Childbirth- what is the most painful part?

[Baffers100]

Hi Ladies,

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, and am trying to prepare myself for childbirth although it seems a long way off. I've not got much of a pain threshold and have always thought labour would be terrifying.

I fancy the idea of a birthing pool, and am also tempted to try and tens machine for the early stages.

I was just wondering which bit is the most painful? Is it your cervix dilating, or physically pushing the baby out? Or it all pretty horrendous?

Thanks :)

I'm a first timer, roly and I think it's best to hear all sides. Just hearing about the perfect births isn't much use to me - it's better to be unafraid but aware, I think.

My stance is that all births are different, that you can prepare to a degree but that a lot is down to individual positioning on the day. Knowing what you can control (your attitude) and what you can't (various positionings/complications) I find comforting. Sort of like ' the courage to change the things you can, accepting the things you can't and the wisdom to know the difference.' Focus sums it up very nicely above.

I wanted a natural birth, I'm probably going to have to have a c section. I've made my peace with that. We don't always get what we want, but if that's what's needed to get me and my baby through this alive and intact, I'm all for it.

Yes I think the better way to put it is that fear may make pain worse, but the absence of it certainly doesn't guarantee pain you are able to cope with.

Exactly this.

I wasn't scared at the thought of giving birth; I'd listened to some hypnobirthing stuff and felt confident in my body. It still hurt like fuck! And in fact there were times that I panicked and said I couldn't do it, and it was DH who got me back on track and reminded me I could.

I do think the hypnobirthing and pregnancy yoga did help though. Even just the breathing exercise was helpful.

Anxiety about the future can stop you enjoying the present. There is little point in worrying about something that you have a little control over. I had a neighbour who tried self hypnosis for childbirth. She had a traumatic birth, but her view is the hypnosis tapes helped her enjoy her pregnancy.

Life is unpredictable and death can be round any corner. You could be hit by a bus and die in agony tomorrow. If fear of the unknown stops you enjoying today then there is a real problem.

I like the idea of fear of flying courses and I feel its a good analogy.

I found two things very painful - the vaginal examinations (which I know is fairly unusual as most people just find them uncomfortable). For me, they were the absolute worst part of labour.

The other was the crowning. When they call it a ring of fire, they are not joking. However crowning is very very brief in the grand scheme of things.

I find I coped with the contractions fine. They were NOTHING compared to the VEs.

When the contractions started to get worse, I thought 'OMG this hurts, and it's going to get worse!' But really my son was about 2 hours away from being born. I think the contractions were definitely the worst part (of the labour anyway!) I couldn't feel anything when I was pushing my son out, not even a contraction. I think it was the anaesthetic though, so just felt the sensation of him coming out. But overall... it was having stitches that hurt the most! Never again!

The bit that hurt the most for me was having my uterus palpitated by the midwives to help it contract down after delivery. Good god! I'd deliver 100 babies just to avoid that

I think it's fine to ask. I didn't ask enough prior to DC1 and was totally shocked by the level of pain. I was not prepared at all despite doing all the hypnobirthing practise etc. With the shock came almost instant fear and I do agree with pp who say that trying to relax and go with the flow can only help rather than tensing up which I totally did.

My contractions felt nothing like period pain. They felt like I was being squeezed to death by a boa constrictor.

Also all the breathing and relaxing in the world won't change the position of the baby or the shape of your pelvis. I ended up with an EMCS because DS was posterior, chin upwards, had the cord round his neck tight and was also very small for 40 weeks. He simply couldn't make any progress and became distressed. There was NOTHING I could have done about any of that. To a large extent it it out of your control.

I'm due to have DC 2 in the next 3 weeks. My birth plan is very short this time. I've got a TENS as it did help a bit in the early stages last time but mainly as a distraction. The only things I'll try my best to do differently are not panic, not tense up and moved around if I can rather than lie on the bed. Because DC1 was back to back lying down was very difficult and I wish I'd stood up more.

Good luck. x

OP, This thread here may provide you with some nice reading!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/1350240-Anyone-want-to-share-a-GOOD-birth-story?pg=1&messages=25

The OP didn't ask for "nice" stories though. She asked a specific question which people have tried to answer honestly from their own experience. Tiny bit patronising to dismiss those responses as "not nice reading" on behalf of the OP.

Crowning. oh holy fuck crowning.
I refused to here anything about child birth when I was pregnant, didn't go to ante natal classes etc, because I knew I'd panoc is I knew how bad it would be.
I did not care how worth it it was at the time, actually I was wishing I could go back in time and get un-pregnant

It isn't all doom and gloom, though because I was only in proper labour for about 2 hours, and the pushing stage lasted 20 minutes (just as I got through the hospital door) so was over very quick

Crowning was the worst for me, with both boys but luckily didn't last too long. I was petrified of the pain, and about being strapped to the bed being monitored, so I sought out a hypnotherapist who addressed my concerns and helped me focus on breathing... She made me tapes to be played during labour, although I never actually used them!

I managed to breathe through the pain of contractions, which really weren't too bad and I spent both of my entire labours on my feet, moving through the contractions and I'm convinced the combination of Both worked really well. The crowning though, was fucking horrific!

I did birth both boys naturally with no pain relief, and quickly, the first had an enormous head (still does!) and the second was a 10lber, thankfully with a lovely small head

The contractions were the worst bit for me. But I had an epidural at about 8cm with both of mine which actually was great for me as the birth bit was pain free, and all the stuff afterwards (pushing on my stomach, sewing up the episiotomy) was pain free.

There's no need for that worried mum. Like the OP, I too am a first timer and am after all kinds of experiences, while trying to walk into birth with some iota of mental strength. (Having learnt by now that mental strength will not be anywhere near enough) still, It helps to know a rainbow of stories exists. I found some of this thread and a large part of many birth threads quite informative but tough to process as the weeks draw closer, and reading various kinds of stories never hurts.

Nobody dismissed anybody, I simply posted a link to another, equally valid thread which I found strengthening as a first timer, and thought the OP might too.

There is nothing wrong with people doing something for the first time to listen to stories of ease in addition to stories of unease, one doesn't invalidate the other. We've all done it, for exam nerves, illnesses and recovery, stories where people on this very board share positive accounts of dear family members surviving injuries, pets making it through dark times, all sorts. I merely, excitedly, shared one link I found of women's experiences that I thought both OP and I could draw from, in addition to this thread.

But all words are spoken and interpreted, I've clarified the speaking of my words, but I can't change your interpretation. Focus on that one casual word "nice" and construct the opposite of "not so nice" which I never said or implied, if you will. A simple comment meaning hey check this out i just read these stories - they might motivate you - not trying to imply/connote/indicate anything else apart from what I've just said being interpreted as patronising... Wow.

Well ok. But that's how it came across to me as someone that has posted a genuine answer to the question actually asked and who is also due to give birth again very shortly herself.

If you read my post you'll see that I strongly advocate asking as many questions and getting as many different perspectives as possible. However, I'm afraid your post (whether you intended it to or not) implied (at least to me) that I and the other ladies on this thread were giving the OP unecessarily scary stories despite those being the actual experiences of those women that they had chosen to share and which addressed the OPs actual question. To me the subtext of your post is "don listen to all those nasty gloom mongers" which I'm afraid I did find a tad dismissive. But perhaps I'm just overly hormonal today.

Worriedmum, not only was there not a subtext of the nature you describe here, there was not a subtext at all. Subtext is a useful word you used (i research interpretation of texts and subtexts in my academic field) and I assure you there was not a subtext in my text. The subtext arose in the reading of it.

It was simply what it was. A collection of experiences, like this one, to draw from, with the knowledge and the awareness that labour can go any which way from a Zen garden sneeze your baby out experience to the full works of interventions and trauma.

I can't engage beyond this at the moment, all the very best to you for your second birth and to me for my first. May both go well, or as well as they can go given whatsoever circumstances arise on the day. :-)

The head crowning.

I have never had an epidural before with DC1 and DC2 but I'll be asking for one for DC3 this week! I am not going through that again, after tearing twice.

blowinahoolie I hate to break this to you but you may well still feel the crowning with an epidural. I had one, and they let it wear off for the pushing stage. I definitely did feel it (it was horrendous!)

That's awful Gooo! I had epidurals I controlled myself and definitely didn't let it wear off

I was in labour for a very very long time mabythesea, so perhaps they felt I'd had it too long. I hated the epidural anyway and wouldn't have another one.

Ds(20 months)- Intensely painful. I was still waking up sweating and crying in the night a year later. He was back to back, waters went first, I had the synto drip, 30 hour labour, 98th centile head, no epidural, crappy care, total panic. The pain effected me a great deal.

Dd(6 weeks)- Not too bad at all. 5 hours start to finish, back to back but she turned (her turning was the most painful bit), no tearing.

I think baby's position, head size and weight, quality of care, timelyness and effectiveness of pain relief and interventions all have an effect on the pain of labour.

I found fear and panic definitely made a bad situation worse but I'm not sure it really affected the actual pain. With dd I was told over and over that I wasn't in labour and I was scared they'd send me home even though I felt that the contractions were painful enough to be "late" labour ones-awful. I was just petrified throughout with ds.

I don't think hearing bad stories is an entirely terrible thing. There are things which I wish I'd known as i would have done things differently. I wouldn't have accepted the drip without an epidural and I wouldn't have stayed on my back (which made back to back labour worse) just to make their lives easier (the monitor slipped when I moved-the mw could/should have just held it in position during contractions).

I don't really like hearing that positivity reduces pain. It make me feel that if I'd just tried a bit harder with ds I wouldn't have had so much pain and I'm not convinced that's true.

Like Nicky said. I wish I had been information about what happens during labour and the choices I could have made MYSELF. Not them. If you know what's meant to happen during labour I guess you wont be wondering 'why is this happening' or 'why are they doing that' throughout. Like I couldn't understand why they didn't tell me to stop pushing when my son was being born which confused me, and why they didn't check to see if I was 10cm.

I thought the contractions were the worst part and the pushing not so bad, obviously it was still bad just not as bad, you sort of push the contraction pain away when pushing. Although I gave birth to a 5lb baby so may have been a different story if baby had been bigger. I think everyone is different and handles pain differently. At the end of the day you end up holding your gorgeous baby and you soon forget all the pain :)

I remember two occasions where the paim really ramped up, one must have been when I went into established labour as I was examined after and found to be 5cm, this was the only time I was examined. next point it got worse must have been when I was fully dilated as I felt a clicking feeling in my pelvis and suddenly needed to push.

Crowning burned... it really did, but the midwife bathed the area with a hot cloth before that which seemed to help and between pushes.

Hypnobirthing breathing kept me calm. It did not take away the pain, neither did the birthing pool.