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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Any hospitals were dads are allowed to stay overnight?

119 replies

GingerDoodle · 11/06/2012 10:15

Hi all

I am approaching 24 weeks with our first and giving some serious consideration to this.

Me and DH don't spent a lot of time apart, a handful of nights in 10 years and I do suffer anxiety so the prospect of having enforced separation should I need to stay overnight for whatever reason straight after the birth of our child does not sit well with me all at. I also, personally believe, that having DH with me and baby is better for bonding etc.

Homebirth is obviously an option but given our local hospital has a dire rep its rather putting me off on the basis of that's where I would be transferred if needed.

I don't mind paying (sadly can't run to a private birth full stop) so am just looking to see if anyone knows of hospitals which facilitate this?

Many thanks

GD

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VivaLeBeaver · 27/01/2014 11:31

My concern as a hcp is the fact men on the ward causes more work. So less time for the woman.

For every supportive, helpful partner there's two who dofuck all apart from needing to be buzzed in and out for fags and asking for coffee.

GirlWithTheDirtyShirt · 27/01/2014 11:35

At Birmingham Women's Hospital DH was allowed to stay with me as long as I was in labour but afterwards not allowed on the ward except between 12noon and 7pm.

Unfortunately for me I gave birth at 5:50pm by EMCS and was transferred to the ward at about 9pm. DH wasn't even allowed on the ward to carry my suitcase. I was heartbroken, especially as I'd been in labour for days, was sky high on drugs and couldn't move due to surgery. Not a pragmatic approach IMO.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 27/01/2014 11:41

The hospital I gave birth at didn't. Once you had had the baby, your partner could come and see you back to the ward, spend a few minutes and go.

And much as I would have wanted my husband to stay, I would not have wanted all the other women's partners - 5 others in my bay, 6 in the other bay, 6 in the bay after that... wandering around the place as I am leaking and seeping all over the place, getting my breasts out (and having them manhandled!) to try to teach me how to get the baby to latch, etc. For all the reasons expat gave. It just adds up to too many people too close seeing and hearing too much at a very vulnerable time.

I would have felt very exposed to have had lots of other people's partners on the ward overnight and so would have no right to expect that I be allowed something that would possibly make other women feel that way.

Thurlow · 27/01/2014 12:53

That's a good way of summing it up, ISeeYou - there is a wider picture of personal needs in this situation.

NewBlueShoesToo · 27/01/2014 12:59

When I had DC2 I stayed in a lovely little hospital where men could stay. DH had to go home to look after DS1 and as someone else mentioned it wasn't great. The chap opposite was there all the time, wanting to strike up conversation and seemed to stare a lot. In the end I moved some drawers and lined up all my vases of flowers to make a wall. Grin

BudsBeginingSpringinSight · 27/01/2014 20:30

In mine they were trying it out if you could get a private room and the mw on duty said yes...they are trailing it out as obviously it means less work for them, so good all round!

MrsVDB · 27/01/2014 20:41

Check with your hospital as our local nhs hospital lets partners stay 24 hr once your in established labour until you go home. Although they do have to sleep in a chair

expatinscotland · 27/01/2014 20:48

'they are trailing it out as obviously it means less work for them, so good all round!'

It's not if you get the type Viva talks about, and believe it or not, you do often enough. It can also be a serious security risk. And not everyone's partner is the father of the baby they have given birth to.

MrsBungle · 27/01/2014 20:52

My DH stayed the night with me and DC2 at City Hospital - Nottingham. This was in the patient hotel which isn't always open. It was absolutely marvellous.

Thurlow · 27/01/2014 22:01

If everyone had their own room it would be different, but so many extra partners on a normal ward with curtained bays isn't a particularly pleasant idea

FrumiousBandersnatch · 27/01/2014 22:08

As pp have said, King's allows partners to stay.

The MLU at Lewisham has double beds in the rooms - I thought to encourage dads to stay? Don't think this is the case on postnatal ward though.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 27/01/2014 22:08

My local hospital doesn't allow partners to stay the night on the postnatal ward

But they did allow my DH to stay in with me for the week I was in, so I do think there is sometimes leeway there if it is needed (and I did need my DH)

BoffinMum · 27/01/2014 22:12

It's tough enough giving birth without strange blokes being dotted about the postnatal ward.

DontmindifIdo · 27/01/2014 22:14

My hosptial allowed dads to stay over, but it's all private rooms now. They don't provided anything for the dads, so DH put an airbed and a sleeping bag in the boot of the car, along with a change of pants and tshirt (he just borrowed my toothbrush). DH stayed the first night, but the second I was on my own, I had a c section and unfortunatley my left hand was hurt (long story) so I couldn't use it, trying to lift the baby to feed with only one working hand and no working stomach muscles was not fun! I wish he could have stayed the second night too. Was soo much easier to get home and have him next to me to help.

If you can book a private room, ask if he can stay.

Viviennemary · 27/01/2014 22:15

I think having partners on wards is a mad idea. What next. Whole families. Grannies and aunties and uncles.

mayhew · 27/01/2014 22:15

I worked at a lovely hospital where partners could stay.I'm generally in favour of this where single rooms are available.

However, during an emergency one of the dads stole my debit card and took out £300 (supermarket cashbacks) before i got a break and realised. I had dumped my bag behind a chair in their room as i got called to assist as I was arriving on shift and hadn't yet got to the staff room.

Classy.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/01/2014 22:43

There are not enough midwives on postnatal wards to help care for women who are recovering from a c section or episiotonmy and stitches and possibly no sleep for up to 3 days and nights. New mothers are not only in pain and knackered and trying to recover from the birth but also adjusting to being suddenly thrust into parenthood along with the hormones that brings. How on earth should it be acceptable that women should be left to cope alone in that situation, which is a major event in their life?

It's not right.
Never mind the fact that dads are missing out on preciousbonding time.

I only felt I could recover from a fairly traumatic birth once I got home - I had DH there to lift the baby when I felt my stitches would burst, cuddle him when I needed to sleep, bring me MEALS AND PAINKILLERS (basics,but were sometime forgotten by hospital staff). And be there for emotional support when I was cryingbecause breast feeding wasn't working out. He was amazing, and an essential part of the whole birth and post natal time.

I honestly think that in 20 years time we will look back at the way we deal with new mothers and think how lacking in sense it is. All women should have their own room,a double bed and no old-school fashioned rules about visiting times for dads. The pregnant woman AND the new dad should be considered as a partnership in the birth and the care of the newborn. At the moment we haven't moved on fast enoughfrom the time when men didn't enter the delivery room but paced up and down with a cigar outside.
I was lucky enough to have a private room

Lj8893 · 27/01/2014 23:06

I'm with expat on this one!!

I was in hospital for 3 nights as dd was in scbu, and it was incredibly lonely but as much as I would have loved to have dp there (espesially the 2nd night when I was ringing him in tears as dd wouldn't feed) but I wouldn't have wanted other men there!! And I wouldn't have wanted to subject dp to other women (as lovely as he is).

SingSongSlummy · 27/01/2014 23:15

The Birth Centre at Lewisham does indeed have double beds and my DH stayed overnight after the birth of DD2. The rooms are also sound proofed - amazing place, can't fault it!

Thurlow · 28/01/2014 09:31

I agree with what others are saying that care on post-labour wards isn't good enough, especially for women who have had some sort of surgery. But I just don't feel that letting other family members stay is the answer, not on a ward.

Because it couldn't just be partners, could it? It would have to be one person staying, so it could be a parent or a friend or even an older child. Just the logistics of nighttime on a ward, which is still nominally 'nighttime' with the lights turned down etc, with 50 people instead of just 25 patients.

littlebluedog12 · 28/01/2014 09:44

I had DD1 in an NHS midwife-led birth centre and DH was allowed to stay as it was all private rooms. Could that be an option for you?

I had DD2 in a busy hospital with 6 women to a ward. No way would I have wanted all the dads staying the night, they were annoying enough in the normal visiting hours! I had to stay in for 3 nights and the only peace was when the men and visitors had gone and the only noise to put up with was little babies Smile

Thurlow · 28/01/2014 09:51

Also, ditto Lj8893 - they can't even work out sensible provision for women whose babies are in NICU/SCBU (mine as too), you have to sleep on a main post-natal ward. I was in absolute hysterics the first night, even the noise of mums and babies was too much. Other family members there too would have been terrible.

Other things to fix first!

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 28/01/2014 09:56

My DH had to stay in with me because of the lack of provisions, which was understandable but difficult

Lj8893 · 28/01/2014 10:22

Yy thurlow they put me in a private "room" but it was really a cubicle, still on the same ward, right next to a communal bay so I could hear the other babies all night, and mums with babies were still walking around the ward and past my cubicle all night. I ended up sleeping in a recliner chair in scbu in the end.

Thurlow · 28/01/2014 11:03

It was awful, wasn't it? I had such a massive complain afterwards. I remember going to the mw station at midnight in floods of tears because I couldn't sleep, I was distraught that my baby wasn't with me etc. After much huffing and puffing they finally said that a bed was available in the SCBU transition side-ward and reluctantly moved me. No one said anything nice to me the whole time. I read my notes afterwards, they said 'Mum was overly emotional' Shock

Private rooms, or at least dividers that were more than a flimsy bit of curtain, would be wonderful.