How long after the birth did you have visitors?

[LittleLH]

Just wondering how long everyone waited before having visitors to see the baby.
My family live a few hours drive away and I've already said I don't want anyone other than DP at the hospital. I know it will all depend on how I'm feeling and I might change my mind but I was thinking of having at least 2 days at home before telling family they could come over.
I don't want to upset anyone but I want time for me and DP to bond with our new son/daughter and get used to everything before everyone descends on us!

as I had C-sections with both DD and DS - I was in hospital for 5 days afterwards (i was poorly/DS was in and out of special care etc) - so i managed to get all the 'just want to see the baby' visitors out of the way before we went home!!! - was ideal as only allowed a few people by the bed at a time, when another lot of people arrived the first tended to have to leave - also visiting hours (other than for partners/children) was only from about 4-8pm so worked well for us :)

I had a couple of friends drop in briefly after I got home from hospital (less than 30 mins) then we had PIL on day 5. None of our families live locally so the visits had to be longer and I wasn't up to it. Not sure I was up to PIL on day 5 really, but it got it out of the way.

My dad came to stay for 3 nights when dd was three weeks old and that was crap, I had managed to push him back from arriving on her due date though.

It's up to you, see how you feel. Whatever you do, make sure visitors bring lunch/ cake and make their own tea.

I think asking for a couple of days is ok - and no overnight guests. It's up to you really imo.

I had a baby in special care so no one saw him until he was released days later.

in my experience it is never as bad as you think it might be but on the other hand there are always horrendous stories on here of family and in-laws not giving a stuff about your feelings.

If you are planning on breastfeeding then days 3-5 can be tricky so you might want to factor that into any decision.

I got MIL out of the way at the hosp - the limited visiting hours worked in my favour there. That left things a bit quieter once we got home.

My parents and MiL and SiL visited when I was in hospital. Then I probably saw my parents again a day or two later. They all live really close though so can come and go easily. Everyone else, I took DD to them once I felt sociable.

We are just about to have our first overnight guests and DD is 3.5 months; this, imo, is perfect as I am an anti-social cow.

I was like you, I wanted the pressure taking off by saying "no visitors immediately" and once that had been established, I found I didn't actually mind the visitors straight away

Basically it's scary, you have no idea how you'll feel, or be. My DH didn't really get it, at one point he was talking about getting all the parents to camp out in the waiting room , think he had watched too many American dramas! I said No to that, he was puzzled as he thought it was par the course and everyone did it.

in the event I had a long labour so they would have been bored/tired waiting anyway!

if possible try to get visiting done when you are still in hospital (if a hospital birth). Then they are restricted by visiting times, and are on their best "visiting" behaviour and are more respectful (IMO) of not hogging the baby etc than if they were relaxing as visitors in your home.

Be prepared for the visitors to quite happily let you run after them with cups of tea and biscuits. Practice saying "you wouldn't mind doing the teas and coffees would you?". It is amazing how you end up looking after all your visitors (if you let them) as well as a tiny newborn!!

I got home 2 hours after the birth to a welcoming committee of inlaws, my mum and my kids - grandaprents had been looking after them all day. I handed them the baby, smiled at them and went to bed.

My mum has always been a saviour after the birth of my 3 kids she comes round every day with a casserole and fresh veg and fresh fruit salad every day, tidies up, holds the baby whilst I have a shower, takes my washing home and is generally wonderful.

We had ds3 on a Sunday and held an open house 2-4 the following Saturday so friends could pop round and meet the new baby - this worked very well and no-one felt left out in any way. We could then make sure the house was OK and had a definite timescale within which people arrived and left so we didn't feel overwhelmed with people dropping in at all times of day and night. With 2 kids at school we didn't want evening visitors to disrupt their homework/bath/bed schedule.

Believe me I do - and praise her to the hilt whenever anyone asks about how I am looking so well with my new one only 3 weeks old - it is all down to her truly.

Next day, over 24 hours after each one for 'proper' visits, although my neighbour who was looking after dd did pop in to see ds when she brought dd back 45 minutes after he was born! She watched me put his first nappy on him, I remember.

My Mum has been there for all of my births, then comes round every day for a while...but she makes herself useful and doesn't expect to be entertained.

The PIL have been allowed a quick visit on the day they were born, then we leave it for a couple of weeks as they DO expect to be entertained!

Other visitors, depends on the person. My close friends are pretty much all parents so get that short visits are good and they bring food! I don't see my Dad until a month or two afterwards as he really doesn't get it and expects me to be up to more than I can manage.

I might get flamed for this but personally I find the whole asking people to wait to visit you and the baby quite rude. People are being kind enough to visit your new baby and bring a gift.
I told people to come any time. If I was feeding I was feeding. They didnt stay too long and if they did I gave some subtle hints to leave

If you have a traumatic birth that is different and i can see how you might need space and I would NEVER have anyone to stay except for my own mother.

Our house was full of vistors as soon as we got home from the hospital.

Loved it

Both my parents and PILs live 4 hours away. My parents came to stay on day 3 (we came home from hosp on day 2) and presumed they could stay until day 6 when the PILs were due to arrive but we chucked them out on day 5 as we just wanted some space and time to ourselves. Having said that, my parents were a godsend doing the shopping, cooking, tidying, washing, rocking & holding of DD (who, at that stage, would only sleep on someone).

I'd definitely wait until you get home as the space in hospital is so restricted that it just feels as though you're on show and everyone feels obliged to focus on you & the baby whereas, at home, they will do other things like read a paper, watch TV etc & you can escape into another room if you want to.
After we'd got parents & PIL out of the way, when friends suggested a visit I always responded with "yes, it would be lovely for you to pop over for an hour & have a cuppa. Pls call us just before you leave to check we're not having a disaster and so I can tell you what I need collecting from the corner shop" as I felt that that set out the parameters. With some people, I was desperate for them to go after half an hour, with others, they ended up staying all evening & we got a take away. It depended on the mood DD & I were in.

I spent the first 24 hours (at least) naked trying to establish bf with ds as I had had so much trouble with dd. It worked! Didn't want too many visitors though, some of them might have been a bit nauseated uncomfortable.

My own 3 children-well with DD1 I was inundated and flaming knackered. I also had my mother over staying from the US. Actually I didn't mind that,cos she was flaming marvellous. DD2-I made such a fuss over the amount of visitors that people stayed away . And I was fine, so phoned people and told them to come. :0
DD3-it was just about right, cos I was in hossie for a week as she was an early baby.

DD1 asked me to be present at the birth of my DGC, as well as her DH. She said everyone could come to hospital in relays (lol), so we organised it among ourselves, so she wasn't overwhelmed.As her DH could go to hossie from 9am-9pm, they did have time to bond. When she got home, she was left in peace and quiet, until she told us it was okay to visit. And when we did go to visit, we made sure that neither her or my SIL were there to wait on us. We helped by doing dishes,getting shopping,hoovering,cooking and making our own tea.

I had my daughter at 1:30pm. My husband and my mother were there for the birth. I spoke to several friends immediately afterwards and one came to see me in the delivery room. Then my in-laws came to visit in hospital after work, as did some of my close friends and some of my husband's (we were the first to have had a baby). My father and brother were both away so came as soon as they got back. I was on a massive high and was desperate to see people and as people have said above, celebrate. We had visitors the next day too after work and went home on Saturday eve and had visitors on the Sunday etc. But this was totally our choice - we invited people - and we never felt inundated, although perhaps others would have.

But she was born at a civilised time and I hadn't been up all night, nor had I had a difficult birth. So I was feeling fine. I think you will be in a better position to make a call once you have had the baby as you never know how the birth will go or how you will feel, or what time the baby is born etc, as you have said. Perhaps make a tentative plan and then play it by ear a bit.

I think, looking back on how things have worked after each of my babies were born, the key is not to let people stay too long, rather than when they first visit. I can see the advantage of being visited in hospital, and as it worked out with babies 2 and 3 that is what the in-laws did as they looked after the older kids, and I wanted them to meet the baby as soon as possible and feel included (kids not in-laws).

My mother, on the other hand, came to stay, and was not remotely helpful and expected to spend 2 weeks sitting on my sofa holding my newborn while she complained about the room we had provided for her to sleep in and the power of the shower and our meals being "too heavy" for her as she just wanted "a few bits" and pointed out what housework I should be doing and waited on her... If you have helpful relatives and enough space, great, otherwise if at all possible do not let anyone stay over night! I don't like my mother much any more...

As I think another poster said, I think its important to set parameters that are right for you, and what you feel comfortable with.

My PIL arrived on the doorstep 40 mins after I got back from a week in hospital. I remember crying my eyes out in private through hormones and sheer exhaustion, and just wanting to be on my own with hubby and baby. It didn't help that PIL expected to be waited on (through politeness or ignorance) and I had to ask for a place to sit down in my own living room!

This time round, we'll invite them up after 3 weeks or so - it'll be so important for our eldest to get used to baby first before we have visitors to stay. And this time I'll be speaking up! :)

DD1 i was completely swamped by dh's extended family and their kids for the 5 days I was in hospital. Awful, I never had a moments peace, I felt it stopped me feeding (nervous new mummy reluctant to get them out at that stage)
DD2 I said no to all visitors but my best friend. Lovely bonding time with new baby.
Both times my mum came to visit after 10 days and stayed for 2 weeks.(she lived 500 miles away)
DS - we had moved house closer where my parents are. They came in that evening for the 2 hrs visiting and brought our dd's. Asked for everyone else to visit once we were home. In-laws (despite being retired and very not busy) waited 12 weeks to visit. 12 Weeks!

TBH I was excited to show baby off each time and loved having visitors at home, just not in hospital. Enjoyed getting advice from people, as it gave me a chance to ask lots of questions while I found my own way with things.
I'd play it by ear- maybe say you think you might like time to bond before visits, that way if you do want them to come it'll be a nice surprise for them, but there are no obligations...

DD was born at 06:47, we were home by midday and first visitors about 3pm

I had two friends come to the hospital the night DD was born (she was born at 4.00am so DH and I had had all day with her on our own). I had another hospital visit the next night.
After we went home, we had one visit from a friend and her two kids (my god-children). For each of these, I loved showing off my baby.
But, they were really close friends, and the one who came to my house looked after herself - but then we have that kind of friendship, where we treat each other's places as extensions of our own so her wandering in, making a brew and picking up DD when she began to cry didn't seem overbearing or out of place - I was just delighted to hear how gorgeous my new baby was!!
My family flew over for a long weekend when dd was 6 days old - the earliest they could get to us. It was fine - they cooked, cleaned etc etc. I had not quite established bf but it was ok - they left me alone at feeding time.
MIL came over when DD was 3 months for a month - but then she lives on the other side of the world so it was always going to be a long stay. And it was fine because my MIL is a wonderful lady.

In fact, my DD was such an easy little thing that I held a roast dinner for 12 when she was 2 weeks - various friends came over, including another couple with a tiny baby, and my DD's new godfather. It never struck me that it was a strange thing to do - I felt fine, everyone chipped in to help out and I had a ball showing off the baby!

I'm 39w with first DC, my brother and his kids arrive to stay with us for Christmas on 19th and leave on 29th and my sister arrives to stay with us on 24th-31st Dec. We'll also have my other brothers here on christmas day and my parents are usually round every day when they're all staying here. Everyone (apart from my family who know they have to look after themselves when they stay here anyway) thinks we're mad but we don't care, I always have my family to stay at christmas, we enjoy it and the fact that I have so many willing and capable adults around in the early days is great for me. I think I would feel differently were it my inlaws staying for all that time but it isn't, it's my family :)