!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!elective c section am i just a wimp !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dressedupnowheretogo]

im thinking of going for an elective c section my feelings towards the birth are getting more and more pulled towards petrified than excited

am i being silly or would i be better off

am worried about everyting and this issue is just adding to it

sorry for being a whinge and a wimp

please help

Boobylicious, I was very scared of labour for various reasons and was offered an elective CS too. Instead I had it put on my notes that I was scared and wanted to see how it went, but would keep an epidural and c-section as possibilities. In the end that's how it turned out - the pain was so bad and prolonged I did go for an epidural, and DS got stuck so I ended up with a (non-emergency) CS after a long labour.

It is not a walk in the park, I lost a lot of blood and was very woozy for meeting DS, the recovery was long and slow, but all in all it was OK. I felt better about it than if I had not even attempted labour.

And moondog some of us have to have c-sections you know - please try not to scare a first-timer with your watermelon remarks!

Different mothers do different things for loads of different reasons. We also have different recoveries and different experiences of breast feeding - by no means dependent on the births we had. The thing you need to do is equip yourself with as much information as you can usefully take in from sources you trust and then make the decision (in the knowlege that what you might want might not happen anyway.....)
It's a cliche but it's your birth and your baby and your recovery process.
Whether anyone think you're a wimp is beside the point - the real hard work starts once you get the little buggers home anyway
Good luck x

Booby - for my first (3 years ago) I was considering an elective cs basically because I thought there is no way I can cope with the pain. However, after compairing the recovery times and the extra discomfort I would be putting myself through (no driving for 6 weeks, etc.) I decided to go the old fashioned way. Luckily, the hospital pool room was available when I started so I managed to give birth in the water using gas & air only. Yes, there was pain but it was manageable. Now I look back and think thank god I didn't have a cs. Some of my friends opted for this and they were literally housebound / bedbound for a couple of weeks after the birth, while I was walking around Meadowhall Shopping Centre the next day! You WILL cope with the pain - women have been giving birth this way for x amount of years! On the other hand, there is no shame in having a cs. Every mother is different and will cope with whatever labour brings. If giving birth vaginally hurt SO much then why do we keep getting pregnant and having more? It is a pain that we never forget but at the end you have a beautiful baby that you and your dp have created. The hard work starts AFTER the birth for the next 18+ years!!!!!!

Just to say that you don't have to be a prisoner in your own house after a c-section either. My first emergency section after 30 hours of labour, I was out of hospital on day 3 and clothes shopping on day 4. It's true you cannot drive. I think I started driving around week 4 though. I had no prpblems breast feeding at all. Recovery from elective much quicker than from emergency too! I agree with other posters only you can decide, but although I have given borth vaginally too, I am a section-girl at heart. I always put in a good word for sections as I think they are wonderful if you don't have a need to experience labour. from your posts it doesn't sound like you are one of those women who will feel depressed if they don't go through natural labour, but rather relieved if you have a section.

SIL is booked in for an elective on the NHS for no other reason that she is frightened.

Midwife dismissed it at first, then at 7 months when she was still banging on about it, she made her an appointment with the consultant who agreed.

To be honest if you have such a negative attitude towards labouring then you stand a much higher chance of having an emergency section. If you do want to try for a normal birth you need to change your mind set.
In my opinion opting for a section because you are scared is not the best thing.
A good vaginal birth is a FANTASTIC thing and I think it would be a shame for you to throw in the towel without going to say active birth classes , for example, to try and help you see it in a positive light.
We never know what the outcome of a labour will be and emergency sections happen. Try to change your way of thinking, talk to women who've had positive experiences and remember there are plenty of women who loVe to regale you with birth horror stories. Most of the time it's fine and a good, natural birth will be better for both you and your baby (as nature intended).

Is it scientific that a negative attitude towards labour is more likely to result in c-section or assisted delivery? Personally I think it's lsightly unfair to women who have ended up with assisted delivery to say they must have had a negative mindset and I don't think its true either. Personally I had a very positive attitude to my first birth which ended up like a real horror story and section. I was frightened throughout my second pregnancy and pleaded for section but was turned down and ended up with a textbook 12 hours in labour and needed no relief. I think this mindset thing is really patronising. It's like saying to someone they have to pull themselves together and get a grip IMO.

Appreciate your post Fairymum. Because I was scared, lacked confidence and my labour went badly and stalled, I've often been made to feel a bit as if I somehow had a bad attitude or didn't try hard enough. But although some people say we are designed for childbirth, well actually we're not all that well designed for it. It can go wrong - not all that long ago both mother and baby faced a pretty high risk from childbirth, and we're lucky that we have c-sections to help us out if necessary.

Booby,

The best way to sort out what would be best for you is to have a chat with an experienced MW or the consultant about why you are frightened and what the way forward would be. I was terrified before I had DD as I had done lots of work in the clinical negligence field and was terrified of something going wrong. In the end, I tried to have a vaginal birth, but it wasn't to be. The c section was fine and I was out of bed the same day, and walking around quite normally the next.

I don't think that there is anything silly about going straight for a C section. However, I would definitely talk it through with someone who is sympathetic to your fears before you definitely decide. I had 4 hours with a consultant MW before DD was born, and it was fantastic. Fear of labour is very common and you might feel better about the whole birth experience, whatever way it turns out, if you have some answers in advance.

HTH.

fairymum, -I have read many articles on this,although I can't quote sources and have had conversations with those well versed and experinced in this area,that women who go in labour and tense up, effectively resisting the labour because of fear and negative emotions, are much more likely to have a more prolonged and traumatic labour, involving various degrees of intervention.
You cannot extract from this that all women who have had had difficult labours resulting in sections etc must have had a negative mindset. The fact is is that if you have a negative mindset you are more likely to have a diificult labour then someone who does not.

Hi Boobylicious! When I was pg with dd1 I was petrified, kept thinking how on earth will a baby fit outta that space. I mean I was really freaking out big time. But you know what, I told my fears to a lovely midwife - she asked me if I had any younger siblings, when I said yes, she replied "well there you go then, if it was THAT bad, do you think your mum would have given you a little sister?"

She then spent ages with me writing out a lovely birth plan that ended with the sentence "If its all too much, I want a Csection."

Well, my birth plan didn't need that, in fact from being the biggest wimp ever, I actually gave birth to a 8lb baby who was lying back to back after 44 hours of labour that finished with me being induced. The only thing I used was a TENS machine, breathing and relaxation (I actually watched Match of the Day inbetween pushes). I wasn't being brave, nor a martyr, I just managed to get by on that. I think because I was so convinced it would be awful, when it actually happened, it wasn't as bad as I had expected. DD2 was born just 1 hour after contractions started, again with no pain relief.

Good luck with whatever you decide, but if you can face it, it really is worth giving it a go, and you can always ask for a section if it gets too much.

claraboo, I disagree. I think it's very untrue and I think a lot of women who really are in the mindset that they want a "natural" birth without intervention etc end up very disappointed and feel they have failed because they didn't manage to have the birth they wanted. I think this is too much pressure to put on women I really do and I don't think there is much science behind it either.

It's true that many women are disappointed when they don't have the birth they wanted.
It's also true that it isn't their fault.
It's also true that how you feel about labour plays a big part, it's not the only part, but it IS a factor.
Many things are beyond your control, your attitude is not and a positive attitude helps and a negative one hinders.

I agree that we are actually pretty badly designed for giving birth. Are there any other animals that make as heavy weather of it as we do, does anyone know? (That is a genuine question!)
Dh was brough up on a farm, and expected it to be a bit like lambing. It wasn't.

I think it's the size of the head in relation to the mother's pelvis that's the problem

Yes,a positive attitude helps with most things in life and I don't think anyone would dispute that. However, I think too much importance is placed on a woman's attitude to labour as if that will determine what kind of birth she will have. I think your birth experience is mostly to do with luck, although I am sure you will disagree.

i think your being silly. it went in - you knew it had to come out.

now stop it slap yourself and get over it.

there is such thing as pain relief you know

try everything. i personally recomend an epidural.

You know African women give birth in fields don't you? Then they get back to work!

Now stop being so bloody southern and push the little blighter out!

I think, Fairymum, that physiology ultimately decides how you will birth your baby. But I think we can agree that entering a labour in fear reduces chances of a good outcome.
It seems like you have had some bad experiences that have led you to become disillusioned with the idea of a positive childbirth experience ???

I agree with you rhubarb, women should take responsibilty for birthing their babies themselves the only exception being a nedical necessity. Fear is not a reason. Get over the fear, take responsibilty for it.

I find giving birth up a tree a wonderful and healing experience personally!

And did you know there was an ukky thread on MN about women actually having, erm, orgasms during childbirth! Obv very disturbed and freaky Scottish people!

Message withdrawn

surely it depends HOW that message is given to you and how receptive you are to it?

I agree Pruni. It's rather like telling someone who is depressed to pull themselves together.