Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Flip

1 2 ··· 16 17 18 19 20 21

Original poster

OMG - my hospital don't let dads stay o/n!!

514 replies

Highlander · 14/02/2006 11:39

are we back in the 18thC or soemthing? I've just found out that dads are 'not allowed' to stay for the first night on the postnatal ward. I'm horrified, especially after hearing all the stories about midwives not helping when you buzz. Maybe they're all too busy making up bottles. When I had DS, no-one was bottle feeding on our unit. DH is trying to calm me by saying we'll get a solo room and he will stay (he's a docotor himself).

I'm really panicing. I had such a good time with DS.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

jabberwocky · 17/02/2006 17:06

I had to step away for a moment and was surprised to see how many posts!

IME, if a clinic has a nurse practitioner or physician's assistant on staff you will be offered a slightly sooner appt. to see them, but always have the option to wait another couple of weeks to a month and see the doctor. This is because most practices employ these types of assistants because they have gotten extremely busy but not quite to the level to justify another partner.

My secretary had her second baby on Medicaid, which is a government health program for patients who cannot afford healthcare and qualify under certain income restrictions. She delivered in a private hospital, private room, etc. No difference whatsoever in her care level compared to someone with private insurance.

County hospitals are more likely to have shared rooms. You tend to only have those types of facilities in larger cities with a higher percentage of homeless, for example.

julienetmum · 17/02/2006 23:14

My advice may be ridiculous, but it is basedon the fact that a midwife told me if they didn;t think you were coping they would allow your partner to stay with you a bit longer.

I was preparing if necessary to put on a blinking great act of hysteria and not coping in an attempt not to suffer flashbacks of the 1st night in hospital as I did after having dd.

As I said, I luckily didn;t have to test this out as my homebirth worked out.

nailpolish · 20/02/2006 07:48

of course you are expat, im sure weve had this discussion before, i just forgot!

MumtoBen · 09/03/2006 21:49

My husband was not allowed to stay in hospital with me. Restrictive visiting times meant I was on my own most of the time. I was in hospital for 10 nights, looking after my new baby in his incubator on my own every night. I ended up in a terrible state (hallucinating, couldn't eat, exhaustion) as I had no sleep for the first 5 nights as it was so noisy (mobiles going off, visitors staying without permission until very late, babies crying). I was a wreak when eventually left hospital. I missed meals as hospital staff expected me to leave my baby alone in the incubator to go to the dining room. I refused to do this after my baby was nearly abducted. I think when you have to stay in hospital for more than a few days then partners should be allowed to stay too.

Rochwen · 10/03/2006 09:50

My hospital didn't let dads stay either. I would have loved it if he could have stayed as I felt very lonely that first night. However, I think hubby was very happy to go home and have a good night's sleep (a luxury I didn't get).

Actually I wish they had taken my baby away during the night, so I could have gotten some sleep. I begged and begged but they refused saying I need to bond with her, hah, like I bonded with her whilst she was screaming her head off and I was too knackered to get up and pick her up. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr....

puff · 10/03/2006 10:05

Your dh can stay with you round the clock if the hospital gives you a life threatening infection whilst performing an emergency cs .

Bethbe · 17/08/2006 12:24

Could you just take your blanket & baby and camp on the floor outside the maternity ward with your DP/DH. That's what I plan to do if he can't stay!!!

expatinscotland · 17/08/2006 12:25

Erm, wouldn't it make more since just to go home then, Beth?

intergalacticwalrus · 17/08/2006 12:27

I'm glad DP can't stay at the hospital o/n when I have me CS (in 3 weeks aarrgghh) as it will be nice to come home to him feeling human and not sleep deprived, as I inevitably will be.

expatinscotland · 17/08/2006 12:28

Wouldn't fancy sleeping on a cement floor after giving birth myself . . .

wheresmyfroggy · 17/08/2006 12:32

Dw is keen to stay in overnight with our new baby whilst i come home and deal with our dds and the inevitable chaos and noise. A night of 1 to 1 between dw and the new baby will be so rare.

babyonboard · 17/08/2006 12:33

I was quite glad of this tbh, mainly because the lady opposite me and her husband were sickeningly annoying, talking loudly and swearing all the time so I was glad of the peace at 'kicking out time'.
It also meant DH could ome and take over in the day whilst I napped, having showered etc himself, and ould bring goodies from home for me.
It was also lovely to have alone time with DS before oming home to the huge stream of visitors and overnight guests.
I have really fond memories of the nights spent alone on the ward with him, despite the crap we had to put up with from the hospital and staff. It was like our own little bubble.

One thing that I did find odd was that guests couldn't use the ward loos, even on the labour ward, where DP had to go to the next floor up for a wee at a crucial point!

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 17/08/2006 12:38

I think it's the norm and I'm afraid to say that from their pov I can understand it. there's the security issue, there's the space issue, and if you say in response - well he doesn;t mind bringing a camp bed - then there's health and safety issues - hospitals can't possibly allow everyone (not just people who've given birth - what about all the sick people...) to have their other half sleeping on the floor next to them, can you imagine it! It's not nice for new parents but what else can the hospitals do?

intergalacticwalrus · 17/08/2006 12:44

Plus for most people it is only 1 or 2 nights. Hardly a big deal in the gand sceme of things. Personally, I'm looking forward to getting away from DP's incessant snoring

magnolia1 · 17/08/2006 12:50

I really can't imagine a hospital where the fathers stay postnatal!!
If that is so important then a home birth if possible or Private??
I would not be comfortable with other peoples husbands staying on the same ward as me and Dh would not be either.

CheesyFeet · 17/08/2006 12:56

Can you imagine a post natal ward, knackered mums, new babies crying day and night, and assorted men snoring on camp beds next to every bed? Sounds like a vision of hell to me.

It would have been lovely to have dh stay with me on the ward but at the end of the day it wasn't possible. He slept better at home and could run round fetching and carrying and updating friends and relatives etc all the better for it.

Dottydot · 17/08/2006 13:04

Haven't read all this thread but I was incredibly upset when I had ds2 and after a 29 hour labour ending in an emergency c section at 12.30am, the hospital threw dp out at 4am because it wasnt visiting hours! I was in my own room because I was recovering from the section and she was sleeping on a chair in my room - we were both completely exhausted and this nurse came in and very rudely told her she'd have to go. She had to find a taxi at 4am...

Grrr - actually although this was all over 2 years ago it's making me really angry thinking about it again.

CheesyFeet · 17/08/2006 13:14

I can see the case for allowing partners to stay if the baby is delivered in the middle of the night or if there are complications either with the mother or the baby, but as a general rule I don't think it's feasible.

I've just re-read this thread and there are some awful stories, where partners definitely shouldn't have been sent away.

My experience was four women and babies, all of whom had no complications, in a fairly cramped room. It would have been awful had there been four dp/dh's in there too.

footprint · 17/08/2006 13:29

I had my dd in Portugal and husbands were only allowed in from 2pm to 8pm. It was horrible esp as I didn't speak much portuguese and none of the nurses spoke English. I had to stay from Monday morning until Friday afternoon (dd born Tuesday night after a wretched induction). I couldn't eat the food, had to get dh to bring dairy products and fruit from outside. Thank God we live in Switzerland now, if I ever have another!

Northerner · 17/08/2006 13:36

My hospital didn't allow this either, didn't occur to me that some would find it a problem.

Ds was born at 9.15pm so I was moved throught to post antal ward at about 10.30pm and dh had to say goodbye to me in delivery suite - they wouldn't allow him onto ward so late at night as he would disturb the other mums.

God can you imagine, mums, baby and dad's traipsing through the ward at all hours of day and night? It would be very noisy, and they'd be up gassing all night, and whispering.

Ooh no, I acn see why it's not a common occurance tbh.

babyonboard · 17/08/2006 14:01

I am all for specific guest (including the dh's) visiting times, but one problem we had with our hospital was it was from 10am to 8pm, but with a two hour 'resting time' between 12 and 2 , so not long enough for DP to go home, but not long enough to hang aimlessly around the hospital.
he ended up sitting in the pub across the road for the whole time.

Bethbe · 17/08/2006 14:14

Expat: I guess I just want the best of both worlds.... I can't imagine having to say goodbye to my DH just 45 mins after giving birth like Northerner.

At the same time, I wanna be around for all the information/advice etc. that I can get, being a first time mum and having real difficulty getting everything right even in pregnancy i.e. at 6 months I still sleep on my front - never occurred to me not to!

There's a waiting room outside the maternity ward, - I'm planning on sitting/sleeping there with my DH until we're both ready to say goodbye! Any additional nights I'll play by the rules, - but that first time - how harsh!!!!

Bozza · 17/08/2006 14:29

Bethbe you will be very lucky if you feel like doing that after a first birth I think. You may be lucky - my DS was born at lunchtime so no problems.

And I had DD at home so even fewer problems. She was born at breakfast time so I had lots of visitors the first day and it felt really surreal sitting up in my own bed entertaining all the family.

edam · 17/08/2006 14:34

I was very lucky - we got to stay in the delivery room overnight - just been done up so nice big room (bigger than my sitting room) with a sofabed for dhs/dps.

Bethbe · 17/08/2006 14:51

Bozza: Well, just goes to show doesn't it! I know nothing! - but I do have a very stubborn streak which is 100 times worse when I'm uncomfortable.

From some of the posts I've seen though, it could be that I'd get MORE sleep outside the ward than in it.

Understand totally that partners staying can disrupt the rest of others on the ward, and wouldn't want to cause that, - it just seems so harsh that minutes after meeting our new girl/boy, he could be sent away - him with disappointment, me with nobody to talk to.

I expect that again with my stubborn streak, he'll get hell from me during the birth, and forget about bonding with the baby, - DH and me will have to do some swift bonding!

I'll probably cry all night at the way I treated him with no means of talking it through!

Flip

1 2 ··· 16 17 18 19 20 21