How long after the birth did you have visitors?

[LittleLH]

Just wondering how long everyone waited before having visitors to see the baby.
My family live a few hours drive away and I've already said I don't want anyone other than DP at the hospital. I know it will all depend on how I'm feeling and I might change my mind but I was thinking of having at least 2 days at home before telling family they could come over.
I don't want to upset anyone but I want time for me and DP to bond with our new son/daughter and get used to everything before everyone descends on us!

christ Schroedingers sounds like you had a bloody awful time of it....am SO glad my MIL was safely esconced in Germany as I may have had a similar experience to yours otherwise...

would add that if people are popping round to see the baby they can sodding well make themselves useful! absolutely no way would I be running after them with cups of tea! my mum, bless her, never came empty-handed, whethere it was a new pack of nappies, or a home-cooked meal for us, or shopping from m&s down the road, or just some lovely biscuits to go with the tea SHE made for us...then she's always stay and help clear up, tidy etc...all the little things that get forgotten in the haze of the early days.
agree that if family IL are nightmarish, then hospital may be best place to get it over and one with...but if you're in pain from stitches/CS etc, or feeling very hormonal and exhausted, then your DP/DH may just have to stand his and your ground and decide to let you rest undisturbed.
it's YOUR call.
good idea to decide on this stuff pre-birth too, along with worst-case scenarios, so there is no last-minute deliberation when you're not up to it.
good luck!

Ah mamma thats nice. It happened at home where they shouldnt have been I did actually hobble 4 doors down to my friends where i had a glass of wine and a sneaky fag. It was so obvious that i was upset but they still sat on my sofa eating their tea prepared by dh and watching "take me out"
I wanted to kill them.They even left their plates on the kitchen side after,I have a dishwasher btw.

I think the biggest culprit is that we come out of hospital so quickly now so the impression is given that we are back to normal.

Most of our mils and mums were in hospital for weeks after they had given birth but then expect bed and board when we have ours

Honestly i dont mind who or when people come to visit , aslong as im not expected to do much anything when they arrive

I did arrange it all before but they just ignored it.
Also dh was trying desperately to get rid but his Mum was putting up so much resistance to everything he said and it was getting nasty so i just told him to feed them in the hope it would get them moving.

Its sad tho cos im finding it almost impossible to forget never mind forgive.
I am trying but the truth is i just dont like them for what they did.

My DM was there every day for the three days I was in hospital as well as the day before when I was labouring at home. DH was with me the whole time. My DS's and BIL drove down the night I came home to help me for my first night home and to see my DD. My DS brought her kids down a couple of weeks later to give me a chance to settle. DH's family came after a couple more weeks. Was happy to have my family around ASAP and happy to have a bit more time before DH's family visited. Having my family around was invaluable, especially for the home cooked food my mother made me daily and the help bathing and looking after my DD as she is my first baby.

MIL arrived when I was in labour with DD1 DD2, thunk it was about a week, DD3, friends (local) about a week, inlaws 5 weeks (at my request).

at the wine and fags ledkr
cannot BELIEVE the insensitivity and plain rudeness of some people - and you were AT HOME?!!!
I absolutely hated my MIL being in our flat, even though it was 10 wks into DD's life...she was a lazy cow, sat around being super-judgmental, never lifted a finger to help, was ringing the doorbell incessantly from 8am in the sodding morning (her and FIL were in B&B across road) and leaving stroppy messages on DH's mobile when we were not answering lying exhausted in bed with DD and me expressing furiously before they came in
makes me feel sick thinking about how it was.
true though - we are booted out so soon after birth that the world thinks we are back to normal...but any woman who has given birth must surely remember what it felt like...
planning to have DC2 at some point and have actually suggested to DH that we keep it secret from MIL until baby is born - giving them very little time to plan any trip - that's how badly I would want to avoid repeat of experience with DD1!
here's a big glass of festive mulled wine to all you brave MNetters out there

:( ledkr to having been completely ignored too - sounds like they walked all over your feelings...
not surprised you can't forgive them.
you often see a side to people you wish you hadn't, in these situations

Everyone is different - but unless you've had a really horrible labour or feel very hormonal, you WILL want to show your baby off, especially to parents and close friends - but I'd like to think people would be sensitive enough not to turn up on day one at home. You might be ready for short visit on day 2 but clearly if people are driving a long way they won't want to pop in for 30 mins which I think is all it is polite to stay so early on.

IMHO you certainly don't want ANYONE staying at your house - for at least the first week or two!

Our parents saw my DCs on the first / second day home - but they are local so it really was just a meet and great - and I do look back and appreciate the space they gave us. It's such a special time for you & your DP - you'll never get those few precious days back - so make the boundaries now.

Maybe your family will be happy to leave it and see how you feel once it's happened - and jump in the car at a moment's notice - but you could just warn them all now that you are not sure if you'll want welcome them immediately.

Or another idea - stay in hospital for an extra day or so and get all the important visits done then, leaving you time and space to muddle through on your own once you get home. Hospital visits tend to be shorter - people can't make themselves so comfortable!

Good luck with it all however it works out x

My mum and dad arrived just as they had gotten me out of the blood soaked nightie ,when i was still woozy from the GA following a crash section. They were there to check i was alright and couldnt give two hoots about ds at that moment . Not sure if they stayed long ,because i fell asleep after waving at them

I had a few visitors in the hospital (parents, IL's very briefly and a couple of friends) I really appreciated this because, in truth I was rather bored because DS slept about 90% of the time there.

At home everyone was so worried about intruding we almost had to beg people to come over! It turned out really well though because we ended up having a couple of days just us (DS born on a Tuesday) then had maybe a set of visitors a day which was managable. I was pretty much feeding non stop by this point so didn't really care how I looked.

My mum also took a week off after DH went back to work to help out and I was so grateful, she asked if I wanted her to this time and I almost bit her hand off. The thought of those first few days on my own with a newborn and an 18 month old terrifies me!

I think 2 days sounds fair enough. It also depends on how you feel about breast feeding in front of people. I gave up breast feeding after 3/4 weeks with both my DC's and I think that the stress of other people being there contributed to the trouble I had.

I've seen a lot of my friends feeding discreetly and for about 10 minutes at a time - which wouldn't be a problem with visitors. But for me, I struggled so much to get the baby on that I'd have to get my whole breat out (or sometimes both) and my husband would have to physically help attach the baby - sometimes trying several times to get the attachment right.

I didn't mind this in front of my female friends but was not comfortable in front of DH's friends/FIL etc. Also, both my babies fed frequently for at least an hour at a time so I would felt bad that the visitors were sitting for an hour without being able to see the baby do I'd end feeds early when people were there. If I ever have another, I'll be a lot stricter so I can sit around topless for a few weeks!

I had a C section after 4 days in hospital, it was quite late at night so my DPs came in the next day for a short visit. TBH I was quite out of it on morphine and sleep deprivation so didn't want PIL to visit til we got home.

They came the day after we got out. It was just after we'd had really bad weather and I'd been in hospital for almost a week so we had nothing in and they arrived at lunchtime and just sat there waiting to be fed. DH fortunately rustled up beans on toast. Then FIL told me I was "lucky I'd had it easy as I hadn't had to actually give birth" and then I had to feed DD in the hallway so as not to "offend" them.

Looking back, it was so awful I can laugh now but immediately afterwards I was shell-shocked! I think it says more about them than when you should have visitors but next time I'll certainly be insisting they visit whilst I'm in hospital (and I can excuse any forthright comments that I make because of the morphine!)

Other visitors extended family and friends came after about a week. It was lovely to see them.

It's entirely up to YOU when you would like visitors. There are no rules, you choose.

I ended up with an emergency cecerean at 2 in the morning on a Saturday and was pretty unwell after so told my husband his parents could not come to hospital that same day but on Sunday . Banned all other people from the hospital . Didn't exactly feel presentable ,had just had major surgery and not even a shower until I got home on Monday since I couldn't move much . My mother came over for a week after the birth from another country . Two aunties visited separately when DS was a few weeks old but other than that I wanted to be left alone in my home and thought that other relatives etc could wait untill I was better from the surgery etc. No way would I have had everyone coming around all the time , I was exhausted from everything and wanted to concentrate on the baby and our little family. I think you should do what you feel like is best and not accommodate other people too much if you are tired . They can wait. Parents and siblings ,good friends etc excluded of course if you are close to them:) Now we're having our second DC in April and I'll have to be out and about pretty much right away so friends nearby at least will meet the baby quite soon after birth ...

each to their own.

I had visitors to the hospital and there were people in my home waiting for me It was great. hand over the baby and sink (carefully!) into a chair and demand cups of tea.

It never bothered me, tbh. But everyone is different and the first (only!) rule is when you've just produced another human being from your body, what you say goes

I was desperate for visitors. I laboured at home for a day and for three days in hospital before having an EMCS. A catalogue of errors meant my labour was not progressing but there weren't any resources available for them to do anything about it. So I was in pain and miserable.

My DM and PIL were waiting in the hospital throughout the final day as they were all so worried. So they all came in immediately and PIL (who are relatively local) came back every day until I was discharged. Friends started visiting the day after we got home and we probably had visitors most days for at least a fortnight. They all brought biscuits, and if DP wasn't around they usually made tea too.

I felt incredibly isolated during the last days of pregnancy (I was 40+14 when I delivered) so I think that added to my desire to see people. I think if it had all been a bit quicker I might have had different ideas!

Let them in.Share the joy.

My dmum visited while I was still in the delivery room and held dd while I was taken for my shower. They have a brilliant bond between them and my dmum says it began that day while she held her.

I had lots of visitors while I was in the hospital and it was great. It was easier there as I didn't have to make everyone coffees etc.

I was surprised but found myself very keen to share the joy as fidelma says and have everyone round.

I don't think you can plan these things too much. Just see how it goes.

I was pretty lucky (or not really!), in that my daughter was 7 weeks early, and my in-laws were on holiday!!!
I was in hospital for 9 days, so the visiting was only 2 hours of the evening (except for hubby of course!) - so that was great - I had all day to myself, just me, hubby, and our new DD.
The in-laws arrived 3 days later - just as my hormones kicked in - even the 2 hours visiting time sent me to breaking point - I shouted at everyone and stormed out of the ward!!! Thankfully, they all understood, and i felt a bit silly!
You definatley need 1-on-1 time when they are first born - you need to feel that you are bonding (which you will do naturally of course), but i should imagine it's harder when you have visitors all day long.

Good Luck - and enjoy!!!!!!

Agree with some of the other posters that it really depends on how YOU feel and make it very clear to your DP/DH that if you're not up to it NO ONE should be allowed in.

In my case, my DS was born at 3am and my DPs came up for the afternoon vsisting slot the same day. But I felt great really wanted to see them and show DS off. My ILs however chose to wait until day 4 of me being in hospital when I was having problems breast feeding and the day my milk came in which was a complete trauma with the hormones. We don't have the best relationship and I did beg DH not to let them in til I was ready which he didn't do as it was his turn to show off baby.

Result was bad to put it mildly. Up shot is that ILs have said that this time round (as due next week) they will wait til they have the all clear to come and see us all.

with my first the issue wasn't how soon after, it was how many and how often in the first few weeks. you are on a high and my baby pretty much slept for 2 weeks (literally barely opened his eyes) but by then i was sick of people coming and going every day and desperate for some peace and quiet, and my house back to myself!

we lived 80 miles away from parents & in-laws

had dd in hosp, I demanded no visitors, but was quite ill after
however MIL and mum had been at our house, cleaning, tidying, stocking up, cooking etc. was fab. arrived home, they were really gentle with me, I went straight to bed with dd.

then they went home, and returned about a week later I think...

my other family didnt visit till after the first few days. It's all a blur, honestly.

Just talk to them, explain you don't want a crowd., they just want to help it's very exciting for the whole family.

Lots of factors at work here.

How you are as a person with visitors.
How you feel after the birth.
How comfortable you are with the vistors in question.whether said vistors help or sit around waiting for refreshments.

If i could do it all again i would have been more assertive and told pil that id like them to leave now as arranged or even just gone up to bed and taken dd with me telling them id see them next time they visited.

In my case the damage feels unreversable now as i feel they treated me so appaulingly i struggle to be pleasant. I am thinking of one day telling them how they made me feel just to clear the air.

Never be scared to push this as you will never get the time back.