How long after the birth did you have visitors?

[LittleLH]

Just wondering how long everyone waited before having visitors to see the baby.
My family live a few hours drive away and I've already said I don't want anyone other than DP at the hospital. I know it will all depend on how I'm feeling and I might change my mind but I was thinking of having at least 2 days at home before telling family they could come over.
I don't want to upset anyone but I want time for me and DP to bond with our new son/daughter and get used to everything before everyone descends on us!

after about 20 mins all my inlaws walked in to the house,

DD born Saturday, came home Sunday, DM and my family visited Monday, ILs came on Tuesday and stayed nearby for a few days but visited every day (for most of the day)

I'd have happily waited longer but was made to feel like a cow, which made me :( as I'd had a pretty shitty time of it actually having DD. This time I'll try to get everyone round in the first two days then batten down the hatches for a bit, no long visits until the baby's a bit older, perhaps when DH finishes paternity leave so if people want to visit all day then they can help :)

20 mins! I'd like to think I'd have the energy to tell them all to bugger off. Although I suppose a lot of people want their family there asap. I just know what I'm like.
This is our first (and first grandchild on both sides) and since neither of us have any experience with babies I'm worried that I'll be struggling to breastfeed/stop baby from crying, and end up being told I'm doing things wrong.

In a way, the earlier the better. In my experience, straight after the birth you are on a high - baby is very sleepy and crying, breastfeeding problems haven't kicked in yet. I had visitors all day on the actual day that my babies were born and it was really lovely, almost a party atmosphere!

I'd happily have a week or two!
It's gonna be awkward for my parents/step parents because they'll be travelling a long way I can't really say I don't want them to stay too long.
I can always drop a hint and take baby upstairs for a nap!!

We waited two weeks and before then only the ILs for brief visits with DS.

DD - we've had a few and she's 12 days old.

If the birth goes well, then short visits are ok but if you plan to BF, you'll be feeding a lot after the first couple of days (although DD was hungry from birth so no long sleepy newborn for me).

You have to be firm - restrict visiting hours, afternoons are better and you can tell them to bring lunch with them. Do not let them hog the baby either - it puts my teeth on edge when people want to hold baby for hours!

I never looked at it like that petit. I suppose I'll see how I am on the day. If I'm a hysterical mess then probably best everyone stays away! I just wish I knew what labour was gonna be like and how I'm gonna feel. Baby is due in 6 days so I suppose I'llknow soon enough!!

About 4 hours. It was fine, I don't remember it all that well really, think I was exhausted and kind of numb.

Had I waited a few days I'd have hit the Hormonal Meltdown that is days 3 and 4 just as visits commenced and possibly beaten my FIL and his giant camera to death.

My husband's family live 100 miles away but I set them the same rules as my parents in relation to how long they came round for.

They were fine about it. At the end of the day if they don't think it's 'worth' coming then they can leave it a week until you are more in the swing of things.

In fact my mother in law came twice for an hour or so! I had more issues with my mum who thought my brother/ his girlfriend should be allowed to come around in the evening at screaming/cluster feeding time as that was the only time they could make .

I'm lucky, my dad is a mind reader. I told him we'd want to wait for visitors and he said that was fine, jst when I was ready but could my DP possibly ring him when baby is born, just when he gets a chance - bless him!
I think I'll arrange a code word with DP before the masses descend - maybe if I say 'oranges' or something that means get everyone out my house NOW!
I shouldn't be too worried about upsetting people when it comes to visiting, the smokers will be WAY more upset when I tell them they can't hold baby wearing their smokey jumper! Can't wait for that

I agree that visitors on the day can be great. After my EMCS with DS1 I was desperate to see my parents, they came the day he was born and then MIL and FIL came the following day, and SIL the day after that. Once we were home we had my brothers up for the day - but my Mum and Dad were staying with us so they organised everything and I just fed and rested.

I had DS2 by ELCS and felt great afterwards. Mum and Dad came and brought DS1, and then MIL and SIL came up later that evening. I was on a high and it was all lovely. Then we saw people again after a couple of weeks.

Try and be positive about it all and welcoming to people. I know it is your baby, but they are all excited too and actually it can be brilliant having one or two family around in the early days to do some cuddling/pacing which you have a shower and some hot food!

About 40 minutes. My dad turned up at the delivery suite at 4am and they let him in!

Thanks Ali, I'm trying to be positive about everything but I'm a real stress head!
I think I'm just worried about
a. Someone saying 'Don't do THAT!' about how I'm feeding/handling baby (I have NO experience with babies)
and b. dealing with my mother, who although she wasn't a particularly good mother already seems to think she's grandmother of the year. I'm sure she said something along the lines of 'I'll be better than her' of my DP's mum, who she's never met!
I'm exhausted just thinking about it all.

After 44 hours of labour I was moved onto the ward after 40 mins and I got up went to the toilet and FIL and his brother walked in, they took a pic of me and DH without the baby and one of the baby and left (very strange), then had complications that night but stupidly discharged myself and 2 mins after I walked through the door MIL came in, I was adamant that I didnt want visitors and that was when I presumed I would have an easy labour but weirdly I quite liked the visitors!

I agree that you will generally feel worse and issues kicking in the later you leave it (unless it's about 4 months!). Tbh, it's great to have people to the hospital as you don't need to tidy up/ provide tea/ coffee and you get tons of chocolate to eat whilst you are holed up on the labour ward. I think you're a bit naive if you think the issues will be sorted after 2 weeks. You'll just be knackered!!! Get it over with, I say. Also, it is their grandchild and it's pretty amazing to become a grandparent. Let people help, not be bossy. But hey, you know, some parents do have helpful advice. You can take it or leave it. But don't expect that it's all going to be WRONG and you need to do everything your own way.

Merry that is a very good point. Having a newborn can be pretty terrifying, and someone saying 'this used to work for us' can be a bloody godsend.

My mum flew up the day after, the inlaws day after that and my dad came to visit when she was five days old. We lived 500 miles away so they only visited for a day, which was manageable. I made the mistake of getting dressed which made me feel like I had to do stuff.

Second time around I had a home birth so my mum and Mil were already there (plus my mum's female partner), they stayed for a couple of hours after DS was born and MIL stayed overnight. My dad came to visit the following weekend.

Second time around was much better and easier, I just stayed on the sofa in my dressing gown and let everyone look after me .

I honestly wouldn't want any of my close family to have to wait two weeks to meet the new addition to the family, I think it's actually quite rude.

They'll be excited, and want to see you are doing OK, and offer additional support (for the most part!!). I would imagine any OTT family members may be quite draining, but even then, visiting hours do end at some point, so probably best to invite them to the hospital so the MWs can be the ones to throw them out.

2 weeks worked for us with the first one! Now I've had another I'm much more chilled. But tbh our visitors were not helpful at all.

The best advice I had was from my Mum - listen to the advice from everybody, smile, say 'thank-you' and then pick and chose which bits you will listen to. Sometimes the bit of advice that clicks for you is from the most unlikely source.

I know everyone is different but I had such a huge adrenaline rush after all of mine, I loved having people over. they also generally love it if you say, 'would you mind making the tea, washing up, chucking a load in the washing machine?' People like to be helpful. Just be prepared to pass your precious newborn around!! Share the excitement of a special time

I guess this depends on your relationship with your family and the cultural context. I'm very close to mine (my parents live abroad) and my sister will hopefully be with me and DH when I deliver. She's also a medic (as is DH) and I'll find it quite reassuring, I think. She plans to stay for two weeks' afterwards doing anything I need doing- cooking, cleaning, helping out so DH and I can have exclusive time with the baby and not bother about anything else. DH's brother has also asked for a few days' of leave so that when DH goes back to work, and if DS cannot be around, he can come in and help me- heating up the food, laundry, making me cups of tea etc. In the meanwhile, my mother plans to fly in whenever a reasonably priced ticket can be foun. My mother plans to stay for a while and again, basically take care of me and anything that needs doing. I'm super grateful for this help, and actually can't imagine having a baby without it.

Having said that, where I come from (I'm not from the UK originally), it is common to go back to one's pre-marital home for the delivery and get pampered for a few months afterwards by one's parents and even siblings, especially your mother. So I guess I've always known that even if I now live abroad my mother will come and take care of me, and by extension the baby. And that DH's family will also be around. But then I don't see them as 'visitors' IYSWIM, but rather as an essential support network.

My family (as well as in laws)were waiting for me when I arrived home, they had cleaned up, made dinner, dress and fed my other dc & spoilt me rotten. Loved it

My MIL came to see me the afternoon my son was born, she had planned to be there when he was born, but wait outside until i had my dignity reinstated! My now ex husband visited every day until i went home cos i was in for four days when i did get home i couldnt wait to go and see everyone i knew to show him off, but i had been stuck in hospital for 4 days in beautiful weather. everyone is different, so no one is the same, dont feel pressured into anything. xxx

memphis i first read your post as your FIl taking a pic of you on the loo

I had DD in hosp mid afternoon and as soon as visitors were allowed had my parents, my parents in law and my 1 sis and 1 bro visit, was great as on such a high. Went home the following day and about half hour later the family all came over to wet the babies head again (more sisters, brothers and in laws too) then friends popped over from then on and i hardly had a moment to myself. Was exhausting but I learnt for next time that when friends do visit to tell them in advance just a short and sweet visit and washing up and tea making would be fab too but the next time hasn't come as yet.

See how you feel when the baby is here, you can't possibly know what you would really want until the time comes but prepare the family that you may not want to see them all at the same time or for too long.

Hope it all goes well for you