Pda child refusing to tear for scabies

[AnyaMarx]

How on earth does my friend navigate this ?

Her dd has adhd and pda .

Mum is my best friend and has scabies which they've passed to me god bless 'em .

Her dd point blank refuses to have the cream on. Now I've been talking to her dd , sent her the photos of my skin and said I thought it was my dogs had fleas but having seen chemist it seems it's scabies . Have explained what it is , why everyone needs to treat .

Keep getting back I do t care . I've not got it I'm not doing it .

My friend is freaking out. She's an absolute germ phobe so this is killing her . I've treated tonight but tried to tell her dd (who actually calls me "fam" and really does treat me like a second mum) but she is adamant she will not treat .

I've said well that's sad because it means I can't visit - (she is always all over me when I visit , on my
Knee , cuddles ) which I did t want to deter because she's so aloof normally with others - she calls me "fam" and treats me like an aunt I guess . She is incredibly difficult, and I'm one of 2 people who tolerate her behaviour. I know she does love seeing me and I do her but I've said if she won't treat for the scabies I can't come over . Her poor mum is absolutely freaking out as she hates anything like this .

Her father is a waste of space and won't act . Says it in mums head which clearly it's not since I've now got it !

I'm at a loss . I've been talking to her dd all day today by text (at her dds instigation) but she's keeps saying she doesn't have it and go away .

I've tried t explain , I've used humour , I've sent her pictures , I've tried to ask her how she would feel and f it were head lice - she says that's different.

She gets in bed with my friend and I've tried explaining why that's a bad idea if she wont treat - but she won't. And her idiot father is t helping. Think he's as autistic as she is and has head firmly buried in sand . Says there's nothing wrong . I've tried explaining it doesn't matter to f she has symptoms- like bits - she needs to treat so it doesn't get passed back and forth but her father wi t treat either .

Any advice ? It's bloody freaked me out and I lathered the cream on but this means I can't visit them as I'll just get it back !
I was symptomatic. My poor friend is too and is absolutely freaking out.

Ffs - I do not think it's acceptable At All !!! That's why I posted here for help and advice to pass to her .

Please go away if all you are going to do is critique me .

I am trying to help her by asking for advice here - when I asked if she should inform school I got told to keep my nose out did I not ?

I COULD have her because I work from home .

I think you are forgetting you were the one who posted you wouldn’t be visiting whilst she had scabies and wasn’t treated.

The constructive advice is to stop being overly involved. And think about how you speak about the child. You clearly don’t like that, but I am not the only one to think that.

It is overly involved for you to ask if the mother should inform school when she should have already done it because the child should be absent. How was anyone here to know the mother is flouting the exclusion period?

Jesus Christ .

I give in .

Yes it's horrible is t it . Imagine your lkids are in her class . Not nice .

And yet there is nothing else her mother can do - I said I could have her - not that I will. I've just had to treat for scabies , wash all my bedding towels and clothes , and clean to within an inch of my life

I've had her previously when she's been ill. But I agree that's not my job . I did it before as a last resort and favour to my friend . I do not want reinfecting with scabies . I have to work too , so the odd
Day here and there I've done to
Help my mate out of a hole .

The point of me asking the initial question on here was because friend is going slightly out of her mind and child is refusing g to treat despite now having a rash and there is no other childcare option. Childminders gave notice . Father no help . Grandparents won't have her . So I was asking for
Some help on behalf of my mate who hasn't got a clue where to
Go from here . She can't take prolonged time off
Work , there is bo one to
Have her dd , and she had symptomatic active
Scabies . And because she refuses to
Either acknowledge it or treat yes the school is
Probably infected, as will be the friends she's had sleepovers at , the out of
School
Classes she attends .

I'm unsure why anyone would wonder why else I asked the question re
School ? I felt it was the ethical thing to
Do but given friends is between a rock and hard place - I asked .

The answer here was basically to
Bugger off and keep
Your nose out .

So thank you. And maybe just for one second think how you'd feel after f she were in your children's classes at school .

I can't say the thought of mites crawling around in my skin was great. But I don't have to
Expose myself or live
With it .
My empathy was
For friend who does and why I asked here in the op how
To get the kiddo to treat .

And yet there is nothing else her mother can do

Except not send a contagious child who shouldn’t be in school to school. As well as stop being so irresponsible and allowing sleepovers and out of school classes as they aren’t essential by any stretch of the imagination.

And maybe just for one second think how you'd feel after f she were in your children's classes at school .

I have, which is why I said I’m glad she isn’t in my DC’s school. I have a DC who is immunocompromised and I would be extremely angry the mother had allowed her child to attend school when she shouldn’t have been there.

Anyway, I’m out. This thread is bizarre.

I'm very glad you're out because you're a patronising arse who offered absolutely no help or support what do ever . Please stay "out"

I'd anyone else has any words of advice , wisdom , or experience that might actually help her mum - it would be appreciated by her I am sure .

She's at the end of her tether .

She has to let the school know asap.
And stop sleepovers.
Her dad is not that unless If she is staying there? Maybe if she infects him he will have a change of heart.
I would take the early advice and stick to your guns. No visits. No direct contact. Not because I think your an interfering 'bint' but because you sticking to your guns may elicit a response.
And all you can do is repeat to MUM... when she is treated we can catch up.
I wonder if the girl knows too much and is quite up in too much anxiety and this will exacerbate her fear over treatment. The factual chat and power of suggestion may have worked out better for all... mum included.

If your relationship works for you then it matters not a jot what people think. Everyhousing estate I have ever lived on people are ingrained in each others lives and it's beneficial for most. Sending hug

Is there a reason why your friend cannot seek advice for herself? Why is she so reliant on you?
It really does seem to have an unhealthy codependent dynamic.

It's not that she can't seek advice but she is actually at breaking point and as a mate that's hard to watch and do nothing.

She not reliant on me - but she's a great friend and this pains me - we are very similar people, same jobs , both single , same age , moved next to each other same day and just hit it off and we have a laugh , we boy each other up and we get on - I do t see any harm in having a great friendship I've passed her half a bottle of wine over the fence tonight!

Her dd has come to get
To know me and I suppose I'm just here - and she knows that . So if she needs me she knows where I am .

It's not
Codependency! It's a good friendship and a good neighbour. (And everybody needs good neighbours right ?😂)

I know she's feeling absolutely terrible about all this and if she could afford to
Take the time off work she would no
Doubt but she simply doesn't have that luxury for however long it takes her dd to agree to treat .

I'm asking here because I use mn a lot . She doesn't .

Thanks charmeleon - appreciated

This is the first "estate" I e lived on- we as a street/estate have street parties and a community what's app group and we (neighbours) meet once a month for cheese and wine get togethers and it's actually lovely !

The whole street is having a coronation party next Sunday !

It's so
Friendly . So yes I don't get the mistrust about neighbours being mates and helping g each other . Maybe it's a northern thing .

Can your friend not let the school know, then they will have the choice to withdraw her daughter from lessons if they see fit. She can also let them know at the same time that she is really struggling with childcare and with getting her daughter to apply treatment.
At my school, the senco or another member of staff the daughter trusts would probably have a chat with her/her daughter/both together as they know the young woman very well and will have developed strategies to get her to do things she doesn't want to do.
They'd also have a priority to keep her in school, learning, not off for an indefinite period of time for something with a simple treatment, so would want to work with the family to make that happen.
Hopefully your friend can talk to them and get some support that way.

People are just trying to help and give you an outside perspective. You are coming across as a very intense and a little obsessive, although it is hard to gauge tone in text, so people are trying to tell you that you can help, but don't feel it is up to you to solve all your friends problems. Be there for her to talk to and bounce ideas off, help her out when she needs it, just try not to take over.

As I have posted previously, tell your friend to take her daughter to a doctor, they know the treatment options so they are the best ones to discuss this with. It might also be worth her while asking for a social worker, they can help with organising respite, clubs, specialists, etc.

And don't take the posts the wrong way, we all wish we had a friend who cared as much as you x

Truly I'm not taking over - I've raised my kids and the last thing I want is responsibility!

I enjoy my freedom far too much .

I'm really not obsessive - I do t want a child by proxy or the issues that dealing with a child with additional needs - I'm just trying to get some advice for a friend .

I'm there when she needs me - that's it . At the moment she needs help / a listening ear to vent to

Life with a child with those additional needs can be very isolating.

Without the friendship we have we would both be quite isolated and lonely - our friendship is a good one and very much a two way street .

Start listening, get tested for PDA too as you are overbearing.

She shouldn't be at school if she refuses Treatment. I would be furious if my child got it because of lax parenting.... and that is the case. She needs to inform the school and keep her at home.

Is that really called for Elland?

Is being a bitch called for ?

No I dont have PDA . I'm it overbearing at all- funny how everyone is so outraged st the child still attending school - but no I'm not interfering. Up to them . I'm not at that school so what's it got to do with me .

Is t that the right attitude? Back off ? Well I have . I have t mentioned the scabies since .
I'm being tested for ovarian cancer so I'm leaving this now as I are t up to the nastiness.

Not seen friend since I passed the wi E over the fence .
And tonight I'm getting shit faced on my own .

Yeah yeah yeah I know but it's not
My place to say anything about it is it .

I'm leaving them to it .

Listen I thought you were her friend.
I moved to an estate years ago up north. I am a southerner. My Nan came to visit and couldn't believe people walked in without knocking, would ask to borrow soap powder on a Sunday, eat at my house and just pick up my baby.
She didn't have the same experience.
I am trying to be kind as I think being friends where you all live in shared experiences (good or bad) do make you close and maybe some on here don't recognise that.
I am really trying not to offend anyone or be accused of anything.
You have to do what works for you. And I mean in all respects. You know what's right and I understand your want or need to support each other mutually.

I am her friend . Neither of us have family , yes we walk into each others houses , we borrow off each other and we support where we can but I've started to dread reading any more posts on here . I'm over bearing, need testing myself for pda , - the insults aren't nice to keep reading.

We normally get together Friday evening for food and drinks but we havent tonight. I've not seen her . I've stayed in and not messaged.
I worry about how I come across all the time to people and the comments on here have made me really feel shit . Words on a screen maybe but when you are alone , (the main reason I post on here these days ) it's hard to keep seeing nothing but criticism and nastiness about yourself.

I'm going for an early night as I've spent all day in hospital. Yes it might have been nice to chew it over with a pal. I have hermit tendencies. I can spend my time alone and find that easy . And I dont want scabies back . I'm being tested for cancer and autoimmune diseases.

Maybe it is a northern thing . I absolutely laughed my make up off at hospital today when I got talking to a random stranger- my nature is friendly and talk to anyone and do anything for anyone . The nastiness on here has hurt . Bitchy comments saying test yourself for pda by people who don't know me at all.
I think maybe I'm an embarrassment to myself . Maybe I need to not be so open and trusting and have more decorum and keep myself to myself more . I trusted my friend to tell me if she felt I was overbearing and she's never ever seemed to think that .
I ask for very little because I'm alone and self sufficient. I'm generous with my time because I have spare .
Equally I like nothing more than being in solitude in my room .

@AnyaMarx what does it matter what people on here think? If it works for you both I don't understand why you would change it.
You know yourself the scabies thing needs addressing for your own good.
It sounds like you both need each other and comfort so I wish you both well.

It's not for my own good . I've treated . It was for friends good and her dd and all her associations good but not for mine .

I am sick and tired of being insulted on here . Sick of it . Hurt by it and fed up of it .
I was asking for advice for a friend . Lesson learnt . Don't. It's not my business as been told over and over .

I meant that you don't keep reinfecting yourself if they refuse to treat as you are unwell.