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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Dads on ward after Birth

129 replies

mumswish · 30/09/2005 15:15

Hi ladies,

Does anyone know why fathers are only allowed on the ward during visiting hours once you've given birth. My mate just gave birth and her dp was only allowed there between 12-4 and 6.30-8.30pm apparently its the same if you pay for a private room.

It's really made me worry about ttcing my first child. I havent spent a night away from my dp in over a year apart from when I went into hospital overnight for a operation after my missed mc (cant remember ops name)

I've looked into paying for private med insurance while pg (BUPA) but no hospitals near me. Has anyone had ANY births where dad was allowed to stay as long as he wants while you're kept in?

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compo · 03/10/2005 11:38

When I had ds there were visiting times for dh/dp's but the seemed to turn a blind eye. So I was kept up til 1am by someone who had just give birth and bought no less than 3 people into the ward wih her. No idea why they wenren't all kicked out but I was very that me and ds were disturbed when we were already knackered enough as it was.

vickitiredmum · 03/10/2005 11:40

How can you end up in Wales by mistake!!!!??????

Didnt you see any warning signs?

Iklboo · 03/10/2005 11:40

Our hospital lets dads visit any time between 9am and 9pm - and stay all that time if they want to. Other visitors are restricted to 12-2:30pm and 6:00 to 8:30pm so mums can get some rest and spend time with baby & dad without mums & MILs sticking their oar in

Mosschops30 · 03/10/2005 11:41

Message withdrawn

flamebat · 03/10/2005 11:42

To be fair, there aren't any big signs saying "Turn back before its too late"... there is one saying "Big pit" though which should be warning enough....

cod · 03/10/2005 11:42

Message withdrawn

Original poster
mumswish · 03/10/2005 11:43

I have no problem with being left alone at night. Its just the hospital that I will end up going to have strict visiting hours of 12-4 and 6.30-8.30pm for dads, anyone. I'm worried about having an evening birth as he'll be kicked out till 12 which I dont like the sound of.

OP posts:
beatie · 03/10/2005 11:51

If you give birth in the early hours of the morning they might let you stay in your labour room for a few hours before they kick DH/DP out. With both my births I was in the delivery room 2 hours after my babies were born.... if they don't need the room for someone else they might let you stay in yours a bit longer. Alternatively you could ask to go to the dayroom/TV room and ask if DH can stay a bit longer. It depends how your labour goes. You might feel like you need to be in bed and to go to sleep.

vickitiredmum · 03/10/2005 11:53

Well maybe they should flamebat!

Who is "they" cod? the norks.....?

cod · 03/10/2005 11:53

Message withdrawn

vickitiredmum · 03/10/2005 11:53

cod

expatinscotland · 03/10/2005 11:55

I was in the delivery room for about 2 hours after DD was born b/c there was no bed in which to put me and I couldn't go home (episiotomy, forceps delivery). They wanted to kick DH off, but couldn't as I was unconscious from exhaustion and they were unable to rouse me. As there was no one but DH to look after DD, they let him stay in the delivery suite w/me.

vickitiredmum · 03/10/2005 11:55

What did they lure you with? Copy of pig farmers weekly?

Original poster
mumswish · 03/10/2005 11:57

Maybe if I stop worrying till I'm actually pg and speak to them then, I might get somewhere. I'm just going on what my mate had.

I'm very nervous of needles etc and scared of hospitals due to mc op. So thats my main reason on wanting him to stay. They wouldnt let him in the hospital when I was in for my D&C (I think thats what its called) and it made the whole thing even worse. So hospitals really freak me out.

I think i'll stick to worrying when the time comes instead of panicking before hand

OP posts:
beatie · 03/10/2005 12:09

mumswish - when you get pregnant, investigate all hte hospitals and midwife-led units that are available to you in your area. Even if you have your baby in that hospital, you can requset to go to a midwifeled-unit for your postnatal care.

Where I used to live there is a midwife-led unit which has only private rooms for postnatal care. It has a lovely relaxed atmosphere with a small team of lovely midwifes and doesn't feel like a hospital at all. Perhaps you'll find there is somewhere like that in your local area.

Original poster
mumswish · 03/10/2005 13:02

Sounds like a good idea

OP posts:
babyonboard · 03/10/2005 15:38

ha ha..i have been to wales by mistake too...our friends said we were going to a party in guildford, we got there and it was moved to somewhere else, so we set off driving towards devises in wiltshire, and i fell asleep..by the time I woke up we were in a barn party in wales with 300 strangers...most fun!
I will miss these random events once baby makes an appearance!

matthewsmummy · 06/10/2005 11:03

my ds was born at 7.30am and my dp was allowewd to stay all day and could come in and out whenever he wanted.

he was surposed to go home that night but he stayed all night in my ward area with the curtains closed and no one noticed. when they came round early in the morning they asked why he was already here and we told them he'd been here all night, she just looked confused and walked out, so we were very naughty but i don't care because i don't think i would of coped being on my own just after id been through child birth. and i was so scared as it was my first and is was only 18. i proberly would of cried till they let me home if he had to go home.

i stayed on my own the next night but i was bait more confident by then.

Fangache · 06/10/2005 11:06

I'm really peeved about this actually. My dd was born at 3.10am. We were punted out the room an hour and a half later as they were really busy. The midwife told DH he couldn't even walk with us up the the ward!!! She said "You can't come upstairs until visiting at 2pm..... best just go home and have a sleep"!!!!

I thought "OH YEAH BLESS HIM HE MUST BE FUCKING KNACKERED EH!"!

I wanted him to come upstairs and coo all over his new dd whilst I slept for an hour or so!!!!

Then when I got to the ward there were quite a few DH's there. Dunno what she had against mine.

highlander · 06/10/2005 11:43

When I had DS (in Vancouver) everyone had their own room. There was a chair that folded down into a bed (but v. uncomfy according to DH). We even had a sign we could put on the door that said 'Family Time, catering Staff Only'.

I have to say I'm truly horrified that dads are banned from being with their new family. Talk abut reinforcing the message that childcare is solely a woman's job

expatinscotland · 06/10/2005 11:53

It wouldn't be so bad, highlander, if there were actually SUPPORT available to new mums. But there isn't. She's just left to cope entirely on her own, even after such major medical procedures are Csections.

It's truly deplorable.

mumfor1sttime · 06/10/2005 11:55

MW,I was in hospital for 3 nights as had a c section, I asked to leave early (they wouldnt let me) as I wanted to be with my Dh. On my first night I was in a seperate room, and Dh left about 9pm (had ds at 7.29pm). I was so tired though, I fell asleep! The 2nd night was worse - on the noisey, boiling hot ward. Dh arrived at 9am and left at 8pm (visiting times). I so wanted to go home! Wish I just walked out now!
My best friend came to visit me one evening, and they wouldnt let her in, she arrived a couple of mins before visiting time was ending. A nurse passed on some flowers and some gifts - I burst into tears!!

Janbo25 · 06/10/2005 12:28

Perhaps we should name and shame the hospitals then and also praise the good one's what do people think?

spookylips · 06/10/2005 12:32

on the day of me given birth, DP could only stayed till 8pm (i gave birth at 12pm on the dame day) so i was gald that he went home at 8pm as he looked terrible cos he forgot to feed, wash and sleep when i was in hossy for 6 days

mumfor1sttime · 06/10/2005 13:42

Janbo25 - Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital