Childbirth- what is the most painful part?

[Baffers100]

Hi Ladies,

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, and am trying to prepare myself for childbirth although it seems a long way off. I've not got much of a pain threshold and have always thought labour would be terrifying.

I fancy the idea of a birthing pool, and am also tempted to try and tens machine for the early stages.

I was just wondering which bit is the most painful? Is it your cervix dilating, or physically pushing the baby out? Or it all pretty horrendous?

Thanks :)

I forgot to mention being checked for tears IN BOTH ENDS after pushing out twins wasn't exactly pleasant. That actually fucking hurt

The idea that your body creates the pain so will never be more than you can bear is bunkum. My first baby (posterior, head at 99.6th centile for circumference, birth weight of 10lb 5oz, head jammed into pelvis sideways) crushed nerves and caused damage (left me with paralysis of bladder and pelvic floor basically. Took months for sensation and.function to return). I can tell you crushed nerves feel like being sawn in half.

A second labour that was straightforward (normal head size, 8lbs 8oz) showed me what normal labor feels like. NO COMPARISON. I was off my head with pain three first time around. Found the pain unbearable. Felt I would surely pass out from the pain at any moment. Did not raise I was capable of experiencing this much pain (and I didn't dilate on it. It wasn't even productive pain).

Second labour was a whole other world. Painful yes, but bearable. And I had gaps between contractions. And never felt sorry for myself. That second labor was a revelation.

And to the pp who was denied any pain relief to assist pushing, that is inhumane. I found gas and air helped me focus better on pushing. I tried without and found the pain too distracting. The gas and air kept me 'in the room' and better able to follow instructions.

If you think it is going to be painful then it will be.

hahahahhahahaah. Just that. hahahhahahahahahah
Oh, I wish it were as simple as having a positive attitude. How naive I was to actually believe that with DC1.

For me the painful bit was the hours of contrax without really achieving anything. Actually pushing & crowning (even tearing) were piece of cake in comparison.

STAND UP. If I could do one thing different, make sure I can stand at any time in labour. Stand and deliver, took me 4 deliveries to figure that out.

Actually I think that statement is true. If you take it totally at face value. If you expect pain and tense up you will experience more pain than you would if relaxed.

What isn't true is the reverse - expecting no pain, or manageable pain, does not create manageable pain.

Fear makes pain worse. Fear is an understandable emotional, but there is little point in worrying about something you have little control over. Fear can exasabate pain because the adrenlin rush tenses all muscles in the body. Adrelin diverts blood away from the uterus to the legs (primitive reflex preparing for a flight or fight response) and this can slow down or stop labour. It can increase pain as the uterus gets less oxygen and you get lactic acid becaus the muscles in the uterus does anaerobic respiration. (Think aching muscles after excercise)

Mental preparation does not guarantee an easy pain free birth, however the ability to keep calm and knowledge makes easier to make decisions. Keeping an open mind about pain relief or medical intervention is a healthier position than having really rigid ideas about how child birth should be. If your childbirth does not turn out the way you intended it's important not to be self critical or see medicalised childbirth as a personal failing.

Yes I think the better way to put it is that fear may make pain worse, but the absence of it certainly doesn't guarantee pain you are able to cope with.

The coccyx pain that ensued. Could not sit down the days following birth. Spent months spending as little time as possible sitting down. Could not lie down on my back for 7 months. Could not drive for 15 months. Now drive with a ring cushion (19 months on).

Labour was painful. Very painful. Having said that, labour is a different type of pain to pain you normally experience (sharp cut, dental pain, cramps). The main thing I think is that labour pain does not last (although I feel for women who are in labour for days rather than hours).

I feel it's important for the op not to listen to horror stories too much. Some women (not necessarily on this thread, but in real life) almost relish terrorising pregnant women with (in some cases exaggerated) horror stories. It really does not help the op to know of everything that can potentially go wrong. We live in a country with good maternity services and good outcomes for both mother and baby. Let the midwife do the worrying and if you are unlucky enough to need medical intervention then you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

Focus on the present. Today was the day you worried about yesterday, don't let worrying about tomorrow destroy today. Anxiety management is a good skill for any new mother.

Sometimes the expectation of pain can cause fear. I am not sure how you get round that. Distraction worked for me, but not everyone wants to imagine being on a beautiful beach and hearing the sounds of waves. Listening to music helps some people.

I was very nervous too and had decided to have an epidural as soon as I fell pregnant, I always imagined the painful bit would be when the baby was on its way out and thought the contractions would just be tightenings, in reality the contractions really really hurt.

I did have my epidural but after 26 hours into a back to back labour, in hindsight I wish I'd had it sooner as I hated every minute and can't remember it fondly whereas the 4 hours with an epidural are very happy memories, I was totally aware and 'with it' and can remember it in tiny detail.

With my 2nd daughter I asked for the epidural straight away, my contractions were 7 every 10 minutes within the first hour so very intense, it still took 5 hours to get it in and working but again I got to enjoy my labour.

Really. I kind of agree and I kind of don't.

I agree horror stories don't help.

But I think it is important and valid to day that it can be:
-more than you can cope with. Not just for medical emergency. But just position or length or whatever. There is no shame in that. It isn't something you did wrong or (my personal bugbear ) a 'low pain threshold '. If that is you, take the help you need ;

• more than you can cope with because you panic. Or because you assumed that positive thinking and visualising a beautiful beach will work for you. (I tried that second time and it does not work for me. Thankfully I had a lovely doula who kept me calm enough to listen to my body and also suggested stuff. ) This is the one you can get help with. But you need a bit of the 'horror stories '. I had planned to walk and bake and watch films and bounce on my beach ball in latent labour. I wish, wish someone had been honest with me what latent stage could truly be as I've since learned so much about what might have helped me get through it.

Epidurals are on of the best inventions known to labouring women. I had an epidural with my first child and it really was the best decision. With my second labour there was no need for strong pain relief. It is easier to be brave for three hours than 33 hours.

I feel that women who have rigid ideas about pain relief do themselves no favours. There are no medals for being brave. Similarly if you need a c section or forceps it does not make you any less of a woman. In the last many women and babies died during child birth.

The whole thing hurts like hell, but by the end of your pregnancy you will be so desperate to have the baby out, by whatever means. There's always pain relief if you want it, you'll have plenty of people telling you negative things about pain relief, but really, if you need it, take it.

Honestly, the stitches were the worst bit for me.

Maybe that's because during labour I had in my head something my mum had said to me - that she never found labour that bad because it wasn't pointless pain - you get a child out of it.

Well I know it's not a physical pain, but for me the worst part was the baby blues. Most people dismiss it as being short-term and not too serious (as long as it doesn't lead to post-natal depression) but I found it very upsetting.

The midwives were aware of it, but didn't treat it, and the consultant assumed it would inevitably lead to serious PND (it didn't) and prescribed me drugs which were incompatible with breastfeeding.

There were probably other factors - premature baby in special care, pre-existing anxiety - but I think the hospital could have handled it better. Luckily, it did only last a few days, but I did feel slightly psychotic at the time.

My epidural failed. I was in labour for three days. back to back baby. Thank goodness for gas and air and, later, a spinal block.

I disagree that fear of pain makes it w orse. My first labour (crushed nerves, paralysis of pelvic floor) was excruciatingly, unbearably painful. Being sawn in half could not hurt less.

My second labour, like I said earlier, was no comparison. I expected to be in agony again the second time around (but thought an epidural would at least work this time) but it never came even close to the pain level of my first. Not even close.

This is why any talk of 'pain thresholds' is all a bunch of crap. No one can tell you what your pain feels like. No woman who had a straightforward birth can have any idea what it felt like for me to have my big headed, 10lbs 5oz back to back baby over a three day labour with nerve damage. I hadn't realized just how clueless or naive a woman could be until I had my second baby. I thought: if my two labours had been the experiences of two different women, one might actually believe she had a higher pain threshold and that some women obviously juat arent handling the pain as well. The first would be wondering how anyone could do that without pain relief.

I was more scared the second time around and yet not one contraction came even close to the pain of my first labour.

Even at the time, as my baby was handed to me, I was so shocked at how easy it had been to what I had expected. Seven hours labour, 2nd deg tear but easy.

I think positioning of the baby is the number one factor. Spinning babies is a website worth taking a look at.

Contractions for me were the worst going from 0-5cm dilated. Tens machine helped here as a distraction. G&A helped later on. I was so high on that I don't remember crowning hurting. The pushing felt more like really immense pressure rather than pain. It wasn't as bad as I expected and mine was more medicalised than I'd wanted.

I didn't notice crowning with either (didn't have an epi) with dc2 I didn't know Id given birth at all I think id have been less shocked if id looked down and seen a marching band instead of dc2 staring back at me.

I found contractions the most painful bit when I was ready to push the action of pushing took the edge off them in a way.

Rolierpolythanthou totally agree, when you see midwives on oven saying "wow she's amazing g" etc I just think er no, it's just not hurting her!

I stood throughout labour and birthing not sure what diff that makes to it all but its what felt right to me.

"I disagree that fear of pain makes it w orse. My first labour (crushed nerves, paralysis of pelvic floor) was excruciatingly, unbearably painful. Being sawn in half could not hurt less."

This is an example of a horror story that does not help a woman who is pregnant for the first time. I am sorry you had a traumatic birth, but such language does not help.

Childbirth is not necessarily the worse pain in the world. There is no way of knowing what is the worse pain because no one is unlucky enough to experience every form of human agony. My mother in law tells me that breaking your hip (to the extent that it sticks through the skin) is worse than childbirth.

I agree and OP I want to assure you my first labour won't be yours. As you can see from the responses, the variety of experience of childbirth is vast. Some find its not all that painful, some excruciating. In my case it was because of other damage, not the labor contractions themselves. I was very unlucky. My post was more ained at the 'well I did x y z and kept to positive thinking, so that's why I handled the pain so well' posters.

Um no, you may have actually been in much less pain.

My second birth shocked me so that's why I say childbirth Is NOT the most intense pain you can ever experience. There is something very manageable about it.

But for some women, it CAN be and it isn't anything to do with pain thresholds. No one should ever feel like they've copped out If they asked for pain relief.

OP, you won't know what sort of labour you will have. I hope you have one like my second one. It was tremendous. The contractions were all bearable, got Intense at the end but no pain on crowning. Pushing felt marvellous. Holding my baby even more so.

OP, when I said childbirth is an intensely emotive, triggering topic, what I meant is precisely the discussion happening on this thread. Another example is infant-feeding. To the extent, that, I am convinced any discussion about these topics, however general it may be, will always result in responses that go to very different extremes.

If I shared with you my box of stuff as I prepare for my first birth, they'd be -

1. Nobody will tell me 'the truth' about childbirth. Because nobody can. They can tell me 'their' truth, but it's unlikely to be exactly the same for me. So I'm not trying to find out.

1. Labour can, in a minority of cases, create unusual and difficult complexities. A mal positioned baby can, or cannot, create damaging possibilities. In these cases, labour will generate very difficult experiences, requiring and benefitting from our medical system. Some of these instances will contribute to trauma. These remain, the minority of cases. It could be me. I could be the person who goes through the sawing motions. I could also be in the next motorway crash. I'm a new driver, new drivers are even likelier to crash. It very definitely could be me. To that extent, awareness of crashes and incidents is good for me. I keep my car equipped, and serviced, keep my eyes on the road. After that, if someone else's fault beyond my control crashes me, it will not be my fault. It will also, despite my crash, continue to be, a minority of those on the motorway that day. It helps me to remember that if my questions on childbirth trigger powerful reactions.

1. If I have a birth that I do not approach with fear and trepidation, it will not guarantee a zen like birth. But, approaching it with fear and trepidation isn't going to make it easier either. So, I am choosing to approach it without fear, because, the other alternative doesn't convince me as being better in any way.

1. If I do practice coping techniques, be it hypnobirthing, be it A or B or C - and can clearly see that this practised helped me, whatever turn my birthing takes - from sneezing a baby out to emergency Caesereans - then the practice will have worked.

1. If the practice works for me, I will be reminded by many that it wasn't the practice at all, it was merely a straightforward birth which would be okay anyway. I will not argue with them. Why? birth is deeply emotive. If I insist that my practice contributed to an easy birth, it can be assumed that I am implying that someone else's birth wasn't easy because they did not breathe/overcome fear etc. That is untrue, but unfortunately, if I continue to insist that hypnobirthing worked for me to make an otherwise difficult experience less difficult, the accompanying assumption will be made, that I am also saying - your birth was painful because you didn't do A B C. So, if it works, and contributes to an easier birth, I do not intend to say so to people. I try to be very very cautious in discussions about birth, and feeding.

1. Finally, I quite like the concept of those fear of flying courses. Will a fear of flying course prevent my plane from being shot down by rebels? Will it prevent a pilot from driving it into the mountains? Shall we say those who survived the Hudson crash went through that and came out alive because they did a fear of flying course? Of course not. But - for the majority of people who struggle with flying - will a fear of flying course and some anxiety reduction techniques help the majority of flying experiences to go smoother and without less psychosomatic disruptions, vomiting and paralysing nerves? Probably, yes.

It is useful to find out about others experiences, to an extent. I hope you find it logical to still prepare, practise techniques and waddle into to cold birth fearless, ready to stand and deliver. If you hit a roadblock, the entire medical system is there to help you do that.

And I'm sorry for scaring any first timers. My awful experience was atypical and is my own chip on my own shoulder.