Dp just called my dd a freak

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Just that really
She's 12 and was diagnosed with autism yesterday so I know I'm quite emotional today but fgs it's not okay
He's been amazingly supportive throughout the process and she can be be very challenging I know but I overheard him call her a freak
this evening amd It's the second time . I think it the word wowed last time.
He's the only absolute constant in her life who she knows is always there for her amd this is not his usual self but we did discuss coping with this as parents this evening and he was really supportive.
I've just told him to sleep elsewhere amd stay away I need space it's really upset me amd he hasn't even apologised
He tried to tell me something that obviously had led to him saying it amd I stopped him amd said that absolutely nothing gave him the right to say that word . Like nothing .
I don't think I'm over reacting am I ?
I just feel so enormously protective for her amd more so since yesterday. Calling her a freak is just so so terribly wrong .

You're ignorant and disablist, there is...no.....context where it is relevant.

We are telling you this. Why won't you listen?

@JennyNotFromTheBlock I have autism. You don't speak for me. I also think there is context needed here.

TeenDivided · Today 10:42

We have no idea of how this was meant by the DP because the OP wouldn't listen to the DP when they tried to explain.

We also have no idea how the DD took it because the OP doesn't say so .

It could have been highly outrageous and abusive by the DP.
Or it could have been a joke that the DD didn't mind.
Or anywhere in between.

Anyone jumping to a conclusion on either side is bringing their own background with them rather than reading what has been written.

yep all of this.
I'mnot suggesting her dd wasnt upset, or that her dp didnt say it with malicious intent, but op hasnt found out yet.

@kingtamponthefurred

If you called an employee with autism a
freak, HR would not feel the context was relevant. It’s not acceptable.

The same applies at home

There are degrees (the speaker might be deliberately bullying or they might be being utterly thoughtless) but it’s still unacceptable.

Why are people tripping over themselves to cheer on a boyfriend name calling a vulnerable child? Tell us when it’s fine for some bloke to call a vulnerable child names, I am interested.

Cheeeeislifenow · Today 10:39

But they do take it as a joke the same way I do when they call me a wierdo for liking hummus.
Gaslighting ffs.

So because they've been conditioned by you to take it as a joke, that means you speak for all of us? FFS!

Idon't speak for all autistics I am sharing my experiences in my household, which bizarrely might be different to yours.

Good for you by enabling disablism. There is absolutely no context needed. Just as if a white person using the N word to a person of colour, the 'context' is irrelevant. Which is why we're saying a NT person using the disablist term 'freak' to a person with autism is wrong, no matter the context. I am sorry you've been conditioned to think it's ok. It's not ok. It never will be ok.

Exactly.

The willful ignorance on the thread, the stubborn need to double down when they've been told, really shows what scum we have on this site. I now know what other people mean now when they talk about disablist threads/posts. It's not so much that people don't know what they are saying is wrong, but when they're told, they stubbornly double down, like refusing to admit they're wrong is more important than 'losing face' and apologising.

Lack of intelligence maybe?

@JennyNotFromTheBlock coming from someone who thinks smacking children isn't abuse!

Any child being called a freak is unacceptable.
Regardless of how stressed partner was. If mine said that about my child. He'd be out through the window. Followed by his stuff. I'm not even joking.

fjäl · Today 10:51

@JennyNotFromTheBlock coming from someone who thinks smacking children isn't abuse!

was just going to post the same!

Fucking hate it when posters think they speak for all of us

Like everyone with autism is the same, fuck right off with that one

Having a child with behavioural issues myself, I think it's all about context. Did something happen and he was exasperated and said it to only you? Did he say it to her?

We all get frustrated and it's hard to parent a child with behavioural issues, especially if it's a step parent. My dh isn't my dds Dad, but he's been in her life for as long as she remembers. We tend to let off steam to each other with regards to her and sometimes it can be quite brutal. But we always make sure it's out of earshot from her. He knows id crucify him if he said anything derogatory to her directly, and vice versa

Can you ask your DD if she actually likes him living with you, if she says no he can move out, assuming it's your property.

Quite

Josette77 · Today 00:38
“What was the context?“

Irrelevant. You don’t call a child a freak, end of.

She is a 12 year old child with a disability which makes her vulnerable. The decision should be left to her mother.

If you had asked me back then if I 'liked' something I would have said yes because I had no idea how to or that I was even allowed to say no.

It's her mother's job to assess and decide, not the 12 year olds.

but the “context” HAS been clarified

an adult calls a child a freak on the very DAY that child is diagnosed as autistic.

Well you seem to think you're speaking for all autistic people.
You're not. You're speaking for yourself.

You can't have it both ways. NT people are constantly told that 'if you know one autistic person, you know one autistic person' and that 'autistic people are not all the same'.

So which is it? All autistic people are the same, so you can speak for them? Or they're not, and NT people are disablist if they say "autistic people are...(insert generalisation)"?

Seems a bit too much of a coincidence to me that he calls her a deal on the very day she received a diagnosis of autism without it being - unbelievably thoughtless of him at best

Calls her a freak!!

That's timing, not context.

He didn't call her a freak because of her diagnosis.

He didn't call her a freak because of her diagnosis.

How do you know that? You don't.

How do you know that? You don't.

You don't know he did..that's why context is needed.