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Original poster

Any hospitals were dads are allowed to stay overnight?

119 replies

GingerDoodle · 11/06/2012 10:15

Hi all

I am approaching 24 weeks with our first and giving some serious consideration to this.

Me and DH don't spent a lot of time apart, a handful of nights in 10 years and I do suffer anxiety so the prospect of having enforced separation should I need to stay overnight for whatever reason straight after the birth of our child does not sit well with me all at. I also, personally believe, that having DH with me and baby is better for bonding etc.

Homebirth is obviously an option but given our local hospital has a dire rep its rather putting me off on the basis of that's where I would be transferred if needed.

I don't mind paying (sadly can't run to a private birth full stop) so am just looking to see if anyone knows of hospitals which facilitate this?

Many thanks

GD

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Spiritedwolf · 11/06/2012 10:40

No help whatsoever, but I also suffer from anxiety and am rarely apart from my husband, certainly not with me being the one away from home (he occasionally has work stuff to go to) and I'm worried about being away from him with a newborn to take care of.

If everything goes well, I'll either give birth in the local MLU 5 minutes from home or be transferred back there from the CLU (an hour away) asap after birth. The worry is if me/baby end up in the CLU overnight/longer. My sister, who ended up in the latter situation (long induction) recommended that my DH book himself into a hotel nearby overnight so that he could come in quickly if I needed him. I still am not keen on this happening at all, I really worry about being so exhausted after the birth that I wouldn't be able to look after baby properly/get to the bathroom without help/etc and I'm not very confident about asking people for help in a busy ward. At least at the MLU I know some of the midwives and there's more likely to be some leaway over visiting hours.

I'd consider a homebirth in future, but as its my first and I don't know how I'll manage, and our flat is rather cramped... I don't think its a great option for us right now. But for future babies, where there will be an older DC that I don't want to be away from, homebirth seems ideal and hopefully we'll be somewhere bigger by then.

I agree that this is surely a time that most new families would want to stay together. I want my DH to be able to bond with baby too.

So I'm keeping my fingers crossed for straightforward and trying to reassure myself that its only going to be a small amount of time and then we'll all be home together.

emblosion · 11/06/2012 11:25

Our local MLU allows partners to stay overnight but the delivery ward at the hospital don't AFAIK. I'm also keeping my fingers crossed for a straight forward birth- would hate DH to not be able to stay with us!

KatAndKit · 11/06/2012 11:26

I agree that most people would want their partner with them round the clock. I would have done.

However, what I would NOT have wanted were the partners of the three other women in the bay staying there all night. There would have been even more noise on the ward than there already was. No space anyway for extra beds so the men would get a crap nights sleep on a chair and would be tired and not much help in the morning. Better that they went home and allow you and baby to sleep and come back feeling refreshed and hopefully having done all the housework at home too. Our hospital allowed partners to be there 12 hours a day, I think that was enough really.

HmmThinkingAboutIt · 11/06/2012 11:38

GingerDoodle, paying isn't your issue on this one I'm afraid. Its simply the lack of hospitals that are doing this even for private rooms, even though the scheme is backed by the RCM.

St Richard's in Sussex is one. Royal United Hospital in Bath is another that was piloting. Both I think have it restricted to a particular ward though.

Beyond that, I've not been able to find any other hospital thats doing it and would be very interested to know of any.

Florin · 11/06/2012 11:38

My local nhs hospital lets partners stay overnight. However it's a brand new hospital and all the rooms are private, can't see how it would be possible on a ward. Dh is very pleased about it as he said there is no way he is being separated from his baby. Hospital don't provide anything for dh however the rooms are big so space for him to bring a mattress in and will take in our own food. Rooms also have private bathrooms but been told dh must get dressed in bathroom. Midwives don't like nasty surprises of coming into check on you only to find your dh butt naked putting his clothes on after a shower!

monkeymoma · 11/06/2012 11:44

I would loved to have DH with me more, but was bloody glad that visiting hours ended when the obnoxious (some drunk, some verbally abusive to their OHs) partners of the other women left! We were encouraged to leave our rooms and waddle out for meals and showers etc to get us moving, I wouldn't have felt comfortable doing that in the state I was in if those arseholes were still milling about gawping at everyone and acting like spoilt children who were acting up as if they were jealous of the attention their babies were getting (yes some REALLY were that bad! one threw a hissy because the mum wanted to feed the baby before going with him to the canteen so he could get some food, apparently he should be fed first! Angry )

And I SOBBED when DH had to leave, it felt wrong, but on balance I was v grateful of the women only times!

Wombat33 · 11/06/2012 11:51

JL bin Oxford do this if you pay for a private room or there is an 'amenity room' available. Latter is cheaper than booking in advance but on a first come first served basis. No beds for partners (my dh brought a blow up matttress) but they can stay.

VickyandAlistair · 11/06/2012 12:18

I had ds at 11.03 am, so luckily had dh with me all day.. they tried to make him leave at 9pm, but I begged them to let him stay a little longer.. he ended up hanging on until 11pm when they made him leave. Although I sobbed and sobbed for a while, I actually ended up enjoying some skin to skin time with ds, whispering to him all the fantastic things we were going to do together ... it was actually quite wonderful, just me and my baby boy. And the midwives were great and helped me a lot. And before I knew it, it was morning and dh was back. You will be absolutely fine :) x

mahaliha · 11/06/2012 17:15

If you don't mind paying, the Knutsford Suite in Watford General allows you to pay for a postnatal room and for dads to stay overnight for an extra charge.

notcitrus · 11/06/2012 17:20

Talk to the supervisor of midwives. It may be possible to put you in a private room if one is available and then DH could stay. I arranged this though fear wasn't the only reason, but I had a backup plan of a female friend to stay if a private room wasn't available and I had to stay overnight.

As it turned out there was a private room but I had to stay 3 nights, two with friend, one with MrNC.

Was hoping for birth #2 I could avoid the PN ward completely, but I stayed overnight, and it was fine - though later found out MrNC had told all the staff he could find that they had better look after me properly or else!

rainydaysareheretostay · 11/06/2012 17:24

the MLUs here allow this, the new one has double beds apparently

maples · 11/06/2012 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 11/06/2012 17:30

How about having a homebirth?

blondiedollface · 11/06/2012 17:35

RUH in Bath allows dad's to stay on the delivery ward, also the new MLU at Cossham hospital in Bristol which is open from September has double beds so dad's can stay there too...

misslinnet · 11/06/2012 22:26

The hospital I had DS in only let dads in overnight if the mum was still in the labour ward.

The post-natal ward had visiting hours for everyone. Visiting hours for dads were something like 11am till 8pm if I recall correctly, more generous than for other visitors.

I had a private room (no on-suite mind), and DH still wasn't allowed there outside visiting hours, except for on the very first morning. And that was only allowed because he'd missed the birth and had only just arrived at the hospital.

Bagofholly · 12/06/2012 00:07

The private hospitals in London let your partner stay.

holidaysarenice · 12/06/2012 00:17

I have heard of one couple who tried to have sex in their room after the birth!

I kid you not!!! How painful...............!!

To the OP, maybe an early delivery or middle of the night and if its straightforward no overnight stay, so no risk of being alone. Or maybe if he stayed local and you got scared the midwifes might let him in for a bit late on at night/middle of the night, but doubt that wud be allowed on a ward as it wud disturbs others, but have u thought of paying for the private room?

holidaysarenice · 12/06/2012 00:17

It might be worth asking the midwife what the policy is at ur next appt?

bitbewildered · 12/06/2012 00:22

I think the Royal Victoria Infirmary, Newcastle does in it's new midwife-led unit.

pleasebethismonth · 12/06/2012 11:28

Princess Diana in Grimsby has individual rooms where partners can staySmile

cmt1375 · 12/06/2012 11:34

Nottigham City Hospital has a patient hotel which does allow you to stay together but if you/baby need monitoring or medical attention they may not let you use it.

monkeymoma · 12/06/2012 12:01

"The hospital I had DS in only let dads in overnight if the mum was still in the labour ward."

isn't that standard? as long as you're in labour your partner can stay wherever you are right? its once you are on the post natal ward or in recovery it changes, but the dad's visiting hours were longer than the regular visiting hours, regular visitors had 2x2hr slots each day but on my antenatal wards the dads were allowed 7am-7pm

EauRouge · 12/06/2012 12:07

DH stayed with me at the Rosie in Cambridge for one night (had a scare and was in delivery early)- not sure if this is normally done but I was shit scared and in tears so I think the MWs were more sympathetic. He was not allowed to stay with me when I was on the antenatal ward though.

Peterborough City Hospital is opening a new facility next month where I think fathers will be allowed to stay.

Anywhere with a MLU is a good bet, as is anywhere going for Baby Friendly status.

Some NHS hospitals have private rooms you can use for a small fee.

Don't forget as well that you can discharge yourself whenever you like. Obviously you should listen to any recommendations they make but they can't force you to stay 'because it's hospital policy' or anything like that. I was back home 8 hours after DD1 was born and it would have been sooner if the registrar that stitched me up wasn't busy for ages.

longjane · 12/06/2012 12:18

but what happens to your other kids if you and partner are in hospital 24 plus
should they not stay as well ?

zgaze · 12/06/2012 12:26

Kings College Hospital in London allow this - I wasn't keen myself actually, it obviously was good having DP to stay but I hated the constant talking / loud whispering of other couples which went on literally all night. I can see that it makes the ward staff's lives easier though particularly on the post surgical ward where you really to need help lifting the baby in and out of the cot for the first day or two.