OMG - my hospital don't let dads stay o/n!!

[Highlander]

are we back in the 18thC or soemthing? I've just found out that dads are 'not allowed' to stay for the first night on the postnatal ward. I'm horrified, especially after hearing all the stories about midwives not helping when you buzz. Maybe they're all too busy making up bottles. When I had DS, no-one was bottle feeding on our unit. DH is trying to calm me by saying we'll get a solo room and he will stay (he's a docotor himself).

I'm really panicing. I had such a good time with DS.

dinny and dejags persuaded me - I'll be hunting them down for babysitting duties!!

i was lucky enough to get moved into a side room on my second night in hosp after emergency section with ds. i'd been quite upset and not slept at all the first night. they didn't kick dh out, and he could probably have stayed all night but i sent him home at about midnight.

highlander, i'm sure you will find the staff will be really kind and respond to you quickly when you need them. that's why they put you on a ward, its easier keep checking on you. try not to worry.

Message withdrawn

I remember vast families visiting when I had dd, there would be 10-12 people visiting at any one time and it was pandemonium all day, so imopossible to try to rest when you baby was alseep. Also many of the children were just allowed to run wild, wherever they wanted. After that they brought in the 'only siblings' rule to stop the ward being an extension of the Wacky Wharehouse and reduced visiting hours for everyone except the dad. dads were allowed in all day from 10 to 10

Dp wasn't allowed to stay either, it didn't specificly say they had to be out at a certain time, but a midwife asked him to leave at about 12.30am after he'd been carrying dd around the ward for 3 hours so i could sleep (she wasn't eating at that point) I had had a very strenuous labour and after being awake all night the night before (1st night on ward) i was beginning to hallucinate! He only left after making the midwife promise that they wouldn't return dd to me unless she wanted a feed.I was so grateful to him, as dd was my first and i felt quite lonely and lost on my own- so i understand exactly how you feel.
I hope you do manage to get a private room and he can stay, i know how much i would have appreciated it.

when i had my baby they were incredibly strict about visiting hours.
a woman came up to the ward post delivery at about 11am, her husband dashed in an hour later (he was working away and the birth was so fast he didn't make it in time) and the midwife came and told him he'd have to leave and come back at 4 as 12-4 was 'quiet time'.

she was so shocked, and i thought that was really unfair. they were both crying.

My hospital is all private rooms on the postnatal ward but I was also in the antenatal ward for a few nights in a double room.

The rules were that dh/p's had to leave at 9 I think, but in reality I'm not sure dh ever left before 9 (I was in 8 nights) and some nights on the antenatal ward was there till 1 in the morning and was never asked to leave. Obviously much easier to be relaxed about these rules if private rooms but could understand it on a big ward. DH was always quiet so although they knew it was there they just let us get on with it (I guess they realised I would be less work for them if he was there ).

I woudl say get a private room if you can and get dh to keep his head down.

They do the same at ERI. Even in the private rooms, which you can't book out, anyway. That's why I wanted to get out of there asap.

I've only heard of partners being able to do this in North America, and then only when you hire an amenity room.

Message withdrawn

Depends where you are I should think. With dd1 I had prblems so DH in the anti-natal warss with me for 3 days and then post natal for about a week. However that was due to having a prem baby. No others dh's were allowed, but we had a private room and I was v ill too.

I do remember one snotty cow asking why me and a friend (who I met in hospital) had private rooms, whilst she had to 'slum it' in a ward. That god the MW were lovely and explained that it was unfair to be in a ward with no baby!!

2nd time I was in a ward and DH had to go home. He wasn't allowed to stay after about 8pm. I was p*ssed off as we had about 1/2 hr together after c-section, he wasn't allowed in recovery room with me or anything. Looking back I hated that experience.

TBH I would look at all options. Check if he is even allowed to stay in a private room (they may not even allow that) or see if you could choose a different hospital. If you are having an elective c-section there is time for planning and the next nearest hospital might have a different policy.

When I was there last time, in December, I didn't buzz but once, to get DD2 latched on before leaving. There was one midwife who was good at it, and showed me how to hold DD2 like a football under my arm. But by then my left nipple had been chewed to blisters. Couldn't WAIT to get the hell out of there and get hold of an NCT bf counsellor.

Luckily I'd been gifted previously w/the power of MN, and had some thawed colostrum to feed DD2 from a syringe so she wasn't squealing w/hunger.

Go for 6 hour discharge and hire a maternity nurse to come to your home.

Oh, sorry, I didn't realise you were having a CS.

My local hospital re-introduced visiting hours at the request of the Mums! Partners could be there from 9-12 and 2-9, others 10-12, 2-4 and 7-8 (I think) everyone got booted out over lunch and although i hated the idea it was quite nice as the ward was realtively quiet for 2 hours! Restricting everyne but partners at other times was also nice as me and DH got to spend lots of time with DS woithout seeming rude to other rellies

32 on a ward in MK hospital!! I kid you not. They are in 4 bays of 8, no doors or walls to muffle the sound. 32 babies screaming all night. Actually it encourages you to get home quick.

don't worry expat - I'm planning on being home by the next day!

thanks everyone - DS is up now; he's got an ear infection so I'd better give an entire afternoon of TLC

Highlander - when I had ds3 by ECS 4 weeks ago - they were trying to send dp home at 5am without even holding the baby! . No-one helped me bf or even hold the baby - he was just plonked in an incubator next to me and I was tethered to my bed by drips, catheter and bp machine.

We were in a tiny recovery room with 3 other women on the labour ward (I had to stay there for 14? hours - they didn't wash me, I had sick in my hair until I had to walk to the shower the next day). There was no phone on the ward - I had no way of contacting anyone. There were no single rooms. I appreciate they needed peace and quiet but I not only had a distressed baby but I was virtually ignored by everyone and not allowed to celebrate - why not put aside a room (even a delivery room) for a couple of hours? If I could have walked out I would have done!

I am so cross about this treatment and the non-caring attitude of certain mws that I intend to make a formal complaint.

They almost stopped dp coming into the shower (we didn't want to shag - I wanted him to get me off the floor if I fainted! but frankly so what if we did!) bizarrely if you are from the next town and have an ECS you can be transferred from teh city hospital after 24hrs to a mother and baby unit which has double beds where your partner can stay with you - how civilised!

I don't want to frighten you but you get your dh to fight for you (mine was too traumatised after a failed ventouse and ECS to speak!)

By the way I agree with what everyone else says re: visitors and peace and quiet - but I think one person - your partner (or your mother/sister etc) is an exception especially when the mws can't/won't help you and you've had major traumatic surgery. I can't believe they would treat patients on teh general surgical ward so badly.

I've had 3 sections and partner was not allowed to stay over night after any of them.

Best advice is for dp/dh to help you get set up for the night before he goes, ie nappies, bottles etc.

dh couldnt stay in our hospital either but I think thats the norm isnt it. I was on a ward as classed as high risk both times but even in your own room they dont stay.

highlander, if you come back to this thread, just to warn that amenity rooms @less than £100 a night in many units are first come first served, and therefore you may not get one. i'm sure you would be priority with a c-section.

google your hospital's name and have a poke around their website to find out about private beds/rooms. or post the name here, someone's bound to know...!

I'd imagine our breastfeeding rates would be even worse if there'd been 14 husbands on the ward as well as mums! I can't think of anything worse when I was sitting there sobbing and naked except for a big pad in between my legs!

Sorry I'm on a rant now my issue was not that he wasn't allowed to stay overnight but that ds3 was born at 2.30am and as soon as I had left theatre they were trying to get rid of dp - our babe was in an incubator and we couldn't even hold him at that stage - we were both shellshocked and upset yet they just wanted to leave me on my own. When he came out of the incubator an hour later when he had stabilised, the mws wouldn't even let dp change or dress him which really annoyed me. The mw had the nerve to write 'skin to skin established at 3.40am' on my notes - must have been her skin then because it certainly wasn't ours! Makes me tearful just to think of it!

Message withdrawn

Can I just say be careful about asking for the 'small print' when yuo pay for a 'private ' room. On a NHS ward the siderooms are usually called 'amenity' beds and you can pay for them, however if the room was needed for a non paying patient ie someone who was really poorly, or whose baby had gone to SCBU etc you may be asked to leave. Paying for it unless it's in aprivate wing doesn't automatiaclly mean you get to keep it.