Having my mum present at the birth

[Firsttimemum36]

Just watching OBEM and the presence of parents in the labour room. DH said "well of course it'll just be the two of us". I haven't really thought about it yet tbh. My parents live a flight away and I always thought my mum would be here at the time of the birth - but then would it be odd to leave her at home when I went labour?

My mum was at the birth of both DSs. She'll be there if we are mad enough to consider DC3.

But, I had a big conversation with her beforehand that I wanted her there (she was great - supportive and quite a bit more directional than DH for DS1 in particular; but she was more 'background' with DS2 as I think DH knew what he was doing then ).

She disappeared after both DSs were born to give us time (DH, me and DS each time), which was lovely. But I did really appreciate her being there during the build up and she loved seeing them both born.

Whatever is right for you really.

My DH also appreciated her being there, during the tougher bits of labour. When I was losing it a bit, I think the two of them combined were quite a force to keep me more focused. But then I can say whatever to my mum and she'd respect that and I wouldn't have had her there if I had any concerns she would undermine me or put me down in any way. She was a rock. Plus during my shower afterwards, both times, she was great for passing me the shower gel, drying me off etc, when i was shaking with exhaustion (and DH was cudding DSs). Almost reminded me of being a child again. Lovely albeit a bit weird

Thanks everyone. Having been thinking about it, I would like her to be there. I miss my mum and I miss not being able to share my pregnancy fully with her. It's the first grandchild for my parents so I'd like to involve them (my mum anyway, my dad is happy being hands off). My parents in law live round the corner and this will be their fourth (I have two DSDs and 1 nephew).

DH is very against it though - he is a bit funny about my parents for some reason - even though he only sees them about twice a year (I often visit them on my own). I don't want to spoil his experience but I think the moral support I would get from my mum would really help me.

I never considered having my mother at the births but when she came to pick up my two older children, when I went into labour with number three, she hung around (at my request) and it was really nice. My husband was busy setting up the birth pool, dad entertained the older children downstairs and my sister and mum and me were together in my room upstairs and I thought - wow this is how it's meant to be! In retrospect I wish I had asked my mum to at least be with me during all 3 labours, but then just be with hubby in advanced labour and at the birth.

I had my mum there with us for our first dc. It was great to have an extra person there to help support us both, and to be with someone who had been through childbirth. I know it meant a lot to her and she and DC1 have a special bond because of it too.

Oh and like sheeplikesleep my mum helped me bathe afterwards when I was exhausted and shaking, and DH was able to stay with dc1. It was lovely to have someone there to look after me a bit when I was feeling very vulnerable.

With DD, I was just 19, and my ex-husband was showing signs of his current twattish self. My mum was wonderful. An absolute calming blessing.

Id thought throughout this PG (am 27 now, and 33w) that i'd need her there again, but after a bit of a scare a few weeks ago, my lovely partner proved he's absolutely amazing, and I think my mum would feel like a spare part.

So each woman is different, and each PG is different too. Good luck OP. :)

I don't supose your Mum would think it odd at all. I think it's odd how many people (on OBEM) have their Mums there - I don't know anyone in real life who has their Mum there. I think if you are in a loving relationship with your dh/dp, then it's one of the most intimate and wonderful experiences you can have together. I can understand your husband not wanting to share that with his MiL - I certainly wouldn't have wanted either my Mum or MiL there.
If you particularly want her there, and your dh can be talked round, then that's one thing, but there's nothing odd about it just being the couple who are about to become parents.

I had my mum there, which we'd decided on for same reasons as others - to support DH in case things got stressful, long or both! My main support was him - personally I didn't really need her, but it was nice to have a 'team', and ultimately a bonding experience for the three of us. She did get a bit anxious when I was struggling with the pain though.

I'm currently 19 weeks with my second and we're now having this very odd conversation about whether this time my MIL comes... I don't feel I need her, it seems to all be about giving her the experience of seeing a grandchild born. I'm thinking I'd rather have her looking after DS, rather than leaving him with a rather haphazard Grandad!

My Mum and I are really close and I thought about having her there for the birth of our DD but my DH was totally against it on the basis of "two's company, three's a crowd" and (quite understandably) he didn't want to feel like a spare part at the birth of his own child. My Mum's own maternal instincts would have been so strong that she would have wanted to be holding my hand, talking me through it and talking to the midwives and he was adamant that that was his job. There is no way she would have just sat quietly in the corner. She wasn't there and the experience between DH and me was so positive and so initimate that I know we made the right choice. As much as I respect the view that its the woman's right to choose and some DHs wouldn't have been up to the job, I would be careful not to make your DH feel excluded or uncomfortable as ultimately its as an important a day for him as it is for you.

I probably wouldn't have my mum at the birth of my next imminent arrival having watched OBEM recently I turned to my hubby and said that my mum would be like Olga's mum, all panic, frowns and funny faces and probably embarrassing for me! Saying that though I am now considering doing it on my own considering I had to have a word about hubby's IPHONE usage during my first labour.....

Really don't think I could have someone there if my dh didn't want them. I would worry they would either get competitively over- helpful, or that dh would backoff and end up sidelined.

Oh this is a g8 thread! I asked my Mum to be with me and DH for the birth of both of mine. DH was fine about it and it worked superbly because she was a retired health visitor and DH a farmer used to dleivering lambs and foals. So I was totally wrapped up in the process - actually had no memory of great chunks of time - confident in the knowledge that they were looking out for me.

And they did! For my first I got an incompetent midwife who couldn't comprehend that a prima gravida could be well into second stage and not have been aware of first stage at all. Mum and DH wold reminisce about the looks they exchanged and their camerarderie during the births - my poor Dad waited outside but got htem fish and chips after.

It does seem a lot to put a hubby through on his own and even if mine - he stayed at the business end - would have been confident it made it better all round. Mum stayed at my head and watched everything when I was away with the fairies! In the end I was blue-lighted to a larger hospital 25 miles away as a competent midwife came on duty and correctly noted that I was fully dilated and the baby was coming - but his poor head was so big he was getting distressed at the squeezing. (Dopey drawers midwife simply could not believe that a first time Mum could be that far forward in only two hours - bear of little brain DH called her). Anyway all ended well and Mum held my two after DH and bathed them expertly rather than the nurse. She was hrilled and it gave her a special link with my two she did not have with her other six grandchildren for DH it was the satisfaction of a 'job well done' and a welcome beer and Fish n chips after!

Female birth partners were and are the norm in most human societies and, depending on the individuals of course, a modern pairing of dad and a woman who has had experience would usually be ideal... But we are all different!

Interesting so many people had their mums there for their births. My mum is lovely but I'm a really independent person and didn't even consider asking her to be there (33wks with first baby), feel a bit mean actually as DH had assumed she would be. It's partly because I can only really imagine her being a bit panicked, partly because she's never really been very open about her labours with me, bro and sis so I don't feel the need to share much, but mostly because I really want DH to feel like the most important person helping me give birth. We're a team and I want him to know I have confidence in him.
I have always kind of assumed there are more mums there on OBEM because some of the mothers (and fathers) are really young. However maybe I'll feel differently on the day as some of these posters have.

oh heavens no to having my mother there. We have a good relationship and she was great in the weeks after DD but childbirth is one hell of an intimite experience. Unless you are happy to take your clothes off in front of your mum, scream and shout with her around etc etc then I wouldn't. It also depends on your DH. Ideally it is an expereince for the two of you and and as someone else has said, having your mum there, depending on her character, you could end up pushing your DH out of something that is as life changing for him as for you. If he wants to support you then I would give him that chance - so long as he realises what is involved!

You really need to sit down together and discuss. Just because you miss your mum and want her to be involved in some way, does not mean this is the right thing to do. Supporting you all after is just as important

My mam would be great in the labour room I think and I'd have been happy to have her there if I didn't have my husband, but the pair of them together would not be good for me. They get along okay but for some reason I get narky with my husband when my mam is around. Dunno why.

After my first labour, my mam, sister, parents in law and brother in law were all waiting on the ward after I'd popped the babies out. I was happy to see my family but could have done without my husband's actually, especially as my mam and sister made me laugh so hard I pissed the bed and the midwife had to come and change my bedding.

To quote my DM "I didn't want to be there at the birth if my own babies... I hope you don't want me there at yours". She's a bit squeamish . DH was amazing for both births (home and hospital), a real support to me and did a great job clearing up terrible mess (the downside of active labour )

My mum has been there for the birth of all 5 of her grandchildren (only one mine :)) and I wanted her there partly for me, partly for my partner, and partly because she just goes stir crazy if she is at home not knowing what is going on.

I had my mum and my friend with me - DS dad and I were not on good terms at the time of the birth. It worked out very well, friend was good at the 'There there, poor you' bits and mum was good at the 'Now don't be silly, you can do it' side of things. The midwives said afterwards that it was one of the best support teams they'd seen.
But it all depends on how you and your mum get on. You know her best, will she drive you nuts or will she be a help?

No way would I want my mum there. DD2 due in may (home birth, hopefully) and have asked MIL to be there as support. We get on fine, although I really hope she doesn't witness a poo incident.

I just wanted my husband. I guess I wanted to feel like it was me and him in it together right from the start. He was fab for both my births and he is a fab Dad.

However, I'm not close to my Mum so I wouldn't even think to have her there

Nice to see I'm not the only one who prefers MIL to Mum! (Even if we're a minority). We're arranging for MIL to come out some time after the due date, so if LO comes early/on time it will be me and DH, but if we get into things like induction where I understand complications and such are more common, we'll have her support.

No, no, NO, dear god, no! My mother would have found a way of making it all about her. As she did subsequently when she was my sister's birth hindrance partner. My mother is very like the OBEM mother who'd had a stillbirth and whose daughter ended up having a forceps delivery in theatre, with a large side-order of "don't make such a fuss, the midwives are seeing to other women" thrown in.