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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Dads on ward after Birth

129 replies

mumswish · 30/09/2005 15:15

Hi ladies,

Does anyone know why fathers are only allowed on the ward during visiting hours once you've given birth. My mate just gave birth and her dp was only allowed there between 12-4 and 6.30-8.30pm apparently its the same if you pay for a private room.

It's really made me worry about ttcing my first child. I havent spent a night away from my dp in over a year apart from when I went into hospital overnight for a operation after my missed mc (cant remember ops name)

I've looked into paying for private med insurance while pg (BUPA) but no hospitals near me. Has anyone had ANY births where dad was allowed to stay as long as he wants while you're kept in?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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jamboure · 30/09/2005 16:17

at our local hospital dads are welcoma alway only restriction is they must be away by 10pm

spacecadet · 30/09/2005 16:20

with my previous 3 dc's the hospital i went to allowed dads in anytime of the day or night, when i was induced with ds2 he slept the night there in a chair next to me, good job too cos i went into labour in the middle of the night! with dd2, i went to a diff hospital and they were very strict, dh was made to go home just mins after they started induction because it was rest time and that night he wasnt allowed to stay, i went into labour at about6am but they refused to ring him because they didnt want men on the ward before everyone had got up..they had to eat their words though as dd was intent on putting in a quick appearance and they had to ring him hurridly and dash me to labour ward, dh nearly missed it! it did annoy me though and was my only gripe with otherwise fantastic care. they were more liberal with the amenity room

expatinscotland · 30/09/2005 16:24

I'm either going for a homebirth or looking to be discharged directly from the delivery suite for this very reason.

It'd be one thing if there were enough staff to hand to give mums support on the first night alone w/a baby - especially after many have been in labour for hours - but that's just not there and then they make all your support leave.

So you're often coping alone.

No, thanks.

nailpolish · 30/09/2005 16:24

my advice would be dont take a single room if they offer it to you (unless for a medical reason)

when i had dd1 they offered me a single room because they were very quiet on the ward, and i thought it would be great but it was really awful. i felt very isolated

so when i had dd2 i specifically said i didnt want a room of my own, i wanted to be in the busiest part of the ward! just so i could have someone to chat to if no friends or family were there to visit

its good to be part of the ward i think, watching the comings and goings, having others to chat to, and i had no trouble sleeping through other babies crying (i seemed to tune into my own babies though)

saying that, i was in for a while with both dd's, dont know if it would be the same if it had only to be for a while to get some well earned catch-up sleep

hunkermunker · 30/09/2005 16:24

The toddler of the woman in the bed opposite me was scary. He stood at the end of my bed and gazed at me, unblinking, for hours.

Then I was shouted at for drawing the curtain. Didn't feel I could say it was because there was an evil child on the ward who'd frightened me though

jessicaandbumpsmummy · 30/09/2005 16:37

Jess was born at 2.49am, I was round on post-natal ward by 5.30am and DH was told to leave straight away.

He was back in by 10am and we went home at 3pm.

While he was gone, I had a bath, got dressed, bathed Jess and dressed her and sat waiting til he came back!

Got chatting to a few of the other mums though - they seemed to have been in for ages and couldnt believe i was up and about and ready to go home!

spacecadet · 30/09/2005 16:39

nailpolish-when i was admitted to hospital last year when dd was 7 weeks old with suspected pe, they gave me a single room and i was inconsolable! i couldnt bare the thought of being on my own so eventually they moved me onto the ward..they thought i was mad!!!!!!!!

nailpolish · 30/09/2005 16:40

spacecadet - im glad im not the only one though!

sweetkitty · 30/09/2005 16:46

I was the opposite hated being in the ward, it was stifling hot, no one spoke to anyone else all the curtains were drawn felt very isolating (think it might be to do with it being in London and very erm this is going to sound awful but it was a high immigrant area). Hated using the communal loo with other peoples blood stains on it, when we got readmitted as DD had jaundice had a private room and much preferred it.

aloha · 30/09/2005 16:47

I'm glad dads were sent home. Only chance of any sleep at all!

MascaraOHara · 30/09/2005 16:50

I was really glad that fathers access was restricted to certain times... by the time I gave birth to dd her father already made my skin crawl! even stayed in an extra day when they said I could go home but 'recommended' I stay in for an extra day

AuntyQuated · 30/09/2005 16:54

our hospital was visiting hours only. 2-4pm then 6.30-8.30. last half hour 8-8.30 was partners only. maybe i'm strange but i liked it !!!
both times were CSs so i was in for 5 days, the other 3 on my ward were CSs too on same day as me. so we got into a nice little routine, getting ready for visiting. visiting times can be stressful espec when the world and their granny come along! i liked it when they'd all gone and i could gaze at my baby

AuntyQuated · 30/09/2005 16:56

oh good, 3 of us now that are glad for restricted visiting. makes me feel better

serenity · 30/09/2005 17:05

It really does depend where you go. In St Thomas' in London, if you have the baby in the home-from-home section there's actually a bed in the room for your DP. On the otherhand, if you are on the other wing, in the ordinary delivery ward (the one with the drugs...) then you get put in a ward and DPs are sent home.

When I had DS1 I lost a lot of blood, and had to stay in the delivery suite for a while for observation. DH didn't want to leave me in case I had to have surgery. They didn't clear me and send me to the ward until 1am, DH got chucked out and find his way home! He doesn't drive, and it took him nearly 2 hours to get home! I've never stayed in overnight since.

ellasmum1 · 30/09/2005 17:07

Its true about the lack of staff.I alone care for 15 woman and their babies(as a midwife)per shift.If 1 woman asks me to help her breastfeed and i'm there for ages-guess what,all the other woman get no care!! I exhaust myself every shift usually having no drink/food for the duration and never sit down.Often I get home at 23.30 when i should be home at 10pm.Get no overtime for this or recognition.And naturally all i get is complaints from all the neglected women(don't bloody blame them!!).Why am i doing it?? Is it a surprise so many midwives leave?? Its been like this for years now,managers don't care.Back to the subject of dads-can u imagine how much easier my job would be if dads stayed to give some support to mums? Where is the logic!

oooggs · 30/09/2005 17:08

DS was born at 3.44am and DH was there until I went to a ward at 7.30pm then he was kicked out until visiting hours 10am - 8pm as our hospital.

paolosgirl · 30/09/2005 17:08

Our hospital allowed Dh/Dp's and siblings ("what's a sibling"? asked one of the mums on my word - LOL) on the wad at anyt time from 8am-11pm. Only the rest of the visitors had to stick to visiting hours.

I wish they would limit the number of visitors, TBH. The woman opposite me had 11 and the one next to her had 13 - all at one time, FFS

MaloryTowers · 30/09/2005 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paolosgirl · 30/09/2005 17:09

It was a 4 bedded ward btw

vickitiredmum · 30/09/2005 17:13

Restricted visiting is good - as long as your hospital treats all visitors equally and ALL visitors leave when asked instead of flouting the rules and staying until daft o clock like they did at mine - circumstances are along similar lines to what sweetkitty was getting at (must be the same hospital sweetkitty).

Plus if they do kick out partners thats fine as long as there is adequate staff to help get you a cup of tea after 12 hours labour/take you to the toilet/adjust your pillow/change your new babies nappy immediately after an epidural.

ellasmum1 · 30/09/2005 17:13

Oh yes-at our hospital women can only have 2 to a bed at a time.Yet another thing i'm supposed to organize,answering the door buzzer every 2 mins and checking who has too many visitors.Oh yes the bathrooms are usually disgusting as there are no cleaners apart from a couple of hrs a day and I can never get round to that when trying to help women feed babies,dealing with babies withdrawing from heroin,babies with low blood sugar,women who need post operative pain relief etc etc.Am SO !!!

suedonim · 30/09/2005 17:15

Postnatal wards It used to be nice and quiet in the afternoon between 2&4pm when no visiting was allowed. Tbh, it wasn't usually the dads, just the other visitors who upset me. I recall the girl next to me having both sets of grandparents, her older children, her siblings with sil's and bil's and their offspring, all talking at the top of their voices. And then there were the proud grandparents at the bed opposite mine who continually took flash photos, which was bl%dy awful esp at night. Omigod it was a nightmare. Only my dh should have been allowed in.

vickitiredmum · 30/09/2005 17:17

Ella - One of the the mws on our ward used to run the whole way round her shift! She was great though - everyone liked her and hated it when her shift ended. (Not that you want the mw to run around the whole time but you KNEW you were going to get seen to or whatever it was you needed).

expatinscotland · 30/09/2005 19:15

I want my mummy! I'm so glad she'll be here for this one and she can take me home and look after me .

BunnyBoo · 30/09/2005 19:29

I agree i think it is discusting that dads are not allowed to stay, at the end of the day it is there child is well and they want to be with that baby from the start.

When i had ds i had him at 8.30pm and did not go down to the ward till about 12pm, they sent dh home before i went to the ward and he was not allowed back till the morning, i spent the whole night crying as i was sore and could not move due to stitches and epidural, the staff were crap, so all in all i was a new mum in pain trying to care for my newboen baby, i think it is wrong!
Dh came in about 10am and i burst into tears saying please take me home, i was checked and so was ds and we were allowed home thank god at 12 noon.

I was so glad to be home i thought the ward was like a meat factory people coming in and out all night and babys screaming, i had no sleep and was in agony.

Really not looking forward to this time either, i just hope i can go home as early as i did last timec

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