Dp just called my dd a freak

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Just that really
She's 12 and was diagnosed with autism yesterday so I know I'm quite emotional today but fgs it's not okay
He's been amazingly supportive throughout the process and she can be be very challenging I know but I overheard him call her a freak
this evening amd It's the second time . I think it the word wowed last time.
He's the only absolute constant in her life who she knows is always there for her amd this is not his usual self but we did discuss coping with this as parents this evening and he was really supportive.
I've just told him to sleep elsewhere amd stay away I need space it's really upset me amd he hasn't even apologised
He tried to tell me something that obviously had led to him saying it amd I stopped him amd said that absolutely nothing gave him the right to say that word . Like nothing .
I don't think I'm over reacting am I ?
I just feel so enormously protective for her amd more so since yesterday. Calling her a freak is just so so terribly wrong .

What was the context?

It doesn’t matter what the context was; calling a child a freak is wrong. You’re quite right to get him to leave and consider his actions. Well done you for putting your daughter first.

Still, maybe you could have allowed him to give the context even if it doesn't affect the ultimate judgement

Yeah I'd be all over this regardless of context or your kids diagnosis. They hear enough mean stuff at school and out in the world home should be the one place where they get support encouragement and where they're completely accepted for who they are.

Oh course the context matters. It could have been a joke.
What? You like marmite & peanut butter sandwiches? You're a freak!

He's a constant in her life, and you say yourself he's been supportive. Why would you assume the worst without letting him explain?

Yes you are over reacting but understandably so in the circumstances.
You have a hard road ahead and you will need to pick your battles and decide who you are going to have beside you for this.

Perhaps he is as upset and unsettled as you are by the diagnosis? We all react differently to the stress of bad news.

OP, you say he has been really supportive in the past, and it sounds as if you are going to need support in the future. Maybe just try to forgive and forget, I expect your reaction has shown what you think of what he said.

I am not trying to minimise what he said as only you know whether it was being said to be cruel or in jest … but there is a fabulous song from Shrek the musical that rejoices in using that term as a positive thing. If your DD is upset by him saying it this song might help her feel better

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Iqm7K0507GI

Op - how long have you been with him?

Did you over hear him telling her she was a freak or was he speaking to someone else? If speaking to someone else, could she overhear?
Could you describe more of what happened?

No one. No one. Absolutely no one would remain any part of my life if they called my child a freak (unless a sibling)

Both are appalling

No you are not.

If some bloke called my autistic child a freak they'd be given the boot straight away.

That. At least you should have heard him out.

I think context is needed too.

The Op clearly thought the word was used pejoratively.

If you have to explain teasing then I'd suggest it wasn't funny to start with.

Given the wider context of a recent diagnosis perhaps he should have thought more carefully about the language he used?

The context absolutely matters here. If the OP has overreacted, it's understandable since the diagnosis is so fresh. I think a calm and rational discussion may need to be had about this but, again, the original context matters.

The “context” is that this was an adult calling an autistic child a “freak”

Get rid of him because if you don't he'll become more confident to do worse next time. It's like domestic abuse when the abuser slowly escalates the abuse each time.

You also need to show your dd that abuse (emotional or physical) isn't to be tolerated at all. Since she's autistic she will struggle with boundaries & low self esteem etc. So now is a good time to teach her how to establish boundaries & to protect herself & her self esteem by kicking this man out.

Of course it's horrific

What was the other word he used previously?

Weigh this up....long road ahead, is it worth losing support and a coparent over? Will you cope as a lone parent ?

That’s terrible. Is he the child’s father? I wouldn’t stand for that. Those words will become her internal voice as she grows up, everytime something bad happens (her fault or not) she will think to herself “it’s because I’m a freak”. Poor kid, this needs to be sorted asap. Tell him to apologise and never, ever say that again (or anything similarly negative). Also, be careful, if you heard this - there maybe more instances that you haven’t heard..

Oh and a child that had been diagnosed on the very day this adult calls her a freak.

Any context would make this shit

He is not the biological father according to OP’s other threads

I’d imagine that if it were a case of OMG you like marmite and peanut butter sandwiches; you’re a freak, the. The OP wouldn’t have been upset as that is more normal type banter-though freak is still not a word I would use for that either tbh.

And certainly not on the day the child in question has received a diagnosis for autism