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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Dads on ward after Birth

129 replies

mumswish · 30/09/2005 15:15

Hi ladies,

Does anyone know why fathers are only allowed on the ward during visiting hours once you've given birth. My mate just gave birth and her dp was only allowed there between 12-4 and 6.30-8.30pm apparently its the same if you pay for a private room.

It's really made me worry about ttcing my first child. I havent spent a night away from my dp in over a year apart from when I went into hospital overnight for a operation after my missed mc (cant remember ops name)

I've looked into paying for private med insurance while pg (BUPA) but no hospitals near me. Has anyone had ANY births where dad was allowed to stay as long as he wants while you're kept in?

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nailpolish · 30/09/2005 15:16

in my hospital dads were allowed there dawn til dusk, and more

surely they cant be that strict with the fathers of the babies??????????

madmarchhare · 30/09/2005 15:17

Same here NP.

toothyboy · 30/09/2005 15:17

My dp was allowed in all day. On the day of ds' birth he didn't leave until about 11pm, but on the remaining days left at about 8pm. He arrived around 10am.

It probably depends on the individual hospital.

tortoiseshell · 30/09/2005 15:17

Ds was born in hospital, and dh was allowed in standard visiting hours which were 10 till 8. Was REALLY annoying on first night - ds was born at 7.10, they gave us till about 9 then turfed dh out, took my baby off to the nursery (for observation...!), and abandoned me on the ward. Had missed lunch and tea through being in labour and spent the whole night being desperately hungry (you would have thought they might have given me some tea , but I missed tea by being in the delivery suite!!!). And I had had an epidural so wasn't allowed out of bed. Really lovely first night as a mum.

hunkermunker · 30/09/2005 15:19

It's one of the reasons I want a homebirth this time. I hated DH leaving us overnight.

Marina · 30/09/2005 15:19

It must vary in NHS hospitals and sometimes I know the rules are bent for people in amenity rooms (single room on NHS ward for which you usually have to pay unless there is a medical reason for it), but not the extent of overnighters.
The rules in theory at my hospital were as you were given, mumswish, but I was quite ill after dd was born and she was in SCBU for a couple of days so dh was allowed to spend all day with me and in to the evening, but not stay overnight.

tortoiseshell · 30/09/2005 15:20

hm - I had a homebirth second time, partly because of that! SO much nicer.

marne · 30/09/2005 15:20

Dh stayed with me until we went home, i was only in for 7 hours after the birth. The hospital didnt seem to mind.

lockets · 30/09/2005 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cupcakes · 30/09/2005 15:22

we had rules along the same lines but found they were rarely put into practice. My dh was very obedient and left on time (I was in for 2 weeks before having ds) and I was left frustrated by the other dads who remained (this was an antenatal ward).
Just pull the curtain round and keep quiet!
After ds was born I was very weepy after my first night (alone) so they let dh stay with me on a campbed (but I was in a private room) for the remainder of my stay. (This was an NHS hospital, but they were really quiet so let me use the private room).
I have heard of some dads being asked to leave when the baby was just a few hours old because it was no longer visiting time.
I think you just have to be a pain and insist on them staying.

vickitiredmum · 30/09/2005 15:22

DPs/DHs were allowed 9 till 9 on ours. Unfortunately my DD wasnt - only standard visiting hours for her so it limited things tremendously.

Plus alot of people on the ward had visitors who didnt stick to visiting times - some were kicked out some werent. It was all a bit of a shambles really. My DD was asked to be taken home because she was "coughing on the babies" but then the woman in bed opposite had her DP, parents, and 3 mates visiting till 10.00pm at night.

DPs and DH's should be allowed there until lights out. Women who give birth after this time should be put in a side/private room in the middle of the night so DP/DH can stay with her imo.

lockets · 30/09/2005 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

mumswish · 30/09/2005 15:33

See here's the thing. My mate had her little girl at 11.13 on Tuesday and was only allowed home today. During that time they made her dp, wait outside until 12pm (visiting hourse) even tho he was only 45mins early. Then kicked him out at 4pm (when little mate was having dinner and trouble with baby) he came back at 6pm (mw told him to) and wasnt allowed in til 6.30pm and kicked out again at 8.30pm. I'm really worried as this is the only hospital near me and I dont want to give birth and have my dp kicked out straight away.

I want to go private but no hosiptals. IS there a way of getting private treatment at an NHS hospital?

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 30/09/2005 15:34

MW, would you consider a homebirth? I know it's a bit daunting for a first one, perhaps?

vickitiredmum · 30/09/2005 15:35

Also had that when DD was born - she was born at 1.40am, was whisked back up to the ward and they were happy for DP to push trolley and carry bags but after that had to leave. I hadnt eaten or drunk anything since 11.00am the previous day. I didnt get anything to eat or drink until the 7.00am later that morning which my DP could have done for me. Id had an epidural btw so i couldnt get up and get stuff myself.

Original poster

mumswish · 30/09/2005 15:38

I want a water birth (not even ttc yet and got it all planned out LOL) I wouldnt mind a home birth but dp worried in case they dont get here in time and he cant handle it. At least he can put his foot down to make sure we get there.

OP posts:

marne · 30/09/2005 15:38

Havnt you got a choice of hospitals or have you only got one in your area? If you have a choice you could find out how each hospital does things. My hospital was realy good i wasnt moved to a ward until 2 hours after the birth and dh, db and his girl friend were with me all day until i went home.

Original poster

mumswish · 30/09/2005 15:39

We've got a choice of 2, one wont take me cos I'm too heavy so only leaves one.

OP posts:

cupcakes · 30/09/2005 15:40

I was really anxious about this issue when pregnant with dd - to the point where I was asking every midwife I met 'how do I get a private room again?'. Luckily (as I never got a sufficient answer) dd was born in the morning and we were allowed to go home that afternoon. I was dreading having that first night in a ward full of strangers when you're really vulnerable.

sweetkitty · 30/09/2005 15:43

My DP was allowed to visit from 9am to 10pm mind 2 hours in the afternoon that was quiet time 2-4pm I think. Absolutely hated him going one of the reasons I'm hoping for a homebirth this time too,

steffee · 30/09/2005 15:46

I missed dinner and tea too with dd. Got to hospital at 10am, they said not to eat or drink anything blah blah. DD was born at 4pm but by the time they stopped fiddling I missed tea. Slept through breakfast, and left hospital just as lunch was being served, so went 36hours+ without anything to eat and giving birth in the middle!

They did make me a cup of tea though, and dh could have stayed as long as he wanted but left at 8pm to pick ds1 up, to take him home to bed.

Original poster

mumswish · 30/09/2005 15:56

Technically I could have baby at midwife run hospital (all the ladies seem really nice there) but I have to lose 4 stone before they'll admit me and then I have to gain no weight and I cant do that. I've been 12 stone all my life and they need me to get to 10 stone and not put no more on (even with baby growing inside)

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 30/09/2005 15:58

That sounds mad, MW!

How about a domino birth? You go to hospital with your community midwife, s/he stays with you while you labour and deliver and you come home soon afterwards (a six-hour discharge where I live).

cupcakes · 30/09/2005 16:01

why, MW?

ellasmum1 · 30/09/2005 16:09

I work as a midwife on a postnatal ward and cannot understand the rules!!I feel mortified everytime i send a dh/dp home.,when a woman comes up at night partner has to say gooodbye immediately-cant even see them settled in for the night.Its disgusting,and also to let dh in all day but refuse own children is horrible!I suppose caring for women with noisy toddlers running up and down/tantrums etc could be difficult though.On our ward dh can come 9-11 am,2 till 4 pm and 6-8 pm.Even women admitted in early labour who aren't "in labour" enough to be on labour ward but need pain relief so can't go home have to stay in on their own apart from visiting times!!How can we expect dads to be all new age caring and supportive when they are treated by hospital as just another visitor???!!!!

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