11 yr old DD having intrusive/bad thoughts

[babayjane67]

Hi
My 11 yr old DD has been having bad/intrusive thoughts for the past 2 wks.
We lost my mum almost 6 wks ago &had her funeral last Fri which my dd attended.she had the choice of what she wanted to do&how she wanted to do it.
These bad thoughts started a wk before the funeral.
That her head is telling her to kill herself &everyone else.last wk she was even scared to cut herself some cake because she might use the knife on herself.
Last night she said she wanted me to remove the scissors from her room as she was worried she would use them on herself.
Her heads been telling her she's ugly,obese(she's a bit overweight but definitely not obese).the weight thought seems to have gone now but the ugly ones are still there as are the others.she went into the bathroom this morning &her head told her to use something out the cabinet&kill herself.saying go on do it!
It's been telling her she hates certain people &seems to need to confess to every

negative feeling she has.eg hating someone,confessing things she did or didn't do that were/are wrong.
I've told school who have been very good&suggested her seeing a mentor who she can talk to etc but she only comes out once a month! They said they haven't seen or heard any of this behaviour in school&were very surprised when I told them.She knows she can talk to her teacher&the head who is also the SEN but she told me today she doesn't want to talk to them she doesn't trust them! She really likes her teacher.theyre both male so not sure if this makes a difference to her.
I think it's probably all down to a combination of losing my mum,puberty(she started her periods just after Christmas),starting secondary in Sept&dealing with all these new grown up emotions.
Myself&my partner are doing the best we can to help her.telling her to keep talking to us about it not to keep it in.that alot of these feelings are normal& not to worry about them.to try&distract herself with something else/chase away the bad thought with good,happy thoughts.tell them to go away.
I don't know what else to do! I think she needs more help than we can give her but my partner doesn't agree.he just says to give her more time,that it's just a phase give her longer.
Has anyone had experience of this&can suggest anything else we maybe haven't thought of?
I've had 2 other dds both adults,one with her own kids now&I don't remember either of them being like this.they don't either &are worried about her too.

Thanks Meg
Yes other posters have said they can easily mask in school/other situations.
Can I ask if that was private CBT or NHS? That's quite quick for her to be seen which is great! Not the norm though so I'm told.we are hoping now we've heard from Off The Record,it won't be too long before they start seeing her but we shall see.
Hope yr DD is still going on ok.

It was private, lucky DH had got new job with family health insurance.
I would have taken out a loan, sorted a repayment plan, second job anything to get her seem fast. It did really help. Have a friend who’s a child psychologist who said this helps as does her age she was 11 at time so just engaged in treatment, no teen rebellion.
Dd has occasional intrusive thoughts but with some looking through the skills book she did with her therapist they are dealt with.

That was good then yea!
Yea I'm prepared to go private if OTR doesn't help but we shall see if this helps first.hopefully it will.
Glad your DD is doing well now.

@defnotadomesticgoddess

It’s best to ask for help early on as there are often long waiting lists x

Very true, mental health problems often manifest in later life if left untackled, also.... I know that from my one experience with a very critical mother ( don't think I am suggesting that is her problem). The School Of Life on youtube is very beneficial although not aimed at children. See the link below. www.youtube.com/user/schooloflifechannel

I'd recommend talking to the GP as others have.
Best of luck, if she feels listened to, as I'm sure you are doing, that makes a world of difference. I didn't have that.

Thanks Jaffa
I will take a look at that link&if suitable,will show it to DD.
Yes we took her to the GP who pointed us to OTR as he said CAMHS was criminally underfunded&would be a long wait.

School of life:

being a friend to yourself Self compassion how to soothe ourselves and others

I wish I knew something more applicable to her age.

Try this!!! ^

It's made by headspace app and targets exactly what you are on about.

I go to Buddhism centre to help me deal with mental issues and there very basis is these helpful videos.
I get quite excited about suggesting things to people in the way I know works

Thankyou Jaffa!
Thats kind of you to share those.
Will take a look at them later&again show DD if I can.
I have borrowed a book called Helping Your Anxious Child,too&am looking through that.
So lots of things to look through which will help hopefully!

We've had a call back from OTR&they've found, hopefully,a good counsellor to fit DDS needs.shes a high intensity CBT person.shes gonna call us within the next week&get the ball rolling with her.
DD is very nervous about talking to her &said she doesn't want to talk to her.that her head is telling her she doesn't want to talk to anyone else but me&her dad about it.
I've told her that that is the OCD trying to keep control of her so she doesn't get help&that she has to be brave&just tell the lady everything she's told/is telling us.
Also that she needs more help than dad&I can give her but we will be with her every step of the way.
I really hope this works!!

It should work, it’s first line treatment and just reassure her that soon she’ll start to feel better.

We said to dd if she hurt her leg we’d take her to a dr, her mind hurts so we take her to dr.

Meg thats a good way to put it.I'll try that!
She hasn't had a good morning today getting ready for school.she was watching a kids cartoon&one of the characters did a big sigh&that started DD off asking if granny did that when she died.what was she like?etc etc etc!!
I got her into school though she wanted to stay home& have a granny day.i told her if she goes into school it'll help to take her mind off it as she has her friends&work there.
I went in with her&told the teacher so they're aware.i will be in at lunch time too so will see her.
Like we all know though,they're very good at hiding it at school.

School always was a decent distraction she did have some dark, self harm thoughts there but CBT dealt with it all.

Yes it definitely is!
She was fine at lunch time.said she washed her hands 5 times over what they HAD to do anyway.when I asked her groups TA though
she said she was fine.she hadn't noticed a thing!

Did you get a call from the CBT counsellor OP? Just read the full thread and your poor DD sounds so similar to my nearly 11 year old DC, who has had anxiety past month or so with nails and clothes biting, a couple of night time panic attacks, intrusive thoughts - initially they were sexual then DC was convinced he has some terrible disease and would die. Over the weekend he has been having frequent dark thoughts about killing us all. DC finds these thoughts very upsetting and we've had lots of tears! We have tried lots of distraction but the thoughts are never far away. Currently waiting for a call back from GP hoping to get a referral to camhs. It's so upsetting seeing your child so withdrawn and broken over thoughts they have no control over

www.amazon.co.uk/Freeing-Your-Child-Tamar-Chansky/dp/0812931173?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

This helped us when dd was your dd's age.

My heart goes out to your daughter - I started suffering with intrusive thoughts as a child and it dogged me throughout my teenage years and into adulthood - until I started citalopram in my forties.

The big difference is that your daughter has told you and you are helping her. You sound like a brilliant mum. She’ll be ok, with help.

for you both.

Drat bless u,that sounds alot like my dd.its very hard isn't it!
Yes we've heard from them&she has her first session on the 23rd if this month.we had some firms to fill in&send bk.
The counsellor sounds lovely &I can sit in on the sessions with DD.
She is nervous about doing it but hopefully it'll help her.
I hope u don't have to wait too long for your referral.
Jeremy thanks for the link,I will take a look.
Thanks Luna,I hope so!

That's great @babayjane67 i really hope the sessions prove beneficial for your DD. Embarrassingly I ended up having a little cry during the phone consultation but the nurse who rang was really sweet and understanding. DC has been given a referral to camhs but the waiting list is dreadfully long and she couldn't even give a rough idea of how long we're talking. So just a waiting game I guess!

Yes that's why the GP said to go to Off The Record as CAMHS in his words are 'criminally underfunded' &waiting lists are soooo long!!
Hopefully this will work for DD.

Hi, my dd is 11 and has literally started at the end of last week with intrusive thoughts. A lot has gone on over the last couple of months, her father and I have separated and my dad died at the beginning of June. There’s been lots of talk at school (she’s year 6 and went back in June) about periods, boobs etc and she confessed she typed sex into google and tic toc and now she’s getting intrusive thoughts constantly about these things and that she must be a bad person to get these thoughts. She has changed literally overnight and I can see the worry and anxiety all across her face. I’m trying to reassure her that it’s normal to be curious about sex etc but now she’s telling me every single thought she has good or bad and I don’t know how to help her...

Hi I know this is quite a old thread but I was wondering how your daughter got on OP? And how is she now?