OMG - my hospital don't let dads stay o/n!!

[Highlander]

are we back in the 18thC or soemthing? I've just found out that dads are 'not allowed' to stay for the first night on the postnatal ward. I'm horrified, especially after hearing all the stories about midwives not helping when you buzz. Maybe they're all too busy making up bottles. When I had DS, no-one was bottle feeding on our unit. DH is trying to calm me by saying we'll get a solo room and he will stay (he's a docotor himself).

I'm really panicing. I had such a good time with DS.

Yes it's worth investigating midwife led units if you want such luxuries.
My friend was due to give birth in one that had a sofa bed for dp/h's , their own mini fridge and bathroom, and much more relaxed all round. (sadly she ended up in hos. with forceps delivery)
hopitals have much stricter budgets and guidelines to stick to.

Hi

My DH could only visit during visiting times (which were quite long) too. In fact my parents and inlaws (separate visits) travelled 180 miles to see DD and because they were half an hr early before visiting time the MW had a right go at them which I was v annoyed about (after explaining that they had travelled a long way and had to head back that night!!). And I was in my own room (which was useless as it didn't have any curtains and in April the sun comes up pretty early!!!).

Have to say I am having a hard time thinking about the post natal sex earlier on in the posts - that is absolutely disgusting - surely it can't be true????

Another thing that annoyed me, they didn't let my 10 yr old sister on the ward to visit, as they only premit under 13's if they are siblings of the new baby.
bad for my parents as they had to visit us in 'shifts' , and the same hospital let her onto the labour ward an hour after I'd given birth so what is the difference!?

patsy

Re the post natal sex, i am very much afraid that it is true.

I used to work in a medical infomation department in a company that made the pill. We used to write the patient leaflets and I alawys used to joke that no-one would need contraception in the first weeks after giving birth, My boss was an ex MW and she told me that she had walked in on several couples hard at it in the ward afting the woman had given birth.

My freinds sister was n a 4 bed unit and the mws couldn't find the mother of a very distressed baby. they honestly did find her and the father hard at it in the shower.

Hard to believe, but the total truth

Hard to belive post birth,mainly for the ouch factor,
but my friend is doing a nursing course, and on the labour ward she walked in on people 69'ing, the lady was apparantly 8cm dilated at the time....
I can't imagine it myself, but each to their own.

At that stage in labour all I wanted was more gas n air and at the most a peck on the cheek..lol

'on the labour ward she walked in on people 69'ing, the lady was apparantly 8cm dilated at the time....'

That has to be the mingingest thing I've ever read.

there was a long and quite heated thread on sex during childbirth/ childbirth as a sexual experience a few months ago.....

lol expat, I'm surprised it didn't put her off nursing permanently.
makes me shudder everytime I think about it though
Imagine it..actually don't..

Sorry but , , . Ouch!

where I work we dont allow dads to stay on the wards overnight this is mainly for security reasons, there are three staff on per ward at night usually women I have been assulted by a partner and so have many of my collegues verbally and physically one even had her arm broken!!!

Also we have 22 beds on our ward, not one huge ward its divided up into 4 bedded bays, and some single rooms. The only time we allow partners to stay is if the baby is ill on SCBU or the woman is being induced her partner can then stay and support her.

I have gone into a room and found a partner in bed and his wife asleep in the chair, also had a partner wandering round the ward in his boxers, he wanted me to make him a coffee.......

Its not ideal partners being unable to stay, I would have loved my dh to stay after I had our dd's to share in our special time, but there just wasnt the space of the facilities for him to do that.

just one other point I work permanent nights Im on delivery suite at the moment, after delivery we always try to keep patients on delivery suite for at least 4 hours if possible so that the partner can stay and spend time with baby and mum, and any other visitors can come in. c/sections are kept longer

I really struggled not having my husband with me at night as I had a 10 night stay in hospital after having my son. 10 nights with absolutely no help at all from 8.30pm until 10.00am and getting very little sleep from all the noise in the hospital (mobiles going off all night, other peoples' relatives there til midnight even though it wasn't allowed, let alone other people's babies!). I was an absolute wreck by the time I came out and on the verge on being incapable of looking after my baby through complete exhaustion. I was refused all help by the midwifes on the ward. I would have done anything to have my husband there helping me at night, as I could barely stand or walk with all the pain I was in.

Surely in some circumstances dads should be allowed to stay? I could have managed with the average stay of 1 night. Either that or the lazy midwifes should be forced to help new mums.

The hospital I had my ds in didn't allow this either. There were complications after my labour (ds was jaundice and I was very anaemic due to a huge blood loss!) and I had to stay in for 4 nights. I was absolutely exhausted by the time I got home as I spent every single night awake trying to get baby to breast-feed and stop crying. Midwives were no help at all. I'm now pg again and there's no way I want to stay over-night on my own with this lo. Good luck !

I think I would have liked my partner there overnight for the birth of my first child. But I found the midwives great. I had my cs at 11am and didn't realise you could get up that day and they did all the helping me try to feed thing and changing for me.
But I would hate to have him there for my second. Because
A)The shock of birth motherhood bf etc would surley not be so profound and
B) I would want him an home with DS1 so he didn't feel completely abandoned. I would like him to get a good nights sleep to be able to look after my son properly.