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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!elective c section am i just a wimp !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

246 replies

dressedupnowheretogo · 03/07/2006 12:58

im thinking of going for an elective c section my feelings towards the birth are getting more and more pulled towards petrified than excited

am i being silly or would i be better off

am worried about everyting and this issue is just adding to it

sorry for being a whinge and a wimp

please help

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muffinmum · 06/07/2006 23:09

Booby, been thinking about you all day and actually the most important thing of all is your relationship and bonding with your baby.If having a vaginal delivery is compromising your mental health then you should 100% go for a section.it is essential that you are in a good and happy place when you have a bambino to look after.

ScottishMummy · 07/07/2006 10:25

Hi Booby

GOOD LUCK with whatever decision you chose to make after all it's your baby YOUR decision so all that matters is a positive oucome eg Happy mummy happy baby - you will bond regardless of the arrival method.

This is not some ideeological debate its your decision how to have your baby so that you feel safe, secure , happy , so chin up.

Other ladies make their individual choices. Do talk it through with people and make a decision that suits you - its not a bad thing you are considering. There is no value in facing childbirth absolutely terrified.

LOTS OF LOVE

SofiaAmes · 07/07/2006 16:10

I have had an emergency cs and a vbac. If I had it to do all over again I would have an elective cs with both. I was 36 when I had my first and I just don't think that my body was up to giving birth naturally. I am an extremely healthy and fit woman, by the way.

If you are this frightened at this stage, you will not have an easy time of it. It is painful and it is unpleasant giving birth. I would just have the cs. Don't ruin the first few months of your baby's life by bad memories of the birth.

poppyflower · 07/07/2006 17:44

That's very negative!! YOUR experience was that it was painful and frightening. MY experience is that it was a wonderful and extraordinarily empowering thing to do. Like like no other thing I have ever done in my life.
With my sections I had no sense of acheivment. With my normal births I did.

jabberwocky · 07/07/2006 17:50

Hmmm, my scar is very low down. Don't think my liver was adjusted getting to the baby, actually.

SofiaAmes · 07/07/2006 17:51

Yes, it's negative. The experience I had was extremely negative. I was in labor for 40 hours and it hurt!! I'm glad that you had a wonderful experience, but it's foolish for people who didn't to pretend that they did. How on earth is boobylicious meant to make an informed decision if she doesn't hear the truth from everyone rather than just from the people who had a nice time.

jabberwocky · 07/07/2006 17:54

I have to echo SofiaAmes on the negative experience. The 30 hours of labour before my emergency c-section were so horrible that I have been on AD's and seeing a therapist for PN PTSD ever since. My emotional problems following the delivery had a definite effect on my bonding with my baby and my relationship with dh for the first 12 - 18 months. It has been a very, very, long road and the only way I can face this pregnancy is knowing I will have a scheduled c-section.

poppyflower · 07/07/2006 18:00

I'm sorry that you had such a bad time. It's a time that no one can give back to you.
I think people should be absolutely honest about their experiences, both good and bad. I just hope that Booby chooses to focus on the good experiences on both sides to help her make a decision and not get too frightened by the bad experiences.

expatinscotland · 07/07/2006 18:03

I gave birth vaginally - although w/forceps the first time and no pain relief second time - but I didn't find it particularly wonderful or empowering. But then, I've had other, wonderful and empowering experiences in life.

SofiaAmes · 07/07/2006 22:51

I wish that my friends had been more forthright to me about the downside of labor and then maybe I wouldn't have chosen vaginal births. I always intended to have many children and stopped at two in large part because I couldn't take another pregnancy and birth. My ds is almost 6 and I still have nightmares about my labor. My best friend had her son a few months before mine and had an awful awful delivery and pnd and never really told me about it until after I had my ds because she didn't want to scare me. I wish she had.

poppyflower · 08/07/2006 08:36

I think she WAS right in not saying anything. You could have been in line for a simple, uncomplicated birth and knowing about her would have put you in a terror that would have compromised that. We can never know the outcomes of a labour, but I think itmis much healthier to go into it with a positive light, than thinking the worst

SofiaAmes · 08/07/2006 08:55

No, it wouldn't have put me in a terror, because I'm not that type and she knows it. But it might have made me think twice about having a natural birth and I might have chosen an elective cs and saved myself all that heartache.

poppyflower · 08/07/2006 09:02

but, sofia, why would you elect for a section when you have NO idea what your labour will be like? You can say you would have made that choice now in retrospect and given your circumstances, it makes perfect sense. You weren't to know though. How about electing to have a section when you would have had a fantastic natural birth? That does'n make sense does it? You just don't know what will happen and I think the only way is to hope for the best and to know that in childbirth you can't make retrospective decisions

SofiaAmes · 08/07/2006 09:55

I didn't make an informed choice. I was really only told about the risks of cs and never ever told about the risks of natural child birth. On top of that I didn't consider the implications of my age and the poor, pathetic, understaffed state of the hospital I was booked into. Yes, maybe I would have made the same choice, but at least I would have done it from a position of strength instead of simply because I was misled by the people around me.
I know it's not quite the same thing, but...I have ALL my dental work (including 3 crowns) done without any aenesthetic for a variety of reasons. However, when it came time to remove two of my wisdom teeth, I was told by the oral surgeon and my dentist that it would be unwise to do so without a local anesthetic. Because my dentist had always been honest with me, I followed his advice and had the local. It turned out to be extremely painful even with the local and I was very glad that I had been given that advice. If I had been treated as the kooky woman who never gets locals, I might have gone ahead without the local, or if my dentist had harrassed me all along about not having a local for my other dental work, then I might not have believed him when i really did need it.
I just don't think that a decision as major as child brith should be taken without a full set of facts.

sandradee · 08/07/2006 11:55

Sofia - I certainly did not have a nice time in natural child birth - I really hated every minute of it and at one point was begging for an epidural. I actually remember lying there thinking what the f* have I done and how the hell did I get here. When it actually came to the delivery itself I felt like I was about to be ripped apart.

Poppy is right though - if your friends had told you before hand what it was going to be like a) you would still not really understand the type of pain and b) you would have got into a right state.

This kind of pain I'm sure is different from other pains in so far that it's such a weird experience. I found myself bellowing not screaming and the feeling came from so deep from within which made me feel better.

I do think that many of the reasons for having an elective c-section are spurious. If you are a celebrity it's easier to plan - it's booked in and you know when it's happening. It's fitting the baby in with everything else in their very busy lives.

However it maybe for a medical reason that you have to have one. Every case is different.

Personally I would definitely have another vaginal birh despite my experiences the first time because nothing can take away the feeling of being handed my baby after all that effort - it was amazing.

Whatever Boobyliciuos does is up to her and good luck because it will be personal to her.

jabberwocky · 08/07/2006 15:32

Again, agreeing with SofiaAmes here. Had only heard super positive, music and candles type of stories before giving birth to ds. Even though I knew logically that some people have complications, I did not realize until later how really common it is. There are 5 women in our circle of friends who have given birth in the last 3 years. 3 of those including mine were emergency sections. If I had been aware of statistics like that ahead of time it would have made me more prepared, at least.

expatinscotland · 08/07/2006 15:43

at the end of my 24-hour labour, having been awake for 32 hours and pushed for 2, if the consultant had come in and told me she was going to give me a c-section - or a lethal injection, for that matter, i wouldn't have cared. i wanted it to be OVER. there was nothing i found magical or empowering about it at all.

that goes for both times, the second of which was a very quick birth w/no time for pain relief and left me w/only a graze. it hurt like a b&£tard.

LaDiDaDi · 08/07/2006 15:52

As i have already posted before, I had emergency c section because of my sudden development of severe pre-eclampsia. I then had a major wound dehiscence (?sp) and required a drain/dressing for 6 weeks BUT I would still opt for an elective section next time. I think that i have experienced that bad side of a section iyswim and i coped fine and could do it again but i'm still not convinced that i would cope with a 3rd or 4th degree tear and faecal incontinence which are my greatest fears relating to vaginal delivery.

jabberwocky · 08/07/2006 16:42

LOL at the lethal injection, expat. I know exactly what you mean.

expatinscotland · 08/07/2006 20:41

Yeah, LaDi, I'm glad I didn't know about the potential for faecal incontinence before giving birth to DD1!

happybebe · 08/07/2006 22:37

booby,

sorry you are having such a hard tiem just now. I think you may have this: Parturiphobia. The medial term for fear of childbirth...not the ordinary apprehension but actual terror at the thought of it. Women that suffer from this have been known to clamp their legs tightly closed in labour desperately trying not to gve birth...of having huge panic and anxiety attacks, putting their unborn babies into distress as the mothers heat beat rises above 140 with hypeventilation....i am explaining this for anyone who doesnt know. I had a friend who suffered this, though with her second pregnancy funnily enough...she saw a psychiatrist whilst preg, tried cognitive therapy...even anti d's but in the end had a c section. Booby do what you feel is right for you...at the end of the day it doesnt matter how you give birth, you still made your child and carried him.her for nine months and will raise yor child the best you can...not giving birth to him,her vaginally wont make yu any less a mum or a failure. good luck what ever you choose and either way - c section or natural labour you will be amazed how strong you actually are...

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