, I positively looked forward without fear to the birth - turned out to be back to back 3 day labour with horrendous forceps delivery complete with 3rd degree tear, damaged bladder etc. Forceps (and back pain) way the worst of the experience.

Second time around I was bloody petrified. Turned out to be a normal anterior presentation, short 11 hour labour - not even gas and air - and no stitches. Could have done it 10 times like that.

Absolutely no connection between fear and pain levels in my case.

Plus the difference in putting up with contractions for just 11 hours as opposed to 3 days full on.

There is a subtle difference between fear and crippling anxiety. Fear is a normal emotion and it only become a problem if it controls your entire life. A healthy level of fear keeps us alive, anxiety prevents someone from functioning. Ask anyone who has a severe phobia or some form of OCD.

What I have written applies to lots of areas of life. Fear is something to be controlled rather than extinuished or allowed to take over.

Thanks Goo but I think I'll take my chances with the epidural this week...it can't be any worse than my first labour! Second labour was fine but I still had a tear and I think panicking at the pushing stage didn't help. If I'm not feeling any pain down there at that point, I suspect I will cope better with my breathing being more controlled for the big pushing stage...

I don't think hearing bad stories is an entirely terrible thing. There are things which I wish I'd known as i would have done things differently. I wouldn't have accepted the drip without an epidural and I wouldn't have stayed on my back (which made back to back labour worse) just to make their lives easier (the monitor slipped when I moved-the mw could/should have just held it in position during contractions).

Yes, this. My first labour wasn't dissimilar, longer duration but smaller head, and I wish I'd known how the waters going early with a back to back baby was likely to go. I wish I'd known that means it's more likely to be a long one, and to insist on an epidural being placed before syntocin. That isn't a horror story. It's information that women would do well to be armed with just as much as techniques for pain management.

OP Nicky and I had the sort of labour that tends to make contractions particularly painful, so worth being aware of that if you do have a back to back baby. Especially if your waters go early in the process, which they often do in that situation.

Agree with what a lot of others have said, the thought of childbirth at 16 weeks is much different to 36,37,38 weeks! I had my first 7 weeks ago and have terrible pain threshold, but honestly, it wasn't that bad (and I had a back to back baby and a 2nd degree tear too!) I thought the worst bit would be when the head comes out, but it wasn't. Yes it stung a bit, but that was it. The contractions were also painful, yes, I had gas and air. But they were manageable. When you are first in labour you are thinking about them, but the further along you get when they are actually painful, you stop thinking about it and your body takes over. In the early stages I did a lot of breathing. I found it helped to be on all fours, as it was worse lying down (think gravity!). I think it is purely the fear of the unknown. Childbirth itself was difficult, but not impossible, and not agonising. I found the recovery much harder but that's cos I had complications. I did antenatal yoga which I would definitely recommend as it really helped me to focus on breathing through and staying calm. Good luck, I am sure you will be just fine :)

Didn't answer the question though - the worst part for me was not pushing. I had the urge to push at 8cm due to the back to back presentation. Having the urge and resisting it was really the hardest/most painful part. It was such a relief when they said I was fully dilated and could go ahead and push! But this doesn't happen in the normal course of events so I wouldnt dwell on it

I didn't get my epidural in the end. Got to labour ward just in time, and in five contractions my baby was born. Had to puff madly on that gas & air though!

15 minutes was all it took! Was in complete shock at the sheer speed of it all, tbh.

I had an epidural at 6cm. I only had pain at midnight which was like period pain cramping that came in waves every 4 minutes, totally managable I was convinced I wasnt in labour as it wasnt as painful as I had expected. at 4.30 we went to hospital as it was getting a bit more intense and I had a show, i hated the bath, anything where i was lying down hurt more, but always totally managable and I have a low pain threshold. I got to hospital at 5am, had an epidural at 5.30 and ds born at 9. Honestly i wouldnt worry about the labour its afterwards I would be focused on as I had an episiotomy and weeing and good lord the number 2s, take plenty of water wipes and things to help with the afterwards pain of sitting and moving around. I wish i had thought about it in advance, I too focussed on gd and bad labour stories which were very beneficial mine was very straightforward but the 6 weeks afterwards you will be sore and bloody if you tear or have an episitomy whls tlooking after a small person so have lots and lots of thick pads, comfy knickers and leggings.

To some extent, I think it depends on your personal experience and your mental state at the time. Wih DS1, I was really psyched up for labour and managed the early pain easily. By day two, though, I was exhausted and feeling a sense of failure, do the later stages were much more painful. I ended up with complications at the end, and memories of the pain are overwhelming. With DS2, I was anxious at the start, but things were quick and smoother , so I felt really positive when I got to the pushing stage. Despite some complications, I don't recall it being too painful, and DS is only two weeks old.

Given the association between pain and fear, have you considered doing classes to help you relax? We found Hypnobirthing good, but others do antenatal yoga etc. all worth a try.

For me it was the last few contractions before I was fully dilated. I didn't find pushing painful, just like doing the world's biggest poo. I highly recommend 'Birth Skills' by Juju Sundin, I didn't get any pain relief but my birth was fine and I put that down to this amazing book.

At 16 weeks childbirth seems worse than at 40 weeks. By 40 weeks you'll be feeling so fat and fed up, the prospect of labour won't seem so bad . But since you asked, it was different for me with all 5 of mine.

DS1: crowning, like pouring cement up your bum, waiting for it to set and then trying to poo (not that I've done that!)

DS2: transition.

DS3: none of it was particularly painful, I've had worse periods to be honest

DS4: Walking to NICU the day after my C-section. Worse pain than labour.

DS5: Between the decision to do an emcs and the spinal going in. They took the gas and air off me so the pain suddenly got worse. Also from then on I knew that the pain was pointless as I was going to have a C-section anyway. Before that it was painful but there was a purpose to it if that makes sense.

The last 2 hours before I had the epidural! Midwife told me to push when I wasn't dilated enough - didn't know this at the time, only found out after an hour of pushing when there was a shift change. They told me to 'resist' pushing on each contraction, and "we'll pop in a drip, it'll speed things up and you'll be ready to push in an hour". Yeah, fuck that for a game of soldiers, I wasn't in control of the pushing at that point, my body was doing it for me. I asked hollered the place down until I got one for an epidural at the point they mentioned drip, and finally got one after 2 more hours of 'resisting' and howling. I wouldn't let them turn on a drip with synto until that point.

After that things were lovely. Slept for an hour, they woke me up to push, and she was out in 20 minutes.

If there's a next time, it'll be epidural as soon as I'm allowed one.

Oh, and like lots of people say above:

a) by 42 weeks (which I was at), you'll be DESPERATE for it all to start, and much less scared of it all.
b) for the vast majority of people, the birth bit sort of fades into insignificance. It's hard to believe when you're pregnant, but it's true.

For me it was the last contractions that took me from 8-10cm. I passed out from the pain (and came round saying "please don't wake me up - it doesn't hurt when I'm asleep").
On the plus side I had no pain from crowning at all despite a second degree tear. Stitching and examinations were painless too. It seems like it really varies.

It totally varies from labour to labour. With DC1, pushing was the worst part, but even that was fine - I didn't need gas and air. The most painful bit was actually afterwards, learning to breastfeed, and having a small tear that didn't heal well.

With DC 2, it was uncomfortable rather than painful until the last 45 minutes (dilating, transition and 12 minutes of pushing), which were probably the second most painful experience of my life. I didn't need gas and air, but the pool was a huge relief and made it all bearable. Also, my body made some kind of amazing natural pain relief stuff which felt like I imagine heroin feels like - I was sort of aware that it hurt, but I was too high to care. I spent a year desperate for another baby so I could do childbirth again and feel the high.

My labours were straightforward and uncomplicated, but I also think that hypnosis and feeling comfortable, secure and able to move freely really helped. I had an independent midwife for my second baby, and she told me that she had only ever transferred one person to hospital just for pain relief - when the women were able to get on with stuff in peace in an environment where they felt safe, bad pain was generally an indication that more intervention might be needed.

So I highly reccomend hypnobirthing or natal hypnotherapy. I know that friends who have had much less straightforward labours have found them helpful, too.

I may be repeating what previous posters have said as I have not read all the replies so far but would urge you not to worry about which bit might hurt the most as it will change from woman to woman and labour to labour.

It will hurt to a degree as you are using a part of your body you don't usually but it is manageable, through mental focus, environment (water birth, positions etc) and/or drugs

I've done it 3 times now so it didn't put me off, I think the worst part is that is is unknown to you and can understand why you are asking the question.

For me the actual pushing was the least painful but because although I could feel it stretching I could also feel that the baby was coming and that meant I was not focused on the pain but the end result.

I did find that walking around helped, both to speed things up and also a more upright position worked for me, DC3 didn't wait for me to get back on the bed and I ended up bent over hands on DHs shoulders and the midwife playing catch behind me. I think this position allowed my body to do what it wanted and was therefore less painful than lying down would have been.

Enjoy your pregnancy and baby when s/he is here.

Pushing was okay, and I don't remember crowning... I found the contractions the worst, but that may be because the end goal seems like a long way off...

If it helps to reassure you, I'm not alone in finding the first 16 weeks of pregnancy far, far worse than childbirth itself. Morning sickness is far more of an incentive never to have another baby than labour, in my opinion.

The contractions before my boy arrived, he was on his way out on the 5th contraction after having my waters broke. I didn't have pain relief and was in the pool, it got to the point I asked for any drug but wasn't allowed anything. The pushing part I think was more soothing, it was a relief knowing the pain was almost over. Water definitely helps with the pain

First baby was getting to 4cm, after that it was ok. She was back to back. Then the crowning was pretty sore but not as bad as the early labour. Dd1 came out sunny side up and with elbow around neck.

Dd2 it was probably transition stage. Crowning didn't hurt that badly but thing being in pool helped.

I reccomend hypnobirthing and some books on birth. (Positive birth stories) Active birth class are good and I also recommend pregnancy yoga! The teacher will usually talk a bit about birthing anyway.

I wouldn't describe it as pain. I just thought it was intense. Wisdom teeth recovery after removal (general anaesthetic for 3 teeth) was much more painful. I have had a biopsy and that was more painful.

Well done for trying to prepare yourself! It can really help if you spend a bit of time now finding out about birthing.

The shoulders.

Omg!!! Also the other thing that people tend not to talk about is perennial massage. You can't do it until much later on (30 something weeks). My friend used YouTube. I read descriptions about it. People tend not to talk about it though!!!!!

Perenial massage!!!
Sorry, autocorrect.