Childbirth- what is the most painful part?

[Baffers100]

Hi Ladies,

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, and am trying to prepare myself for childbirth although it seems a long way off. I've not got much of a pain threshold and have always thought labour would be terrifying.

I fancy the idea of a birthing pool, and am also tempted to try and tens machine for the early stages.

I was just wondering which bit is the most painful? Is it your cervix dilating, or physically pushing the baby out? Or it all pretty horrendous?

Thanks :)

Definitely pushing for me. I can't tell you the full story as it would make you panic. It's all worth it when you're holding a little person in your arms though.

There is a big difference between the thought of labour at 16 weeks and 36 weeks. From my experience and talking to other women, by the end you will be so ready to go into labour. I can't really remember the pain although I know it was painful so I can't actually answer your question but just wanted to try and reassure you nevertheless.

the part before epidural

The part when the epidural wore off....

Its not horrendous, although every labour and birth is different and every woman is different. I find that after I've got to about 8 cm dilated, the pain from contractions ramps up for me every time.

I've never had my waters go on their own, always broken, and after that the pain steps up too.

Also crowning. Oof, now that stings like a bugger!

I did pool, pethadrin (sp?) and gas and air. Found the labour / contractions manageable. However pushing the head out had me screaming like a mad thing. Luckily it only lasts a short time compared to the labour. And I did have a 10lbs baby

My advice is talk to people about after the birth. Everyone focuses on labour and then 1st time mums (me!) are taken aback by the weeks of bleeding, cramping, stitches, piles, night sweats... You get the idea.

Well, the hard contractions felt like I was being torn apart by wolves and the crowning felt like someone was holding a creme brûlée torch to my fanny.

I'm not sure which was "worse." It was all awful.

Hi OP,

May I ask what you hope to gain by asking people about which bit hurt most? Will it offer peace of mind?

I ask because there might just be another way of looking into this matter. Maybe exploring the way the female body is designed and usuallY works, exploring the mechanics of birthing a child, and the mechanics of fear and the way fear works inside the body would help?

I strongly recommend that you read some books on the mechanism of birth by people like Sheila Kitzinger, or Ina May Gaskin. It may offer you an insight into the body that a knowledge gathered from media images of women giving birth or even birth stories may not provide.

There are many ways of approaching birth. Of course one needs to recognise all possibilities. But generally, awareness of the mechanics, and having some strategies to deal with anxiety helps situations, whatever turn your birthing takes.

So instead of approaching it with fear, and trepidation, maybe the second trimester can be spent reading these accounts I suggested above and from there maybe looking into methods to remove anxiety and fear from the process?

I was always tokophobic and had a huge fear of birthing. I am due to give birth to my first child in a few weeks. Of course my birtng could end up with all sorts of interventions, and Trauma, and trust me, have I researched these inside out!

But at the moment, I am feeling far better prepared to walk into birthing day without fear - than with it. Irrespective of what that day holds for me.

Crowning. If you put your hands in the side of your mouth and stretch as far as you can that's similar to what it feels like down there. Tbh though I didn't think any of it was anywhere as painful as I had thought it would be.

It was hard to write this, for people might say poor lamb, doesn't know the pain yet, but then, anything could happen, it could go any way, all I'm saying is it. Might be easier to walk in with some fearlessness than with fear. Not trying to start a debate with anyone.

I found it utterly horrendous from beginning to end :o. I don't recall the crowning with any of my three so I guess I'd have to say contractions.

The thing is that, despite it being horrendous, it stops immediately once the baby is born (barring any after pains).

Crowning. My contractions second time around weren't as intense as my first labour though. In all 3 I've found the contractions more painful than actual pushing. But yeah one pain I'll never forget from labour is crowning. I used gas and air for all mine and feeling high as a kite helped an awful lot

Thanks Mutton, that had me laughing! Mary Berry wouldn't have you using a blow tourch for your creme brulee though!

Focusfocus- it's because I am thinking about how I will cope with pain. I'd prefer to avoid an epidural and am looking at things like the tens machine- how good is it, what stage(s) does it help with etc. I'm trying to formulate an early plan as to what I will use as my pain relief path during the various stages. (Plus on OBEM it seems to be the dilating part people struggle with most, and friends have said pushing seemed easier as they felt they were making progress).

I recognise women have been having babies for thousands of years, and it's the most natural thing in the world and yes, it is what our body is designed to do. I'm just trying to be prepared. I appreciate getting my knickers in a twist is not helpful, and imaging it as feeling like I'm be ripped apart won't help. I'm expecting it to be difficult, but hugely rewarding, there's no rose tinted glasses here.

Thanks for your book recommendations. I think I may have a bit of a look at hypnobirthing as positive thinking I believe is very powerful.

Crowning definitely. My midwife poured cold water on me to ease the sting at this point which was a help! I found stitching afterwards (2nd degree tear) rather painful. And the bimanual compression performed when I had a pph afterwards was also agonising. But that won't happen to you hopefully . Be prepared for everything, don't have your heart set on one way of giving birth as it all could change in an instant: the delivery has to be best for the baby, so if you've got a hippy style drug free birth planned but the baby is in distress, you need to accept you may need emcs, and feel no guilt as many women do, because you are doing the best for your baby! Best of luck, it's worth every second of pain.

So my labours weren't bad. Kind of strong period pains. I also didn't find crowning painful - I think some women don't feel it at all - I was one of them. Contractions with my son were more painful, but it may be that the fast labour (20 mins from first contraction to holding him) meant that I hadn't psyched myself up (or something).

IMO you can't predict how painful it will be and if I had experienced it as too difficult to manage I would have asked for an epidural without question.

I second the advice of focus to read stuff by Kitzinger and Gaskin. Having an understanding of the mechanism of labour and birth (progression of hormones etc) helped me to have a wonderfully relaxed second birth (my first was actually ok too, but I knew it could be better).

I got through contractions to 9cm just with breathing and moving about a lot, but at 9cm I needed gas and air to help me cope. Once i'd got to fully dilated and pushing I ditched the G&A and yes the crowning hurt....but that bit was over very quickly.

I'm the sort of person who likes to read and research and be aware of all the process. I like to be informed. I know this isn't an approach that suits everyone.

With my first I was scared, thought I had a low pain threshold but coped with it much better than I ever imagined.

It was ridiculously painful and I would ask for an epidural at the beginning.

I had an EMCS so cant comment on the actual birth bit, but my contractions were like food poisoning cramps, in fact I though I had foood poisoning and wasn't actually in labour.

Contractions were by far the worst for me. I was in labour from Monday night through to Wednesday morning. From about 4am on the weds it was excruciating! I asked for an epidural at about 9am but the damn thing had NO effect. Just as the doctor was offering to try again and reposition it, I felt my baby's head just drop down between my legs. I remember saying "she's coming, shes coming!" And the midwife had a very 'don't be silly attitude' at this point. Whipped my knickers off....and one tiny push later she was out. I didn't feel the crowning at all.
Good luck!

Some lucky women have a pain free birth experience. If you put hypnobirthing in to youtube you will see births that at least appear painless. My first birth was very painful because I scared and it was overly medicalised. My second birth experience was about as painful as a bad stomach upset.

Childbirth is a bit of a lottery and there is little point in asking women which part they found the most painful. I found the transition phase the most challenging with my second child.

There is little point in worrying about what can go wrong. It is best to leave the worrying to the midwife. There are ways that increase your chances of a good birth experience. For example learning about active birth, learning breathing techniques and self hypnosis. I used tens sucessfully with both my births, but you cannot use a tens at the same time as being in a birthing pool.

If you don't get the birth experience you wanted there is little point in beating yourself up about it. Childbirth is one of those things in life you have little control over. Thank goodness medical intervention exists for those who need it.

I had an hour where I wanted to push but was told not to as I wasn't dilated enough. That was awful. The rest of it wasn't as bad as I expected, and the crowning I barely noticed in comparison (8lber, so not tiny). You will be surprised what you can manage and what you can accept at the time...

Also OP, childbirth is a very very very emotive and triggering topic.
Mentioning hypnobirthing as something to try usually generates very strong responses. I didn't mention it because of that. I am using it myself, and have said time and again i do not either expect a painless birth or an intervention free birth, simply a birth where I can male sense of my fears and one where I spend a relaxed third trimester. But I generally find a mention of hypnobirthing results in reactions ranging from complete praise singing to absolute dislike.

So, my suggestion is this - recognise its a very individual experience, its a very strongly powerfully emotive matter, it will trigger a range of responses none of which will give you THE truth.

Research the pain relief and interventions for information. Read kitzinger and gaskin for a perspective into birthing. Try a hypnobirthibg class between 25-30 weeks, keep an open mind and if you were me id avoid talking to too many people about any natural birthing plans you may have because like I said you may not really gain from that. Just my views

The crowning wasn't that bad for me, as she came out at speed. The last 10minutes were actually ok. It was the 20 minutes before that, because she was back to back, I was actually in labour but was told I wasn't with it being my first, and it was going to get a lot worse and be at least another 12hrs, and basically to stop making a fuss. I quite clearly remember thinking I'd reached my pain threshold and couldn't take more, let alone for hours. If I'd have known it was as bad as it was going to get then it wouldn't have seemed so bad. Which leads me to believe how you think about the pain is a good part of it. Knowing what I do now, it would have been better to keep telling myself 'this is as bad as it gets, only a minute more' even if the midwife had been correct.
More importantly, the pain is different. If you compare it to say bearing weight on an untreated bone break, childbirth in theory is realistically more painful if you could compare pain levels. However in practice, for me and many others it's not actually as bad because whilst in labour you know the whole time you're getting the best thing in the world at the end of it. It's like trying to compare the pointless pain of eg walking to the corner shop on blistered feet versus going a fair few miles to collect the euro billions jackpot, except a baby is not even on the same scale of worth it, the pain just isn't comparable because it's worth it.

The contractions. The actual birthday part, while painful, is the most amazing relief!

Birth part even