Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Any hospitals were dads are allowed to stay overnight?

119 replies

GingerDoodle · 11/06/2012 10:15

Hi all

I am approaching 24 weeks with our first and giving some serious consideration to this.

Me and DH don't spent a lot of time apart, a handful of nights in 10 years and I do suffer anxiety so the prospect of having enforced separation should I need to stay overnight for whatever reason straight after the birth of our child does not sit well with me all at. I also, personally believe, that having DH with me and baby is better for bonding etc.

Homebirth is obviously an option but given our local hospital has a dire rep its rather putting me off on the basis of that's where I would be transferred if needed.

I don't mind paying (sadly can't run to a private birth full stop) so am just looking to see if anyone knows of hospitals which facilitate this?

Many thanks

GD

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Lj8893 · 28/01/2014 11:07

They are fundraising for a new scbu at my local hospital, and once they have the funds they need they are hoping to have a seperate post natal ward in the scbu. Which will be so much better!!

elliejjtiny · 28/01/2014 13:15

A postnatal ward in scbu sounds brilliant. DS4 was in NICU/SCBU for 4 weeks. I discharged myself after 3 days because I couldn't bear it on the ward without my baby and the walk from postnatal to SCBU was a nightmare, shuffling along endless corridors bent double and holding onto the wall. DH was looking after the other DC's so it was just me, the breast pump and my pile of trashy magazines.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 28/01/2014 13:25

There is a seperate scbu postnatal ward at my hospital and it was a godsend, I really think all hospitals should have them. I was even able to have the incubator and all the equipment next to me sometimes and when he was away from me he was in a room just a few paces away, all the parents were in the same situation and the whole set up was just so well thought out (DH didn't stay in with me that time apart from the first night)

xalyssx · 28/01/2014 13:43

My partner was allowed to stay overnight on the chair in the William Harvey hospital Ashford, even on the ward as long as he didn't disturb anyone. We didn't take the offer up though because he could stay with a relative nearby.

firstimer30s · 28/01/2014 15:05

Royal free in London let partners stay overnight. In a chair-ish thing, next to your bed, but still

Highlander · 28/01/2014 18:44

Expat- those conversations can take place at any time, since dads are allowedon the ward between 8am and 10pm.

I had DS1 in Canada and having your own room was the norm. You gave birth and stayed in the same room. 'Twas a bit noisy, essentially being a labour ward, but it was totally normal for both parents to contribute to post-natal care of the baby. It was a really special time for us; we learned everything together.

I was aghast that DH was kicked out with DS2.

Lj8893 · 28/01/2014 19:12

I think if there's private rooms then yes partners should be given the option to stay, but unfortunately in many hospitals there just isn't the space for all private rooms!

HotCrossPun · 28/01/2014 19:42

This is one of the main reasons I am having a homebirth.

Agree with what others have said though. Some women may not have partners or the partners may not be able to stay with them. For them having to share a ward with a load of strange men could be very intimidating.

For the sake of 12 hours it's not worth the extra inconvenience to the midwives and having post-birth woman feeling vulnerable.

expatinscotland · 28/01/2014 20:51

'Expat- those conversations can take place at any time, since dads are allowedon the ward between 8am and 10pm.'

Actually, not so always. In the ward where I gave birth to DS, visitors were not allowed until ward rounds were finished.

And night is entirely different. I don't think men have any place in a post-natal ward at night. Single, private rooms, sure, but I felt very vulnerable at night, staff was even harder to pin down, and was glad when those partners were told to go home at 10 because a lot of them made too much fucking noise.

Ideally, there wouldn't be wards, but there would also be many more midwives, one-to-one care and more nurses and better support for breastfeeding.

Pigs might fly, too.

ExBrightonBell · 28/01/2014 21:54

I agree with expat too. I had a really long stay in hospital due to a long induction, long labour, EMCS then baby in SCBU/me also poorly and then a few days in the transitional care ward before being discharged.

In the immediate aftermath of my EMCS I was immobile with a catheter in the High Dependency Unit (a 2 bed side ward) drugged up to my eyeballs and emotionally vulnerable. A new couple were moved into the bed next to me - well the girl's mum, and a bloke who I assumed was her dad. The girl was still in delivery. Turned out to be the father. He was charmless and completely oblivious to the presence of another patient in the room. He also smoked like a chimney. He went out every 10-15 minutes to smoke, and he stank so much of fags that eventually the midwife on the HDU had to tell him to stop going out. The smell was awful and I was trapped in the same room as him. When my DP came back from getting me some food I actually said to him that he wasn't to leave me whilst the other bloke was there. There is NO WAY I could have slept or relaxed if I had to share a room with him overnight! Even with my DP there as well. I wouldn't share a room with a random bloke in a hotel, so why on earth would I be ok with it after having had a horrendous birth, and bleeding/leaking/crying everywhere!

The policy of allowing partners to stay on the post natal ward at St Richard's in Chichester is just plain wrong. I have no problem with partners staying if everyone is in a private ensuite room, but otherwise it is crazy.

volvocowgirl · 29/01/2014 12:23

Diana Princess of Wales Hospital, Family Services Building in North East Lincs has individual rooms for each couple and partners can stay and are made very welcome.

www.nlg.nhs.uk/services/maternity/

MoominIsGoingToBeAMumWaitWHAT · 29/01/2014 16:17

Think there's arguments for both sides. We live 5 minutes away from the hospital, so for OH it's not a major issue - but for many, this is the closest hospital with a proper delivery suite (ie not a MLU) for over a hundred miles - my mum stayed in for three days with my brother, and my dad had to drive two and a half hours there and the same back, every day for three days. Cost a fortune in petrol and did nothing to help my parents - my mum has OCD and anxiety and my dad has bipolar, so they were struggling. Giving birth in MLU just wasn't an option due to health.

No hotels in the town where the hospital is didn't help either. There does need to be more options available - for some, having partners stay is just unspeakable, but for others, NOT having them stay just isn't practical at all.

Highlander · 29/01/2014 18:10

Seems to me that attitudes have moved on in terms of fathers being included in the care of their child, yet the style of NHS childbirth is still firmly rooted in the past (multibed wards instead of single rooms).

MimsyBorogroves · 29/01/2014 18:16

We paid £125 for a private room in bath RUH which meant DH could stay overnight with me after they'd started the induction. We live 45 minutes (at best) away and he was worried (bless). He was given a blow up mattress and the midwives sneaked him in some meals.

We should have been able to return to it the next night - after DS was finally born, but due to complications we had to be on a ward. I thought DH was going to be booted out but they just let him sleep on a chair next to my bed all night - but not sure whether that was a) because we had paid for the other room or b) because of the complications or c) because they were being nice.

McRoo · 29/01/2014 18:22

At the Lister in Stevenage partners can stay overnight on the induction ward and then in the MLU and CLU whilst you're in labour. They aren't allowed to have a wee in your ensuite though so my DH was timing his when the midwife left the room.

They aren't allowed to stay on the postnatal ward though. They do have amenity rooms which I think you can book for about £200 a night and I will DEFINITELY do that next time.

RedToothBrush · 29/01/2014 18:49

I was under the impression that maternity wards in Scotland had all moved to single rooms. And there is several in England which are completely non ward.

It makes you wonder why, when planning or redeveloping maternity units in England, this just isn't even considered. If some areas see it as cost effective, I don't understand why others still use that as the ultimate excuse.

expatinscotland · 29/01/2014 19:21

No, they are certainly not all single rooms in Scotland.

At the hospital where DS was born, dads are allowed from12.30 till 9pm excepting meal times.

PastaandCheese · 29/01/2014 19:35

I think that is the way they want to go red but I guess it will take decades for funding to become available for everywhere to reach this standard.

The local post natal ward is being redeveloped and will be mainly single rooms. They are keeping bays for the most high dependent patients as apparently it is better for their care to be visible and right by the midwife's station which makes sense.

Obviously this is all due for completion 3 weeks after my due date with #2 so not only do I get the usual PN horror it will be in a temporary ward with even less space and privacy than normal!

I hope beyond all hope I will be allowed to go straight home from the MLU....

Jollyb · 29/01/2014 19:56

I had DD2 at Tunbridge Wells hospital which is entirely single roomed . Partners are allowed to stay overnight

makesamesswhenstressed · 29/01/2014 19:59

No idea, but if you refuse to be left and he refuses to leave then they won't have any choice, will they?

I wish wish wish I had fought harder to keep my DH with me after my birth. 2 years of PTSD I've had about that first night completely alone and vulnerable. Just fight for what you want, fuck what the 'policy' is. This is your life. I wish I had had 'permission' from somebody to insist that I wasn't left.

sheeplikessleep · 29/01/2014 20:15

I would have felt hugely uncomfortable sleeping on a multi-bed ward, with other men sleeping there too. I say that for any hospital stay, let alone hours after giving birth.

No way.

expatinscotland · 29/01/2014 20:38

'No idea, but if you refuse to be left and he refuses to leave then they won't have any choice, will they? . . . Just fight for what you want, fuck what the 'policy' is. This is your life. I wish I had had 'permission' from somebody to insist that I wasn't left.'

He refuses to leave and they can and will call security to have him removed.

Sorry, but I'd have fought just as hard to not have to sleep next to a strange man. The policy is there to protect patient privacy and rest after giving birth if they are in a ward. No one wants to be left, but those rules are there for a reason.

Find a hospital that has single rooms, that allows partners to spend the night, have a homebirth and campaign to have better post-natal care and maternity units.

Chells · 29/01/2014 20:55

A close friend of mine's husband brought with a very thick coat and his own travel pillow. He quietly made himself a bed in an out of the way corner of her cubicle and politely refused to to leave! It was 12:45am, he told the matron he wasn't safe to drive, was very worried for his wife and didn't have money for a taxi. They did let him stay!

expatinscotland · 29/01/2014 20:56

I think it's fine in single rooms and cubicles.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 29/01/2014 21:35

They can and do make exceptions, as they did for my DH

Sometimes the reason for needing a partner to stay become more of a priority than the usual rules