OMG - my hospital don't let dads stay o/n!!

[Highlander]

are we back in the 18thC or soemthing? I've just found out that dads are 'not allowed' to stay for the first night on the postnatal ward. I'm horrified, especially after hearing all the stories about midwives not helping when you buzz. Maybe they're all too busy making up bottles. When I had DS, no-one was bottle feeding on our unit. DH is trying to calm me by saying we'll get a solo room and he will stay (he's a docotor himself).

I'm really panicing. I had such a good time with DS.

In answer to your question about how many people are on a ward, do you mean how many other mothers and babies? I think it will differ a lot between hospitals. The hospital where I had the DSs has two enormous postnatal wards with probably about 40-50 beds on each.

well, you could have the baby in your bed, and if you've got a supply of bottles on standby, and everything within reach. I had a section with my third pg (twins), and got everything to hand, and was fine. Was glad to get home and get soem help, but it was manageable.

I was in a bay with five other women, and I think there were another half dozen in the next bay in the same ward. Sometimes there were people in labour in the side room, or even in the same bay as us, with their ctg monitors on.

Tbh the MWs aren't likely to ignore your buzzing on the first night, and you may well find the baby sleeps well that night anyway. It was the next two nights that I found sooo hard, but I could haul ds out of his goldfish tank myself by then .

It's their baby as well you know! I feel sorry for DPs, their partners have just had their child and they get kicked out as if they have no relevance or right to be with them!

I had this with DS1, I hated it, DH got sent home at 1am when I got sent to the ward - didn't drive so it took him two hours to get home. I was miserable and overwhelmed and I needed him, I had no sleep and was a wreck by the following morning. Consequently I went home asap with DS2 and DD, and refused to stay overnight again.

However.....some hospitals do let DPs stay. St Thomas' home-from-home unit has an extra bed so that they don't have to leave. Now they just need to extend that to ordinary postnatal wards..........

Highlander husbands didn't stay overnight when I had my 3 either (most people seem to be surprised at the idea, like me, wondering where they would sleep?)
Our hospital has visiting hours, but access for partners and baby's siblings is unrestricted. Check what happens at yr hospital.
Ours had 6 beds to a ward but not always full. Often only 3-4.

I was in a bay with five other women, and I think there were another half dozen in the next bay in the same ward. Sometimes there were people in labour in the side room, or even in the same bay as us, with their ctg monitors on.

Tbh the MWs aren't likely to ignore your buzzing on the first night, and you may well find the baby sleeps well that night anyway. It was the next two nights that I found sooo hard, but I could haul ds out of his goldfish tank myself by then .

Same here - no o/n for dads. Had ds at 7.00 and dp was kicked out at 9.30 when they took me up to the ward....
Visiting hours 1.00 to 8.30 for dads. 6.00 - 8.30 everyone else...
8 on the ward.....after five days was tunneling my way out...

wards really vary. at the JR in Oxford it's four per bay but still not much sleep TBH. I'd recommend that you go on a ward tour and have a good look round to see if you can stand what you see. If not, then maybe consider other options.

If you get an amenity room (IIRC more likely if you've had a c-section, or if your local hosp has single rooms (new maternity ward in Grimsby does apparently) then your dh staying might be OK. at the JR you can also pay £336 a night to pre-book a single room on the private floor.

but at the JR again i think all mums with a c-section had to spend their first night in the Observation Area - no partners, no sleep to speak of. But ask - things vary so much at different hosps.

I was in a bay with five other women, and I think there were another half dozen in the next bay in the same ward. Sometimes there were people in labour in the side room, or even in the same bay as us, with their ctg monitors on.

Tbh the MWs aren't likely to ignore your buzzing on the first night, and you may well find the baby sleeps well that night anyway. It was the next two nights that I found sooo hard, but I could haul ds out of his goldfish tank myself by then .

Message withdrawn

serenity - that is exactly how I feel. I'm giving birth, doesn't mean to say I'm the only one who can look after the baby!

I'm feeling very teary about this already. DS had boob every 1.5 hours right from the word go, don't see how this one is likely to be different.

I get very aggressive when I'm anxious - I really don't want to be jumping down the midwife's throat at my first appt!

oh dear, not sure what happened there!

Dinosaur, I think we had our dses at the same hospital - were there really 40-50 beds per ward? It seemed smaller to me [puzzled at own hormonalness emoticon]

2nd births are usually discharged more quickly anyway. Ds was born at about 7.30, and they let dh stay till about 9.30, then he had to go home. Visiting hours were 11-8 or so. Had h/b with dd, and hopefully will again with pg3.

I can't go home the same day - I'm having a CS. It's just that first night.

Do all mat units have private rooms - how much do they cost?

I seem to recall (through fog of maternal forgetfulness) that there were lots of bays. But it could be just me. I didn't stay in with DS1 (he was in SCBU, I couldn't bear being on the p/n ward without a baby, so I just walked home!). Had a side room with DS2. And was only in for a portion of one night with DS3. So didn't actually spend that much time there. They just somehow seemed enormous as I walked through!

I had my own room following emergency c/s and my DH wasn't allowed to stay. Midwives were pretty much useless so I stayed up all night and caught up on sleep during the day (8am-8pm) when DH was around to hold the baby!!

If it's really a problem for you I reckon your DH should speak to the hospital about it before you go in, as any husbands who protested (including my DH) were ejected by Security. I was in Whipps Cross Maternity unit (never again...). Hopefully your hospital will be more understanding!!

It was not veyr much at all at the Homerton for a side room. Can't remember now but I'm sure it was well less than £100.

Just remembered some notes I read from Midwife regarding visitors in hospital - "Only children allowed to visit are to be the mother's"

Remember thinking, what if Dh had children from previous relationship who wanted to visit??

Most mat hospitals have solo rooms, we asked for me when I had emerg CS but theren't werent any available. DH even offered to pay if he could have done.

First night in bf ward with 5 other mums was dreadful, no sleep at all. However, after the first night in the ward, all the other mums went home and I spent the next 3 days in the bf ward by myself which was really nice. Felt very safe and mw helped me out no end, even if I didn't buzz. Quite glad in the end that I didn't go into a single room by myself otherwise I wouldnt have got the same help from mw in my opinion.

My private room cost £40 per night. It does mean you have the option of catching up on sleep during the day, as it is much quieter than a ward.

No overnight stays here either. I found midwives far more readily available when I was on a ward (of 6) after my c-section. When I had a VBAC I had a room to myself and hardly saw anyone. Visiting both times was restricted - I didn't mind. Gave me a chance to bond. Also felt second time round I would rather DH be at home looking after DD.

I think we could have had a side room for about £35 a night but I'm not sure if dh would have been able to stay. My sister had terrible problems with her first ds and after struggling to cope on a ward on her own after 4 nights they moved her to a private room and let her dh stay. My dh couldn't stay anyway as he'd have to come home to be with ds

less than £100 is very do-able, espec for 1 night. Then I could move into the ward with everyone else. Don't think I'll be joiing the queue for shagging in the loos though Wait til I tell DH about that.............

Agree - I felt a bit isolated in a private room. And DS2 didn't sleep at all on the second night, so it wasn't much use really (although at least it meant he wasn't keeping all the other mothers awake, only me!).

I forgot to say, congratulations highlander! Blimey it seems like no time since you were pg with your first!