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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Having my mum present at the birth

146 replies

Firsttimemum36 · 29/02/2012 22:09

Just watching OBEM and the presence of parents in the labour room. DH said "well of course it'll just be the two of us". I haven't really thought about it yet tbh. My parents live a flight away and I always thought my mum would be here at the time of the birth - but then would it be odd to leave her at home when I went labour?

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TeamEdward · 29/02/2012 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lunarlyte · 01/03/2012 08:17

My mum and husband were present during the birth of DD1. I had only thought that I had wanted my husband present prior to the labour, but once I saw my Mum at my house before goons to the hospital, I asked her to go in with me as a birth partner, too! (DH was fine with that, thankfully).

I found her to bring a different sort of comfort than my husband, and both of them there were greatly appreciated. Plus, as my labour was long, they provided support to eachother, not just me.

SucksToBeMe · 01/03/2012 08:27

I had my mum with me, thank god. As my OH only speaks spanish and i had a ELCS.
When he saw my mum in scrubs he asked "did your mum do the operation?"

SucksToBeMe · 01/03/2012 08:28

I meant ECS! Not ELCS.

AThingInYourLife · 01/03/2012 08:30

It's entirely up to you - it wouldn't be odd not to have her, but if you think she would be a good support, then ask her to be there.

It's not your husband's decision.

Bossybritches22 · 01/03/2012 08:35

My mum was with me for both of mine as my DH was such a woos with needles/anything invasive we wanted him to feel he could slip out of the room if he needed to without worrying about me being alone.

It's also very long & boring for the DH's at times so having someone else to talk to/get drinks/mop brows/walk around/lean on is a great help.

Don't usually watch OBEM but I felt for poor Victor last night being sent out when he clearly wanted to be there for some of it even if not the yukky bits!!

HappyCamel · 01/03/2012 08:47

My mum delivered dd. the midwife had decided I "wasn't really pushing" and buggered off. Luckily mum had been a midwife 20 years before. DH would have gone to pieces if it had just been him and me. She stayed with me while I had stitches too and DH held dd the other side of a screen. There are some things a guy doesn't need to see.

Spagbolagain · 01/03/2012 08:53

Mine was there for both and am so glad she was. First time I was in hospital for 3 days, and she supported us both, gave DH a break, and gave some practical help that mums are good at. Second time was a homebirth, so she was there in case DS1 woke up, made lots of tea, and was thrilled to be able to watch the crowning whilst DH loitered at the other end :o
Both times I think DH was pleased to have her there too. There is plenty of room for both if you all get on.

FessaEst · 01/03/2012 09:01

My dm has been with us for both dd's births. I am really antisocial in labour & generally go off on my own, but have appreciated knowing she was there, & Dh has definitely appreciated another pair of hands (homebirths). I think it depends on your relationship & whether you trust them to respect your wishes. I know mum feels v close to both dd's and was v honoured to be asked to support us, which has strengthened our relationship too.

PictureThis · 01/03/2012 09:21

My wonderful mum was with DH and me when DD was born and it was just so lovely having her there. She died last year and now DH and I are expecting our second baby. Had she been here she would have been at the birth of this one too. The tears have started as I type, it brings it home how much of a gaping great mum shaped hole there is in our lives. DD remembers her and talks of her often, but to this one she will only really be a name.

Gavi · 01/03/2012 09:24

I had my mum at both my labours, she was fab - especially at first labour where DH just didn't have a clue what to do. Was also great having her there to help me have a bath afterwards while DH cuddled the baby.

muppetlover · 01/03/2012 09:25

My mum was at the birth of my dd. She said afterwards it was one of the most profound experiences of her life. I was a bit nervous about having her there but we have been a lot closer since. Straight away it was obvious the baby looked like her with the same snubby nose. I had a female friend who was down as my birth partner but she had work and family commitments which meant she was called away. My ex was on holiday in portugal with his new girlfriend. I am so glad my mum was there and if I am lucky enough to meet someone else and have another dc i would ask her again.

mousymouseafraidofdogs · 01/03/2012 09:29

you decision, I wouldn't have wanted my mother anywhere near me for the birth and the first weeks after. that was the only thing in my birth plan even though she lives a long way away.
but if you want her there, why not?

babybythesea · 01/03/2012 10:27

Nope, wouldn't have her there. We have a good relationship, I love her dearly, but I have never been able to talk about intimate stuff with her. Practical adivce on managing the baby/toddler - fine. She just doesn't do intimate.

I cannot imagine her being much help during labour, and I really wouldn't want her to see me like that.

GinPalace · 01/03/2012 10:36

ahhh Picturethis such a sad story. :(

personally I would never have my mum there - she would mither me not support - sadly - she would think she was trying to support, but it would definitely be mithering! She isn't great with that sort of stuff anyway, when my first period arrived she shouted at me for pooing my knickers then locked me in the bathroom with a tampax leaflet - I had no idea what was going on!

We get on great in non-body topic areas though. :)

Definitely a very personal choice for every daughter. Good luck with the upcoming birth.

Abcinthia · 01/03/2012 10:45

I had my mum there. She took me to hospital and DP was late arriving (he got there for the final push), so my mum stayed for the birth and for a few hours afterwards. She was a lot of help actually and I'm glad she stayed.

only4tonight · 01/03/2012 10:51

My mum and dad, and sister were all at the hospital for large parts of my labour. But when it came down to the pushing bit they were all in the waiting room and it was just dh and me. I know this makes me a bit odd but my family are part of me and they gave me strength.

DrSeuss · 01/03/2012 11:10

I honestly cannot think of anyone I would have wanted less within a hundred miles of me while giving birth, except perhaps my MIL! However, if you have the kind of relationship where you want her there, then why not? You can always have her go somewhere else if she begins to grate. Why not try to befriend your midwife and organise the signal at which the midwife will declare that it would be better if it was just you and your husband? Be aware too that you may reach the point where you would rather the husband just pissed off too!

bebejones · 01/03/2012 11:18

My mum was with me by default really! Had had a v long labour & when it came down to delivery DD needed help. They wanted to try forceps first but thought I might end up with a EMCS. DH is very large & they couldn't find any scrub tops to fit him (they had run out, or lost them or something ) so he wasn't allowed in with me. Faced with the prospect of a possible section I didn't want to be on my own & as my mum was there she came with me. Had I delivered naturally she wouldn't have been there, when I was pushing at first she was in the waiting room. She was with me all through labour, and that stopped me from screaming & swearing I reckon!! While it was nice that she was there for the birth of her first grandchild, I will always feel a little sad that DH missed out. Should we ever have another, I shall be making sure the hospital can find some scrubs in advance...just in case!

Crawling · 01/03/2012 11:20

I had my mum there it was great it meant DP could focus on supporting me while my mum spoke with hospital staff and unlike DP when the doctors were talking about a csec because they thought I might be tired (no signs of baby being distressed just a long labour) she knew enough to clarify why they wanted a csec and then asked me what I wanted and was forceful in making sure my wishes were not ignored unless it was better for the baby or me. But this converstion took quite a while and because I had two birth partners my DP was able to focus entirely on me. My mum also did tea and snack breaks for her and DP. It also took the pressure of him and seemed to make him a better birth partner not that he bats a eye at blood or gore but he found it difficult to see me in pain and be unable to do much but my mother not panicing when I was complaining meant he was reassured that nothing was wrong and its supposed to hurt(I have had one with my mum and two without because she had to mind my other children)

TobyLerone · 01/03/2012 11:39

My mum was there when I had both of mine, and there when my sister had both of hers. Another sister had a baby last year, but it ended in an EMCS, so he is the only grandchild he hasn't seen born.

If I have another, hopefully I'll have a homebirth and it'll be a free-for-all :o

TobyLerone · 01/03/2012 11:42

*she hasn't seen born

SuiGeneris · 01/03/2012 11:54

Like yours, my mother lives a flight away, so she came over a few days before the birth, was present for the 27 hours labour but not the actual birth, which was in theatre, so only DH allowed there. She then stayed for 10 days afterwards.

It really helped to have her there, as she could help with the more undignified aspects of labour and post-birth that I did not want DH to see/be involved with. Also, with a long labour (and many first ones are) it helps to have two people with you, so one of them can take a break, sleep, have something to eat etc while the other one stays with you.

Also, frankly, men might have done all the prep in the world but have not the faintest idea what you are going through/have gone through. Even if you do not actually discuss what happens, it is really helps to be with somebody who has a good idea of how you might feel, what might help, etc.

mumofthreekids · 01/03/2012 12:46

DH and I went to the hospital on our own, but I had quite a long labour (no complications, just long!), so DC1 was born approx 21 hours after we arrived. During that time DH phoned my parents (and his - but they live miles away whereas mine were quite close by) a couple of times to update them with progress. Towards the end my parents couldn't stand the suspense any longer (not sure if they were also worried something might go wrong), so they turned up at the hospital but stayed in the waiting room. They popped in to see me after the birth, met DC1 and then left. DH was a fantastic help and support to me in labour and I didn't need anyone else present.

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 01/03/2012 12:47

I wouldn't have wanted my Mum to be there during the birth of mine really. DH was there and he was a good birth companion - great to lean on anyway !

But my DM came up to look after dd (DC1) whilst I went to the hospital (with DH) to have ds (DC2)

So, I think that helped her feel a bit involved, and she was great in that role.
So, she was there with dd when we all got back (with ds) later that day !

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