first post on here im usually a lurker sorry if it’s a mess i just don’t feel like anyone in real life gets it and i need somewhere to put it all down.
i have 3 boys. eldest is 28 and lives with his partner and their baby so at home it’s just me DS2 who’s 19 and my youngest who is 13 turning 14 this year. i knew from when he was small something wasn’t right but i was always told i was just anxious or too soft. everyone told me it was behavioural and basically my fault. but it never felt like that. my other two were fine, it’s not the same.
primary was awful. school said no SEN again and again. when he was 10 he said he wanted to die. begged camhs for help. got an “emergency” referral that still took 2 months. they said yes something’s going on but assessment would be 3+ years. i went private, got him diagnosed with adhd at 11. got meds. first lot made him sick. second lot helped a bit but now he refuses to take any of it.
started secondary and it all went downhill fast. self harming every single day. drinking when he can. i can’t have alcohol in the house at all anymore. runs off if things don’t go his way. sometimes police bring him back, sometimes he just wanders back in himself after hours.
he’s got this friend from his old primary (she’s not at his secondary). they seem to compete with the self harm. i’ve tried to stop contact but she just makes new roblox accounts and finds him. when i’ve taken his devices away he completely loses it, screaming at me, smashing stuff, shouting that i don’t care if he dies.
school have him in learning support mostly. they say he can actually work when it’s one to one but he can’t manage a normal class. he loses his temper quickly, punches walls, throws chairs.
sunday was the worst. i went to DS1s for lunch. his girlfriend doesn’t want DS around their baby. came home and DS had a knife. he threatened me with it and then threatened DS2 as well. eventually dropped it and ran. police came and took him to hospital.
he’s still on the children’s ward. he’s told them i hurt him which i don’t. never have. but once he’s said it, that’s it. staff look at me like i’m the problem. social services were round monday, “just checking” because of what he said. it felt like an investigation. i told them everything. i feel like i’m the one on trial not him getting help.
i rang camhs on monday and again tuesday. both times they said because he’s in hospital now it’s with the crisis team and not them. basically pushed me back to the ward. rang the ward yesterday to see if i could get a straight answer and the nurse just said “he’s unsettled but safe here at the moment. there’ll be a professionals meeting to decide next steps.” no one will actually tell me what’s happening.
i went to see him on monday even though i knew he didn’t want me there. i didn’t want to go against his wishes or unsettle him further but the staff said he might calm down if i came. it didn’t help. he was furious, screamed at me, swore, told me to leave, refused to speak to me. it broke my heart and i left after a few minutes because he was getting more and more upset. i don’t think i’ll go again until he asks or staff say it’s ok.
i’ve been told there’s a meeting tomorrow. it’s supposed to be me, social worker, someone from camhs/crisis, the consultant from the ward, school safeguarding, and the police officer who dealt with sunday. all sat round a table talking about my child like i’m not even there. they’ve said sectioning is on the table but i don’t know what that really means. do i pack clothes? his phone? his games? i asked the nurse and she said “it depends where he goes” which doesn’t help me at all.
he isn’t just badly behaved. i know my child. this isn’t just him being difficult. sometimes he’s actually really sweet. he’s funny when he wants to be, he’ll sit and play games with DS2, he’s brilliant with animals, patient even. he’s clever too, school say he does well one to one with learning support. when he’s calm he can be lovely. it’s like a switch flips and he’s gone.
since sunday he won’t see me. he’s told the staff he doesn’t want me there. says maybe one of his brothers can visit. DS2 is too shaken up to go. DS1 said maybe but hasn’t been yet. i’m sat at home not knowing what’s happening with my own son.
i feel like i’ve completely failed him. i fought and fought for help from the start and no one listened. now he’s 13 and he self harms every day, he drinks, he threatens us with knives, he runs off, he’s said i hurt him when i haven’t, and i don’t know what’s going to happen next.
has anyone been through a child being sectioned in england. what actually happens. what do i do, what should i send with him. how long do they keep them. do they actually get help or is it just containment. i feel broken.