Having my mum present at the birth

[Firsttimemum36]

Just watching OBEM and the presence of parents in the labour room. DH said "well of course it'll just be the two of us". I haven't really thought about it yet tbh. My parents live a flight away and I always thought my mum would be here at the time of the birth - but then would it be odd to leave her at home when I went labour?

I love my Mum very much but hell no! She had relatively easy births that didn't really hurt that much (her words...) and as a result she doesn't get 'all of this screaming and noise that people make'. I made a noise and I swore, she would have been offended at that too and probably left the room. It would have been bad for all involved.

However, with births of DC 2 and 3 she was absolutely fantastic when it came to dropping every thing and giving the DC/DC's a little mini break at their house with fun activities to keep them distracted.

my mum was at the birth of my dd as was dh , i couldnt have done it without my mum she was my rock she didnt leave my side

Its a moot point for me as with DDs birth my mum was in hospital herself, but I wouldn't invite her to the hospital anyway. I love my mum and we're close, much closer since I had DD, but she would drive me mad if she were there. I had everything I needed in DH who was a brilliant support.
If I were having a home birth this time around it would be different and I'd have my best friend and my mum there to help mind DD, but as it is we're going to the hospital again so mum and my best friend are on standby to mind DD while DH and I are away.

I love my mum to bits and I am sure that if she was at the birth she would be amazing but I still don't plan on her being there as I see this as something I want to do with DP and as few other people as possible. If for some reason DP couldn't be there or there was some kind of crisis which ment we wanted some extra support I wouldn't hesitate to give her a call. Luckily for me she lives reasonably close and I know what drop everything to zoom round if needed.

Had my mum there both times (along with DH). I would not have asked her if DH hadn't been keen. As it was she was thrilled to be asked and was great. She was very concerned not to 'get in the way', but particularly first time round was a great support for DH as well as me. Second time she wasn't around so much for labour, was mainly upstairs with DS, but did come down and see DD born.

The way I saw it, she'd had 3 babies herself, including one homebirth.

Talking about it with my NCT group I realised I might be in a minority - one woman said something like: 'but your mum will see your fanjo ', not something that had crossed my mind...

I am very close to my mother, but I wouldn't have wanted her at the birth. It would have distressed her too much to see me in pain and I would have been concentrating on protecting her by trying not to show that I was in pain, IYSWIM. DH was fantastic and I could just relax and do whatever needed to be done with him there.

Mum had travelled to be here to support me and was a tremendous support both before and after the birth, she just wasn't there at the actual thing, which she was fine with and knew about in advance.

Nope, I wouldn't have wanted my mum around. We are close but we just don't have that sort of relationship iyswim. I'd never really thought about it before actually and I'm not really sure why but I wouldn't.

First time round I was too busy to really care who was there though; second time I really needed DH's support and, when I got rushed into theatre and he got left behind for a couple of minutes, I freaked out.

I think you just need to have the person who is going to be best at supporting you and they all need to understand that it's not personal but it's your choice.

My mum was with me for the birth of both my girls and she was wonderful. MY DH couldn't be at the fist birth as he was in anpother country but for the second I decided my mum would be far more helpful and useful so I left him at home with my DD. He really would have been worse than useless, he is not good in that kind of situation.

I had my mum there. Never again, she was crap. Crying, shaking, when I went into theatre I had to comfort her, afterwards she told me I was being a baby about my arse stitches bursting when I did a poo. Never again!!!

I always feel really sad about this. My DP didn't want my Mum there so I respected his wishes over my own. I would have liked them both there for the different kinds of support they could give.

i would have hated my mum there whilst I was giving birth. embarassing. However my grandmother was at my birth because she was a maternity nurse and I was born at home.

strangely enough I would hope my dd's may want me there with them when they have children.

My mum did offer but I said no - we'd already arranged for a doula in any case, who to my mind was someone we (me and DP) had more or less equally chosen, rather than being someone that DP might feel he had to defer to because she had a closer relationship to me than to him, if you see what I mean.

If you want your mum there then I think you should have the casting vote, but unlike some of the earlier comments above I think your DP should be reasonably ok with it too, even though it's you doing the pushing and so forth. Put some of the positive comments above to him; having your mum there (or any other birth partner you're comfortable with) will help him in a lot of ways. Perhaps he doesn't realise that yet, and is just thinking about, I dunno, how it is when you're visiting her together or something. This will potentially be quite a different situation - a chance for you three to do something very out of the usual way of behaving together.

Mum and DH were both present at DDs birth. She was hugely supportive and a massive practical help. She died unexpectedly 3 years later and I'm so glad I chose to involve her as it meant the world to her and I'm sure it strengthened her amazing relationship with DD.

I work on a labour ward and a large percentage of our parents mothers think they have a rite of passage onto the labour ward.

When you ask them if they are a birth partner and have been written into the birthplan or the notes the usual reply is "no, she's my daughter, of course I'll be with her, it doesn't need to be noted"

I'd say about 60% of our patients have their mother and partner/husband with them.

My mum was there when DS was born and was fab and no we don't have the best relationship ever but it wasn't DHs forte.

The second time she was supposed to be there again but the hospital didn't ring my DH or mum so gave birth alone as it was so quick.

I didn't have a birth plan with either as they were premmie but I did discuss with my mum and DH before it wasn't just an off the cuff decision.

I didn't intend to have my mum there, she was supposed to look after DD for me upstairs. However it was a long labour and DH needed to get some food and a wee and she came down half way through. She had a difficult birth herself and hates body fluidy stuff but she was amazing. She sat by me and stroked my back, held my hand and told me it was all fine and I was doing really well. It was so comforting, like being a little girl again when mum can make it all better. DS was born with her holding one of my hands and DH the other and she didn't even make a peep when my waters broke on her shoes. DH tried his best and was there throughout/cut the cord etc but it was that experienced female presence that was the most helpful. I think we have become much closer and I wish she had been at DD's much more unpleasant birth.

After DS was born in the late evening I sat on the sofa feeding DS in the half light, whilst my mum, her partner (female) and my MIL (who drove 60 miles to take over DD's care but ended up staying in the kitchen while I gave birth) all sat around me drinking tea, admiring the baby and talking about their own births. That is one of my loveliest memories, although I could imagine it would be a nightmare for many people!

I am really surprised that so many of you were 'allowed' to have your DM's there alongside your DH/DP.

Our local hospital is very strict that there is one birth partner in the room, and they cannot swap or pop in and out.

Also once you get to the post natal ward, other than your DH/DP you cannot have any other visitors until 3pm, so most DMs do not get to see the baby for ages.

Hello, not only was my Mum present at both my DDs births but she was my official birthing partner throughout the process and also attended ante natal clinic with me. I am in a perfectly happy marriage but my DH would have been an absolute liability in that particular situation and so the decision to involve my Mum was by mutual consent and I have never regretted it. Certainly makes my Mum feel very close to my girls and although there is probably an argument that might suggest that my DH started on the back foot in terms of bonding with his daughters, he planted a tree for each of them while they were entering the world and was then met with a cleaned up baby and stitched up wife - I don't think he has ever seen it as an issue either! As long as whatever decision you make feels right for all of you but particularly enables you to be relaxed and focus on the job in hand then go with your instincts.

R2PeePoo - I think that was it for me. Sometimes having your mum with you is so comforting when you're in pain. I love my DH to bits and he was absolutely great, but combined, both DH and my mum were fab.

I remember posting similar when i was doing my birthplan (although my mum is no longer with us, i was agonising about asking my big sister). I was worried about crowding out DH and about whether I would have to look after her or vice versa. In the end I asked her to come (both days, as there were a couple of false starts) and I am so glad I did. If you need to send someone to fetch a nurse or get an answer you really don't want to be left alone and as others have posted here it allows DH to get some food (or fetch you drinks, etc) if it goes on. I was worried that she would be worried for me, if you see what I mean, but actually, when DH could see the head and was getting excited and playing catch down the other end, big sis stroked my forehead and gave me sips of water and a cool cloth for my forehead, she was wonderful. Of course it all depends on your relationship with your mum, as you can see from some of the other posters here, and also the personality types of DH and Mum. Basically, it's up to you, not to make people happy but to look after yourself and try to plan a stressfree environment so you can enjoy it! BTW, years later, when my sister started childcare for my son, i think it really helped that she had been there from the start and they have always had a strong bond. Good luck!

MidnightinMoscow I wish it was like that in our hospital, was mortified when I had to hobble to the shower after having DC3 wearing nothing but a sheet and with the MW holding one of those care mat things between my legs past an audience of strangers friends and relations who were hanging around in the corridor.

I've never felt the need to have anyone there. Although DH has been with me for all three DC and will be for this one, I would be quite happy to be on my own. I think I have an unusual view of childbirth compared to most people though.

No way! I just wanted DH and he was brilliant! Oh and MW too! It is the last place I'd want an audience of assorted relatives and friends.

Def NO! I think if Mum was in teh delivery room with me she would have had me doing things I didn't want (like pain relief which would then have been held over my head becasue she didn't have it hence I'm not as good) I think I may have lost my inhibitions just enough to tell her a few things that are probably better left unsaid!!!

I was left without a mw whilst giving birth to a premmie without my mum for help I am not sure how I would have coped. Though I think she put them off giving me drugs when I was begging for them.