Childbirth- what is the most painful part?

[Baffers100]

Hi Ladies,

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, and am trying to prepare myself for childbirth although it seems a long way off. I've not got much of a pain threshold and have always thought labour would be terrifying.

I fancy the idea of a birthing pool, and am also tempted to try and tens machine for the early stages.

I was just wondering which bit is the most painful? Is it your cervix dilating, or physically pushing the baby out? Or it all pretty horrendous?

Thanks :)

I'm not typical. For me the most painful part of my first labou rwas actually pre-labour, at 3cm. Not progressing, they broke my waters. OMFG the pain after that, but he was posterior, big headed and big overall and crushing nerves in the pelvis. Established labour wa actually less painful once those nerves conked out from the prolonged pressure. THAT WON'T BE YOU.

For my second baby, the last hour of contractions were the most intense and painful. Crowning didnt hurt but i was in a birth pool so maybe thats why. He was 8lb 8 oz..

The mw continually pushing absorbant dressing into the v of my 2nd deg tear to stop the bleeding was the least pleasant part.

I don't even really know.

The contractions hurt, of course they do, they hurt like fuck, but it's a productive pain.

I had incredibly bad back pain that was horrendous, I couldn't lie down to be examined without crying.

And then the injections for the local anaesthetic right before my episiotomy were brutal as well.

So I would actually say they were the worst bits. Because although the contractions were awful, they brought my baby out

With my first baby, transition was the worst bit, but that didn't last for very long. Didn't have this with DS2 & 3.
Contractions were mostly like bad period pains, only more intense, and pushing felt like trying to poo a melon! All bearable for me, no pain relief needed.
I felt the thing was to get mentally on top of it, to be able to concentrate without interruption. It worked for me, I know not everyone had such a positive experience. I was told to enjoy it by an experienced midwife acquaintance, and I did.

Thanks FocusFocu- I'v downloaded some books by the authors you have recommended to my kindle and will read those (as well as a hypno-birthing thing book as this seems up my street). I totally agree with everything you've said- thanks for the advice.

I recommend you buy Marie Mongans Hypnobirthing book from Amazon. My labours were manageable, and even quite enjoyable - and I had an 11lb-er!

I felt like I had a cross between period pains and the urge you get when you really need to open your bowels. I spent my whole 24 hour labour stood up. Most painful part for me was during the subsequent forceps delivery when they pulled my sons head out. The actual labour was just achey and like I really needed to poo. And the stitching after wasnt nice.

I just had G&A.

i never actually felt one contraction pain with my son. I don't feel contractions till my waters completely go and silently dilate instead. So with my eldest they went at 5cm and second it was 6cm and my son I woke up in the night with my body pushing rushed to hospital and gave birth straight away and the burst just as he was coming out. Was great but was hard work pushing him out as he was pretty big.

I found the contractions intense but gas and air helped loads and the crowning did sting but was over really quickly. It's a total different pain to anything I have experienced and does feel different to normal bad pain I think but it was really not as bad as I was expecting it to be.

The stitches after really hurt though until the doctor numbed the area properly!

Listen to FocusFocus. She talks sense. Thing is, by the crowning, you're almost done, almost there. I found listening to the midwives at that point very helpful; when to push, when to pant.

Truly, OP, you will be ok. It hurts, but it is manageable. And if it isn't, you can have an epidural.

I also recommend Gowri Motha's birth preparation CD which is very positive, and for my second birth, I also used her birth CD. (No time during 3rd birth!). She has a slightly bossy tone which I found strangely reassuring!

Hard to say. It depends on your body, your pelvis, the way the baby is lying. People feel it differently, and sometimes you have different pain tolerances for different areas of your body, iyswim? So for example I found contracting extremely painful, but the stitches barely bothered me afterwards. There are other women who feel the opposite. I don't mind toothache as much as most people, whereas there are people who think it's worse than labour. We're all so different. You might find you can bear pain in your back and stomach more easily than in your fanny, or vice versa!

I would say at this point, keep an open mind. You don't know how you're going to feel in five months. If you think you'd like to avoid an epidural, it's a good idea to research things like hypnobirthing and TENS. Try the TENS beforehand to see what you think of the sensation. I'd also point out that your body wasn't designed to give birth, rather it's the product of evolution. The reason I mention this is because there's a massive distinction between the two things. Evolution is about tradeoffs. Humans have evolved to have big heads for being clever with and relatively narrow pelvises for being quick runners with. Those things have led us to our current elevated position, but the downside is that it makes childbirth more difficult and painful for most of us than for other species. But the tradeoff is worth it in evolutionary terms. I found the whole process of birth easier to get my head round when I thought of it in this way. Best of luck.

Having DS stuck, back to back, being told not to push as the cord was round his neck. Those moments as they set up forceps were very painful. I agree that once the head was out it was a great relief then pop, out he came!

Contractions (induced) were not great but they come and go so prepare, cope and rest!

Sorry to say, but I was like Roly.

NOT saying that to scare you. With DD1 it meant I needed the drip and the drugs. With DD2 someone said "they don't tell you this but sometimes this is the worst part". And it was. Officially my active labour that time was about 20 minutes (though no internals and irregular contractions to delivery so that's a bit of a guess).

Oh the other thing I would say is don't assume one technique - eg hypnobirthing- will help you. It is better to have read up on a bag of tricks. Hypnotherapy was useless for me, but vocalising and various other things helped a lot. You don't want to go to pieces if the thing you relied on (whether hypnotherapy or an epidural ) doesn't work or isn't available at the point you reach your limits.

It just shows how everyone /every birth is different!

The episiotomy / local anaesthetic /having stitches for me were sore but ok - I wouldn't normally be keen on them but nothing when compared with contraction pains which were hard. The cliche about it all being worth it when baby is in your arms is so true.

But Yy asking people about the days after the birth eg stitches sore to sit on hard surface for 2-3 weeks, baby might vomit clear liquid in first 24 hours, baby may be very awake for 1 hour then sleep lots for 24 hours so feed asap and whenever it wakes - (if you are planning to breastfeed) (my advice! although some midwives encourage an early feed, my last midwife DC4 looked surprised that I would want to feed baby 30 mins after birth) etc

Also that I felt physically well at 41 weeks but still wanted to go into labour and so felt so positive about labour/delivery rather than something to dread I really wanted it to start!

Having the syntocin drip but being refused an epidural because I'd been in labour so long and was knackered, and thus, if I couldn't feel the pain, I wouldn't push my baby out.
I thought I was fucking dying with the contractions. Begged them to cut the baby out of me. Had episiotomy. Fucking brutal. Fanny was a train wreck afterwards. I'd need therapy if I ever have another baby.

Pombear's totally opposite view to mine about contractions vs stitches is a good example of the point I was making!

Cervical examination was the worst. Five times.

Contractions were honestly not that bad. 6 hours worth, managed to sleep in between. If it makes any sense, they are a muscular pain and more natural, whereas the cervical exam was just invasive and unnatural. Ugh.

P.S. Had c-section so didn't have to push/get to 10cms.

I would thoroughly recommending hypnobirthing - I did the Maggie Howell one.

I could have written your original post.

I am now writing this with my six week old on my lap

Contractions - painful, yes but remember they are not constant. There is a gap where they go away completely. This, to me, made them manageable. Concentrate on the gaps, don't think about the next contraction.

Tens machine - a huge yes from me! But you need to get it on early for it to be effective. Mine lost it's benefit when I was almost completely dilated.

Pushing - this was, to me, more intense but I could cope with this as it was shorter (less than 2 hours) and felt like I was achieving the end goal. My body took over and I just let it do it's thing.

Crowning - I didn't get the burn. However it did feel like my pelvis would split apart - I just trusted in my body to do its job and not actually crack under the pressure.

I remember someone telling me that we can cope with the pain because it is our body creating it and therefore it will not be more than you can bear. That plus - the point at which you think you can't cope is the worst the pain gets - kept me going.

Keeping relaxed was the best pain relief - that and gas and air! I loved it. Water was also surprisingly effective.

I didn't actually find the birth that bad. Afterwards though

Good luck!!

Personally, I didn't find the thing about your body not creating more pain than you could bear to be helpful. That wasn't my experience. However, it is useful for some women.

Also, it might help you to know that for many women, contractions are basically a turbo period pain. The same sensation, as the uterus is contracting, but obviously stronger as it's contracting harder eventually. It's a muscular pain.

If you think it is going to be painful then it will be.

I worked on visualisation techniques during 1st pregnancy - it certainly helped, also I went into it with a very positive attitude.
My recommendation would be to focus on that, I didn't take it as far or as seriously as I could have done. I didn't know about hypnobirthing then, but would definitely think about that if I were pregnant now.

I found crowning the worst. I would strongly recommend a TENS machine. I found it really helpful. I was 1-2cm the morning before DD was born. It was 1030pm before I was 3cm. I had the TENS machine on all day, which I felt really helped. The rest was pretty quick for me. I had DD at 502am. Transition sucked and I asked for pethadine, but that's only because I assumed I had hours to go yet and wanted to relax... However while the midwife was getting it I realised I needed to push! Didn't bother with the pethadine and wouldn't have asked had I realised how far along I was.
While the process is painful, I found it manageable because I knew why I was in pain. I think the fear (and pain) are worse in situations when you don't understand. Crowning sucks but it doesn't last long and the relief when it's done is immediate!

The recovery first poo after a forceps delivery was the worst bit for me

Liesel - me either. First time , three days in, I was in a lot more pain than I could cope with. That is why there are drugs! Next one nothing, third some gas and air.