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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Men staying overnight on postnatal wards

465 replies

quesadillas · 10/07/2015 14:52

Hi,

I'm getting myself really worked up about what seems to be an increasing trend for men to be able to stay overnight on postnatal wards. Last time I gave birth, men weren't allowed to stay. But I'm pretty sure that my hospital now allows it. This really bothers me. I found the postnatal ward absolute hell last time, begged to leave as early as possible , even though I knew I wasn't ready, and I ended up being re admitted. It was just a horrendous experience. This time I'm pregnant with twins, and the hospital have said that although I'd be a priority for a private room,there's absolutely no guarantee and there's probably more chance I'll be on the ward. I simply cannot imagine having visitors there 24 hours a day when I'm trying to get my head round having twins and feeding twins, and after a c-section. The woman in the neighbouring bed last time had her partner there at visiting hours and he was a nightmare. Loud, demanding of the staff (for him, not her) and thoroughly unpleasant sounding. I admit this may be affecting my views.

Did you have men on the ward 24 hours a day when you gave birth? How was it? Am I being ridiculous? And am I actually within my rights to refuse to spend a night in a room with members of the opposite sex, given that if I was having my tonsils out, it wouldn't be allowed?

Getting myself too worked up, need to get a grip!

OP posts:

Duckdeamon · 16/07/2015 09:42

Abbey road, that's interesting, and worrying that it won an award! who was the award from? It's putting some people's preferences and pseudo democracy (and as you say you don't think there have been follow up surveys) above women's needs after giving birth.

Anyway, even if the majority do want partners to stay this should not be given more weight than womens' privacy at such a vulnerable time.

It totally contradicts commitments on single sex wards.

CultureSucksDownWords · 16/07/2015 09:44

To me, provision to allow fathers/partners to stay overnight means individual rooms - not just letting them camp out on curtained bay wards!

Duckdeamon · 16/07/2015 09:45

Thank you for posting the info sparechange: how depressing.

This is a feminist issue.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 16/07/2015 09:54

It doesn't say, just says "award winning". Interestingly it says "partners or companions" that explains a lot as one girl (she appeared under age to me) had a group of her mates overnight drinking. And visiting hours were 9-9 anyway. Award winning my arse, it's just a chair by a bed!

babybear9 · 16/07/2015 10:30

the thing i find strangest about this is that when you've just had a baby, there is no day or night - it's a 24hr cycle! Breastfeeding / catheter being changed / blood everywhere / having a slight meltdown / being examined. It doesn't just allchange cos it hits 9pm and you all bed down for the night!! All the things occurring during the day when there are partners there continued 24hrs a day when they go. I really don't see what the difference is?! I had doctors intimately examine me during the day when there were men in the next bay behind the curtain - at least that bit doesn't happen as much overnight.
What do you think is suddenly going to be the difference for partners being there at 11am / 4pm or 2am?!

CultureSucksDownWords · 16/07/2015 10:37

For starters, it is a chance for those of us that are stressed in that situation to be able to rest/sleep. It's usually dark as lights are low. Doctors etc aren't doing rounds at night, and usually there are less staff on duty. So on the ward I was on, there was only 1 midwife on duty sat at the front desk. Is this something that really needs explaining?

EllieFAntspoo · 16/07/2015 10:39

I wonder if it could be clarified how exactly having a partner there will prevent neglect or negligence by HCP
Not 'prevent' but compensate for.

EllieFAntspoo · 16/07/2015 10:47

You know what... I had the other side of a very similarly structured argument about allocation of welfare and its disproportionate affect on the disabled. The crux of the matter was that if you are going to tackle any issue in society, you have to act in the best interests of most people, and then make separate special provision for those requiring special care.

On reflection, the NHS does provide special care for those who need it, and if it were not available to myself and others who have posted similar experiences, that is an entirely separate issue to one of addressing women's needs as a whole.

No issue in society should be influenced by those with 'special interests' in lieu of common sense and the needs of the majority. My experiences with the NHS put me in the former category, but the NHS needs to make inroads into addressing the latter, despite letting some of us down.

NickyEds · 16/07/2015 10:53

I agree Culture of course labour and childbirth are 24/7 but the post natal wards are very different at night. Low lighting, no routine testing, no cleaning, no tea trolley, no meals, no doctors rounds, no electives... they are meant to try and let you get some rest.

With my partner sitting beside me? Yes, like a baby.

What if your dh couldn't be there??? I'm due to give birth any day now. I will not be able to sleep in a bay with 3 strange men a curtain away. I will not be sleeping like a baby and my dp will have to go home to be with our son. Also, your dh might be some kind of superman who can stay awake indefinitely but after a long labour most people need to go to sleep. What if, now we've apparently started to use potentially exhausted, unskilled and untrained birthing partners as hcp, they fall asleep? They are not qualified to moniter new born babies. mw need to do that. You have such a low opinion of hcp I wouldn't have thought you'd want their responsibilities further absolved???

WhattodowithMum · 16/07/2015 10:55

No issue in society should be influenced by those with 'special interests' in lieu of common sense and the needs of the majority.

Excellent point. One that would apply to many MN threads!

EllieFAntspoo · 16/07/2015 11:05

You have such a low opinion of hcp I wouldn't have thought you'd want their responsibilities further absolved??? It was more a case of protection against negligence, but I do acknowledge that our circumstances and history of NHS care are exceptional and not the norm.

MissBattleaxe · 16/07/2015 11:24

All hospitals and birth centres should provide an environment for birth where the mother and father feel valued, and the facilities are comfortable and clean, providing privacy and security. Provision should be made for fathers to stay overnight where possible**

I would question the "privacy and security" bit on a shared ward unless the NHS is suddenly going to magic private rooms for all out of its arse as if by magic.

It's fine for Dads to stay IMO, but only in private rooms. It should be opt in not opt out. i.e you want him to stay? get a private room.

Duckdeamon · 16/07/2015 11:27

Women's need for privacy and dignity after giving birth - whether it is day or night - is not a "special interest".

EllieFAntspoo · 16/07/2015 11:32

Duckdaemon

No. What I am saying is treatment of an ill baby is a special interest. it is outwith the norm, and while I am acutely aware of that, many are not, and the NHS does provide for such 'special cases' even if they did not do so in my case.

No issue in society should be influenced by those with 'special interests', such as myself, in lieu of common sense and the needs of the majority of its citizens.

chibi · 16/07/2015 11:32

I still am unclear as to how the presence of a partner protects against medical negligence

elliefantspoo could you elaborate please

farfallarocks · 16/07/2015 11:39

The post natal ward at St Thomas's is enough of a shit show as it is, I am horrified by this news with DC2 due in a few months. This is a great idea in private rooms not in cramped, old fashioned, overly hot and noisy wards.

MarchLikeAnAnt · 16/07/2015 11:45

What happens to women who can't sleep in the same room as men they don't know if they can't afford/ no spare private rooms? Do they just have to suffer/ forced to discharge themselves against medical advice?

MissBattleaxe · 16/07/2015 11:45

I agree with Duck.

EllieFAntspoo · 16/07/2015 11:47

I still am unclear as to how the presence of a partner protects against medical negligence I don't believe I said that, if I did I meant, compensates for. When you have two people watching out for your health, it is less likely that your buzzer is ignored, less likely that your medication is ignored, less likely that you dehydrate, and less likely that you baby is left abandoned in a bassinet if you cannot move.

EllieFAntspoo · 16/07/2015 11:52

farfallarocks

If you are going into a hospital with care that you describe as 'a shit show', you have no interest in having someone with you to look after your interests and be at your beck and call? And you have an issue with others doing so?

The hospital is shit, and we should all suffer the same level of shit. no-one should do anything to protect their interests or those of their baby. I don't get it, but good luck anyways.

CultureSucksDownWords · 16/07/2015 11:55

My understanding of that comment is that having partners there 24/7 would make it worse not better. And of course, as explained several times on this thread, not everyone could have their partner there 24/7, so those people have to have all of the negatives of partners staying overnight with none of the supposed benefits.

WhattodowithMum · 16/07/2015 11:58

Women's need for privacy and dignity after giving birth - whether it is day or night - is not a "special interest".

Duck, I thought Ellie was agreeing with you. The majority interest is no men on the ward past visiting hours. Those with a special need to have partner should be accommodated in private rooms. Running the exception the other way would be extremely costly.

EllieFAntspoo · 16/07/2015 12:00

Do they just have to suffer/ forced to discharge themselves against medical advice?

No. Men should be forced to leave after visiting time is over. All ill babies should be moved to SCBU or into private rooms. Then fathers can be with their babies during those times. No-one should be in a private room unless they need them for specific medical reasons. If you cannot make an exception for a person based on gender, you certainly cannot make an exception for a person based on religion. You either discriminate against none, or you discriminate against all. And private rooms should also not be saleable to women with the money.

chibi · 16/07/2015 12:05

I do not normally cut and paste posts, elliefantspoo but:

Add message | Report | Message poster EllieFAntspoo Thu 16-Jul-15 11:05:54
You have such a low opinion of hcp I wouldn't have thought you'd want their responsibilities further absolved??? It was more a case of protection against negligence, but I do acknowledge that our circumstances and history of NHS care are exceptional and not the norm.

You yourself said having a partner was protection against negligence

It seems to me that you gave taken multiple, often contradictory stances throughout the thread. I am now utterly unclear as to what your position on partners staying overnight on postnatal wards is

WhattodowithMum · 16/07/2015 12:06

I agree with everything you just said Ellie.

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