!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!elective c section am i just a wimp !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dressedupnowheretogo]

im thinking of going for an elective c section my feelings towards the birth are getting more and more pulled towards petrified than excited

am i being silly or would i be better off

am worried about everyting and this issue is just adding to it

sorry for being a whinge and a wimp

please help

diddle - i take your point and yes in theory you have a choice but unless you get an agreement in writing to have an elective c - once you are in a hospital and in labour it is highly unlikely you can then expect your request to be honoured. You will most likely be left 'to see what happens' and the medical establishment would probably include induction etc. in that. You also end up with a more junior surgical team working on you.

It's only my opinion but if you want an elective even before birth you have to fight really hard for it - like I said I had and hour of pretty agressive negotiating beforehand - it's not a given that you can just choose one on the NHS especially if they think you can have what they consider to be a natural birth which includes a whole range of interventions. Aneccdotally (sp?) women do better with home births for natural birth - it is not unusual or unatural for a birth to take three days in total from beginning to end (or for women to go overdue by three weeks and still have happy babes for that matter) - however every hospital has protocols for how long it likes a birth to last - this range is only 12-18 hours. So a woman stands little chance of a natural birth once in the organisation of a hospital as it likes to 'speed things up' to fit this model. Why oh why has a natural process been so tinkered with? A prime concern is litigation from parents who lose a child in a longer labour and hospitals and consultants are nervous of this - especially looking at the way the US has gone. I could witter on - sorry i did say i felt passionate about this . MM x

hhi thank you all for your thoughts and experiences i have asked your opinions as my growing anxiousness has taken over my life ive started have uncontrollable crying fits and panic attacks and im feeling incredibly fragile at the moment

im currently under the perinatal mental health team and as im seeing thennext monday i need to get my head round what i want to do and feeling like i do i feel the only thing i can cope with is knowing exactly how and when i will give birth

i know a csection is not a walk in the park and of course vaginal birth is natural but ther are so many factors to deal with and just writing these words is starting me off again

so again i thank you all for being so honest and i will let you know

thanx booby

mm i so totally agree with you. I really think that inductions should ONLY EVER be considererd if mother and baby are MEDICALLY SHOWN to be at risk. I hate it so much;

1. that drs do this without thinking
2. that women do not know they have a choice.

Last year a friend of mine had gone a few days over with her 1st baby and told me they had booked her in to be induced. I asked her matter of factly 'why' was there something wrong?
She said there wasn't. She didn't really want it to be done but kind of thought that that was the 'law'!! For god's sake!!!!!
I said 'Do you think they will come to your house, arrest you and then drag you to hospital and tie you to a bed? Just tell them you don't want it'
She looked completely astounded that she had a choice. Thankfully she declined the induction.
OOOOOOh it makes me so MAD !!!!!!!

Good luck, Booby. I don't think you are being silly. And don't let anyone tell you you are. IF a section is what you want, than go for it. I've had two, and I've always said that swapping caesarean recovering for missing delivery was more than a fair deal for me.

Good luck.

There are risks with leaving the baby in past 42 weeks. Of course you can go to 3 or 4 weeks if you like, but again as with c-sections vs. vaginal you need to know the risks involved.

The start of labour for me was like a very mild period pain. It gradually got worse, but very gradually, so I could get used to it as it developed. So you don't get thrown into sudden unbearable pain at all. By the time the really big pain comes, you know what to expect and you're not scared of what's to come, just bracing yourself. And when you're pushing, you're working so hard, you don't even notice the pain. My baby was face facing front, and I think his position was affecting my stomach because anything I ate or drank came back up again. So with a long labour, I got tired, and then felt I couldn't cope with the pain anymore. But I did, and I am a wuss. The fear leading up to birth is worse than the birth itself psychologically, because during birth you're too busy to be scared.

ps. I had to have an episiotomy. I had always thought this would be very painful. During the birth, I was actually grateful for it (head facing the wrong way was just so hard to push out) and Paracetamol for a few days after the birth, and frequent washing, meant I barely felt it.

I have had a an elective.I had a difficult pregnancy including 5 months of hyperemesis, a fall at 6 months which resulted in a very bad break to wrist bone (requiring surgery WITHOUT general and very painful recovery NO PAIN RELIEF) In fact this pain was worse than vaginal delivery.
At 38 weeks dd decided to jam feet in ribs causing intercostal muscles to split so by this stage exhausted and therefore c - sect advised.

I was up, showered with make up on within 24 hours. I drove within weekand basically business as usual within 2 weeks when hubby went back to work and i had to put trolley in and out of car and so. Yes it was sore but I did not notice I was so thrilled to be a mum and I took arnica following op with I am sure helped me recover.

Do what you feel comfortable with. In my experience there was pain with both types of delivery but it will be worth it either way

Good luck
x

Hi Booby,

I had to have an emergency section 4mths ago.For first couple of months i felt so sad about it and the fact that 14yr old schoolgirls manage to push their babes out vaginally and i had totally failed at the most natural thing there is. my dd came back to back and very rapidly so little head got jammed sideways then heart rate to zero and big panic.

'the 'women in africa give birth in fields' which someone said to me after is shit, they have a high death rate associated with birth of mums and babies plus they have to push badly presented babies that would get sectioned here, then they basically have 4th degree tears, are faecally incontinent and are chucked out by family. sounds great. the bottom line is that if i had not had my section my dd would be dead.

anyway i was convinced that i wd try vaginal delivery next time to make myself feel better, over the last few weeks though as i feel better and better about it and think breastfeeding dd has helped as feel am successful at that at least, i have changed my mind. the thought of compromising my next babys life just to make myself feel better is a bit more in perspective now and i will definately have an elective section with next births.

there was absolutely no probs with bonding as had skin to skin almost immediately and fab midwife all the way to help with breast feeding.

my scar is no big deal, i did get a horrid haematoma but no infection and am totally fine now.i never wanted to be a nude model which is only downside of scar and my appendix scar is bigger anyway (how?!).

good luck with whichever you choose, i can vouch for epidural, it is fantastic, i even managed to kneel up over end of bed with it(before it all went wrong).my birth experience was utterly horrid but my dd is so worth it and i will definately have more children and feel happier that an elective section is a controlled way of having next ones.i'm sure lots of natural birth mums will diagree with this but they are very lucky to have had the experience of natural delivery, i wd have loved it.

I think it's different electing for a section if you have a physical reson to do so rather than doing so because you are scared of giving birth.

I think the fright described by the OP is really quite extreme and should deffinately qualify her for a section. In fact, I think any woman should be entitled to a section on the NHS just because she wants one (assuming of course that it is an informed decision).

That's because you are very pro section for whatever the reason

I think it's interesting and wonder why some people are so opposed to women choosing to have a c-section? Why is it important to you how other women give birth? I think this and other thread show how both sections and vaginal deliveries can be wonderful experiences and that it is very individual what kind of birth you are hoping for.

So, because you deem me "pro section" my opinion on the matter has little credit? And what exactly do you mean by "pro section"? I think a woman should get to choose section or natural or assisted vaginal or whattever she wants so long as it is an informed decision. Does that make me pro section or pro choice? I would say pro choice.

"Informed decision" that's the issue. I certainly support a woman's right to determine what happens to her body, but it's very difficult to make a truly informed decision when you are virtually paralysed with fear. It's not the desire for a CS that's abnormal (apologies for the use of that word, not intended to be offensive, but can't think of a gentle alternative), but the extreme fear. That's what needs to be addressed before the OP can make a truly informed decision.

CS is a very invasive and potentially dangerous procedure, but generally speaking people know less about it than about VB. How often do you see women labouring and screaming on TV, compared with women having CS? Representations of CS are always calm and comforting, whereas those of labour are blood sweat and tears. But which is the truly normal event? Until you've experienced labour (or CS) it's all hearsay anyway.

B's fear is real and has a strong effect on her, and may have a strong effect on her labour. The important thing, more than canvassing opinions, is for her to get open-minded counselling from a sensitive and qualified professional. Once her fear has eased a little, and she can see the wood for the trees, only then can she make a real informed decision.

Even if B gets her wish for CS granted, without any counselling what are the last weeks of pg going to be like? "OMG, what if I go into labour before the CS?" mounting panic!

It's not a matter of body politics, but of emotional trauma.

I don't know, PC. If you are really that terrified of giving birth, I think it might be best avoided (unless you want 5+ kids).

Absolutely agree with you PC and I don't think going straight for a c-section as a first-timer is the ideal either. Especially not if you are going on to have more children. It is so difficult to get truly open-minded councelling though. I do wonder about the statistics for first-time mums having c-sections though. I have always assumed that most women who go on to have elective c-sections are women who have a bad experience behind them already?

hello again

my 'elective' was for my first born. It's pretty usual to feel petrified to some degree in advance I think. I don't know you booby so I don't know how severe you fear is. It would be helpful I'm sure to speak to a proff psychologist (my DH is one so I'm biased)but they won't 'give you the answer' or be able to take your fear away - maybe help you understand it and control it (you may want to look at the CBT model for its practical applications in what is after all a very pragmatic situation) but I think your time would also be well spent in researching all the different birth options available to you.

M'luv if you are a healthy woman I think it is highly unlikely you'll be able to just request a c-section as there have to be medical grounds to do so. I think it might also be helpful for you to think of this as a possibility as well.

Knowledge really is power and the more informed you make yourself the easier it will be for you to negotiate for the birth you want. I think that as long as you are consulted through your birth and that you actively choose what you want then you will be happy with the experience. So maybe do some scenario planning - if you can't continue with a natural birth what is or isn't acceptable to you? (forceps or not say). I met a pediatricain and she took in two bags to hopsital for her birth one for the one nighter (all natural quick birth) and one for a longer stay (c-section) - I though that if she as a medical proffessional was thinking in this way then it was a good lesson in being open to having to change your plan when you're giving birth but also having a clear idea within that of what you want.

This is just the first step really in taking responsibilty for you child. you really will get from A to B and although we spend a great deal of time focusing on the birth it really is only a small part of the begining of becoming a parent. Remember you will have a wonderful baby. LOL MMxx

I completely agree with PrettyCandles, that it is the fear that needs to be addressed first of all, before a truly informed decision can be made.

Booby, on your other thread, you said (if you don?t mind me quoting you) ?id like to go into this feeling empowered and in control? saying this was the reason why you?d prefer an elective C-section. I know exactly how you feel, but my perception of my first birth experience was exactly the other way around, ie having a CS made me feel I was out of control, and I had my birth ?done to? me, rather than being able to do it for myself and make decisions along the way. It just goes to show how different people perceive situations entirely differently.

In my case, it was an emergency section, barely into the first stage of labour, and obviously the only decision that could be made at the time, and I am grateful for the procedure being available. However, it didn?t stop me from not actually liking having had a CS, the long recovery, feeling utterly dependant on other people afterwards because I couldn?t lift and carry stuff, the numbness in the scar area I experienced for a good 6 months (which actually does affect ?relations? IYSWIM), the lack of bonding I felt with ds (he was in SCBU for 3 weeks ? but that?s not a given with a CS, just my situation).

However, as muffinmum also found, successfully breastfeeding helped me regain some empowerment, and believe me, b/f a premature baby is not easy - there was an enormous amount of determination and perseverance needed when he?d root the wrong way (for a month he turned his head AWAY from the breast when rooting). Then he developed thrush in his mouth from having had antibiotics...maybe I shouldn?t go there, but any b/f mum who?s experienced this will know what I mean ;) At least I didn?t get mastitis! However, I got through all that, and b/f to 18 mths+ and felt immensely proud of myself for having done it ?all by myself?. There?s nothing wrong with taking pride in your work, and it?s not a case of ?I?m better than so-and-so because I gave birth in this way/fed by baby that way?
Knowing you are doing the best for your baby, and becoming a confident mother is what counts. However, getting beyond the fear so as to be able to gain control of your situation is necessary to be able to do any of these things.

As it happens I have decided to go for VBAC this time, I was only able to make this decision after lots of reading, meetings with GP, mw and doctors. If things don?t go to plan (and life doesn?t sometimes) I can accept that I might need assistance/CS again, but I find that acceptable, and I certainly feel empowered enough, because of my present mindset, to know I have control at every stage, however it goes.

I was able to make my decision with a clear head, simply looking at the facts and my own feelings towards my last birth, and knowing that, one way or another, the baby is going to come out! I have an excellent GP who helped allay any fears of delivery (which I had at the very beginning), and I truly believe that had I been fearful, I would have still been doubting my own ability to make a ?correct? decision to suit my circumstances.

I hope you?ll be getting the help you need to address your fears, Booby. (oh, gosh - this is a bit of an essay - sorry!)

hoppy and muffin thank you for being so honest and looking at theis from the mental health issue which is the original reason i started this thread

as the birth approaches im getting more and more anxious and when i see the pscyiatrist next monday i need to be clear in my head what i want to do
with my emotions being the way they are at the moment they are in control and not me and when i mention being in control i mean not being off my head on meds to get me through it i grew up with a mum on anti depreessants ad its not nice
i am very scared as to how my mental health will be affected if i had an horrendous delivery

these are reasons for wanting a c section not just i think birth is scary

but i would like to thank you all for your comments

I agree with all those who have said that a proper, objective decision cannot be made when coloured by fear. The fear needs to be addressed.
Did you feel this way about childbirth before you became pregnant, by the way?

UWILA I do not agree with you, you know that. I do not agree that we have the 'right'.
A c section costs on average 3,500 to the NHS. The NHS has no funding, it has to make difficult decisions about how it will spend the little money it has.
I would much rather that money went on operations that were really needed rather than because someone felt they had the 'right' to have one.
Sections that are due to medical necessity, yes, sections just because you want one, no.
WE don't have a right to spend that money however we want. There are thousands of people chronically ill, dying and living in horrendous pain because there is not enough money to do their much needed operations. I'm sure they would not be too pleased to think that someone was demanding the right to hjave an unesseary operation just because that waas they wanted. When those who have no 'choice' just have to wait.

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Exactly, norms! Especially this pressure on women to VBAC when they do NOT want it.