I will now make a huge idiot of myself...

[openerofjars]

...but that last BH made my eyes water. And the previous two weren't very comfortable, either.

Um. I have a surveyor coming round to the house on Monday and I also booked in to get my roots done for Monday afternoon.

We are trying to get DS through bath time and bedtime at the mo'.

And DH wants to go and get a takeaway after DS is in bed.

The house is in a state as well.

Look, this isn't a veery convenient time.

Okay, if things are kicking off, which I hope they aren't and bet they aren't now I've started a thread about it, how can I slow it down/stop it for a couple of days?

I know, I can't get over the troll, either. All I need now is for a bunfight over home birth vs hospital birth or ff vs bf to break out and I'm made.

Or, if this carries on, for the thread to morph into the Friday night drunk (or in my case g&a) thread.

Do you know, labour is quite dull at this stage of the game.

Ooh, how exciting! Labour threads (even stoppy-starty ones, poor you) are ace. Good luck and best wishes OP

Ta! Still acing contractiond, just had a hiatus after I got up.

Is it wrong that I want to take the cocodamol not so much for the pain relief but for the interesting visual effects and swimmy head? . DH reckons recreational drug abuse during labour IB a bit U, the old stick-in-the-mud.

What an old fogey :o

(Good morning, 8 am here.)

I'll start your bunfight off for you - seriously woman, what are you doing lounging at home? Don't you know you should be making your agonizing inconvenient way to tge hospital to be examined, only to be sent home again a few times?? Lazybones.

Can you hurry it up a bit. I have guests coming tonight and I can't keep sloping off to check on an imaginary pal on the internet who may be having a baby.

Home birth, Jacks - they come here! But they won't come until I am making enough progress, so the general idea is similar. Basically, they come here then we send them home. In the middle of the night. Mwahahahahaha. Oh, and I will have ridiculous parking fees.

No, they are fab midwives and I can't do that to them.

No, no, I was trying to start a bunfight, home birth vs hospital. Trying to say you shouldn't be lounging lazily at home during a luxurious home birth but rather be running yourself ragged getting to the hospital only to be sent home again. It might not have made much sense as I'd just woken up and not had coffee yet. Which has been rectified now. But apparently I'm an epic failure at starting fights :o

Ohhh...

. How bloody dare you! I am not going back to that place to be strapped to the machine that goes "ping" and have six dozen medical students peering up my fanjo while covering me and my baby in MRSA and waving forceps in my face.

But it would be the safest place for you!!! not
Don't you know that homebirths are dangerous and a terrible risk?? bullshit

How's that? Any better? If not, give me about 15 mins and another cup of coffee... had one of those "bloody hell I'm tired but I'm so sore I can't sleep" nights. Not that you'd know anything about one of those... so I will quit my whinging now...

Aw, what's up? . I have it easy, this is a temporary condition that will be resolved.

Noooo, I cannot believe you are having your baby at HOME!!!

Seriously, why did you and your DH not get together with some of your friends collective and build a yurt in the garden. Only then can you truly experience a natural birth. With incense sticks, you won't need gas and air or any kind of pain relief. Simply breathe deeply and the scent of the jungle will soothe all pain.

Hmmm I reckon you're labour will be like this off and on and you'll just suddenly want to push and it'll be born

I hope it doesn't take too many more days for your sake!

No room for a yurt in the yard we share with our neighbours... . But it is a bit lentil-weavy round here. Just give me a sec to plait this yoghurt into a sling...

I bloody well hope so, Random.

That last cx made me cry. It fucking hurt. But they are still quite irregular. If I get another 2 like that I am taking the cocodamol, and having visions.

One of my midwifes recommended paracetamol and a small glass of red wine in early labour

Is the midwife briging gas 7 air - it's fantastic that stuff once you get the hang of it.

In other news...

Our mortgage lender's survey just came back and they won't lend unless we get a structural survey done. We already had our own homebuyers survey done which came back okay, so am a bit about this. We have been having interesting phone calls with the EA and our financial advisor along the lines of "Just let me pass you back to my husband... ngggggghhhhhhhhh.... darling, grab the phone will you? Nggggghhhhhhhhh". It is Not Helping At All.

Oh god, nothing's wrong - didn't mean to sound so whiny. I have just way overdone it the last few days between work and my favourite exercise (power yoga) so am feeling wimpy and pathetic. Sorry .

Not that my birth is representative of anything except that everything that could fucking go wrong, did but I had really irregular contractions. 3 mins apart, 5 mins, then 7. That shit went on for hours, I tell you. Grrrr.

has always wondered how to plait a semi-liquid substance

perhaps that should be a semi-solid

Off to have a shower with DS now, have farted around long enough this morning.

Yeah, they are bringing G&A but they don't need to come over yet. So not ready.

Mind you, in my last labour I got to 6cm before I got to the hospital and it was like this, slow and not particularly regular, for ages at home.

It has to be organic yoghurt.

Oh thank goodness you are finally getting there, I thought you might be gestating and elephant for a minute

Bon chance!

Say to your lenders, "I am going to come and camp in your office until you sort out the mortgage so if you wouldn't mind sorting it out fast cause I wouldn't want to mess up your carpet".

It's ridiculous. Our (more comprehensive) survey said there was some movement but it wasn't anything serious. Mind you, the vendors paid a shitload less for it not that long ago, so...

Hey, these contractions are really starting to knack a bit now! Hooray!

(bet I won't be saying that in an hour...)

Okay, they've been harsher, 1min long and between 4.5 and 7 mins for an hour now ever since I necked 2 cups of raspberry leaf tea in quick succession.

Yay!

Er, now what? Call MW out, fill up giant blue paddling pool?

Sounds like it could be time especially if you want some G&A

I love gas and air. I didn't really have any expectations if it before DS was born, but I found that it really helped me.

Good luck .