Dads on ward after Birth

[mumswish]

Hi ladies,

Does anyone know why fathers are only allowed on the ward during visiting hours once you've given birth. My mate just gave birth and her dp was only allowed there between 12-4 and 6.30-8.30pm apparently its the same if you pay for a private room.

It's really made me worry about ttcing my first child. I havent spent a night away from my dp in over a year apart from when I went into hospital overnight for a operation after my missed mc (cant remember ops name)

I've looked into paying for private med insurance while pg (BUPA) but no hospitals near me. Has anyone had ANY births where dad was allowed to stay as long as he wants while you're kept in?

Hmmm, DP went home - exhausted - about five hours after DD1's rather traumatic birth and I can't say I minded; too knocked out myself.

I did get pissed off when he forgot to video Frasier that night, though

Well i think if you ask dh he may have been relieved as he was shattered, but still not the point i needed him

Ellasmum, what a nightmare. Maternity services are so f*ed up. It's a disgrace. You sound lovely btw. Pity you don't work at Kings. Actually, scratch that, none of the midwives at Kings 'work' they just sit behind their desks, sneering at women.

I do think you need some time when there are no visitors. At the hospital I was at there were "quiet times" when no vistors were allowed in (Dads had longer visiting times than non-Dads but Quiet Time was sacred). I think the problem is that not all Dads are as considerate as others - and you can't just say "quiet Dads can stay!" As for staying overnight - it's bad enough with all the Mums and babies snoring and snuffling

I was on a ward with ds1 - I don't think I slept more than 10 minutes at a stretch for about 8 days. I had an Amenity Room with ds2 and it was worth every penny. Perhaps I'm just antisocial!

I was very lucky when I had dd2 as she was born at 2 am and I intended to leave after 6-8 hours and did not want to go on to the postnatal ward.
As that meant waiting until dd was checked the next morning the mw's made up a bed for me and dh in one of the delivery rooms and we slept for the rest of the night with dd in a cot next to us.
It meant we were not parted from going into hospital in labour and dh driving us home a few hours later. It was fab.

My DP was allowed to stay from 10 to 8 and any siblings as well (but we didn't have any), I thought this was fine.

Especially as to be honest there was another woman on my ward and her husband was very disturbing and I was glad when he was made to go home.
He strutted around looking at all the other woman and at one point I heard him chatting up a student midwife! and he would disappear for hours and then after visiting would suddenly appear again (no one seemed to know where he'd been )and as one of the woman in my ward had quite a bad time and at night had her legs in the air exposing herself to fresh air I could completely understand the midwife who discovered him strutting around our ward 2 hours after visiting, going crazy and shouting at him to leave.

my dd was born at 5.10pm i was on the ward by 7.30pm mum and dh had to leave at 10pm they came back at 10am and we were out by three in the afternoon. i hated being in hospital, with next one will be out first thing in the morning, or the afternoon if same day, cant stand hospitals, and didnt like having to leave my baby when i went to the loo or the mw deciding she hadnt had enough bottle and wandering off with her, no thanks wont be in there long at all next time!

Mumswish just to let you know that we looked into private medical cover through Bupa..They don't do it...You can pay privatly though but direct to the consultant that you see but this is not always available at your local hospital.It varies in cost as scans range from £180 each, blood tests cost, and then the delivery is around £2k. You then need to pay for your bed per night etc etc etc.You would probably be looking at around £4-6k

When I had dd she was born at 2.46pm and I didn't go up to the ward until 7pm, visiting was 7pm till 8pm so I was faced straight away with proud grandparents etc. Dh also had to leave at 8pm but managed to get an extra hour longer with me. I think this was due to dd only being a few hours old. I hated him leaving me as I hate hospitals and this was my biggest fear. Dh wanted to stay with us & I wanted him to stay as I felt it was such a HUGE responsability for me and no matter how much we had planned for baby it scared me that this little life depended on me for everything!!! I was so tired and so needed dh to help me out.

Dh arrived the next day at 12pm (visiting was 1pm-4pm) by sneaking in and I loved his visits as it gave us peace & quiet as a family before he came back at night with everyone else.

I to hated dh leaving me when visiting times ended but I didn't feel totally alone as I was never off the phone to him..He also managed to stay longer than he should have, I was only in for 1.5 days so it wasn't to bad.I also managed to sneakily use my mob .....
I also knew 2 of the girls on my ward so it was more like camp! LOL!!! I'm still dreading hospital though when baby2 is on the way.

I think visiting for baby's dad is out of order and should not be restricted as it's his responsability as well and in the case of dh he was soooo excited and so didn't want to leave us.
I think it's done though to give us women some peace. TBH I would rather of had dh's support at 2am when I had been trying to bf dd for the last 4 hours and was in tears.Once I was back home things were so much easier as we shared the responsability of introducing our dd to life.

Good luck in ttc.

In the hospital were I gave birth there is a patient hotel where partners are allowed to stay but only if you have had a normal delivery.
I had a forceps delivery at 9.45pm and DH was sent packing soon after. I felt alone and quite bewildered but I suppose I can understand why the hospitals stick to visiting hours. I would not have liked someones male partner coming unexpectedly onto the ward in the middle of the night disturbing my privacy.

Actually, its just reminded me, when i was in with DS (i had to stay in for 3 days after he was born due to BP and a mystery infection), one of the many people that occupied the bed opposite me had a DH who was a total PITA. She was booked in to be induced and although nothing had happened she wasnt even going down till the morning he didnt want to go. (understandable i suppose....) What peeved me was that he took it upon himself to regularly re-arrange the furniture on the ward waking up the babies on there (including mine), and playing a portable DVD player at a volume that just wasnt necessary at 9.00pm at night, and regularly talking loudly on a mobile phone. Call me grumpy..... but.....

Think it depends on hospital in ours it is allowed 8am-8pm.

I understand the need to have a quiet time. I'm just worried that they're gonna turf my dp out as soon as I've given birth and I dont want that. I dont understand why they cant leave you on a different ward for a few hours to settle in. Esp if people have had epidurals etc. Thats the bit I'm worried about.

I'm worried I wont be able to look after my baby straight away due to drugs or tiredness or whatever and I dont want the first person to look after him/her to be a MW I want it to be me or dp.

But we'll have to see closer to the time. cos as I've said not even ttc yet and planning births!!

I've only read bits of the thread...

Here the system was 10 - 4, and then 6 - 8pm. DD was born at 7.05pm, and he was allowed to stay for quite a while after, but that was only because I was the only woman in labour, so they just let me stay in the labour room for ages. BUT, I was still wide awake on an adrenaline rush when they sent him home, and I missed him terribly.

I was then ill for the next few days, scared and transferred to a room by myself so that I could rest in quiet - instead it was isolation and I got more and mroe miserable. DD was born on the Friday evening, and by the Tuesday morning I was begging to be allowed home, not because I felt better, but because I was sinking into depression that I was terrified I wouldn't be able to lift out of again (history of depression). They weren't keen on letting me go, but gave in in the end.

This time... homebirth. I refuse to feel that miserable and out of control again. Its a shame because my actual brith experience there was lovely, it was just the bit afterwards that has upset me.

I missed DH so badly I sobbed and sobbed, too. He was so strong and confident.

This time round, I'm also hoping to be discharged from delivery suite or even trying for homebirth b/c of my past birth experience.

My mum and dad will be across for a month starting the week before Xmas, and having them around will make a world of difference.

At my hopsital (Queen Mum's in Glasgow) dps/dhs were allowed to visit at any time. It was just everyone else who was restricted to "standard" visiting hours. But tbh, they were pretty flexible, especailly if you were in one of the single rooms.

Am thinking mayb having home birth, I dont want to be left alone within hours of giving birth. THats just scary. PLus its the best time for dp to see baby. I dont want him to miss the beginning

there are some really surprising stories on here1 I can't believe dads would be asked to leave so soon after the birth..
In my experience, I have had four hospital stays whildst preg. and dp has been with me on three occasions.
one was in our local hospital and I was on the gynae ard , admitted at about 6pm and they didn't ask dp to leave..he only did at 7am as he had to go home and get ready for work. this was in early pregnanyc though, and a suspected ectopic pregnancy so maybe different rules..
Then at St Thomases in London I was given a private room without asking and dp was never told to go home..they even have sofa beds in the labour ward for partners to sleep on, and they made us both toast and tea at 2am..really good service!
I was in again this weekend and my friend was allowed to come and go whenever with her 19 month old dd.
I guess I'm lucky though..and, as with most of the nhs it's a bit of a lottery depending on what your local hospital offers.

forgot to add though..last stay they were a bit more restrictive with my friend and her 5 month old dd..they didn't say anything but she sensed they got a bit gnarly when the baby was crying so she felt obliged to go home ..
what do people with young babies or toddlers do if they don't have childcare when they go into labour?- must be a nightmare..!

MW, why does the midwife-led unit care how heavy you are? Why would that matter? What a strange policy! (I guess I could understand if you were morbidly obese, but I can't see how 12 stone could be.)

Our local hospital is quite restrictive about these things, and it's a total pain. Yes, quiet time, blah blah blah, but actually, they come in and turn on all the lights at midnight and wander around giving drugs and having chats, so what's the point?

(I had two hospital births, as both were sections. After the first one, we checked ourselves out, against medical advice ... which is always an option. After a good vaginal birth, you shouldn't need to stay more than six hours.)

One useful suggestion - a private midwife will give you better options, and may be able to talk you through your homebirth options. They are not necessarily that expensive. You can find them on this website.

Thanks NQC. I'll look into that.

I'm currently 5ft4 and 13stone. They wont take me at that weight because I'm too heavy for my natural size and (apparently) can cause problems in birth.

They wont take me unless I get down to 10 stone and stay there. I've never been less than 12 stone so you know. No hope!!

I think the reason NQC is to do with BMI rather than specific weight. People above average BMI are deemed to be more likely to have complications with labour and birth and therefore the likelyhood for the need of a consultant is higher so they wont accept them. They will only accept people with absolutely no complications because that is all they are allowed to deal with.

If i have another i would seriously consider a home birth - bp allowing!

Wouldn't your natural weight be, you know, your natural weight? I can see their concern if you couldn't walk or something, but surely that's not the case ...

And to weigh just 10 stone while entirely pregnant is, well, not vey much. I'm sure some women weigh that little while pregnant, but I doubt it's many!

(I'm 5'6", and have dipped below 13 stone a few times. But I'm quite muscular and fit, and I run and bike a lot.)

BMI's a bit of a funny thing. Arnold Schwartzenegger is obese by BMI, from what I know.

At any rate, I hit 16 stone while pregnant with DS1, and my midwife didn't seem concerned at all. Had he not been footling breech, we would have gone for our home birth.

I'm not heathly but not to the point of not walking etc. I dont go running etc but I can run up our 2 lights of stairs without dying so it cant be that bad. I dont know what the big deal is to be honest. But thats their policy so I have to adhere to it. I'm going to try there anyway when/if i get pg but am preparing myself for them to say no.

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